Dear diary - the CIA bastards took my BlackBerry off me!
That son of a bitch Clinton has it now and I bet he's ogling the White House interns on it so he can have sex with them.
What does a superhero President do now?
Some crap-head gave me a notepad and a pencil but they didn't send any instructions how to work them!
I've only been in the job for a week and I've already sorted out the worlds' problems.
So I'll just sit back for the next four years and take it easy.
Now then, do you use the pointy end of the pencil or the blunt bit?
Hell, nobody said that being President would be as hard as this!
Bye for now my black American diary!
- BY the way, diary, did I tell you that I am the first black American President?