My dear showbiz diary - do you love me as much as I love myself?
This week has been another exhausting round of luvvie work!
Those common peasants on 'Strictly' laughed at ME just because I kept misreading the auto-cue.
Then on Tuesday I had a bit of rug trouble when the Queen and her Greek-born husband popped round to ask my advice as to whether Kate Middleton was too common for her grandson.
During her audience , the snotty cow's corgis ripped off my undetectable wig and I had to get Phil off his arse get it back: the lazy sod!
Then to cap it all, I was dragged before the directors of the BBC, just because I killed a rat in the studio and then ate it for lunch in the canteen.
Do the inadequate bastards realise who I am?
I've performed with the best in my fabulous showbiz career - Sinatra- Sammy...