It's almost my birthday. Mom's trying to figure out how to put more than two thousand candles on this small white cake the angels baked for me. Jiminy Christmas! It's such a small cake to hold so many candles. You'd figure with me being the most important person who ever lived and died that heaven's oven would be able to create a bigger cake. After a couple millennia go by, Santa Claus has superseded me. Again. So let's clear up a few things: That blonde on FOX News says I'm white. No, I'm a Palestinian Jew, baby! Proud, too! And I have short hair that's cropped close. I don't look like any British rock star! Back in the day, we all wore our hair short. Not buzz cut, mind you, but not long. Who wants fleas and lice? And I have olive skin. So if you must, make me white, but not too white. If you can't be fair, at least try to be accurate.
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