8.00 One raised oneself from slumber to have one's breakfast
8.30 No sign of her oneness indoors, so went upstairs to the bally bedroom to see what was going on. Found one's wife watching that dreadful Jeremy Kyle on the breakfast picture show on the flat screen apparatus in the corner of the room. Jolly flat thing altogether don't you know. Very unlike Jeremy Kyle to have such a flat-chested guest on his picture show
9.00 Joined by one's wife for tea, toast and truffles
10.00 One's jug-eared son phoned to issue an invite to brunch. Suggested to her oneness indoors that there could ge great potential for one to have a go at his maid, who hails from some place called Thighland. Must have nice legs, one assumes, if she comes from such a named place. The foreigners do have strage rules, don't you know.
12.00 Stopped off at ...