Dearest Diary of Mine
God I'm so lucky to have been born me!
Dearest- Darling declared that he loved me more today, than he did yesterday.
In fact, the whole universe loves me because I'm a beautiful, witty, Scottish hunk!
Saving the world wasn't easy, especially with the nasty Germans and French saying bad things about me.
And please make a note, diary that I've taken that naughty despot, Robert Mugabe off my Christmas card list because he keeps killing his people with cholera.
But now that everybody does what I tell them things can only get better.
Must dash my diary -I'm off to the bankruptcy, 50%-off sale at Woolworths, to buy Obama a house warming present for when he moves into the White House.
They have a super JML toilet-brush for sale at £1.99, reduced from £4.99!