Dear diary
This week has got to be one of the most difficult weeks of my life. Everything I say is often so distorted by the media that I cannot understand who's running the Country. Is it me or is it them? I am having to face all kinds of difficult problems which are not made easy by Darling Nicholas Clegg.
It's a good job I had Tony Blair as an example to use our brilliant armed forces to invade Iraq and Aff..Afgh..Countries. I have always believed that our services are second to none and that's why I have decided to cut them in half - we don't need all this surplus gear and we can save billions of pounds. That is why I jumped at the chance of a little bit of NATO action by helping the rebels fight Gadaffi - it does give him a chance to use some of the weapons we have sold him in the past. It really annoys me when the media misconstrue some of the pledge...

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