Jeremy Beadle - My Fake Diary

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Wednesday, 9 July 2003

Hi readers. Sorry I haven't written anything for a couple of days now, I've been in hospital, visiting my mum. She died last night, all rather sad, but she told me not to be upset and instructed that I should come back and report on the last wheeze I pulled with her on the ward. It was all her own idea, God rest her soul. If humour was genetic, I've definately got her genes. Dad was always complaining about this and that, I never saw him smiling, no matter how hard I tried he'd think of other's welfare before laughing at their misfortune. A bit like Jeremy Jnr. in that respect.

Anyway, in the hospital mum was connected to one of those heart monitor jobbies, you know, the ones that beep and pip all the time. Well, two nights ago she told me to remove one of the electrodes from her chest to make the machine register nothing. A nurse rushed over to assess the...

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