Since Simon Cowell sacked me from Britain's Got Talent, I have been down in the dumps.
It's really irritating that they replaced me with David Walliams as he has a rubber face that only a mother could love. Always wearing a dress and peeing on the floor when I see him on telly. Just because he used to be on a programme called Little Britain, he gets given a job on another show with Britain in the title. I think I have a case for wrongful dismissal. I'm going to have a word with my lawyer.