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Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin

 
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By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000 | 0 people like

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Roosevelt Stalin Churchill
So, Mr Churchill, will we finally get round to discussing our proposal?
Forget your referedum, I want some action Freddie, you promised me girls.
Nurse, bring me my blanket. Why am I outside? Kill the Nazis. Bloody foreigners.
By Mark at 10:16 24 Jan 2011
Joe's been deleted from the park bench that's casting us in bronze
Wait til my mate Adolf hears about this!
Yes, we're going to be a work of art!
By queen mudder at 10:48 24 Jan 2011
Which bit of Berlin do you want Winnie
You bombed the Red Light district - Idiot
Kurfurstendam would be nice
By Lynton at 12:24 24 Jan 2011
Say where was the red light district in Berlin?
It was where Hiltler had a bunker up
I thought we were the ones who fought on the bitches
By Lynton at 12:25 24 Jan 2011
Blood. sweat tears and toil you said
I'm sure that's now how you make a bloody mary
Blood sweat and tears I tell you
By Lynton at 12:27 24 Jan 2011
Say where is this place
It'll all be red by the time I've finished with it
Yalta Frank its on the Black Sea
By Lynton at 12:29 24 Jan 2011
How big's yours then
Is that with or without the ash?
Oh about 6 inches
By Lynton at 12:31 24 Jan 2011
rock.
paper.
scissors.
By Captain Superfantastic at 13:08 24 Jan 2011
... so I tell the cobbler: "Thanks -- But no thanks!"
I ? Yalta.
Is it just me, or shouldn't we be paranoid?
By Captain Superfantastic at 13:58 24 Jan 2011
I'm clutching myself through his coat
I'm clutching myself through this coat
I've got mine in my hand
By armfeetandtoe at 17:37 24 Jan 2011
I believe we destroyed the wrong enemy?
Stupid capitalist pigs, Hitler was an angel compared to me and I'll prove it!
I believe you're right, good thing he doesn't understand us!
By Jaggedone at 18:24 24 Jan 2011
Hey Churhill!! Can you save me anything on my car Insurance?
Try Comparethemeerkat.com
Oh Yes!!!
By IN SEINE at 19:01 24 Jan 2011
Aha...Churchill to the right of me, Stalin to the left
Here you are
Stuck in the middle with us
By Mikethelad at 19:05 24 Jan 2011
Are we the the Marx Brothers?
No THE KARL MARX BROTHERS
I'll be Groucho, I've got loads of jokes and a BIG cigar
By IN SEINE at 19:10 24 Jan 2011
What's that smell?
Silent but deadly and blame someone else ...it's that cabbage I reckon
Must be my cigar... or Joe's feet!!!!!!!
By IN SEINE at 19:18 24 Jan 2011
OOOOOOHHH... AAHHHH just left a little...that's the spot!!!
Hey Teddy, what's that Admiral doing behind your back?
He's a REAR ADMIRAL and he's giving you a NAVAL DISCHARGE!
By IN SEINE at 19:36 24 Jan 2011
You look like Captain Mainwaring
They don't like it up 'em!!
So what? You like Sgt. Wilson and he looks like Cpl. Jones!
By IN SEINE at 20:09 24 Jan 2011
Who is that fellow standing behind me?
Can't see. There's a bloody big bubble covering his face.
What day is it?
By Lady Godiva at 21:04 24 Jan 2011
It's so cccold it's like...
Summer in Siberia?
Hell's frozen over?
By IN SEINE at 21:10 24 Jan 2011
Yalta I though it was Malta!
what do you expect in Yalta?
Bloody cold here
By Lynton at 23:10 24 Jan 2011
Stalin is an old bird that shits on your heads
It means Rosefield in Dutch
Churchill? That's simple what about Roosvelt?
By Lynton at 23:13 24 Jan 2011
You mean we won?
Yes its getting cold out here
Well let's get that treaty signed
By Lynton at 23:15 24 Jan 2011
This may not be the best time but you have the most beautiful eyes!
He tried that line on me as well. Slut!
Well, well,, I ,,errmm,, not sure what to say!
By Nigel Walsh at 12:01 25 Jan 2011
Franklin Delano Roosevelt , anagram: "Fallen dork on revelation!"
Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin, anagram: Processional John Shit visavi!"
"Correspondent in church slain well"
By Inchcock at 12:41 25 Jan 2011
"Do you know I've lost 131,028,000 of my citizens in this war?"
"I've lost 169,500,000, and the enemy killed some of them!"
"I lost 47,760,000 a higher % of my countries population than you!"
By Inchcock at 14:25 25 Jan 2011
War!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing... Say it again...
By IN SEINE at 20:20 25 Jan 2011
War!
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing... Say...ON SECOND THOUGHTS STOP! Mark's getting upset.
By IN SEINE at 20:27 25 Jan 2011
Have you red marks??
Of course I have READ Marx....you stupid yank!
Yes...they're from sitting too close to the fire!
By IN SEINE at 21:58 25 Jan 2011
Within 50 years, we'll have an American on the moon!
Within 39 years we'll put a dog in space!!
When are the lamposts and fire hydrants going?
By IN SEINE at 22:06 25 Jan 2011
Have you heard the saying 'If you can't fight, wear a big hat?'
Are you trying to 'say' something Roosvelt ?
Well, as the other saying goes, "If the cap fits, wear it!'
By Lady Godiva at 14:50 26 Jan 2011
Did you ever, in a million years, think you'd be sitting here doing this?
Are you talking to ME?
No - he's talking to ME. Why does it always have to be about YOU?
By Lady Godiva at 14:55 26 Jan 2011
You'd think Stalin would read our body language and take the hint....
Stop whispering. That is so rude. Keep it up and I'm leaving.
He's as thick as two short planks. He'll get fed up soon and leave. I hope.
By Lady Godiva at 14:59 26 Jan 2011
What's the fascination with cigars Churchill?
Speak up! I'm beginning to feel ignored.
Well, you can do more than just 'smoke' them. They have all kinds of uses......
By Lady Godiva at 15:01 26 Jan 2011
My God, Joe's just let another one go. It must yesterday's cabbage soup
Steady, there's more brewing
I'd better put my cigar out
By churchmouse at 15:36 26 Jan 2011
How come I'm the only one without a nipple peep hole coat
Da, I've got four
You colonials are all deformed
By churchmouse at 15:39 26 Jan 2011
Nothing I hope.
Teddy what's that bloke doing BEHIND the REAR ADMIRAL cutout BEHIND you?
You should be VERY afraid!
By IN SEINE at 18:02 26 Jan 2011
Did you know Hitler had only one ball?
Didn''t know he could dance!?
Was Eva Braun invited?
By IN SEINE at 18:08 26 Jan 2011
I hear that this fellow on my left is a bit of a tyrant. What's your take?
Hey! I can hear you know. I'm daft, not deaf.
Well he's got a 'following' so we'll see what happens.
By Lady Godiva at 20:46 26 Jan 2011
How're you feeling today Churchill my old chum?
That's ok. Just pretend I'm not here like you usually do.
Fair to middling Roosy...fair to middling. Stalin's whining again. Miserable sod
By Lady Godiva at 18:09 27 Jan 2011
We don't appear to be too popular Winston. Why do you think this is?
It's bloody obvious to me....we are all dead and no-one seems to remember us.
I think Stalin may be right! Never mind, let's just enjoy the football game.
By Lady Godiva at 00:02 28 Jan 2011
Churchill, do you think Drogba WAS offside just then?
No! I know you are talking to Winston but that woman official should learn rules
Shut up Stalin. She got the bleeding call RIGHT. He WAS offside you loony.
By Lady Godiva at 00:06 28 Jan 2011
Who brought the hot drinks? Did you Churchill?
No..I did but I drank them all. I was thirsty sitting listening to you two yack
Ah well! Not to worry, I've got my own flask in my hip pocket as usual.
By Lady Godiva at 20:46 28 Jan 2011
China?! China will never rise to the top. Hell, they'll never be second best.
In Soviet Russia, Yalta and Potsdam sign YOU!
Where's the Chinaman?
By Inhopeless at 02:15 29 Jan 2011
I can see in colour! Before everything was black and white.
We have the good healthcare. You sick, we shoot. 100% success rate!
Shame there's these bubbles being written by giant ninnies. OI! GO AWAY!
By Inhopeless at 02:24 29 Jan 2011
It's like we're in a giant Aero chocolate bar! Full ob bubbles!
He hasn't broken the 4th wall. Hi there reader! My GDP is bigger than yours...oh
What's an Aero?
By Inhopeless at 02:26 29 Jan 2011
Does this Russian poof know what we are saying about him
I bet zey are takin zer piss
Nar, he only knows yes and know
By armfeetandtoe at 19:49 29 Jan 2011
When you get caught short... EUROPEAN!
I'm RUSSIAN!
That's enough of these INCONTINENTAL remarx!
By IN SEINE at 21:55 29 Jan 2011
When did they build Rome?
About 5,000 years ago
I reckon it was built in one night - everyone knows ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY
By IN SEINE at 22:06 29 Jan 2011
Yo Lebron isn't it fun to dress up like these old dudes.
Say wha, Dwane ma man I ain't seen no tricker treats.
Shut the X$#% up, the Lakers will know we snuck in to their practice.
By C. Cranium at 08:05 30 Jan 2011
"Well, the war helped our economy no end!"
"My people benefited in the end, now every ten have a house to live in!"
"It did my bank balance no harm either!"
By Inchcock at 13:49 30 Jan 2011
"How did Stalin kill 23 million of his own people?"
"Twit, habit, cause I killed 23m ethic Russians BEFORE the war started!"
"Fair enough Joe, Teddy only asked!"
By Inchcock at 13:58 30 Jan 2011
"Now we can become friends!"
"Oh da, and work together for a better world!"
"Ha ha ha ha!... oh I'm sorry!"
By Inchcock at 14:07 30 Jan 2011
You smell like a big stogie.
I just killed a comrade to get this seat and I have to sit with these bozos.
Yea so what. I gotta pee also.
By C. Cranium at 01:22 31 Jan 2011
Who do you support Churchill - in the EPL - English Politicans League?
What a stupid question you ask - you dumb arsed American.
Well, as Stalin just said, you are a dumb arsed American and I support myself.
By Lady Godiva at 02:26 31 Jan 2011
If you're feeling cold have a sip of whisky from your flask Winston.
I've got some vodka if you'd like a gulp.
No,has to be whisky.Too cold here.Iced water in every breath.I take it neat.
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:39 31 Jan 2011
American Express... Don't leave home without it!
KGB Express... don't leave home!
National Express... DON'T either!
By IN SEINE at 17:04 31 Jan 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with K
NO NO you're not supposed to see them!
KGB?
By IN SEINE at 17:10 31 Jan 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with K
Our new gun has not been developed yet
Kalashnikov
By IN SEINE at 17:14 31 Jan 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with K
That;s my des rez in downtown Moscow
Kremlin?
By IN SEINE at 17:19 31 Jan 2011
Either of you two motherfuckers got any gum?
Ve haf GUM store in Moscow comrade?
...not sure seem to remember something about 'e by gum once?
By Herrdoktorfox at 17:22 31 Jan 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with K
Kraut??????
I thought we beat them? We fought them on the beaches, we fought them on the sea
By IN SEINE at 17:29 31 Jan 2011
...who da fuck booked these lousy seats anyway?
...stupid bollocks my secretary do it over desk.
My secretary did it on Ebay apparently.
By Herrdoktorfox at 17:30 31 Jan 2011
The barman says, "Where did you get him?" "Africa" says the parrot. "
Black man goes into a pub wiv a parrot on his shoulder
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
By armfeetandtoe at 18:03 31 Jan 2011
Yep,
Do you remeber when you pulled the pin out of that grenade?
You threw the pin you dumb fuck! HAHAHA
By armfeetandtoe at 21:09 31 Jan 2011
no! I thought you had!
Did you, tell the Germans it was over?
Hahahahahaha
By armfeetandtoe at 23:40 31 Jan 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with C
cabbage?
COMMUNIST?
By IN SEINE at 20:48 01 Feb 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with C
Comrade?
CHURCHILL TANK
By IN SEINE at 20:51 01 Feb 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with C
Corpses
Concentration camps...FLATTENED of course!!
By IN SEINE at 20:59 01 Feb 2011
Do you know a huge snowstorm just hit Southern Ontario
No - not that I care
You hum it and I'll play it on my cigar Roosy
By Lady Godiva at 17:06 02 Feb 2011
You look as if your head is too small for your body.
It's sucking on those ghastly cigars that does it.
No, it's this bloody coat. My mam bought it for me to 'grow into' 40 years ago.
By Lady Godiva at 17:08 02 Feb 2011
Did you hear that Lady G.s daughter is getting married.
I did - but you two don't take notice of anything I say...so poop on you.
Yes, and the Queen is going frock shopping with her. See related story.....
By Lady Godiva at 17:12 02 Feb 2011
This seat is giving me piles
You americans are pussies
I told you not to share Elton Johns dressing room
By Linius at 17:39 02 Feb 2011
Churchill, you haven't cleaned your ears out for ages have you?
You could grow potatoes in there and a few parsnips.
What's that you said? Sorry, my hearing isn't quite what it used to be.
By Lady Godiva at 18:44 02 Feb 2011
Our scientists will one day make a time machine.
Ours expect to have one ready by next year.
We've had them for years already.I'm wearing one on my wrist.We call it a watch!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:27 02 Feb 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with C
CUBAN MISSILES!
CUBAN CIGARS!!!!!!!
By IN SEINE at 15:58 03 Feb 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with M
MOLETOV COCKTAIL?
MEIN KAMPF?
By IN SEINE at 16:03 03 Feb 2011
I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with M
MIGS?
MESSERSCHMIDTS?
By IN SEINE at 18:55 03 Feb 2011
Thanks for the use of your bubble as cover Winston
Wankers!
It is nice out isn't it!
By Lynton at 00:02 04 Feb 2011
"He fukin stinks!"
"I think my colostomy bags burst"
"Hhahahahahahah"
By armfeetandtoe at 10:47 04 Feb 2011
"Your a fucker Churchy!"
"Who glued my fingers together while I was asleep?"
"Hahahahahahaha!"
By armfeetandtoe at 10:52 04 Feb 2011
"What will you two do after the war?, we'll have go at Cuba I think"
"I'll keep my hand in I think, attack Hungary, Bulgaria, Romania...."
"Er.. "
By Inchcock at 11:40 04 Feb 2011
"That silly fucker!"
"Who superglued that fake moustache on Adolf?"
"Hahaahahahaha"
By armfeetandtoe at 16:57 04 Feb 2011
"We'll be able to get back to sport, like Baseball now!"
"We can concentrate on chess and ethnic cleansing!"
"That's not cricket you know!"
By Inchcock at 19:36 05 Feb 2011
Is he still there?
Hello, Hello!!
Don't turn around, he might go away!
By GT Ford at 01:28 06 Feb 2011
Look at there.A girl looks gorgeous
yeah,you are right.She must be an actress or model
You idiots,turn your head.She is my daughter
By karthik at 10:07 07 Feb 2011
Are you the Russian Stalin?
No,I'm Stalin - He's Mr Chuchu.
Not 'Chuchu' - CHURCHILL -
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:56 08 Feb 2011
I speak first according to the caption order next to Joe
I'm down as third in the words above but second in the caption order to my left
The order abive me has me to start but the list over there has be speaking last
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:13 08 Feb 2011
Joseph says he would like to take you out one day?
To dinner I mean, to dinner. We make nice pie in Russia. You like!
Goulash? I think I'm sitting in some. Getting old stinks.
By PuddyTwat at 17:40 09 Feb 2011
Say Winnie, is it just me or does the Russkie smell like week old cat food?
I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you. I have a sardine in my trousers.
True enough my friend, and we're downwind!
By David Woods at 05:02 10 Feb 2011
No really, all he does is sit and stare while talking to an imaginary squash!
My what a handsome little yellow fellow you are! Dance for me little squashy!
He's missing the toy in his Happy Meal if you know what I mean!
By David Woods at 05:09 10 Feb 2011
What's happening in Egypt with that President thing?
I'm going, I'm staying, I'm going, I'm staying. Pack, un-pack, pack un-pack
I don't know. I'm not a bleeding psych....psch...teller of future events
By Lady Godiva at 13:35 13 Feb 2011
I legalized booze!
Let's have some.
Yeah. Beeping cold out here.
By Bureau at 00:45 16 Feb 2011
Hear my fireside chats lately?
No, but I saw the Palin woman in a swimsuit. Showed her ankles.
That would warm me better than any fireside chat.
By Bureau at 00:46 16 Feb 2011
But the fireside chats...
Had that once. Scalded me raw.
Nevah has so much came out of so few. Those are rough.
By Bureau at 00:49 16 Feb 2011
Have you Joseph and his Amazing technicolour dreamcoat?
This is Soviet Army Issue I'll have you know!
Yes, he's wearing it now!!
By IN SEINE at 08:18 16 Feb 2011
What would Cameron do?
What would Obama do?
What would Putin do?
By IN SEINE at 08:23 16 Feb 2011
Im so glad to work with you as Prime minister Winnie
Me too... If Cameron was in charge now...
There would be 2 Spitfires and 1.25 pilots to fly them
By IN SEINE at 08:33 16 Feb 2011
Please, no more Polish jokes. There are microphones.
But a good one, right?
I just shat my pants.
By Bureau at 01:43 17 Feb 2011
I think Stalin's dead.
I am not not not ..
Hit him on the back of the head. He's stuck. Comes from saying the same thing.
By Bureau at 01:45 17 Feb 2011
My dad's bigger than your dad.
But my dad could take both of yours with one arm behind his back.
But my dad could kick your dads arse!
By Dirk Scare-Monger at 12:58 25 Mar 2011
Are you fully comprehensive, or just third party Churchill?
Is that a lady I see, or is it just your wife?
Ohhh Yes!
By Steddyeddy at 12:40 28 Mar 2011
The truth needs a body gaurd of lies.
That's what I always say.
m! m! mm! Me too!
By Aspartame Boy at 05:29 08 May 2011
The truth needs a body gaurd of lies.
Hey, you calling me a liar?!?!
m! m! mm! (SPIT) arg! mm!
By Aspartame Boy at 05:54 08 May 2011
Winston, why on earth do you want me to pull your finger?
I know this one and I'm shifting downwind.
Just a little ice-breaker, or should I say windbreaker, to start the summit.
By Pariah at 02:21 13 May 2011
Say, lets invade Russia for a change.
Say what?
By jove that'll stir up the peasants.
By whatinthe world at 04:53 20 Jul 2011
Have you seen my stamp collection. Its the biggest this side of Toledo.
C'mon, you're having us on!
Its true, I've seen his porn collection as well.
By whatinthe world at 04:55 20 Jul 2011
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because chickens hate Fascist bully boys.
No, because queers were standing on the other side.
By whatinthe world at 05:04 20 Jul 2011
You can call me Theodore
You can call me Jospeh
You can call me what you want - i couldn't give a toss
By radiogagger at 21:21 01 Jan 2012
Hello. I'm F. D. Roosevelt. I am part of the allies and the president of USA.
I'm J. Stalin, dictator of the Soviet Union. I'm a bad guy but still an Ally!
Cheerio! I'm W. Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britian.
By toastytoes at 01:13 27 Jan 2012
You know, it's not to bad being in the same decade with you.
You've got to be kidding me.
Same to you Rosie, same to you.
By Ben at 01:24 30 Mar 2012
You know, it's not to bad being in the same decade with you.
You've got to be kidding me.
You were always were the charmer Rosie.
By Ben at 01:29 30 Mar 2012
They're not going to ask us to stand, are they?
I poop pants greatly.
Im drunk!
By Butch32 at 01:00 29 Nov 2013
Game, Set, Match!
Oh, Cmon! You know he footfaulted that serve!
Dunno. If that ballgirl bends over like that one more time, I'll cream!
By Smart Blonde Bimbo at 00:36 23 Dec 2013
At Tehran's most down market knocking shoppe.
Eastern Europe will be my knocking shoppe....
Where the f*ck is Monty?!
By Trinculoman at 03:52 30 Jan 2014

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