Dear Diary -
My back is starting to hurt me a bit. I had no idea that Scott Van Duzer owner of The Big Apple Pizza and Pasta Italian Restaurant was going to pick me up the way he did.
I swear the son-of-a-gun is one strong muchacho. He told me afterwards that he stands 6-foot-3-inches tall and weighs 260 pounds.
I have to admit I was a bit concerned for old Scotty because he has no idea how close he came to getting himself shot by my secret service agents.
My Chief Special Agent Laramie Cobalt told me later on the campaign tour bus that he came within a second of shooting off Van Duzer's right ear.
I am going to have to tell my press agent to put out the word that the president of the United States is not to be picked up anymore.