Listen here you miserable effing diary! - If I hear one more girly-puffter-whinge about bullying I won't be responsible for my actions.
How dare the cowering, yellow-bellied newspaper bastards say that I'm a dominating dickhead!
And if I hear one more moan from you, my wimpy diary I'll break your weedy spine and rip you up for No 10 toilet paper.
Diary, I bet that even second-rate, crappy tyrants like Hitler and Saddam got the respect they deserved.
I'm not a bully, I'm a total BASTARD!
Bugger me, I'm really bloody wound up now!
One more thing, diary: you'd better tell all the gutless voters out there that I know where they all live.
If they don't vote for me, I'll send Mandy and my BROWNSHIRTS to flush them out and put them in camps that will concentrate their weak minds.