HRH Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh - My Fake Diary

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Tuesday, 7 January 2014

...this place and they were all a bunch of plebs. The punters were having none of it and I thought they were gonna' lamp him one ya know. I managed to sidle him out the backdoor before it turned really ugly. Anyway he's been banned and we await to see if they'll press charges.

Anyway the president of god knows where wanted to offer Regina a bloody royal sacrificial cow last week. I told her it ain't 'appenin. I told her why not just order another royal yacht but she was talking about how she'd never had a cow before and the president was so generous for sending him over, bloomin' heck.

We had health and safety round at the palace this morning, well not really. Harry had spilt some sprite in the kitchen and he'd refused to wipe it up. It wasn't my job so I just left a 'slippery floor' sign in the vicinity. That lad wants to wat...

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