Dear Diary, It's been a hard week. This endless putting on a fake posh accent is getting me down, I sound like some sort of child-molesting schoolteacher or something, wish I could stop speaking like this. What I'd give to shout 'shut yer f***ing mooth, Cameron, ya great big waffling streak of pish!' across the floor at the Commons, the way I used to, but orders are orders. If I get the sack at least I can get a part in a 'Carry On' film, I sound like a Scottish version of Kenneth Williams now - ooo, er, missus!
Since the day I became PM the UK has been sinking into a financial quicksand, hope nobody thinks it's my fault. Someone said I'm already the worst Prime Minister since Tony Blair - as if! That toffee-nosed, grovelling sycophant, with his snobby voice and nauseating way of talking insincerely. And appearing on TV whenever anything so much...
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