Dear Diary -
I am tired of being a judge on Britain's Got Talent.
I really and truly hate the show. I have never in my life heard so many different variations of the English accent, Cockney, Manc, Scouser, Ipswichian, Londonese, and Royalesque.
I am thrilled at the fact that I have found the most wonderful woman I have ever had the pleasure of getting to second and third base with, 31-year-old Hayley Roberts.
I swear that blonde beauty puts the wood in woodpecker.
Well gotta go. Hayley baby is knocking at my front door.
David "The Stud" Hasselhoff