Fern Britton - My Fake Diary

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Monday, 6 April 2009

...feckers, I'm off to get fat again!!

Week 1

OK! want to pay me a ridiculous sum of money to spill the beans on what they are laughingly referring to as my potential replacements, ie Melanie, Christine, Myleene, Fiona, Kate (I know I know, it's just too ridiculous!)et al, all under the guise of a "new direction for Fern" type piece. Well well suckers, I'll take everything I can get, so if you want the juice then that is what you shall have.

Melanie Sykes - you can take the girl out of Manchester... this isn't Des and Mel you know, we do serious stuff where I have to pretend to be bothered, and I can't see that you'd manage my level of - cough cough - expert sincerity. Plus I hear on the make-up room grapevine that her real name is Melanie Psycho... poor Philly Willy.

Christine Bleakley - looks like a Grand National com...

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