Sorry it has been so long since I've written. Look on the bright side, before I became President I couldn't even write! I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me earlier this year that really shook me up.
I woke up one frosty morning and looked out the bedroom window to see the newly fallen snow on the back lawn. Unfortunately, somebody had bespoiled the scene by writing "You suck George!" in urine across the snow.
I was pretty sure it must have been Dick Cheney that did it. He always used to bully me when I was in office; giving me swirlies in the Oval Office private bathroom, wedgying me in front of foreign digitaries, and taping over all my press conferences with re-runs of "The View". After leaving Washington, he has not had as many opportunities to torment me. Sure, I still get the occassio...