OK ah don't know Venice from Venicezuala and ah carn't speel neither. Brooklyn's helping me wif me writin'. But, ah'm not doing well. And ah've got all me reading books wiv me in Switerlans, that's near Germany en France. It's clean, not like LA or Engerland. Got Prince William, next King of Engerland wiv me for the 2018 cup bid. Seb told me William was next King of Engerland. Ah thought it were UK but Seb says f**k the Scots it's Engerland.
Got ter go me and call me dave off to wir dinner wiv some FIFA blokes. 's funny, call me Dave filled me pockets wiv tenners, says just hand 'em out to anyone who looks important.