David Beckham - My Fake Diary

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Friday, 5 December 2008

6.07 Up bright an' early coz I'm gettin' me new book today. An' Victoria is also buying me a new set of crayons for it. Great!

6.15 Healthy breakfast as I look at the tatoo mail order catalogue. Have a specialist comin' over at 9.00 who can amputate me arm, send it in for the tattoo an' then when it comes back sew it on again.

7.00 Victoria is off to buy the kids some things. Middle one Stanna Stairlift starts school next month, and youngest one Backseet Fourbyfour also needs new boots. I think I have three kids. I'll get my calculator out later to check

8.00 Bit of footy practice. Must keep my 'and in. On second thoughts that was Maradonna who kept 'is 'and in. I'll keep me feet in instead. Yeah.

9.00 Surgeon 'as arrived to do me amputation. I'm 'avin' a tattoo of Jeremy Clarkson don...

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