The b*stards have voted me off Strictly Come Dancing.
I was up against stick insect Kimberley Walsh, the one from Girls Aloof that's not Cheryl Cole or Sarah Harding or the other one. She's the one no-body knows or fancies. The daughter of that t*sser Louis Walsh.
Three of the four judges chose to save the girl whose name I have already forgotten.
The training for the show was intense, every day Monday to Friday, I lost weight without needing the gastric band! It looks I'll have to go back to the diet of Ryvita and water.