Man, am I lucky I'm not over in England and judging their Britain's Got Talent. I'll stick with America's Got Talent.
I mean, if I was over there, I'd have that Susan Boyle woman trying to get into my pants (because all of the contestants want some of my johnson). She can sing okay, but she's a real bowser (I think they call her a "Minger" on their side of the Atlantic).
Nope, leave me with Southern Belles, farmer's daughters, and California girls. I really enjoyed that whole group of cheerleaders we had last year.
This season, I'm gonna create a new rule that no uglies are allowed and that all contestants have to perform in sexy lingerie.
Now everyone knows why I really have to sit behind that table!