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Shoes with souls

 
Caption competition image
By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000 | 0 people like

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Left shoe Right shoe
Getting tired yet?
Not hardly!
By Mark at 10:11 28 Aug 2010
Keep on running...
...keep on hiding
By Mark at 10:18 28 Aug 2010
That's Left-Right-Left!
Oh No. No military crap here!
By Bureau at 13:27 28 Aug 2010
"Your father was there when you left! Sound off!
Nope. I'm civilian!
By Bureau at 13:27 28 Aug 2010
Look at me, I look like a spider!
Maker must have been higher than a kite!
By Bureau at 13:29 28 Aug 2010
High on GLUE you mean.
I'm glued to your every word. Except those old marching numbers!
By Bureau at 13:30 28 Aug 2010
Ain't no use in going home, Jody's got your girl and gone!
Have to admit it's catchy!
By Bureau at 13:30 28 Aug 2010
Sound off!
One-Two, Three-Four!
By Bureau at 13:31 28 Aug 2010
Now you're into it.
Yeah, but we're jogging not marching.
By Bureau at 13:32 28 Aug 2010
Mark finally changed us from the Meerkats?
But we're made of Meerkat leather!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:32 28 Aug 2010
Wuss!
Nazi!
By Bureau at 13:32 28 Aug 2010
You know, we really don't have much of an ass.
That's why we're jogging alone.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:32 28 Aug 2010
You know, we really don't have much of an ass.
Our tits ain't much to talk about either.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:33 28 Aug 2010
What kind of music are we listening to on the walkman?
You probably wish it was "sole" music.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:33 28 Aug 2010
How many pounds do we need to lose until we have a nice ass?
We'll be in this park longer than the meerkats!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:34 28 Aug 2010
I thought that the rule was "no fat chicks in Lycra?"
That's why this one is trying to get skinny.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:35 28 Aug 2010
Hey, you told me that I stepped on a piece of gum!
I'm just trying out my new April Fool's jokes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:36 28 Aug 2010
I'm up to seventy five ants squished today.
Yeah, but I've got five roaches, a beetle, a ladybug, and a dog turd.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:37 28 Aug 2010
Do you think we'd look cooler if we had a swoosh?
I think we'd look cooler if our runner had a nice ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:37 28 Aug 2010
How many miles do you think we'll have to jog today?
Look at the ass; we need about 85, but will be lucky to make 1/4th.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 28 Aug 2010
These sweat socks make my padding smell bad after jogging.
Yeah, and the sock in me has a hole in it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:39 28 Aug 2010
Do you think we're jogging in this park to pick up chicks?
Chickes? This fat ass can barely pick up his feet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:40 28 Aug 2010
Montzuma Two-Step!
Double-Time!
By Bureau at 13:40 28 Aug 2010
Watch out, there's a curve coming up ahead.
On the track, or a nice one on a lady jogger?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:41 28 Aug 2010
Not whatsa matter?
DOG SHIT! Why do they let them in the park?
By Bureau at 13:41 28 Aug 2010
Why don't we jog in the grass? It's easier on our knees and ankles.
Yeah, but there's broken bottles and dog turds hidden on the lawn.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:42 28 Aug 2010
Close encounters of the turd kind?
Oh, shaddup!
By Bureau at 13:43 28 Aug 2010
Wearing allblack while jogging in summer. This guy think he's Zorro?
No, probably some kind of Twilight vampire.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 28 Aug 2010
Do you think we'll be up here four weeks like the Meerkats?
If we have to jog four weeks, we'll wear the rubber off our feet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 28 Aug 2010
I think I got a clown shoe pregnant.
They say that all the time. Like the thyroid thing. They're obese!
By Bureau at 13:45 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if this guy is in training to run a marathon?
No, maybe he's in training to climb one flight of stairs without panting.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:45 28 Aug 2010
This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.
Oh No! We may be on the feet of a faggot!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:46 28 Aug 2010
Shoe fly, don't bother Me!
I'd rather hear the marches.
By Bureau at 13:46 28 Aug 2010
This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.
Yes, but look how we match the pattern on the knees.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 28 Aug 2010
This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.
...and no girl would ever let her ass look that bad.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 28 Aug 2010
Everybody hitting this new pic, we'll cross wires all morning.
Just don't mention, "meerkats".
By Bureau at 13:47 28 Aug 2010
This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.
Yes, it's a girl. She's ready to not wear white after Labor Day.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 28 Aug 2010
Your laces aren't tied.
That's because I have velcro, you idiot! I don't have laces.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 28 Aug 2010
How about a date?
Do you give tongue?
By Bureau at 13:49 28 Aug 2010
Do you think we're jogging just to try to pick up chicks in this park?
Pick up? No. I think we're stalking them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 28 Aug 2010
Damn, Bureau just made a "tongue" joke.
Don't worry, there will be lots of time for other tongue puns.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 28 Aug 2010
In the army, this is a part of Basic training.
But for shoes, they call this "asic" training.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 28 Aug 2010
Look at the numbers go!
We're running amuk!
By Bureau at 13:53 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
Yeah! She let me squeeze her pumps.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:53 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
You mean the one with the really long tongue?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:53 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
Yep, she actually shaves her reebox.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:54 28 Aug 2010
So who are we on, Steppenwolf?
Steppinshit over here.
By Bureau at 13:54 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
Yeah, but you had that shoe horn in you for hours.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:55 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
Tennis shoe? I was talking with the rubbers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:56 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
She's really "instep
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:57 28 Aug 2010
I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.
What do you expect with a girl named "Lacey?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:57 28 Aug 2010
Do you think we'll run a marathon today?
We'll run at least that if we're here as long as the Meerkats were.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:59 28 Aug 2010
What's your favorite cartoon show?
We're shoes! Of course it's Wallace and Grommit!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:59 28 Aug 2010
If you don't move over to the right, I'm going to be in the grass soon.
I'm trying to get you to trip on a sprinkler head.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:00 28 Aug 2010
How come you aren't saying anything about Punk Rock bands?
Because we haven't run out of ideas yet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:01 28 Aug 2010
I still say that we're trying to get in shape for our health.
...and I say that we're just trying to get a better looking ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:02 28 Aug 2010
At least we've covered up and aren't in shorty shorts today.
Yes, but it's still a cottage cheese ass in Lycra.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:03 28 Aug 2010
Is this guy always on "The road less taken?"
He's running at The Four Corners Marathon next!
By Bureau at 14:04 28 Aug 2010
That's in Navajo Country.
Ya-ho tay !
By Bureau at 14:06 28 Aug 2010
Do you think people calling us fatass are being nice?
No, they're being heels.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:07 28 Aug 2010
How come you're not getting all tired and sweaty?
It's because I'm jelling!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 28 Aug 2010
Why do you get Dr. Scholl's inserts and I don't
It's because your on the left and want to wear Birkenstocks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 28 Aug 2010
You righties are just so ancient with your conservative crap.
You lefties are just scared we're taking back Congress.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 28 Aug 2010
You know, I haven't seen our owner's face in months.
I saw both of his chins in the mirror last week. Not pleasant.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:10 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if Lowton took this picture because he likes the jogger?
Sure, Lowton always did have a thing for a fat, shapeless ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:12 28 Aug 2010
Is this what they mean by "pounding the pavement."
No, and this also isn't what they mean when they say "the runs."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:13 28 Aug 2010
It's embarrassing running on a fat ass like this.
Yeah, but at least fatso isn't wearing a sissy fanny pack.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:13 28 Aug 2010
Where do you think we're running to?
Look at the size of the ass! Probably a hot dog stand somewhere.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:15 28 Aug 2010
Do these socks make my butt look fat?
Everything makes that butt look fat...it is!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:16 28 Aug 2010
It doesn't take as long for the captions to load up now.
Yep, it's moving about as fast as we are!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:19 28 Aug 2010
It stinks when we get those sweat socks crammed inside of us.
Yeah, but it stinks more when this fat guy takes off the lycra suit!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:20 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if this guy has ever considered buying Odor Eaters?
No, they'd probably make his sweaty ass disappear.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:20 28 Aug 2010
Do you think this guy would be like the wicked witch with odor eaters?
He stinks, but they wouldn't make him melt.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:23 28 Aug 2010
I'm embarrassed having to run on a fat ass like this.
I'm embarrassed just by our color. Powder blue! How gay!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:25 28 Aug 2010
Which command was he trying to teach his dog this week?
Heel
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:26 28 Aug 2010
What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?
Sole Man?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:27 28 Aug 2010
What movie are we going to see tonight?
The Running Man?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:27 28 Aug 2010
What movie did you see at the classic theatre last week?
Marathon Man
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:28 28 Aug 2010
What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?
Band on the Run
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:28 28 Aug 2010
What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?
It's a fox trot
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:29 28 Aug 2010
What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?
Who let the Jogs out?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:29 28 Aug 2010
How many laps you think we'll do today?
It kind of looks to me like we're just standing in place. What laps?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:32 28 Aug 2010
Do you think the Meerkats are upset they aren't here?
Guard duty for a month? They're asleep.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:33 28 Aug 2010
Did you hear the galoshes quit using birth control?
The rubbers threw away their rubbers?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:35 28 Aug 2010
How come we're jogging? We're supposed to be tennis shoes!
No, we do everything. We're cross trainers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:36 28 Aug 2010
I wonder what this lard butt is in training for?
the buffet?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:38 28 Aug 2010
Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?
They probably didn't help their jogger lose weight fast enough.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:39 28 Aug 2010
Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?
Last year's models
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:39 28 Aug 2010
Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?
Funny, but they're always tied. You never see velcro shoes up there.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:40 28 Aug 2010
Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?
I'll bet the kid was thrown in his locker and got a wedgie too.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:41 28 Aug 2010
Look at that low class jogger up ahead.
Ignore them. Foot Locker shoes like us don't talk to Kmart specials.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:42 28 Aug 2010
We're lucky that we got purchased at the Foot Locker.
Yep! $100 a pair, and not even on the clearance table.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:43 28 Aug 2010
It's a bragging point to say that we were bought at Foot Locker!
You make us sound like a high priced call girl.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:44 28 Aug 2010
What happened to this girl's old running shoes?
They got stabbed in his closet by a jealous pair of stilletto heels.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:45 28 Aug 2010
I saw that you had a premature ejaculation problem yesterday
That wasn't P.E., that was shoe goo to fix a rip.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:46 28 Aug 2010
Wow, only up for a few hours and we almost made 100 captions.
Yep, only 16 days at this rate to beat the Meerkats.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:47 28 Aug 2010
Why couldn't we be on a hot girl or a skank like Lindsay Lohan?
You just want to try and look up her skirt.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:48 28 Aug 2010
I saw that one pair of athletic shoes worn with a dress and pearls.
Yep, I guess the cross trainers are also cross dressers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:49 28 Aug 2010
I wonder why Lowton finally changed our picture?
Maybe he wanted to show everyone his ass without the mustache.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:50 28 Aug 2010
I think that you're an old piece of cow leather!
Don't be a heel.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:51 28 Aug 2010
You want to go out tonight?
You kidding. It would take a shoe horn to get me out of that closet.
By Bureau at 15:59 28 Aug 2010
I got a tongue longer than Gene Simmons.
You got a smell worse than Richard Simmons!
By Bureau at 16:00 28 Aug 2010
I think I really put my foot in it that time.
Smells like it.
By Bureau at 16:10 28 Aug 2010
You want to run around the house after dark, scaring him?
Yeah. The cops will be furious.
By Bureau at 16:12 28 Aug 2010
I bet he lifts you up next.
Oh GOD! How long is it before you realise what's going on?!
By Mark at 16:12 28 Aug 2010
I bet if we could get someone to throw us at Obama, we'd get some cash.
I'd be willing to try, as long as no strings are attached.
By Bureau at 16:13 28 Aug 2010
Foot Stomping Flasher Ahead!
Good. He's on YOUR side!
By Bureau at 16:14 28 Aug 2010
This guy is a slob.
Yeah. He pissed on me last night too.
By Bureau at 16:15 28 Aug 2010
Have you ever actually had a cat get your tongue
No, but the dog tends to chew it up.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:27 28 Aug 2010
What do you think of the laces going through the hold in your tongue.
Makes me feel all tongue tied.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:28 28 Aug 2010
I wish we had no rubber and were made of pure leather.
Why, so we could be the famous blue suede shoes?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:29 28 Aug 2010
How come we had to come out jogging this morning?
Because we're not loafers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:31 28 Aug 2010
Why wouldn't that dog shut up when I told him to be quiet?
Because we're not hush puppies!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:32 28 Aug 2010
I'd like to be on a cute little kid instead of a fat old jogger.
Yes, but we're not keds.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:33 28 Aug 2010
We can run like the wind, but we can't fly.
That's because we're not wing tips.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:34 28 Aug 2010
Have you ever felt run down?
You always say that when I'm the one on the ground.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:35 28 Aug 2010
How come you never lose your balance?
Because I'm not a slipper.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:36 28 Aug 2010
I'd hate to be a politician's shoe.
Yep, they've always got their feet in their mouth.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:38 28 Aug 2010
I hate it when I get a rock inside of me.
We all know you love to get your rocks off.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:39 28 Aug 2010
Did you hear that Rosie O'Donnell got some new sneakers?
Sneakers? I thought Rosie only wore horse shoes!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:40 28 Aug 2010
I'm a EE!
That means something in bra sizes, but not so much in shoes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:45 28 Aug 2010
One of my feet has a corn and I'm irritating it really bad.
Well, one of my toes is ingrown, and it's getting pus all over me.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:46 28 Aug 2010
I think this guy is going to get calluses.
Instead of running his fat ass off, he's going to run his feet off.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:47 28 Aug 2010
This guy has six toes on his left foot.
He's only got four on the right, so I guess he comes out even.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:48 28 Aug 2010
How come you didn't want to stay in the closet last night?
There were a pair of crocs in the corner.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:49 28 Aug 2010
Why didn't you want a peanut butter sandwich for lunch?
I was worried about what happened to the jellies.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:50 28 Aug 2010
What kind of shoes does a politician wear?
Most of them go with flip flops.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:51 28 Aug 2010
Have you ever run on the beach?
I thought that was what "sand"els were for.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:52 28 Aug 2010
So why do you think socks go to hell?
Because they don't have a sole.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:55 28 Aug 2010
Do you think Lady Godiva will come back and write captions for us?
Depends. Did she wear shoes when riding her horse naked?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:04 28 Aug 2010
I hope he washes us tonight.
At Least wash his feet. Toe jam, may the socks preserve us.
By Bureau at 17:05 28 Aug 2010
You know what would be nice?
Silence?
By Bureau at 17:05 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if not having meerkats will chase people away from here.
No, but the fat ass on the jogger just might.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:05 28 Aug 2010
No. If we got ourselves pierced?
How?
By Bureau at 17:06 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if Lowton is ever going to let anyone see the jogger's face.
Probably not, if it's as ugly as the fat ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:06 28 Aug 2010
We could get taps on our toes.
They're be blowing taps for this guy's toes.
By Bureau at 17:07 28 Aug 2010
Lowton spelled it wrong. We're actually shoes with "soles."
I think soul was supposed to be a play on words because we talk.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:07 28 Aug 2010
People think that shoes can't talk?
Of course we can! That's why we have tongues.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:08 28 Aug 2010
Wow,Turdblossom is letting J-man write a caption for us shoes.
Yeah, J-man has to write at least once a month to stay on the charts
By Jalapenoman at 17:10 28 Aug 2010
J-man and Turdblossom are done. Bureau can take over now.
Must be time for lunch.
By Jalapenoman at 17:11 28 Aug 2010
What are you having for lunch?
I was thinking about fillet of sole.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:36 28 Aug 2010
I wonder how come we aren't talking with the Lycra pants?
Are you kidding? Not even a fart could sneak out of those fat pants.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:38 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if this jogger isn't secretly The Flash?
More likely The Flasher.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:38 28 Aug 2010
Wow, we're in the same spot as Hilter, the Queen, Einstein.....
...and Timon.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:40 28 Aug 2010
At least this guy isn't wearing dorky looking white socks.
...and powder blue gay looking shoes isn't dorky enough for you?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:41 28 Aug 2010
My mother told me that I should keep myself in shape by exercising daily.
So how do you explain being bought by blubber butt?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:42 28 Aug 2010
To quote an old tv commercial "It's gotta be the shoes!"
I agree 100%... "It's gotta be the right shoe!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:44 28 Aug 2010
How come we couldn't be the shoes of some cute cheerleader?
You'd do anything to get into that locker room, wouldn't you?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:45 28 Aug 2010
I hate it when I get off on the wrong foot.
"Said the guy with the foot fetish!"
By Bureau at 18:06 28 Aug 2010
I really wanted to be a cheerleader's shoe.
Get your tongue back inside. You're drooling and it looks gross.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:06 28 Aug 2010
I really wanted to be a cheerleader's shoes.
I'd rather have my leather be the glove of the one lifting the girl.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:07 28 Aug 2010
At least we're not basketball shoes in the WNBA!
I think you'd find the missing link with those ugly looking women.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:08 28 Aug 2010
We could be the shoes of the East German Women's Olympic Team.
Yeah, their hair would fall all over us when they shaved.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:09 28 Aug 2010
Whew I was afraid we would wind up on Larry Craig.
Spend half our time taping foots in bathroom stalls
By Bureau at 18:09 28 Aug 2010
I didn't believe that guy at the party, did you?
The one who claimed to be a cousin to the shoe thrown at Bush? No!
By Bureau at 18:10 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
My socks feel so exposed!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:12 28 Aug 2010
My favorite song? I don't know.
Never Heard of it. I liked Sole Finger!
By Bureau at 18:12 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
I'm afraid of cancer from all those x-rays.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:13 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
It's only bad when my socks have a hole in them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:13 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
I'm uncomfortable about the foot fetishists
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:14 28 Aug 2010
I mean I hadn't a favorite. Maybe, A Heart Full Of Sole?
How about "Soleful Strut?" Sounds like Bigass here.
By Bureau at 18:14 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
It's okay if I get to snuggle up against a pair of high heels.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:14 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
I just wish there had been a "bra bomber"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:15 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
Why didn't they react the same to the underwear bomber?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:15 28 Aug 2010
"I Still Got Some Sand In My Shoes".
"These Shoes Were Made For Walking?"
By Bureau at 18:16 28 Aug 2010
That was Boots! Boots!
OK OK! These Shoes Were Made For Boots", Happy now?
By Bureau at 18:16 28 Aug 2010
How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?
Their floors are always cold and get my socks dirty.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:16 28 Aug 2010
What's your favorite saying?
If the shoe fits, wear it!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:17 28 Aug 2010
I'd rather run to work than ride in a Chevy Volt.
With only 40 miles to a charge, whoever buys one will be running.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:33 28 Aug 2010
Did you hear about the running back who tore his ACLU?
Must have been in his left leg.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:34 28 Aug 2010
How long do you think Lowton will leave the shoes running?
Four weeks, unless we run out of steam earlier.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:34 28 Aug 2010
Turdblossom must have missed doing captions to write so many today.
He said that he got tired of beating a dead Meerkat.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:35 28 Aug 2010
We've been out jogging for about nine hours.
I think we'll wear out the treads on our shoes before we're done.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:50 28 Aug 2010
If Gypsy Rose Lee had bells on her toes, how'd she get shoes on?
Not everyone wears shoes, you moron.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:22 28 Aug 2010
If Shoeless Joe Jackson played baseball today, would he wear us?
Pay him 3 million and he'd wear high heels and a push up bra.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:23 28 Aug 2010
What kind of shoes did they wear in Barefoot in the Park?
The ones that go with a birthday suit.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:24 28 Aug 2010
Can a surf boarder hang ten and still wear shoes?
Only if they have individual toe sections.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:24 28 Aug 2010
I wish I could make a pattern like a waffle stomper.
You're a shoe, not a boot.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:27 28 Aug 2010
When I grow up, I want to be in the rodeo.
Funny, but I've never seen a Cowboy in tennis boots.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:27 28 Aug 2010
Who was the co-star in "The Man With One Red Shoe?"
I don't know... maybe his sock?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:28 28 Aug 2010
Neil Armstrong's shoeprints on the moon are a really famous picture.
True, but your shoeprint in a dog turd doesn't make anyone happy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:30 28 Aug 2010
Did you know Turdblossom has posted 173 captions today?
174 if you include this one.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:54 28 Aug 2010
I wonder if I'll ever get to have argyle socks inside of me.
Argyle socks with powder blue tennis shoes... sounds real gay.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:55 28 Aug 2010
I hear that Ed Sullivan wore 'a really big shoe' on Sunday nights.
He had clowns too.
By Bureau at 00:31 29 Aug 2010
A Shoe of Shoes!
OK, we got it!
By Bureau at 00:31 29 Aug 2010
The Shoe MUST go on each Sunday night!
Sid Caesar did the "Shoe of Shoes"
By Bureau at 00:33 29 Aug 2010
Wish we were blue suede shoes.
The old Elvis song! Ah Yes!
By Bureau at 00:34 29 Aug 2010
We could hang around the Rock Hall of fame!
Shoe the history of Rock to the fans.
By Bureau at 00:35 29 Aug 2010
Instead we're on stink street!
Sooner or later we'll die. Or smell like it.
By Bureau at 00:36 29 Aug 2010
Rock Hall Of Fame!
"Put On Your High Heel Sneakers"
By Bureau at 00:38 29 Aug 2010
Put On Your High Heel Sneakers!
Rock Hall Of Fame!
By Bureau at 00:40 29 Aug 2010
"My Adidas!"
Tan Shoes & Pink Shoe Laces!
By Bureau at 00:41 29 Aug 2010
"Shoe Send Me"
Sam Cooke!
By Bureau at 00:44 29 Aug 2010
Who's your favorite Pirate?
Jean Lafitte (la feet), naturally
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 29 Aug 2010
I've been considering breaking the rules at work.
You know that you should always toe the line!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 29 Aug 2010
I think this guy has a case of athlete's foot.
Well he sure doesn't have athlete's ass!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 29 Aug 2010
I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?
You mean that you actually read the headline above us?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 29 Aug 2010
I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?
Sure, I plan to go to heaven when I die... the girl's locker room!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 29 Aug 2010
I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?
It's all in how you spell it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 29 Aug 2010
I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?
No, Moses had to remove his sandals near the burning bush.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:52 29 Aug 2010
You put your right foot in and pull your left foot out!
So my turn first?
By Bureau at 17:13 29 Aug 2010
That's right. Get it. Right!
Well, I DON'T do no hokey pokey! So shake it all about, yourself.
By Bureau at 17:14 29 Aug 2010
I'm the left shoe because he put you on first?
Right!
By Bureau at 17:15 29 Aug 2010
Beep! Beep! More dogshit ahead!
He's not listening.
By Bureau at 17:16 29 Aug 2010
Oh doggy doo! It got YOU!
*&%$$#(*!!
By Bureau at 17:17 29 Aug 2010
I bet this guy running alongside that beautiful lady yesterday caused some talk.
Me too. I couldn't hold my tongue.
By Bureau at 17:49 29 Aug 2010
I can't believe we're stinking being this new.
That's me. Eyelet one.
By Bureau at 17:50 29 Aug 2010
So whay are we here?
Someone had to be a shoe.
By Bureau at 17:50 29 Aug 2010
Do we have an immortal sole?
Not if you judge the ones that pass us. Some have new soles.
By Bureau at 17:51 29 Aug 2010
At least we walk the walk & not just talk the talk.
You're sole right there!
By Bureau at 17:52 29 Aug 2010
It could have been worse.
How?
By Bureau at 17:52 29 Aug 2010
We could have been that dogshit.
Guess we shouldn't complain.
By Bureau at 17:53 29 Aug 2010
Every body has to step in it sometimes.
Right. But I seem to get more than my share.
By Bureau at 17:54 29 Aug 2010
My mother wanted me to be a dress shoe.
Look at the bight side, you could have been a horse shoe!
By Philbert of Macadamia at 20:40 29 Aug 2010
Horseshoes are lucky.
Like the rabbit's foot?
By Bureau at 21:07 29 Aug 2010
Horseshes are lucky.
They still make horseshoes?
By Bureau at 21:09 29 Aug 2010
Sure, lots of horses out there.
Do vets shoe horses now?
By Bureau at 21:10 29 Aug 2010
You mean like retired military personell?
No, like animal doctors.
By Bureau at 21:10 29 Aug 2010
The was a Diamond Tool & Horseshoe Company in Duluth.
I think it closed.
By Bureau at 21:11 29 Aug 2010
One the news this morning, they said that a Tool & Die factory worker died.
..when a tool fell on him. Yeah. I heard that too.
By Bureau at 21:13 29 Aug 2010
Maybe that's where they make horseshoes.
We're not even leather!
By Bureau at 21:14 29 Aug 2010
"I'm a sole man!"
Are you Jake or Elwood?
By Bureau at 00:08 30 Aug 2010
"Love is a river running, sole deep!"
The Box Cars
By Bureau at 00:09 30 Aug 2010
"Heart Full Of Sole!"
Yardbirds!
By Bureau at 00:09 30 Aug 2010
Sweet Soul Music!
Arthur Conley!
By Bureau at 00:14 30 Aug 2010
Stone Sole Picnic!
The Fifth Dimension
By Bureau at 00:15 30 Aug 2010
I think my laces came untied.
Don't look at me, I thought we were held on with velcro.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:27 30 Aug 2010
Did you know some Chinese worker made us for cheap wages?
Is that why our brand name says Nike-san?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:28 30 Aug 2010
I always wanted to be a pair of Air Jordans.
Instead, you're getting worn by Tubby Jordan.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:29 30 Aug 2010
Is the guy wearing us black, white, hispanic, oriental, or what?
Gotta be white; no one else would have a lard ass like his.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:30 30 Aug 2010
So then this really hot woman tied me up.....
It's not a bondage story when you're a shoe and it's just your laces.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:33 30 Aug 2010
Why can't shoes be into bondage?
Because we're supposed to get tied up every day.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:34 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
But we've been a pair ever since we left the factory!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:35 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
Okay, but I want custody of the keds.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:36 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
I'll sue you for child support... and arch support.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:36 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
I saw you making eyes at that pair of high heels.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:37 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
You're cheating with that loafer. I saw you slipper the tongue!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
I'm all woman, but your new girlfriend is just a flat.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 30 Aug 2010
Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?
Otherwise, they couldn't be buried in Boot Hill.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:45 30 Aug 2010
What do they call the children's section of an old west Cemetery?
Bootie Hill
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:46 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
I saw you last night telling that cowgirl to shake her bootie.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 30 Aug 2010
Your left, your left, your left, right, left
You just like that marching cadence because it mentions you
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
You've got more experience on a tennis court than in divorce court.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
Don't be a heel.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:52 30 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of filing for divorce.
Okay, but I want sole custody of the keds.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:52 30 Aug 2010
...and the Great Pumpkin visits the most worthy Pumpkin patch...
Right, and you also think shoes come from shoe trees.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:36 30 Aug 2010
How come some shoes are small than others?
Maybe the shoe trees where they grew didn't get enough water.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:37 30 Aug 2010
How do you explain Bozo the clown's shoes?
His shoe tree got miracle grow.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:37 30 Aug 2010
What happens to the left over shoes from people with one leg?
They go to the Island of Misfit Toys. Don't you watch Rudolph?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:38 30 Aug 2010
How come we never got to see Ed Sullivan's "Really Big Shoe?"
It was an accent, you idiot. Comics made fun of him, like me to you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:40 30 Aug 2010
I LEFT my heart in San Fransisco......
RIGHT on!
By Lady Godiva at 15:00 30 Aug 2010
D'you wanna change feet!
Good idea...but wait till the bugger stops jogging.
By Lady Godiva at 15:01 30 Aug 2010
Did you get a new charcoal innersole this morning?
No...and it's getting rather rancid in here.
By Lady Godiva at 15:02 30 Aug 2010
Do you have aglets?
Don't be so personal.
By Lady Godiva at 15:03 30 Aug 2010
I'll bet this guy isn't an English major.
Too many run on sentences?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:10 30 Aug 2010
You going to run for the Senate this year?
That would be great. Maybe for the White House?
By Bureau at 15:41 30 Aug 2010
No, Lardass wouldn't get very far.
You're right...no, I'm right. But he bought us, trying to get in shape.
By Bureau at 15:42 30 Aug 2010
He's in a shape now..or more like an ink blot.
Yeah. He's lost weight in his belly and head.
By Bureau at 15:43 30 Aug 2010
Buut the ass is still bouncing an hour after he gets through running.
Knocked the chair out from under him yesterday.
By Bureau at 15:44 30 Aug 2010
Do you ever darn your socks?
That's too nice. I usually damn then to hell for eternity.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:45 30 Aug 2010
Glad the Meerkats finally left.
So were they.
By Bureau at 15:45 30 Aug 2010
Do you think Godiva has been checking out the jogger's ass?
Nope, she's checking us out cuz she's a smurf and we're blue!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:46 30 Aug 2010
What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?
They get the scenic view.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:47 30 Aug 2010
What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?
I'd be shocked if anyone ever wore them again.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:47 30 Aug 2010
Are we Nike?
More like "Korean Kidd"
By Bureau at 15:47 30 Aug 2010
Did you see the old giy in the canvas shoes yesterday?
Yes. The shoes were even older than him.
By Bureau at 15:48 30 Aug 2010
What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?
I think the owner's parents probably got pissed about buying new ones.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:48 30 Aug 2010
I felt bad coming from Shoe World .
Me too. But some I've seen look like "Everything For A Dollar!"
By Bureau at 15:49 30 Aug 2010
What do you think of the Republican chances in the next elections?
I think they're a shoe in to win control of the Congress.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:50 30 Aug 2010
The guy really speeded up back there. What gives?
Skunk.
By Bureau at 19:28 30 Aug 2010
How much do you think we costed?
I don't know. "Shoe me the money!"
By Bureau at 20:47 30 Aug 2010
I'll shoe you the meerkats if we back up one.
Oh no! Those guys are mad as hatters.
By Bureau at 20:50 30 Aug 2010
I hope the NHS will cover my operation after this beating!
I've already gone private-I had a tongue & sole donation just last month!
By Sophlup at 10:27 31 Aug 2010
I swear that there's a monster in the closet just like Monsters Inc.
You probably got high smelling yourself and imagined it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:24 31 Aug 2010
and I had this bra on top of me the hole night. It was so hot!
She was 11 and it was a training bra, you pervert.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:25 31 Aug 2010
You're starting to rank the closet at home.
Oh, and yor're not?
By Bureau at 16:36 31 Aug 2010
I didn't step in the doggy doo.
I'll be sure to share next time. He washed me. Bet the cat shit in there again!
By Bureau at 16:38 31 Aug 2010
Fat Freddie's Cat?
Or Fat Freddie!
By Bureau at 16:38 31 Aug 2010
You're on the right and I'm on the left
Yes but we make a lovely pair.
By Philip McArthur at 17:51 31 Aug 2010
That cat even shit in me once. I could barely hold my tongue.
Well, he cleaned you up. Sorry, I was laughing.
By Bureau at 18:21 31 Aug 2010
If I were bent the right way, I'd be a right shoe also.
Are you saying that all of us on the right are bent?
By Bureau at 18:22 31 Aug 2010
Well, we both were in DC Saturday.
Yeah. He couldn't make up his mind. I think he was looking for cash!
By Bureau at 18:23 31 Aug 2010
Selling his vote?
Nah, he won't vote. He goes to both sides.
By Bureau at 18:24 31 Aug 2010
A regular Rhett Butler.
Selling both his vote & then not voting.
By Bureau at 18:24 31 Aug 2010
Let's cut the politics before Mark throws us off.
What does a shoe know about politics?
By Bureau at 18:25 31 Aug 2010
Right, Right. Shoes a not political.
It's the hats that get thrown into the ring.
By Bureau at 18:26 31 Aug 2010
What does that mean anyway?
I don't know. Shoe would make more sense. Throwing a ringer!
By Bureau at 18:27 31 Aug 2010
I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.
This guy never gets lucky. He always has to pay for it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:40 31 Aug 2010
I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.
With the fat ass this guy has, the panties are gonna be from big girls
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:40 31 Aug 2010
I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.
Yeah, but these thongs look more like a slingshot than real panties.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:41 31 Aug 2010
I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.
I prefer chumming up to the high heels and slipping them the tongue.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:42 31 Aug 2010
Why do these guys get out so early?
I know. I almost had frostbite yesterday.
By Bureau at 23:09 31 Aug 2010
Maybe so he gets it over with.
Maybe. But he works the night shift.
By Bureau at 23:10 31 Aug 2010
Maybe he goes running in the morning because he's still asleep.
Yeah. He did run over that one old lady.
By Bureau at 23:11 31 Aug 2010
And he fell over a turtle, remember?
Maybe his brain froze up.
By Bureau at 23:12 31 Aug 2010
Well, his foot nearly froze up.
This one too. He should wait till the sun comes up.
By Bureau at 23:12 31 Aug 2010
If athletes get athletes feet, do ..you messed me up. More dog shit?
RIGHT!!!!
By Bureau at 23:14 31 Aug 2010
Anyway, if athlets get athletes feet, do astronauts get missle toe?
A Big Old Dog Shitty Ha Ha!
By Bureau at 23:15 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on tv tonight.
Is he a guest star on "Lie to Me"?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:56 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight.
Remind me to watch cable.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:56 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
Is he on "Cheaters?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:56 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
Which station? The Progaganda Channel?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:57 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
Is one of our cousins going to get thrown at him for lying?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:57 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
Will it make him shut up faster if we turn off the teleprompter?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:58 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
Probably a scripted show, because he never works without one
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:58 31 Aug 2010
Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight
A new reality show, right? Lie, Cheat, Steal, and Get Elected.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:59 31 Aug 2010
Never judge anyone until..
you have walked a mile in their shoes! Heard it.
By Bureau at 00:19 01 Sep 2010
Yes, but if you judge them anyway, they're still a mile away!
Plus you have their shoes!
By Bureau at 00:19 01 Sep 2010
'Having a good day?'
'Run of the mill you know!'
By Inchcock at 07:52 01 Sep 2010
'What are we having for supper tonight?'
'Choux Pastry!'
By Inchcock at 07:54 01 Sep 2010
'I cannot tell a tale!'
'You're the soul of discretion ain't you?'
By Inchcock at 07:56 01 Sep 2010
'Can't remember where where going'
'I'll jog your memory'
By Inchcock at 07:58 01 Sep 2010
This horse walks into the court room and the judge....
I've heard it, the punchline is "so shoe me!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:35 01 Sep 2010
What's the worst date you've ever gone on?
I once went on a cheap date with a Penny Loafer.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:36 01 Sep 2010
Where does a hummingbird have the fastest motion?
On the wingtips!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:37 01 Sep 2010
Just ten more days until the commemoration of September 11th.
I say we all throw paper airplanes at mosques that day.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:37 01 Sep 2010
This coming Monday is Labor Day in the United States.
Nice name for a day you sit around and don't do anything.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:38 01 Sep 2010
Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.
I wonder if he has a lead foot on the gas pedal?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:39 01 Sep 2010
Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.
Did he remember to pack a pair of shoes?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:39 01 Sep 2010
Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.
He'd better not take those socks with the holes in them again.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:40 01 Sep 2010
Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.
Who's going to take his tennis shoes for a walk this evening?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:40 01 Sep 2010
Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.
It's 210 miles. How many feet is that?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:41 01 Sep 2010
I don't think he's ben running long.
He's barely running now.
By Bureau at 18:56 01 Sep 2010
More like a fast walk.
Yeah, it was a slow walk for two months.
By Bureau at 18:56 01 Sep 2010
Then he put us on to wear for short walks.
Like from the couch to the refrigerator.
By Bureau at 18:57 01 Sep 2010
Now he's into faster walking.
Shoe nuf!
By Bureau at 18:57 01 Sep 2010
Let's face it, he's huffing & puffing now.
At a fast walk.
By Bureau at 18:59 01 Sep 2010
Hope he don't drop dead.
We'f end up in a yard sale.
By Bureau at 18:59 01 Sep 2010
Well, every little bit helps.
Yeah.. Guess he'll die healthier.
By Bureau at 19:01 01 Sep 2010
I feel left up in the air
And I'm right on the ground
By IainB at 13:25 02 Sep 2010
Am I Rubber Sole?
More of a White Album if you ask me
By IainB at 13:26 02 Sep 2010
Does my heel look big in this?
Honey, your heel looks big in mules
By IainB at 13:27 02 Sep 2010
Heel the Worrrrrrrrld
Make it a better place, shut the foot up
By IainB at 13:28 02 Sep 2010
You ever see any shoe fly pie?
No but I've seen some shoes fly!
By Bureau at 16:17 02 Sep 2010
Wonder what it looks like?
Don't know. Probably sole food.
By Bureau at 16:18 02 Sep 2010
But does it contain a shoe?
Some people think some steaks do.
By Bureau at 16:19 02 Sep 2010
But who would cook a shoe?
The French.
By Bureau at 16:19 02 Sep 2010
Yeah. You're right.
They eat horse meat, why not a filet of sole?
By Bureau at 16:20 02 Sep 2010
But we're not leather.
That's right. We're cheap stuff that still sells like leather.
By Bureau at 16:20 02 Sep 2010
Think we'll wind up in a wheelie bin?
Everybody winds up in a wheelie bin of some kind.
By Bureau at 16:21 02 Sep 2010
Thrown away! sniff!
Cast off like an old shoe!
By Bureau at 16:22 02 Sep 2010
We could retire in the closet.
If we could keep ourselves from smelling.
By Bureau at 16:22 02 Sep 2010
Maybe we could find another use than running.
Might be put back to be used while mowing the lawn.
By Bureau at 16:23 02 Sep 2010
That's right. I'm not above mowing a yard.
Actually, we could get high on the stuff if he planted it right.
By Bureau at 16:24 02 Sep 2010
He sure is breathing hard.
Breathes through his mouth..a mouth breather.
By Bureau at 16:26 02 Sep 2010
He may be asmatic!
Listen to him breathe!
By Bureau at 16:27 02 Sep 2010
Sounds like he's going to have to take a break soon.
The same heavy breathing he does over the phone sometimes.
By Bureau at 16:27 02 Sep 2010
"If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder."
You got that right!
By Bureau at 16:30 02 Sep 2010
He's chaffed himself again.
Fat thighs rubbing together.
By Bureau at 16:30 02 Sep 2010
That's not all that's rubbing together.
Yeah. I smell it too.
By Bureau at 16:31 02 Sep 2010
Hey up there! You need a shower bad.
I think he heard you. He's heading back toward the car.
By Bureau at 16:31 02 Sep 2010
Whew! He smell worse than we do.
Wait till the jockey comes off.
By Bureau at 16:32 02 Sep 2010
Bet his bag is skinned shiney!
No Bet from me. He's chaffed bad!
By Bureau at 16:33 02 Sep 2010
"Oh no, I think I can see the head of the turtle!!"
".......God, say it isn't so please!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 18:00 02 Sep 2010
If you run backwards, will you lose weight?
Yes. Provided you are ran over and crushed to death by a lorry.
By Bureau at 19:57 02 Sep 2010
I actually think he HAS lost weight.
That's because he's had the runs.
By Bureau at 19:58 02 Sep 2010
Those burritos really help.
Yeah. Each time he fires one off he jumps ten feet ahead.
By Bureau at 19:59 02 Sep 2010
Bet he could do more if somone gave him some help.
Like lighting the fumes with a lighter? He'd add 50 feet, butt he'd burn out!
By Bureau at 20:01 02 Sep 2010
Did you see where they released the shoe-thrower?
The one that made Bush look like a sideshow?
By Bureau at 20:43 02 Sep 2010
"Hit the Bush Win a suit!"
So they let him out?
By Bureau at 20:44 02 Sep 2010
Not only that, Nike hired him for commercials.
I bet they have one of the Bush target going back & forth!
By Bureau at 20:45 02 Sep 2010
Do they think he was FIT to get out?
Bet they had already removed his shoe laces.
By Bureau at 20:47 02 Sep 2010
Yeah. Saddam would have killed him in a bad way.
So, now he's a hero?
By Bureau at 20:47 02 Sep 2010
As soon as he can get here, he'll be wealthy, hero or no hero.
Although the Tea Party may shoe him away.
By Bureau at 20:48 02 Sep 2010
They took the whole thing seriously.
I heard that.
By Bureau at 20:49 02 Sep 2010
The CIA had Obama practice dodging shoes.
Who through them at him, Cheney?
By Bureau at 20:50 02 Sep 2010
It was a machine that threw the shoes I heard.
That could still be Cheney.
By Bureau at 20:51 02 Sep 2010
We've been up here seven days now.
Jogging this long makes one week!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:14 03 Sep 2010
Did Turdblossom enjoy his trip to Albuquerque for his meetings?
When I asked about it, he just gave me the run around.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:15 03 Sep 2010
I want shoes to have our own play like the Vagina Monologues.
No one is interested in seeing into your sole.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:17 03 Sep 2010
What did Jim Nabors used to call his sexual experiences?
Getting his Rocks off?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:18 03 Sep 2010
I was in a fight last night and got socked.
You also got hosed by your date.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:19 03 Sep 2010
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So you could step in more chicken shit on the jogging path.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:20 03 Sep 2010
This jogging is getting me all sweaty and stinky.
So's Turdblossom. That's why he's quitting now to take a shower.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:21 03 Sep 2010
There's an obvious Spoofer who should have been doing captions.
You mean Jean Le Fete?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:09 03 Sep 2010
I'm coming down with a cold
No, you've just got foot in mouth disease.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:10 03 Sep 2010
I think I've got a foot fetish.
No shit, sherlock.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:11 03 Sep 2010
I've got an ingrown tonail and have a date tonight.
You mean that you'll be pusy while chasing pussy?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:12 03 Sep 2010
You mean they are just a left wing political organization?
Right. ACORN has nothing to do with feet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 03 Sep 2010
How come they say that a bad joke is corny?
Calling it buniony would sound kind of stupid.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 03 Sep 2010
We used to have another name for Brazil nuts when I was a kid.
Yes, but it isn't proper to use the n-word now.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 03 Sep 2010
I heard a lot of women had foot problems at the marathon?
It was a real corn-ucopia
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 03 Sep 2010
This guy better start running like a horse.
You mean Hoofing it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:25 03 Sep 2010
I can't believe we're still running and his ass isn't any smaller yet.
Movie idea: The incredible non-shrinking ass!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:26 03 Sep 2010
After he finishes, he'll have a double whopper, fries, and shake
and wash it down with a Diet Coke to make the meal seem healthy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:30 03 Sep 2010
Have you ever run in a marathon?
I do triathlons in Hawaii and I sing "I am iron-man!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:31 03 Sep 2010
September 11th is coming up in just 8 more days.
And after that will be the 12th, then 13th, then 14th, then 15th....
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:32 03 Sep 2010
Do you want to run in the Boston Marathon this year?
With this wide ass, he couldn't make a beer run at halftime.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:33 03 Sep 2010
Do you think this guy will get a runner's high?
Only if he's running to the pub.
By Bureau at 15:39 03 Sep 2010
I heard it depends on running for 26 miles.
I think that the Runner's Wall!
By Bureau at 15:40 03 Sep 2010
Do you hit the wall before you hit the high.
You hit it several times.
By Bureau at 15:40 03 Sep 2010
Then screw that "Runner's High!"
He's more like the "Runner's Waving Hi!"
By Bureau at 15:41 03 Sep 2010
These pants are cutting his circulation.
He's ned some purple pills to get the blood flowing again.
By Bureau at 15:42 03 Sep 2010
This gguy tries. He tried push-ups this morning.
He did one good one butt after that, not all of him would come up off the floor.
By Bureau at 15:46 03 Sep 2010
He weighed again.
What did it say?
By Bureau at 15:48 03 Sep 2010
Threw a fit! Told him only one person on at a time.
That's because after he runs, he eats more!!
By Bureau at 15:49 03 Sep 2010
I bought you a vuvuzela!
What's a vuvuzela?
By Bureau at 16:01 03 Sep 2010
In your case, it's a shoe horn.
Well, blow me down!
By Bureau at 16:02 03 Sep 2010
Dog shit at 12 O'Clock!
I see it!
By Bureau at 16:28 03 Sep 2010
Lift when I say "GO!"
Right!
By Bureau at 16:28 03 Sep 2010
"GO!"
Lift! ....landed him right on his ass.
By Bureau at 16:28 03 Sep 2010
In the dog shit?
Looks like it was a cigar stub.
By Bureau at 16:29 03 Sep 2010
I think you just stepped in cat shit.
Cat shit! Can't they keep it in a litter box! The sand box is there.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:19 03 Sep 2010
Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?
The old woman who lived in a shoe?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:20 03 Sep 2010
Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?
Puss in Boots?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:20 03 Sep 2010
Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?
The elves and the cobbler?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:20 03 Sep 2010
I've never seen a shoe fly.
Idiot. Shoe Fly, Don't Bother Me is a song, it isn't a flying shoe story.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:22 03 Sep 2010
Are your dogs barking?
Not since they pooped on your shoe.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:28 03 Sep 2010
Do you think it's better to have a longer shoe size or width?
I think women prefer both.... as far as shoes, I don't know.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:31 03 Sep 2010
My jogging is when the rubber meets the road
That also happens when you throw a used condom out the car window.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:32 03 Sep 2010
Do you think this ass will look any skinnier by the end of the month?
Maybe by the end of the year.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:34 03 Sep 2010
What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?
Besides Lace and Lace II?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:58 03 Sep 2010
What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?
Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:58 03 Sep 2010
What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?
My favorite tv show was Knott's Landing
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:59 03 Sep 2010
What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?
I want to see that comedy "Knot Another Teen Movie."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:59 03 Sep 2010
I really love our job.
There's no business like shoe business!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:01 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
Get out of these stinky sweat socks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:52 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
Clean off the dog poop.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
Find a different guy with a better ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
Pray that I can be some color other than blue.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
It's Miller Time!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 03 Sep 2010
What do you want to do after we finish jogging?
It's Friday; are there any good games on tonight?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:54 03 Sep 2010
What do you think of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan?
I don't know... they never seem to show their feet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:08 03 Sep 2010
What color nail polish do you think Paris Hilton uses on her toes?
Check her eye shadow... if the curtains match the carpet!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:09 03 Sep 2010
What do you think of women who paint their toenails?
Ben Franklin said women who paint their face think of their tails.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:11 03 Sep 2010
Do you think women with red toenails have red underwear?
Did women paint their nails white when that was the only color bra?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:12 03 Sep 2010
I think that our jogger friend needs to get a pedicure.
I just think he needs an ass lift, and a face lift, tummy tuck...
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:13 03 Sep 2010
How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?
You can't snort Coke easily with a toenail.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:14 03 Sep 2010
How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?
Causes too many ingrowns.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:14 03 Sep 2010
How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?
They tear holes in the socks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:14 03 Sep 2010
How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?
Why not invent them and corner the market?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:16 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
The would mean that we had a conscience, and I don't.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:53 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
Maybe you can get one from the Wizard of Oz, along with a brain
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:53 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
I shaved my soul patch and just have a mustache now.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:54 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
If you start talking about your feelings, I'm kicking your ass!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:54 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
On the bottom of our shoes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:55 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
I'm selling mine to the devil for a jogger with a tighter ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:55 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
Depends on how good your spell check is.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:56 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
Next you'll be asking how many angels can dance on a pin's head.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:56 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
I asked a priest, but he was screwing an altar boy & didn't hear
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:57 03 Sep 2010
The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?
If we can't be baptized, we don't have souls.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:58 03 Sep 2010
You said if we can't be baptized, we don't have souls?
Running through the sprinklers isn't the same as baptism.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:59 03 Sep 2010
I'm glad this isn't a moving picture.
Right, I wouldn't want to see the jogger's ass jiggling either.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:59 03 Sep 2010
Do you think any hot babes will try to pick up our jogger?
Only if he's rich, single, childless, and has a 15 inch penis.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:01 03 Sep 2010
How many miles do you think we've managed to run so far?
None, we're based in England and they go by kilometers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:01 03 Sep 2010
How many miles do you think we've managed to run so far?
Well, considering we're standing still... none!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:02 03 Sep 2010
My foot is getting tired of being held up in this position.
...and I'm tired of stepping in this dog crap.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:02 03 Sep 2010
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I'd like to get my hands on a girl with a nice bush.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:16 03 Sep 2010
What's the farthest you've ever jogged?
Same distance as you... we're a pair of shoes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:16 03 Sep 2010
How are things going on the right lately.
Pretty good. Looks like we're going to kick butt in the midterm elections.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:17 03 Sep 2010
I hate having to be on the left.
Yeah, must be sad automatically having an IQ 25 points lower.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:18 03 Sep 2010
Your shoelaces are tied!
Oh no, I'm not falling for that one...ohhh!
By Bureau at 16:27 04 Sep 2010
I told you. Now he's hurt himself.
Good, maybe he'll stop running for a few days.
By Bureau at 16:28 04 Sep 2010
I don't want to sit in the closet all day.
We came out of the closet didn't we? Somehow I don't feel gay.
By Bureau at 16:28 04 Sep 2010
You would feel better with the shoe laces tied.
Tell HIM! I can't retie myself.
By Bureau at 16:29 04 Sep 2010
He's got grass stains all over his ass.
Funny. He fell on his face.
By Bureau at 16:30 04 Sep 2010
You're right. He fell on his face. So why are the seat of his pants..Uhoh!
He did a booboo!
By Bureau at 16:30 04 Sep 2010
Must have jarred it out of him.
Whew! He's heading us back to the car.
By Bureau at 16:31 04 Sep 2010
I hate it when people tie our laces together
Velcro shoes have it so lucky.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:50 04 Sep 2010
I hate it when people light a match and give us a hot foot.
It once melted my rubber.... my girlfriend wasn't happy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:50 04 Sep 2010
Monday is Labor Day.
Yeah, but fat asses wife is making him mow the yard.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:51 04 Sep 2010
We have to mow the yard!
Get ready for grass stains.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:51 04 Sep 2010
I hate grass stains.
I hope this dog shit I'm standing on doesn't stain.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:52 04 Sep 2010
They say that girls just wanna have fun.
But not with fat asses like this guy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:53 04 Sep 2010
Do you think we'll ever play in the NBA or the NFL?
Not unless we get traded to someone in shape with talent.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:53 04 Sep 2010
Can we get up to five hundred captions today?
I guess it all depends how much time TT and Bureau have.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:54 04 Sep 2010
I'd like to go to the Hatch Green Chili Festival this weekend.
Too bad Jalapenoman has to work. That's right up his alley
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:55 04 Sep 2010
Would you rather step on a tack, gum, a puddle, or dog poop?
I'd rather walk on a naked lady's back like they do in Asia.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:56 04 Sep 2010
Did he just do what I think he did?
Yeah. He used you to kick that policeman in the ass.
By Bureau at 18:37 04 Sep 2010
Why me?
He's left-footed.
By Bureau at 18:37 04 Sep 2010
I smell of Cop Hockey!
Any better thn dog shit?
By Bureau at 18:38 04 Sep 2010
Now here comes the police.
He'll never catch us.
By Bureau at 18:38 04 Sep 2010
Yeah, he's overweight.
Badly out of shape.
By Bureau at 18:39 04 Sep 2010
Our guy's no speed demon, himself.
But there's a doughnut store he's running toward. The cop will stop.
By Bureau at 18:39 04 Sep 2010
You're right.
Look, he's telling 12 other officers about our guy here.
By Bureau at 18:40 04 Sep 2010
Do you prefer breasts, thighs, or legs?
Are you talking women or fried chicken?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:11 04 Sep 2010
Space, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...
Which one? Original? DS9? Voyager? Next Gen? Cartoon?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:13 04 Sep 2010
Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?
If I step on a tack, can I break my mother in law's back?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:14 04 Sep 2010
Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?
I'd like step on that annoying Forrest Gum... or wait, sorry.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:15 04 Sep 2010
Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?
Haven't you done all four today?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:16 04 Sep 2010
It'll take awhile to run that ass off!
We'll be out here all winter.
By Bureau at 21:20 04 Sep 2010
I don't think I could take that.
He can't either. But right after the first of the year!
By Bureau at 21:21 04 Sep 2010
Oh yeah..Thanksgiving, New Years.
Resolutions!
By Bureau at 21:21 04 Sep 2010
His ass will be twice as big by then.
Unless his heart blows!
By Bureau at 21:22 04 Sep 2010
I'll race you to the ice cream stand
Dumbass, we'll get there at the same time.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 01:55 05 Sep 2010
Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?
Made you look!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:06 05 Sep 2010
Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?
We're supposed to be on a 21 year old blonde with big titties.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:07 05 Sep 2010
Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?
We're supposed to be on a Smurf's feet, us being blue and all.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:08 05 Sep 2010
I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing!
Will that make his ass get smaller any faster?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:09 05 Sep 2010
I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing
But we're not Irish, we're sober!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:09 05 Sep 2010
I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing
We're not tap dancing shoes, you idiot. That's a tack making noise
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:10 05 Sep 2010
I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing
Are you sure you won't be doing the dog poop shuffle?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:12 05 Sep 2010
I think fatso needs to put some nail polish on his toes.
An expensive pedicure might keep him from biting his toenails.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 05 Sep 2010
Wanna have peanut butter sandwiches for lunch?
Sure, I'll bring the toe jam.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 05 Sep 2010
Toe jam just sounds so gross!
But with a name like Smuckers, it has to be good!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 05 Sep 2010
Why am I not surprised that this guy has toe jam?
Because his butt shakes like it is filled with jelly?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:16 05 Sep 2010
Our jogger is breaking one of the cardinal rules of exercise.
No fatties in Lycra?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:17 05 Sep 2010
"Who let the dogs out?"
Are you singing or did you spot a pile of poop not to step in?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:18 05 Sep 2010
I'd like to point out to everyone that I'm not wearing underwear
Just because the idiot forgot socks, you're trying to pick up girls.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:19 05 Sep 2010
Bureau and Skoob have been Spoofing for two years now.
The terrible two's! We're in for a rough year from those guys.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:20 05 Sep 2010
Hey, Do you know what worse than being this guy's shoe?
Uhhhh, Being this guy's spandex?
By OIF2Sniper at 15:37 05 Sep 2010
80 words in one caption?
No shit, who the hell would read that?
By OIF2Sniper at 15:40 05 Sep 2010
A shoe? Your complaining because your a shoe?
Yeah, try being a foot when this guys boyfriend has a foot fettish!!
By OIF2Sniper at 15:42 05 Sep 2010
Remember china?
Yeah, those were the good ol' days.
By OIF2Sniper at 15:46 05 Sep 2010
I remember being made by a cute, flat chested Chinese woman.
Cute woman? She was only nine, and working for pennies and rice
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:34 05 Sep 2010
Whoa, recall that saying? Don't let the L shoe know what the R shoe is doing?
Nine? Oh well I'd still give her my tongue.
By OIF2Sniper at 19:55 05 Sep 2010
These shoes were mad for walking
and that's just what they'll do.
By Bureau at 12:00 06 Sep 2010
One of these days these shoes
Are going to walk all over you!
By Bureau at 12:00 06 Sep 2010
She never should have changed it to boots.
I hear she took a bribe.
By Bureau at 12:01 06 Sep 2010
This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!
Slave driver!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:46 06 Sep 2010
This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!
I'm calling my union rep.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:46 06 Sep 2010
This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!
I guess getting rid of that fat ass takes precedence over a holiday.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:47 06 Sep 2010
How do you plan on spending your labor day?
I'll probably be stuck in this picture for a few more weeks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:47 06 Sep 2010
Are you going to watch the Boise vs Virginia Tech game tonight?
You mean the "no respect" bowl?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:48 06 Sep 2010
I'm cheering for Boise against VT tonight in the game.
You just like that Boise has the blue smurf turf on their home field.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:49 06 Sep 2010
I think I'm coming down with a case of the runs.
As slow as this guy moves, are you sure it isn't the trots?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:50 06 Sep 2010
I hope he doesn't get the runs.
Yeah. You know where it would run to.
By Bureau at 21:46 06 Sep 2010
A shoe full of shit.
He'll throw us away.
By Bureau at 21:46 06 Sep 2010
I might like that if I'm full of shit.
But it will be hell. We can't go back into the earth. Too much plastic.
By Bureau at 21:47 06 Sep 2010
If that happens, I hope I come back as a pigeon.
And this guy as a statue.
By Bureau at 21:48 06 Sep 2010
I'd salute him daily.
Make him bring us popcorn!
By Bureau at 21:48 06 Sep 2010
If he don't show up, the car gets it.
Like the horse's head in the bed.
By Bureau at 21:49 06 Sep 2010
I'll make him an offal he can't refuse.
The Sodfather!
By Bureau at 21:50 06 Sep 2010
Better quit the imagination. You'll become pigeon-toed.
My tonge is dry.
By Bureau at 21:51 06 Sep 2010
Boise State won last night!
It had to be the shoes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:33 07 Sep 2010
I understand that you are famous in the political arena?
Ever since someone threw me at President Bush.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:34 07 Sep 2010
I understand that you are famous in the political arena?
Just another guy with his foot in his mouth.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:34 07 Sep 2010
What did you do to make the jogger so upset today?
It wasn't me; he couldn't untie the double knots in my laces.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:35 07 Sep 2010
Watch out! You almost stepped on that crack back there!
Maybe fatass wanted to break his mother's back.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:36 07 Sep 2010
Why is the gym locker room your favorite place to hang out?
I love the smell of sweaty gym socks in the morning?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 07 Sep 2010
Isn't that a rip off of the line from Apocalypse Now?
Yeah, but who likes the smell of napalm?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 07 Sep 2010
The Labor Day holiday is over and everyone has to go to work.
Including fatass here, who is still working to make his ass smaller.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:39 07 Sep 2010
I'll step on a crack just to break your mother's back!
Oh Yea, well... your mother IS an army boot.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:40 07 Sep 2010
How did you know my mother was an army boot?
Because you are such a "mess"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:42 07 Sep 2010
Football is back!
All right! Wish we were in college.
By Bureau at 20:16 07 Sep 2010
Wonder how it feels to score a winning touchdown?
I think I'd come off his foot and spin around on my toe!
By Bureau at 20:16 07 Sep 2010
Punting would be nice!
I guess. But having a 350-pounder step on your foot might be bad.
By Bureau at 20:17 07 Sep 2010
We could watch replays of the game over & over.
No use getting excited. This is not exactly "Broadway Joe!"
By Bureau at 20:18 07 Sep 2010
More like Main Street Mumbler!
Probably don't even have a favorite team.
By Bureau at 20:19 07 Sep 2010
Grandpa Favre back with the Vikings.
Should be a toss-up between 6-7 teams. Winner: The one with the least injuries.
By Bureau at 20:23 07 Sep 2010
You know, my parents never even played Footsie until they were married.
Now we sit around eying each other with our tongues hanging out!
By Bureau at 21:01 07 Sep 2010
They had so many hangups.
Usually on shoe racks.
By Bureau at 21:01 07 Sep 2010
"Shoe me the way to San Jose"
"I got a lot of friends in San Jose!"
By Bureau at 21:02 07 Sep 2010
"Baby It's Shoe"
"Shoe Send Me!"
By Bureau at 21:04 07 Sep 2010
Shoe Are My Sushine
Shoe Are My Destiny
By Bureau at 21:08 07 Sep 2010
Shoe Are The Sunshine Of My Life!
Shoe Belong To Me
By Bureau at 21:08 07 Sep 2010
Shoe Don't Know Me!
Shoe Light Up My Life
By Bureau at 21:09 07 Sep 2010
I got tired of that one.
Me too.
By Bureau at 21:09 07 Sep 2010
How come I can never get more than one step ahead of you?
Leg length, I think.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:42 08 Sep 2010
How come I can never get more than one step ahead of you?
But I'm ahead of you half of the time.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:42 08 Sep 2010
Any chance fatass will lose a pound today?
Have you seen any weight loss yet?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:43 08 Sep 2010
I think that looking at this fat guys ass is making me gay.
No, it's because you sleep with the Birkenstocks in the closet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:44 08 Sep 2010
What do you think of that woman running against Harry Reid?
She's a shoe in to win.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:45 08 Sep 2010
Ever go to a Fair?
Not alone.
By Bureau at 20:17 08 Sep 2010
Seriously, ever been to a fair?
Remember, we were at Shoe Carnival once.
By Bureau at 20:17 08 Sep 2010
Wish this guy would win a marathon.
Maybe he'd have us bronzed and sit us beside the trophy.
By Bureau at 20:18 08 Sep 2010
Maybe the world will turn backwards tomorrow.
Maybe. He Could win a marathon...in he were 90.
By Bureau at 20:19 08 Sep 2010
That woman walking her dog is pretty cute in her shoes.
Sorry, but I never got turned on by the "flats."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 09 Sep 2010
I wonder what kind of shoes John Kerry wears on his new yacht?
Like his politics... probably flip flops.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 09 Sep 2010
Did you notice fatass had a date last night?
He told her to wear something lacey, so she wore high tops.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 09 Sep 2010
I really think there should be an ordinance against dogs here.
Thanks, but I'm the one standing on the dog poop.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 09 Sep 2010
Owners should really pick up after their dogs when they leave poop.
I clean up after you whenever you drop a load.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 09 Sep 2010
Did you notice the new writer's contest about that dog?
If she's in a contest there, she won't make piles to step in here.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:52 09 Sep 2010
Remember that cadence from basic training?----Oh yes, my favorite!
oh no, not the prettiest girl one?---Do we have too?
By OIF2Sniper at 15:21 09 Sep 2010
Did you see that Oregon score the other day?
72-0
By OIF2Sniper at 15:23 09 Sep 2010
they could have scored a 100 pts,
72-0, wow,
By OIF2Sniper at 15:31 09 Sep 2010
lelt, left, left, left ........yuk, what did you step on?
right, right, right, ....
By C. Cranium at 02:49 10 Sep 2010
Did you know the owner of Payless was rich?
There's no business like shoe business!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:03 10 Sep 2010
You know, a lot of your shoe jokes are pretty stale.
Just like you smell!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:03 10 Sep 2010
Did you ever watch "Red Shoe Diaries"?
No, it just wasn't my color... and don't accuse me of racism!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:04 10 Sep 2010
I think I'm going to need new laces.
That's just like you! Always wanting a new wardrobe!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:05 10 Sep 2010
I'm glad we're blue shoes and not white.
Yeah, if we were white, he couldn't wear us after Labor Day.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:06 10 Sep 2010
We're blue shoes, so why isn't Lady Godiva writing captions for us?
Just jealous that fatso bought us, I guess.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:07 10 Sep 2010
Did you hear about the old woman who lived in a shoe?
Retirement homes just keep getting smaller and smaller.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:08 10 Sep 2010
What was your favorite part of "Laugh-In?"
"Sock it to me," of course.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:08 10 Sep 2010
She lived With Dr. Scholls.
It's the smell. She loves it. So do I.
By Bureau at 21:27 10 Sep 2010
I hope he doesn't get a big bunion.
Maybe on your foot.
By Bureau at 21:27 10 Sep 2010
No, I'll look deformed.
And I'll look great.
By Bureau at 21:28 10 Sep 2010
"Bunion Head" I can hear it now.
You mean you already have one?
By Bureau at 21:28 10 Sep 2010
If we have a kid, can we name her Lacey?
Better than Shoe Horse.
By Bureau at 21:29 10 Sep 2010
You mean Horse Shoe?
Either way. You mark a kid with something like that.
By Bureau at 21:30 10 Sep 2010
What will we look like later?
Like something the cat drug in.
By Bureau at 21:32 10 Sep 2010
He's bow-legged.
And pigeon toed.
By Bureau at 21:32 10 Sep 2010
We'll be a mess before long.
Maybe he'll get new ones and let us rest.
By Bureau at 21:33 10 Sep 2010
Nope. He said we're broken in.
Then try to pick up a rock.
By Bureau at 21:33 10 Sep 2010
What will that do?
If we keep it up, he'll think something's wrong.
By Bureau at 21:34 10 Sep 2010
You see where that Playboy model panicked on a plane?
Yep! Didn't take he meds.
By Bureau at 21:36 10 Sep 2010
Tried to open the plane door.
Yeah but she was tackled.
By Bureau at 21:37 10 Sep 2010
By every male on the plane.
Bet that didn't help the panic.
By Bureau at 21:37 10 Sep 2010
She said one kept feeling her up.
Make sure she wasn't legged..armed.
By Bureau at 21:38 10 Sep 2010
What did you get for Christmas?
Fatso here.
By Bureau at 15:50 11 Sep 2010
Me too.
No, Me is two. You're one.
By Bureau at 15:50 11 Sep 2010
Well, if I'm one, you're one too.
OK! You say tomato...
By Bureau at 15:51 11 Sep 2010
He must be getting tired. His tongue is hanging out.
So is mine. Wish he's run through a puddle.
By Bureau at 15:52 11 Sep 2010
No kidding. He's not even noticing. His tongue is hanging out.
That's not all that's hanging out. It looks tired too. Hey Joe! Zip It!
By Bureau at 15:53 11 Sep 2010
It's still hanging out!
The tongue or the family jewels.
By Bureau at 15:53 11 Sep 2010
If that's the family jewels, he's been robbed.
I never hear much groaning from the closet.
By Bureau at 15:54 11 Sep 2010
I hate exercise.
But that's what we were made for!
By Bureau at 19:27 11 Sep 2010
Not necessarily.
You mean we could have never been sold?
By Bureau at 19:27 11 Sep 2010
We could have been "Didplay Shoes"
Or an old lady could have bought us so she could walk the streets better.
By Bureau at 19:28 11 Sep 2010
The old ladies that are hookers?
No. The old ladies with the shopping carts.
By Bureau at 19:29 11 Sep 2010
She's never was us.
But we might stay clean when sh was out in the rain.
By Bureau at 19:29 11 Sep 2010
Well, at least it wouldn't be exercise.
I wish this guy would jog his memory before he starts & remember yesterday!
By Bureau at 19:30 11 Sep 2010
Yes, He got confused.
He saw another jogger and he was smiling. Never heard anything like that.
By Bureau at 19:32 11 Sep 2010
Never seen a smiling jogger before.
Me neither.
By Bureau at 19:32 11 Sep 2010
Why doesn't he actually RUN?
He just keeps lifting his feet like a horse trying to pull a train.
By Bureau at 19:33 11 Sep 2010
See this... I have a soul
So have I but I ain't a show off like you
By Kazytc at 21:11 11 Sep 2010
Do you feel like we're just running and not really getting anywhere?
Running? My foot hasn't moved in over two weeks!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:43 12 Sep 2010
I was supposed to get a Nike commercial but got dropped.
That's shoe business for you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:44 12 Sep 2010
Why do they call them horse shoes? They don't have tongues.
Or laces or soles or insteps or heels.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:44 12 Sep 2010
Fatass here still hasn't lost any weight.
I quit looking at jiggle butt two weeks ago.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:45 12 Sep 2010
Yesterday was 9/11. I wonder how many Korans were burned.
Why burn a book that those people can't even read or understand?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:46 12 Sep 2010
Have we made any jokes yet about shoe trees?
We've made every shoe joke possible.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:47 12 Sep 2010
Shoe fly, don't bother me.
Are you singing or chasing away a fly.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:48 12 Sep 2010
"Shoe fly don't bother me!"
What are you singing?
By Bureau at 22:11 12 Sep 2010
An old song called Shoe Fly!
You me Shit Fly?
By Bureau at 22:12 12 Sep 2010
No. Shoe Fly.
I don't know it. But I remember "Shit Fly" by the Monkees.
By Bureau at 22:12 12 Sep 2010
Hate Flies myself.
Yeah. Especially when you're trying to sleep and one keeps lighting on you.
By Bureau at 22:13 12 Sep 2010
You ever stomp one?
Ever time I get the chance.
By Bureau at 22:14 12 Sep 2010
How about spiders?
Only if they're small ones.
By Bureau at 22:14 12 Sep 2010
You don't stomp big spiders?
Nope. They get all over you. Plus I saw that Beatnik Spider.
By Bureau at 22:15 12 Sep 2010
Beatnik Spider? Where?
In a book. He was up reciting poetry.
By Bureau at 22:16 12 Sep 2010
What did he say?
STEP on me! Step ON me! Step on ME! Whao! Bring a shovel"
By Bureau at 22:17 12 Sep 2010
there's a face on my heel
shut up, shut up, shut up yer face, the Popes no gonna beatify a Reebok
By Nae mair crap at 22:56 12 Sep 2010
times are hard, we're afraid to pay the fee
yes, we're the fools that do the dirty work
By Nae mair crap at 23:03 12 Sep 2010
...........I foresee terrible trouble
jeez, change the effing record
By Nae mair crap at 23:05 12 Sep 2010
I'm a single lady. I'm a single lady
you should have got a ring on it, told you a thousand times
By Nae mair crap at 23:10 12 Sep 2010
I'm in the mood for..........
a dirty, muddy, puddle
By Nae mair crap at 23:18 12 Sep 2010
oh oh big dog turd coming up
aye, we'll hae nae mair o' that crap
By Nae mair crap at 23:20 12 Sep 2010
so if the radius of this circle is 20 feet, that's 400 feet sqared times 3.14
get a life, you been watching the Open University again!
By Nae mair crap at 23:25 12 Sep 2010
she's done 20 miles by now surely
told you before don't call me Shirley
By Nae mair crap at 08:51 13 Sep 2010
What did you get for Christmas last December?
We don't believe in Christmas. Haven't put up a shoe tree in years.
By Bureau at 16:21 13 Sep 2010
Why don't you keep Christmas?
Got tired of getting socks every year.
By Bureau at 16:22 13 Sep 2010
I like socks.
Me too. But I already had 24 pair and 21 odd ones from the laundry.
By Bureau at 16:23 13 Sep 2010
Well, I got odor eaters.
I think they must be from the Everything For A Dollar Store.
By Bureau at 16:24 13 Sep 2010
Yeah. They weren't much.
If you get any good Odor eaters, slip them in this guys pants
By Bureau at 16:26 13 Sep 2010
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
By Bureau at 18:28 13 Sep 2010
Wooden Shoe!
OK OK Wooden Shoe who?
By Bureau at 18:28 13 Sep 2010
Wooden Shoe like to know?
Wooden shoe like you tongue pulled out?
By Bureau at 18:29 13 Sep 2010
Let's get going and see if we can run him to death!
Oh no! Then we'd wind up on the feet of the undertaker's son.
By Bureau at 18:31 13 Sep 2010
Yuck. He might become an undertaker too.
We would become embalmed.
By Bureau at 21:32 13 Sep 2010
Let's stay with the dork here. He's not much but we're all he's got.
I never hear a femal voice in the house.
By Bureau at 21:33 13 Sep 2010
I went with a penny Loafer a long time ago.
How did it go?
By Bureau at 21:34 13 Sep 2010
We were a mismatch.
She was a penny & you were a wooden nickle.
By Bureau at 21:35 13 Sep 2010
Dorky here is bringing home another dog.
Well, he's lonesome.
By Bureau at 21:35 13 Sep 2010
But you know what happened last time.
He tried to get him to pee on the newspaper.
By Bureau at 21:36 13 Sep 2010
Well he peed on the newspaper alright.
But before the dork could finish reading it.
By Bureau at 21:37 13 Sep 2010
"Left!"
Right!"
By Bureau at 23:28 14 Sep 2010
"Your Mother was there when you left.
"You're right!"
By Bureau at 23:29 14 Sep 2010
"Your father was there when you left!"
"You're Right!"
By Bureau at 23:30 14 Sep 2010
"Sound off!"
"One Two"
By Bureau at 23:30 14 Sep 2010
"Sound Off!"
"Three four!"
By Bureau at 23:32 14 Sep 2010
"Bring it on down!"
"One, two Three Four! One Two, Three Four!"
By Bureau at 23:33 14 Sep 2010
"Let's go sign up!"
"You go ahead, I'll be there later."
By Bureau at 23:34 14 Sep 2010
"Sure you will!"
"I'm 4F...Flat-footed!"
By Bureau at 23:34 14 Sep 2010
She spent hours looking for us!
Well, she shouldn't have gone for a blue colostomy bag should she?
By ExiledRoyal at 16:53 15 Sep 2010
Who told you we were soul mates?
Soul mates? Nah, its just in-flat-uation!
By Kazytc at 21:34 15 Sep 2010
I'm a left shoe so I'm liberal, right?
Make Up your mind. Are you left or right?
By Bureau at 23:17 15 Sep 2010
I'm left! I just said so.
You also said you were right.
By Bureau at 23:18 15 Sep 2010
No I'm not right, I'm left. Wait!
If you're not sure, maybe you're both. Right?
By Bureau at 23:19 15 Sep 2010
No. LEFT!
Where did he go?
By Bureau at 23:19 15 Sep 2010
Who?
He's on first!
By Bureau at 23:20 15 Sep 2010
Do I look like Lou Costello?
Same shape!
By Bureau at 23:20 15 Sep 2010
i hear dog shit is possible today.
are you talking to me?
By whatinthe world at 06:15 16 Sep 2010
communism is the solution to all our problems.
Give it a break Lefty!!!
By whatinthe world at 06:17 16 Sep 2010
I wish I was a Nike.
I don't. I could 've been Adidas.
By whatinthe world at 06:20 16 Sep 2010
this guy likes getting his leg over.
which one, yours or mine?
By whatinthe world at 06:22 16 Sep 2010
"Up the hill!"
"Up the hill!"
By Bureau at 19:37 16 Sep 2010
"Down the hill"
"Down the hill!"
By Bureau at 19:37 16 Sep 2010
"Over the hill!"
"Over the hill!"
By Bureau at 19:38 16 Sep 2010
"Airbourne...Rangers!"
"Airbourne Rangers!"
By Bureau at 19:38 16 Sep 2010
Heard that one from an old Army Boot at Fort Campbell!
Home of the 101st Airborne
By Bureau at 19:40 16 Sep 2010
"Am I Blue? Am I Blue?"
That's a song, right?"
By Bureau at 20:27 17 Sep 2010
That's why I was singing it.
Instead of quoting it?
By Bureau at 20:28 17 Sep 2010
Go away! "Am I blue? Am I blue!"
"I'm a shoe! I'm a shoe!"
By Bureau at 20:29 17 Sep 2010
That's not how it goes.
I'm singing my own songs, thank you. "Am I Shoe, Am I Shoe?"
By Bureau at 20:30 17 Sep 2010
Flipping heck that sock in have in you stinks like a musk rats scrotum!
Not as smelly as that great smear of dog shit you just trod in.
By Xavier at 13:26 25 Sep 2010
Do you think most caption writers will go with "the our soles / arseholes" gag?
The jokes on them. They are wasting their life imagining talking trainers.
By alexc at 15:01 25 Sep 2010
As I was saying...
{ I can't hear you }
By SpaceElevator at 13:29 20 Oct 2010
My foot is killing me!
Mine too. How's about we make a run for it, just the two of us, tonight?
By PuddyTwat at 17:48 09 Feb 2011
I feel a right heel doing this you know!
Alright for you. I AM a right heel.
By Steddyeddy at 12:51 28 Mar 2011
Weeeeeee!
I wonder if he's noticed us yes.
By Pariah at 00:34 17 Apr 2011
Weeeeeeee!
I wonder if he's noticed us yet.
By Pariah at 00:35 17 Apr 2011
Ha, ha ...you stepped in poo!
Laugh it up, at least I didn't get the foot with the toe fungus!
By Pariah at 01:44 20 Apr 2011
Can we still talk even if our stay is over?
Looks like it so far!
By Lady Godiva at 13:57 15 May 2011
What famous album was named after a trainer?
'Rubber Sole' by The Beatles.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:23 11 Jun 2011
She's put no odour eaters in us again Mr Right
It's going to be another smelly night in the cupboard for us Mr left!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:41 27 Sep 2011
1
1
By yindsice at 19:23 19 Jan 2013
Did he just shart?
Yeah, it just came down this leg.
By Butch32 at 00:45 29 Nov 2013
Whooo! A brief break from Slap and Drag! Hey Buns! What Up!
Shuddup and git back to work! I'm carryin' da full load!
By Trinculoman at 04:02 30 Jan 2014

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