We had clogger Boris in for our half time talk on the election. We have decided that being one goal down (the ref was clearly bribed) we have to resort to traditional tactics and Boris will take up the cudgels.
Tackling will be tougher - no broken bones but permaent injury - we have found out that Miliband once spoke to a known Communist linked to Putin. The Russian Ambassador no less!
The SNP are planning to take over Downing Street when we lose. The Queen is not amused.
One problem - Labour might bite back. Outrageous - but we know how vicious they are.