I was very happy this morning when I read that I was named the UK's Biggest Loser. I thought this was down to the fact that I have had to cut down to seven course lunches to prove that we are all in this together. I was just about to open an extra bottle of champagne when my fag Vince told me that they meant I was failure not a slimmer I was very upset.
I cried and cried for about an hour. But then Dave came around with Mr Flipflop my favorite teddy. He tucked me up in my day bed and I slept right though dreaming of chasing my blue ball around a magical land with Mr Flipflop in my arms.
When I woke up I had to look at some boring stuff about tax. I'm supposed to be on Hols.
I'm happy that I went through the whole day without a little accident. Even when I woke from my nap I was dry. Ooops, almost the whole day.