So spent the weekend in Scotchland, Britain arguing with a fish.
Well his name was Salmond. He wants to put wind-farms where I want to put a golf course. Typical. I bet he wasn't even born in this Scootland place - my mother was. I might start a campaign to see his birth certificate.
Then it was onto London for a seminar for a speech in front of 9,000 hungry wannabees entrepreneurs - I told them it was me who took the Kate Middleton topless pics. That was a joke, everyone knows it was Harry.
Finally, before I flew back to New York, the BBC sent a woman to interview me about success - and she ends up asking me about my hair. It's real! I've still got the receipt!!