Jeremy Beadle - My Fake Diary

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Friday, 12 December 2003

I'm making the gunge already! Even though I haven't been given the go-ahead yet I thought I'd start early!

I'm using a dustbin in the back garden to mix the filthy brew. A broom handle to stir. I dress up as a sexy witch in black underware and bat shaped nipple tassles. It's so funny!!!

The kids love it too. The kiddies that live next door look out their bedroom window at me in the evening.

I keep flashing my moon cheeks at them, they love that!

Anyway, I've been working on a new gunge 'Beadle's napalm'. Obviously it's not real napalm that wouldnt be funny. But it will sting!

It's got chillies, pee, salt, lemon juice and a bit of watered down car battery acid.

That'll make my guests sting, but it'll be hilarious.

I accidently splashed some gunge onto my love le...

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