Just turned the Channel 4 news on and my foreign secretary William Hague is sitting next to Hollywood actress and superstar Angelina Jolie.
Who did he f*ck to get that gig? I thought I'd accidentally put ITV on and Willie and Angelina were on "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here"
Well they would have been more entertaining than Nadine Dorres.
Talking of I'm A Celebrity on ITV, everyone is saying I look like a long lost son of Eric Bristow. Bloody cheek, I certainly hope that cockney oik is not my pater. Mind you, now they mention it, I did throw a 501 nine dart finish the other day?