Saturday. Attended the horse races at Ascot with Wills, and the other lot of course. God, I'm so bored. Even the bloomin' seat I'm sitting on is boring. Watching the interminable circus that is horse racing. All those dickless jockeys and their oversexed girlfriends. Christ, what a terrible way to spend a Saturday. (Hey, I'm a poet and I don't know it!!!)
Sunday. Wills brought me breakfast in bed. Eggs benedict with crumpet on the side. No, not that sort of crumpet!! Where's my bloomin' latte Wills, you moron? Whose kid is this?
Monday. Wills and I attended opening of a erectile dysfunction clinic in Bromwich. Were the Palace trying to send us some sort of message?