Jeremy Beadle - My Fake Diary

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Tuesday, 1 July 2003

I had to attend a Charity Event today. Boring or what? Well, you may think this but I had a few tasteful and tasty treats up my sleeve for today I can tell you. The pranks I pulled were fairly basic, but when you're doing japes on old women who run these sorts of charity events, well, you have to cater for your audience I guess. I wouldn't want to go killing one of the old dears, but it is amazing just what you can live through!

I set up my first jape before the whole show began. I had taken along a can of fake dog poo, and I sprayed it liberally on the floor around the speaker's podium. This is good quality dog poo, none of your plastic Taiwanese rubbish. This looks, feels and smells real, and it just squirts straight from the can, it's wonderful stuff.

It was a sight to behold when one of the old dears noticed the whoopsies all over t...

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