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Meerkats

 
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By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000 | 0 people like

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Left Meerkat Right Meerkat
Did you hear about the Irish tourist guide who got sacked?
.....his first leaflet was entitled, "Why not Bangor this weekend?"...clic clic!
By Herrdoktorfox at 14:55 30 Jul 2010
What do you call Einstein masturbating?
......"wait for it....A stroke of genius!" clic clic!
By Herrdoktorfox at 14:56 30 Jul 2010
Why did the girl have her postcode tattooed on her thigh?
..."I know this one.....she hoped for some mail in her box!...knew it, knew it!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 14:58 30 Jul 2010
Did you hear about the guy who drank a bottle of spot remover?
..."man, your shittin' me bro'....he dropped outta sight!"...clic clic!!
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:00 30 Jul 2010
"Ok, here's a cracker...what's the definition of sex?"
..."simples my man, One damp thing after annuder!" clic clic
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:03 30 Jul 2010
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito smartass?
....."a mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.....beat yer again, clic clic!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:05 30 Jul 2010
What is virgin wool?
.......A sheep the farmer hasn't caught yet...boom boom and double clic clic!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:06 30 Jul 2010
How do yoiu prepare a Turkey?
.....very honestly, just come right out and tell them they're for the chop!
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:08 30 Jul 2010
You still have three lifelines remember..so how did Captain Hook die?
.....c) Chris,..Jock Itch! clic clic
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:10 30 Jul 2010
Why don't blind men skydive?
....simples bro'...because it scares the shit outta the dog! clic clic
By Herrdoktorfox at 15:11 30 Jul 2010
What a mottley group!
They're Spoof writers, man. They're not like other people.
By Bureau at 15:36 30 Jul 2010
I smell fear!
That's a mouse fart. He was afraid I'd eat him. I did.
By Bureau at 15:39 30 Jul 2010
Why is that person starring at me?
He's trying to think of something funny for you to say.
By Bureau at 15:40 30 Jul 2010
How are we going to have sex with you keep jumping up like that.
I thought I heard an enemy but it was your mother again. She breaks my stride.
By Bureau at 15:45 30 Jul 2010
It was my turn to watch!
The last time you watched, it was 2 rabbits going at it.
By Bureau at 15:48 30 Jul 2010
People are going to get bored if we're not careful.
Yeah. Wait until the "How many light bulbs" start!
By Bureau at 15:50 30 Jul 2010
I saw a wise saying "You are what you eat."
Then I guess you're me!
By Bureau at 15:51 30 Jul 2010
So you're going to become the first Buddhist Meerkat?
Just as soon as I get the chants.
By Bureau at 15:53 30 Jul 2010
Hee Hee! This is fun. Take my wife, please.
Take her where, the beauty shop? Morgue?
By Bureau at 15:54 30 Jul 2010
You put your "left" foot out.
I do the hokey pokey that way. I'm left footed.
By Bureau at 15:55 30 Jul 2010
Why did Mark pull the 2 of us out of the Conga line?
Because YOU stopped to stare. He wasn't talking about a real birdy, idiot.
By Bureau at 15:57 30 Jul 2010
How many light bulbs...?
Shaddup! You start that and we'll be standing here forever!
By Bureau at 16:01 30 Jul 2010
Stop worrying, I used the prophylactics!
You never know. I'd say you used the amateur phylactics, by the way it felt.
By Bureau at 16:05 30 Jul 2010
I wish I had put on my makeup.
I wish I had put on my gun.
By Bureau at 16:06 30 Jul 2010
I thought YOU were the female!
I thought it was you! I guess we both got screwed up.
By Bureau at 16:08 30 Jul 2010
You need some wrinkle cream. You must be 4 years old!
Tried some on my balls once. It doesn't work.
By Bureau at 16:10 30 Jul 2010
How do you know those burglars the other night were gay?
They broke in and rearranged our nuts.
By Bureau at 16:30 30 Jul 2010
I still say that a person is innocent until proven guilty. Those nuts were mine.
Now it's 'Innocent until proven wealthy."
By Bureau at 16:35 30 Jul 2010
I was only goosing you!
Yeah, but with what? Let's go back into the shelter.
By Bureau at 17:37 30 Jul 2010
I'm looking out for hyenas mate.
You don't get many here in Chester zoo - dumbkopf!
By Skoob1999 at 18:05 30 Jul 2010
......"whoops, sorry about that Mikail........christ that made my arse sting!"
.........never find your arse Boris it's making my bloody eyes water mate!
By Herrdoktorfox at 18:53 30 Jul 2010
...."will you look at the tits on that one, oh my good god!"
..."listen mate shut it, that's my bloody sister I'll have you know!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 18:56 30 Jul 2010
Curiosity killed the cat, not the meerkat!
Yeah, but they took me downtown and questioned me for eight straight hours.
By Bureau at 19:21 30 Jul 2010
Oh No! Not that guy from Meerkat Manor again!
I'm up for the 'Seemples' ad - quick! Let's hide!
By Skoob1999 at 19:31 30 Jul 2010
Like this?
No. Like this, attitude, pout, over the shoulder look. Never look at the camera.
By Fergus McCarthy at 00:33 31 Jul 2010
Two meercats went into a bar.
Yea, yea I heard that one.
By C. Cranium at 02:02 31 Jul 2010
Now, where is that &%* Pumba anyway, he's is 15 minutes late.
Humph. He's always late. Lets go on without him.
By C. Cranium at 02:16 31 Jul 2010
Oh look, David Cameron is coming, maybe he's come for a loan?
Twit
By Inchcock at 05:32 31 Jul 2010
"Look at that, politicians visiting our desert!"
"Don't look them in the eye, it scares them!"
By Inchcock at 05:36 31 Jul 2010
I see Joe McElderry's a bit gay...accordong to reports....
All right. Don't start getting fancy gay Geordie ideas...
By Skoob1999 at 08:42 31 Jul 2010
How d'you spell meerkat then mate?
Fuck knows. The last bloke couldn't spell according.
By Skoob1999 at 08:44 31 Jul 2010
Probably a human being thing...
Yes. Weird fuckers at the best of times.
By Skoob1999 at 08:45 31 Jul 2010
This just doesn't make sense
So what's new?
By Skoob1999 at 08:47 31 Jul 2010
It's all out of sequence.
Yes. Three pound fifty.
By Skoob1999 at 08:48 31 Jul 2010
Is that our bus?
No. It's that landscape gardener again.
By Skoob1999 at 08:50 31 Jul 2010
When is the boss going to bring us out of "Attention"?
I don't know (AT EASE). There you go. You worry too much.
By Bureau at 13:15 31 Jul 2010
Did they find the guy who stole your identity?
No. But since I owed everybody under the sun, they're screwed.
By Bureau at 13:18 31 Jul 2010
Youone of those that surf the internet wearing only you BVD's?
Yep. That's what cost me my last job.
By Bureau at 13:19 31 Jul 2010
Your friend, Ernest, still doing limbo acts?
Yes. He can now go under a snake's belly. That's pretty lowdown.
By Bureau at 13:22 31 Jul 2010
You still going on bad dates?
Yep. At 4 years old, I should be in a bad marriage by now!
By Bureau at 13:25 31 Jul 2010
Your shoelaces are untied!
Oh know you don't. I remember the dropped soap incident.
By Bureau at 13:26 31 Jul 2010
Well I never. Isn't that Betty's husband Dick with Sally?
What a bastard. And she is such a slut.
By C. Cranium at 13:37 31 Jul 2010
Take the picture already. We're tired of posing.
Yea, my coffee is getting cold.
By C. Cranium at 13:40 31 Jul 2010
What happened to Pumbaa?
I got tired of his farting around.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:40 31 Jul 2010
Hakuna matata, man.
Shut up and get a job like everyone else.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:41 31 Jul 2010
Why is that blue monkey holding the lion cub like that?
He's asking if anyone wants him for dinner.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:42 31 Jul 2010
I understand that Simba and Nala are fighting again.
The stupid bitch keeps making "catty" remarks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:42 31 Jul 2010
Why does Nala keep trying to eat me?
Circle of life, man... circle of life.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:43 31 Jul 2010
What would you say if I gave you a one carat engagement ring?
Can you feel the love tonight?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 31 Jul 2010
What ever happened to Albert Einstein?
Holy shit! You're a talking meerkat! Shit! So am I!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 31 Jul 2010
Why are you trying to run away and leave me alone?
The slow meerkat gets to have breakfast with the hyenas.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:45 31 Jul 2010
What happened to Timon?
The warthog farted on him. He's trying to wash it off.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 31 Jul 2010
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...
That audition was bloody awful. You don't belong on Meerkat Idol.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 31 Jul 2010
Mufasa, then Scar, then Simba. When will a Meerkat get to be king?
When Pumbaa "blows away" the competition.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 31 Jul 2010
Meerkats! Who named us that?
Some enemy that didn't want us to reproduce. I vote for MachoKats!
By Bureau at 14:00 31 Jul 2010
Still unsing Viagra?
Helps me pop up, then pop in.
By Bureau at 14:01 31 Jul 2010
Is Joe still sick?
Yes. The doc says it's Mal de MereKat.
By Bureau at 14:02 31 Jul 2010
Where's my pocket?
I can't find mine either.
By C. Cranium at 15:05 31 Jul 2010
How long do we have to wait in this line?
Oh Shut up. You're the one who wanted to go out to dinner.
By C. Cranium at 15:06 31 Jul 2010
With this new mascara I don't need sunglasses.
I know isn't it great. And you can get it at Target, forget Nordstroms.
By C. Cranium at 15:09 31 Jul 2010
See that stick behind us? Don't look, I think it is watching us.
Okay, on the count of three lets run. I'm pretty sure its a snake.
By C. Cranium at 15:12 31 Jul 2010
Starbucks, starsmucks, all I want is coffee.
I know, they should have an express line for coffee only.
By C. Cranium at 15:14 31 Jul 2010
What time is our flight?
Ten thirty. Be ready, take your shoes off. We gunna have to run to make it.
By C. Cranium at 15:22 31 Jul 2010
Woh, what sub-species is that!?
Egyptian, he's a creep. OMG, Look at that tall dark Kenyan next to him.
By C. Cranium at 15:32 31 Jul 2010
Wait a minute, isn't Bob supposed to be on Watch duty now?
Hs's always late. Let's write him up. He ran out of excuses ages ago.
By C. Cranium at 15:37 31 Jul 2010
My son got admitted to Stanford.
Who's gunna pay that tuition? You're Ex? Hope he's got a scholership.
By C. Cranium at 15:40 31 Jul 2010
You're mocking me!
You're mocking me!
By Bureau at 16:57 31 Jul 2010
Do I have on too much mascara?
I don't talk to strange raccoons!
By Bureau at 16:58 31 Jul 2010
I loved that Meerkat love song by the Carpenters.
That was Muskrat Love.
By Bureau at 16:58 31 Jul 2010
I thought I heard a noise. Why did you stand up?
I thought you heard a noise too.
By Bureau at 17:00 31 Jul 2010
Let's go back and finish up. False alarm.
I'm out of the mood.
By Bureau at 17:00 31 Jul 2010
What does your new boyfriend look like?
He's a merekat. What did you think, a giraffe?
By Bureau at 17:02 31 Jul 2010
You misspelled meerkat and it's right up there in the corner.
I'm not looking that way.
By Bureau at 17:03 31 Jul 2010
Did you just fart?
He who smelt it dealt it, unless Pumbaa's around.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:02 31 Jul 2010
Do you want to see Inception of Marmaduke?
I don't care, just don't forget the insects on the popcorn this time.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:04 31 Jul 2010
Is is bigger than a bread box?
I'm not bigger than a bread box... and why is size so important?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:04 31 Jul 2010
I can't believe that they didn't sign me for another season!
It's Meerkat Manor, and you have no manners!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:05 31 Jul 2010
What are you going to dress up as next Halloween?
I'm thinking racoon... I've been told I have the eyes for it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:06 31 Jul 2010
Chelsea Clinton is getting married today.
Hey! She looks like a horse, she's not cute like a meerkat!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:07 31 Jul 2010
Why didn't they cheer when I smashed my guitar?
This isn't a "hair" band. It's a "hairy" band, you moron!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:08 31 Jul 2010
Think the guy in the computer see's I'm flipping him off?
Can you tell I'm mooning you?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:09 31 Jul 2010
Don't look now, but I think Einstein's behind us.
He's been dead over 50 years... just like your mother!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:10 31 Jul 2010
So I asked this squirrel, "you come here often?"
How many times have I told you inner species love is for Arkansas?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:11 31 Jul 2010
I think I'm going undercover in the prarie dog town next week.
Do you think they're going to write "Secret Rodent Man?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:13 31 Jul 2010
Hey, check out that mouse over there?
Why, did Britney forget her panties again?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:14 31 Jul 2010
Did you hear that they are going to make "The Lion King IV"
Yep, I also hear that you are playing "dinner."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:15 31 Jul 2010
We have the technology, we can rebuild him, we can make...
They are not going to film "The Six Million Dollar Meerkat!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:17 31 Jul 2010
I'm going to try out for the tough guy in the new Rocky movie.
Rocky is a human boxer, you idiot, not Bullwinkle's racoon buddy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:18 31 Jul 2010
What do you think of the troops, mine Fuhrer
Benito and Adolf were three weeks ago, you idiot!!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:19 31 Jul 2010
What's the name of the first base man?
What's on second, Who's on first. I've told you this before.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:20 31 Jul 2010
Can you feel the love tonight?
With a penis that small, I don't think anyone can.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:26 31 Jul 2010
I think that they said they were sending us to a Kansas zoo.
Damn! I wanted San Diego. There's a nude beach not far away.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:27 31 Jul 2010
Where's Pumbaa?
Like Toucan Sam says, "just follow your nose!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:28 31 Jul 2010
Mommy, how come my tits are so small?
If all eight of your breasts were big, you couldn't walk.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:29 31 Jul 2010
I'm thinking about going in today for a Brazilian.
Your crotch will be the only part with no hair... like Rosie O'Donnell.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:31 31 Jul 2010
Do you think I could get a job at Meerkat Manor?
I couldn't get a job as the butler at Stately Wayne Manor.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:32 31 Jul 2010
Does this dress make me look fat?
Do you expect me to answer and not have to sleep on the couch?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:34 31 Jul 2010
You never take me anywhere nice!
We went to Meerkat Manor. That just sounds expensive!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:35 31 Jul 2010
Why did you draw a ring around my vagina with a marker?
Circle of life, girl... circle of life!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:36 31 Jul 2010
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!
You know I hate doing the "weema wheeps." My voice isn't that deep.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:37 31 Jul 2010
Did you hear Mufasa sounds like James Earl Jones?
Yeah, and King Kong looks like Oprah.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:45 31 Jul 2010
Some people think that Scar was supposed to be gay.
You keep standing behind me, and I'll think that you're flaky too.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:46 31 Jul 2010
I guess there won't be any more E=mc2 jokes.
Moron, we can't even spell E=mc2. We're rodents!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:48 31 Jul 2010
I've bought my jock strap now.
We're supporting characters, you moron, not ball support!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:49 31 Jul 2010
The hyenas invited us over for dinner tonight.
I think they invited us to "be" dinner tonight.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:49 31 Jul 2010
I think I lost a contact again.
I told you to switch to glasses, but you are just so vain!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:51 31 Jul 2010
At one point I thought Nala was going to eat me!
A blow job from a lion might be an interesting experience.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:51 31 Jul 2010
Did you hear that Jimmy cracked corn.
I don't care.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:52 31 Jul 2010
Bill Richardson wants to pardon Billy the Kid.
Maybe he's hoping that someone will pardon him for sucking in N.M..
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:52 31 Jul 2010
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with short arms?
That's why I spend my whole paycheck on hookers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:54 31 Jul 2010
Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Obama.
What do you mean? Only dummies like you did vote for him.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:00 31 Jul 2010
I was so good at Meerkat Manor I'm getting a Charmin commercial.
What, is the bear using you to wipe his ass?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:02 31 Jul 2010
The word "meerkat" is on here three times.
You think Mark is afraid these idiots will misspell it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:02 31 Jul 2010
Did you read that 'little Joe' of X-Factor fame has admitted being gay?
..."no shit Sherlock!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 20:04 31 Jul 2010
There's an ad on here that says I'm the 100,000th customer!
Send your money to Nigeria like a good moron and shut up.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:04 31 Jul 2010
Did they have to kill any animals to give me this fur coat?
No, but lots of bugs gave their all for you to not grow brains.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:05 31 Jul 2010
I can't see my ears!
You've never seen your ass either, but we all smell it's there.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:06 31 Jul 2010
How come Timon got that big part in The Lion King?
Yeah, he's not really cute. He's just drawn that way!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:07 31 Jul 2010
I could have been reincarnated as a kangaroo.
You need to start drinking decaf. You're jumpy enough now.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:08 31 Jul 2010
What do you think of my new grooming?
Mom always liked you best!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:09 31 Jul 2010
What do you think about the fickle finger of fate?
I don't care, but you'd better not try to stick it in my ass again.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:11 31 Jul 2010
Martin and Lewis, Laurel and Hardy, Rowan and Martin, Abbot & Costello,
But none of those comedy pairs were meerkats. We're just not funny.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:14 31 Jul 2010
How come I always have to be the "left" meerkat.
Because you're stupid and can't do anything right!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:15 31 Jul 2010
Can I be head of Meerkat Manor next season?
The head of the tribe gets eaten by a lion in episode six.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:16 31 Jul 2010
Explain again why I don't like Adam Lambert or Richard Simmons?
You go first in our jokes, so you have to be the straight man.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:18 31 Jul 2010
I hope the hurry up the line, I'm hungry.
This is the sex line. Are you still hungry?
By Bureau at 20:57 31 Jul 2010
Why don't Meerkats look like cats?
Why do prairie dogs not look like dogs?
By Bureau at 20:59 31 Jul 2010
Regular cats don't stand like this.
So we evolved faster. You want to tell that to a bobcat?
By Bureau at 21:01 31 Jul 2010
Spoof Writer at 12 O'Clock!
Ignore them and they go away after they peck around a bit.
By Bureau at 21:02 31 Jul 2010
Whatsa matter? You never seen the Macarena before?
Not the way you do it. It looks more like the Mack truck.
By Bureau at 21:04 31 Jul 2010
If you don't say anything does this bubble still exist?
Only in the wild. Domestic meerkats don't need them.
By C. Cranium at 21:11 31 Jul 2010
Where is that beer?
Here she comes, better order a couple more pints to keep supplies up.
By C. Cranium at 21:17 31 Jul 2010
If it had been a snake it would have bit me.
It WAS a snake. It bit you before. You must taste like you smell.
By Bureau at 21:19 31 Jul 2010
What do you call thoe big things?
National Geographic staff people. Look cute!
By Bureau at 21:22 31 Jul 2010
There goes that weasel!
Oh you're not laying that 'pop' on him again. Quit eating mole beans.
By Bureau at 21:24 31 Jul 2010
Do these big balloons remind you of Snooki?
Only if you leave off the 'S'.
By Bureau at 21:27 31 Jul 2010
Did you hear about Little Roy biting the big one?
"He's not only meerly dead, he's really most sincerely dead!" dah-dah!
By Bureau at 21:31 31 Jul 2010
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
You leave the Groucho mask right where it is.
By Bureau at 22:52 31 Jul 2010
With all those Rock bands, you'd think there would be The Meercats.
We were originally but Mark Knopfler changed it from "The Meerkats of Swing".
By Bureau at 22:55 31 Jul 2010
You were kidding weren't you..about this being a sex line?
Ask the Meercat with long fur coat & fancy hat.
By Bureau at 22:58 31 Jul 2010
I don't know about National Geographic. Last time I was next to the naked pygmy.
So where is your loin cloth?
By Bureau at 23:01 31 Jul 2010
I never realized meerkats were so talkative on guard duty.
We're not silent like those guards at Buckinham Palace, you moron
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:34 31 Jul 2010
When do I get to be the guy to deliver the punch line?
Only when there is a dyslexic Spoof writer.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:34 31 Jul 2010
Why do you think Mark Lowton chose us to go next?
Maybe we remind him of his mustache... or a hairy beaver.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:35 31 Jul 2010
Why do I have to be the left meerkat? I'm not a Democrat!
No, but you are still a dumbass and think a Pelosi is your weiner.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:36 31 Jul 2010
If a Lewinski is a blowjob, then what's a Pelosi?
Taking it up the ass without vaseline or a reach around.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:37 31 Jul 2010
Because I'm a cat, does that mean I have to start using a litter box?
No, Obama's a pussy and he spews shit everywhere!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:38 31 Jul 2010
Look, I'm a ventriloquiest. I can make him talk and not move lips.
Because we're in a photograph, nothing moves... moron!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:39 31 Jul 2010
Any word on when Pumbaa is showing up?
I don't know. I heard the party he went to was a real gas!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:40 31 Jul 2010
Where did you say that Simba went to get his hair cut?
At some place called the "Mane" Event.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:41 31 Jul 2010
Why do dogs sniff each other's asses when they first meet?
Because they are illiterate and can't read their name tags.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:42 31 Jul 2010
I'm thinking of making those ladies over their a meerkat sandwich.
Be careful, our show is on cable tv, but not the Playboy channel.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:44 31 Jul 2010
Superman had Krypto, Batman had Ace,... heroes have mascots!
Yes, but Laura Croft is not going down with you as a womb raider.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:46 31 Jul 2010
The Chipmunks have movies, tv shows, records, books,...
I'm not breathing helium just to be a famous singing rodent!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:56 31 Jul 2010
"This is the city, Los Angeles, California. I carry a badge."
Those Meerkat Manor people should never have named you Friday.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:58 31 Jul 2010
Do you want to change my diappy?
How many times do I have to tell you... Meerkats, not Rugrats!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:59 31 Jul 2010
And now, a meerkat with his finger up a friend's ass!
Do it and I'll kill you! This isn't Monty Python's Flying Circus.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:00 01 Aug 2010
I'm here to relieve you for guard duty.
Holy Crap! Don't sneak up on me like that!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:03 01 Aug 2010
"They tell me a member of Parliament is going to be charged for fiddling!"
"Urgh?"
By Inchcock at 03:58 01 Aug 2010
Knock Knock!
You idiot! There are only two balloons!
By Bureau at 13:18 01 Aug 2010
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science.
More like a taxidermist!
By Bureau at 13:19 01 Aug 2010
No, I mean it. When I die, I'm donating my body to science.
I would have guessed, "Sciende Fiction".
By Bureau at 13:21 01 Aug 2010
Didyou know that after you die, your nails and hair keep growing for 3 days.
You been digging up Harold again?
By Bureau at 13:23 01 Aug 2010
I wonder what happens after death & our bodies are buried underground?
We LIVE underground now. So what's the difference?
By Bureau at 13:27 01 Aug 2010
So I called this lady and said "Is your refrigerator running?"
I never should have put your cell phone on my family plan.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:33 01 Aug 2010
"I'm concerned about the ecological damage we do as a species in this planet..."
"Urgh!"
By Inchcock at 13:33 01 Aug 2010
Mom said not to forget eggs and milk at the store.
Tell your mother if they ain't on the list, I ain't buying.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:35 01 Aug 2010
Ralph, sometimes I just wanna scream!
To the moon, Alice....
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:36 01 Aug 2010
I caught your son with a Playboy magazine under the mattress.
Yeah, but that isn't serious stuff. It isn't National Geographic nudity.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:38 01 Aug 2010
I think I want to be a celebrity judge on American Idol.
Why not? You've got more talent than Ryan Seacrest.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:39 01 Aug 2010
Why can't I play football? The other animals get to play!
The pigskin isn't one of the players... it's the ball, you moron.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 01 Aug 2010
So then this Cruella Da Ville was asking about fur coats....
Work for her if you want, but I think you'll get skinned.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:46 01 Aug 2010
...in my fur and on my neck and in my paw pads and in my ears...
I told you not to go to the flea market without a flea collar.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 01 Aug 2010
That stick behind me looks like my neck has a handle
As the big, bad, wolf says: "The better to beat you with, my dear."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 01 Aug 2010
How come we were not invited to Comic Con?
Meerkat Manor isn't a cartoon, science fiction or a nerdy geek show.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 01 Aug 2010
You ignore me now, but we had a beautiful weekend in the Oasis.
The rule is what happens in the oasis stays in the oasis.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:05 01 Aug 2010
Why do you want to always travel in the dark?
Because "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:06 01 Aug 2010
Did you hear that they made a film about getting a Brazilian?
Yep, it's called "South American Hot Wax."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:08 01 Aug 2010
How come we don't get fancy uniforms like Benny and Adolf?
Maybe because you keep getting your fur coat dirty.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:09 01 Aug 2010
Have I got a booger on my nose?
No, it looks more like you got a nose on that big booger.
By Bureau at 15:15 01 Aug 2010
You really scared me with that rubber snake in my bed.
Good thing we got rubber sheets also.
By Bureau at 15:16 01 Aug 2010
Mom always told us the Meer shall inherit the earth!
Well, we certainly have a great start in these holes.
By Bureau at 15:18 01 Aug 2010
Coyote got Dumb Elmer last night.
Elmer didn't know his ass from his hole in the ground.
By Bureau at 15:18 01 Aug 2010
Did you see O'reilly last night?
Nope. Listened to baseball. I gave up on TV when it went digital.
By Bureau at 15:20 01 Aug 2010
You didn't go digital?
Only on thecable guy who came to install it.
By Bureau at 15:23 01 Aug 2010
Hey, that lady meerkat's got a nice rack
Yep, I'd like to hakuna her matatas!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:27 01 Aug 2010
Why all the Meerkat Manor and Lion King jokes?
Because we weren't in the Shakespeare plays, moron.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:28 01 Aug 2010
How come I always have to pull off your dingleberries?
You said you wanted to be the one behind the throne.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:29 01 Aug 2010
General Motors, General Electric, General Dynamics, General Mills
All that leadership and American business is still screwed up!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:30 01 Aug 2010
How come out "kat" starts with a k instead of a c?
Who ever said zoologists won spelling bees?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:31 01 Aug 2010
It would be nice if we could edit what we say.
Yes, but you always say stupid stuff anyway, so that's everything!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:53 01 Aug 2010
"If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do..."
That's a Jim Croce song. We're supposed to be doing duets!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:54 01 Aug 2010
Should we be Sonny and Cher or the Captain and Tennille?
You're about as flat chested as pre-implant Cher, so go with that one.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:56 01 Aug 2010
Did you hear that Timon is the first into the Meerkat Hall of Fame?
Of course, without him people would still call us funny little Prarie Dogs!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:58 01 Aug 2010
Why do you always leave when my mother comes over to visit?
Because an hour smelling Pumbaa's farting is more enjoyable.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:59 01 Aug 2010
Do I look like Napoleon?
Asshole.
By anthonyrosania at 16:39 01 Aug 2010
My wife and I have been together for 45 years, and we NEVER fight.
(Thinking) I want to cut off your head and stuff it in a bowling ball bag.
By anthonyrosania at 16:41 01 Aug 2010
Holy Sh-t! We've evolved into bipeds.
Dink.
By anthonyrosania at 16:41 01 Aug 2010
"I want to reconcile the violence in your heart..."
Muse sucks.
By anthonyrosania at 16:47 01 Aug 2010
Interrupting cow who?
Moo!
By anthonyrosania at 16:48 01 Aug 2010
Guy came through here last evening jogging. Guess he's trying to lose weight.
I'll take up joggine when I finally see one smile.
By Bureau at 17:02 01 Aug 2010
Well Hitler looks like we are back!
Yes Mussilini, but as what?
By Bureau at 17:05 01 Aug 2010
Einstein has finally gone.
Yes, and he and Houdini cannot come back, we stand no chance at all!
By Bureau at 17:06 01 Aug 2010
Well for crying out loud!
That's Al Gore looking for a musseuse.
By Bureau at 17:07 01 Aug 2010
Did the Clinton wedding go well?
WITH a hitch!
By Bureau at 17:08 01 Aug 2010
How many Merekats does it take..
I told you not to start that again.
By Bureau at 17:09 01 Aug 2010
I don't mind being on the National Geographic again.
Yeah, but I was hoping for "Animal Planet"
By Bureau at 17:10 01 Aug 2010
Are our life spans like that of a dog?
None of us has reached immortality yet. But someone has to set the pace.
By Bureau at 17:11 01 Aug 2010
It says over there right now that Tatlor Lautner is NOT dead.
Do I care? Why do you think I look the other way, your pretty puss?
By Bureau at 17:12 01 Aug 2010
"Them good ole boys were eating chicken wings & pie"
"Saying this will be the day that I die"..or the Cubs win the Series.
By Bureau at 17:14 01 Aug 2010
I think I need to lost ten pounds
You can start with that stuff between the ears, fat head.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:47 01 Aug 2010
I think I need to lose ten pounds
...and since you only weigh nine pounds....
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:47 01 Aug 2010
Did you hear that SFO pulled out a ten pound booger?
Yep, and then his head collapsed.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:48 01 Aug 2010
Why isn't everyone making vagina jokes about us?
Because we're meerkats, not beavers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:49 01 Aug 2010
Where did you say that they were having the big dance tonight?
For really hot music, always go to Pride Rock!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:51 01 Aug 2010
Are you sure it's a real place?
How many times do I have to say "Pride Rock isn't a radio station?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:52 01 Aug 2010
Do you think there will be any buffet left when we get to the front?
If you hadn't changed your shoes eight times, we might eat.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 01 Aug 2010
Work day tomorrow.
That's the only compensation about getting eaten by a coyote. No work days.
By Bureau at 18:55 01 Aug 2010
Why do we all look alike?
You say that YOU look like ME? Give me a break!
By Bureau at 18:56 01 Aug 2010
I can't see any difference in looks between us.
Look down a little lower, stud!
By Bureau at 18:57 01 Aug 2010
You got that dog years thing figured out yet?
No. It seems that we get old while we're pretty young.
By Bureau at 19:04 01 Aug 2010
Why couldn't Fluffy cross the road?
He was a mere cat.
By Charpa93 at 19:21 01 Aug 2010
What the hell are we then? Rodents? Felines? Canines?
We're meerkats you numbskull. M-E-E-R-C-A-T-S.
By Charpa93 at 19:23 01 Aug 2010
What, the scorpions I served for breakfast weren't potent enough for you?
Ok cover me, I'm going in after that cobra.
By Charpa93 at 19:28 01 Aug 2010
I hate doing the soft-shoe with you. You always upstage me.
Ok, let's try it one more time. A dink-a dink-a do, I love you.
By Charpa93 at 19:29 01 Aug 2010
Uhmmm...geez, would ya look at the time. Late for choir practice again.
Does this fur make my butt look fat?
By Charpa93 at 19:32 01 Aug 2010
Oh boy, I need to find myself a new gang to hang with.
Well, get used to it. Mother is coming to visit and there's nothing you can do.
By Charpa93 at 19:33 01 Aug 2010
But you always throw out the best parts of the snake.
I simply asked you to take out the garbage, not eat it.
By Charpa93 at 19:34 01 Aug 2010
Hey, I'm Molly Meerkat.
Molly Meerkat is a skank, pass it on.
By Charpa93 at 19:35 01 Aug 2010
"Don't stop Believing is fab!"
........"don't lie you bastard you just watch it becuase you like Emmas tits!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 19:35 01 Aug 2010
Why do they always want us to stand for photos?
Because we look like weasels on our all-fours.
By Bureau at 19:51 01 Aug 2010
these new heels are killing me!
I told you to wear flip flops in the desert Cynthia.
By Herrdoktorfox at 20:41 01 Aug 2010
So I have a little gas?
Little? There are two buzzards in line behind you.
By Bureau at 00:40 02 Aug 2010
This is another fine mess you've gotten us into.
I didn't tell you to get in the sex line!
By Bureau at 00:41 02 Aug 2010
Buzzards won't get me. I'll get in a hole.
Won't be much left of you to get in.
By Bureau at 00:42 02 Aug 2010
Hello darling do you come here often?
one step nearer my ring piece and you're dead meat - shit! pissed on my foot!
By Lynton at 00:56 02 Aug 2010
I'll piss on your back, Jack!
I'll shit on your feet, Pete!
By Bureau at 01:00 02 Aug 2010
Smile and the world smiles with you.
Laugh and they take you away.
By Bureau at 01:06 02 Aug 2010
What? This is the freak line? A calf with two heads?
It takes all kine!
By Bureau at 01:07 02 Aug 2010
Yep, I'm still here!
Ben Franklin said that fish and visitors both smell after three days.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:39 02 Aug 2010
Let's play "Laugh In". I'll say "Goodnight, Dick" and you...
I'll sock it to you, baby.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:40 02 Aug 2010
Why did they color Pumbaa red in The Lion King?
Maybe he was red with embarrassment with that farting.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:42 02 Aug 2010
Dance your cares away, worries for another day, let the music play...
We're going to Pride Rock, not Fraggle Rock... you moron!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:43 02 Aug 2010
They kicked me out because I didn't hold open a door for a lady.
It's because you failed your Meerkat "Manners" test.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:44 02 Aug 2010
Help, I'm Mussolini and I've been reincarnated as a meerkat.
Well, I was Einstein and now my brain is 90%smaller.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:46 02 Aug 2010
Did you watch Chelsea Clinton's wedding on television?
No, we're the only thing I watch on Animal Planet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:47 02 Aug 2010
Did you try those new beetles under that rotted log by Pride Rock?
Tell me they taste like chicken and I'll send the Colonel after you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:50 02 Aug 2010
That Timon is just so cute. I hope he notices me at the ball tonight!
Why notice you? He's got one of those gay Nathan Lane voices.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:52 02 Aug 2010
Are you saying that Timon is really gay?
Did you see The Birdcage? He did the dyke's voice on that one.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:53 02 Aug 2010
What makes you so sure that Timon is gay?
Hakuna Matata is really a translation of "I pack the fudge"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:54 02 Aug 2010
If Timon is gay, when he, Pumbaa, and Simba lived together...
Yes, the marriage to Nala is in name only; she never "feels the love."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:11 02 Aug 2010
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!
You're a guy. It sounds so fruity when you sing that!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:11 02 Aug 2010
I hear two drunk guys tried to beat up Nala and Simba's mom?
Yep, Mel Gibson and Dean West are for supper tonight!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 02 Aug 2010
What do you mean the hyenas used "the Jessica Rabbit excuse?"
They told you "we're not really mean, we're just drawn this way?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:16 02 Aug 2010
How come only Simba can sing "I just can't wait to be King"?
Because unlike you, none of his subjects could eat him as a snack.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:17 02 Aug 2010
Why is Simba always singing "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?"
Because he has a tiny penis and is never sure he gets it inside of Nala.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:19 02 Aug 2010
"Strewth, I think I'm getting an erection!"
"hang on Sidney I'll get behind you in case you fall over mate!"
By Herrdoktorfox at 16:05 02 Aug 2010
You WERE kidding about this being a sex line?
Yeah. I'ts food. But I noticed that you didn't leave.
By Bureau at 16:50 02 Aug 2010
So, what are you going to order?
I was thinking about an open turkey-faced sandwich!
By Bureau at 16:51 02 Aug 2010
I had to get a new shadow.
That sounds just like you. Show you that you were too small in certain regions?
By Bureau at 20:15 02 Aug 2010
My old shadow would go ahead in front of me.
Right. Was that when the sun was behind you?
By Bureau at 20:16 02 Aug 2010
I went to a shrink but the second day, he said something that disturbed me.
What was it, "No hablo ingles"?
By Bureau at 20:18 02 Aug 2010
I gotta go piss again. Save my place.
Joe, you're a fur-covered kidney!
By Bureau at 20:49 02 Aug 2010
Hold my place. I have to piss again.
Just don't shake my hand when you return.
By Bureau at 20:53 02 Aug 2010
So, can I piss ? You'll hold my place in line.
If you piss here, the piss will hold your place in line.
By Bureau at 20:54 02 Aug 2010
I gotta go, Joe!
OK, OK, I'll hold your place in line. You're a fur-covered kidney, ya know that?
By Bureau at 20:55 02 Aug 2010
I have a good marriage. Don't flirt.
Not me. George now farts so much it's like a kid speaking Klingon.
By Bureau at 21:20 02 Aug 2010
We like TV reality shows.
We do too. But where we live, we pull the curtains back & look out the window.
By Bureau at 21:22 02 Aug 2010
I like the Home Shopping Network.
Same here. Last week we bought a little-known congressman
By Bureau at 21:25 02 Aug 2010
"I can see clearly now the brain is gone."
Thank you, Johnny Nash
By Bureau at 22:50 02 Aug 2010
They're changing Mount Rushmore?
Yep. Washington now has a big clock in his head.
By Bureau at 22:52 02 Aug 2010
And that Yankees catcher had to leave the game for what?
Squat rash. The temperature is murder.
By Bureau at 22:55 02 Aug 2010
"We cling together, we're nepotistic, greedy, and distant from others"
"Perhaps we should become politicians then?"
By Inchcock at 04:08 03 Aug 2010
I'll look due south, you look southwest by south, and Bernard will look .....
Pleeease, we know the routine already.
By C. Cranium at 07:33 03 Aug 2010
That was a spicy scorpian they served at dinner last night.
Yea, Lenny at the Mexico City Zoo sent some habeneros.
By C. Cranium at 07:47 03 Aug 2010
"Whack for my daddy-o"
"There's whiskey in the jar-o"
By Bureau at 14:41 03 Aug 2010
Rock!
Scissors! Shit! "OK, Let's change places in line."
By Bureau at 14:43 03 Aug 2010
"Makin' their way the only way they know how"
"That's just a little bit more than the law will allow." Where's that food?
By Bureau at 14:47 03 Aug 2010
Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
Because they're plugged into a genius!
By Bureau at 14:50 03 Aug 2010
Rock!
Paper! Hah Got you!
By Bureau at 14:54 03 Aug 2010
Is that a lion?
Nah, it's a mere cat.
By IainB at 14:54 03 Aug 2010
What was Howdy Doody's obese brother's name?
Double Doody!
By Bureau at 14:57 03 Aug 2010
Which of Howdy Doody's brothers served on the bench?
Actually he WAS the bench. Jury Doody!
By Bureau at 15:00 03 Aug 2010
Which one of Howdy Doody's brothers stayed at home in the forest?
Rooty Doody!
By Bureau at 15:03 03 Aug 2010
Which one of Howdy Doody's Uncles invented the vuvuzela?
Tooty Doody!
By Bureau at 15:05 03 Aug 2010
I'm hungry. Why won't this line move?
I'm so hungry, I'm imagining you on a rotisserie.
By Bureau at 17:57 03 Aug 2010
Sometimes you have to fast! It's supposed to be good for you.
Why do they call it a fast, when it takes so long?
By Bureau at 17:59 03 Aug 2010
The wife wants me to wear a brown tie.
It would go well with your yellow teeth.
By Bureau at 18:00 03 Aug 2010
At least we got to eat!
Yeah. You were on the Forum and missed it. Now it's the toilet line.
By Bureau at 18:01 03 Aug 2010
Did you know 'Little Joe' was gay?
I would have gone for 'Hoss' personally, he always had a funny walk!
By Herrdoktorfox at 19:28 03 Aug 2010
How come the second day of a diet is always better than the first?
You never last but one day!
By Bureau at 19:51 03 Aug 2010
Those were the best months of my life.
In your dreams. You've never seen Amy Winehouse.
By Bureau at 20:33 03 Aug 2010
I hope his pics turn out good.
They will. You got piss on your belly.
By Bureau at 20:33 03 Aug 2010
Have you heard of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald?"
No, but I've seen the wreck of the Obama administration.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:41 03 Aug 2010
You know, if we lived in caves we wouldn't have to work at digging.
Caves? Just what I always wanted: to live with bats and bears!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:42 03 Aug 2010
I can't wait for Christmas, Santa Clause, and the Ho, Ho, Ho.
You can get one of those on Main street for $100. Why wait?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:45 03 Aug 2010
The wife came home with a dildo last night bigger than me!
Hell, even Skoob is bigger than you!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:12 03 Aug 2010
There is an ad right now above my head about making a baby.
Anyone wants to make a baby, I'll help them for free!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:13 03 Aug 2010
That ad above my head says you can make a free baby.
I'll also do it for free and won't charge for my hotel room.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:14 03 Aug 2010
I heard that you went interspecies last night.
I wanted to try some of that Muskrat Love they sing about.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:15 03 Aug 2010
Screw like rabbits, muskrat love, hot monkey sex, humpback whales
I keep telling you, Meerkats have the most boring sex of all the animals.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:17 03 Aug 2010
Did you hear about Alice falling down the rabbit hole?
So Alice is sleeping with Rosie O'Donnell now?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:18 03 Aug 2010
Is the world's largest sink hole between Obama's ears?
No, it's between his puppet master Oprah's legs.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:19 03 Aug 2010
Do you think if I wear my hat sideways I'll look bad?
No, you'd look stupid... just like the rest of them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:20 03 Aug 2010
Shit fire! I forgot my cellphone.
Don't tell me you need ed roto-rooters again. Your hole's stopped up.
By Bureau at 22:31 03 Aug 2010
We're lucky we're not bunnies.
Yes, men don't get upset when they hear "the meerkat died."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:36 03 Aug 2010
Do you think I'd be a good American Idol judge?
Why not, you're taller than Seacrest.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:36 03 Aug 2010
I think I'm going to try out for Africa's Got Talent.
Guard duty and singing with a pig are not talents.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:37 03 Aug 2010
Did you hear that they are doing Survivor: Pride Rock next?
Yeah, but I'll bet that only the pride survives.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:38 03 Aug 2010
Did you know that I tried out for The Apprentice?
I heard that the Donald told you "You're furred!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:39 03 Aug 2010
Lindsay Lohan is horny and out of jail and I'm only twelve inches tall!
I told you smoking weed would stunt your growth and give delusions.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:44 03 Aug 2010
They only kept Lindsay in jail 13 days on a 90 day sentence!
I wish we could cut Obama's presidency down like that.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:45 03 Aug 2010
Does my butt wiggle when I walk?
No, and your brains don't work when you talk.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:46 03 Aug 2010
I get to play the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz!
...but you look more like Toto and smell like the flying monkeys.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:47 03 Aug 2010
"Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea, and frolliced in the...
Been hanging around with SFO and doing drugs again?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:48 03 Aug 2010
find any nuts.....?
you're looking right at 'em!
By Morse at 09:40 04 Aug 2010
think we'll like being the White House Pets?
....does a Meerkat shit in the sock drawer?
By Morse at 09:42 04 Aug 2010
I don't trust that Michelle's Mother!
No Shit Sherlock...she catches you off guard your ass will be in the stew !
By Morse at 09:43 04 Aug 2010
Well Erskine, should we collaborate on another story?
Why not Vicktor....they seem to like our tails....
By Morse at 09:46 04 Aug 2010
I think I smell a chupacabra...
Wrong! That's the lawyer who wants to sign us up for 10 more episodes!
By Morse at 09:48 04 Aug 2010
What a mess! Leave your hole to go shopping and travellers move in!
We'll fix 'em...let's go shit in the tunnel! Bastards!
By Morse at 09:52 04 Aug 2010
Look...there's another of those Fooking Cameras!
No wonder our sex life sucks! Perverts!
By Morse at 09:56 04 Aug 2010
Look...there goes Prince Charles!
....sigh...wish we had ears like that...we could para sail!
By Morse at 10:03 04 Aug 2010
CJ said after 14 days in Jail Li Lo's Pussy looks just like you!
I know...I've got a hair appointment tomorrow!
By Morse at 10:06 04 Aug 2010
Ever think that we're not real?
...ya...sometimes I just feel stuffed!
By Morse at 10:08 04 Aug 2010
I only count 5 Ravens...we're doomed!
Let's head for our hole and hide out till it's safe!
By Morse at 10:14 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#50, accidentally drop your toupee in her soup.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:31 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#49, Tell her she's so ugly, even a double dose of Viagra won't work.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:32 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#48, Write "the Dallas Cowboys play here" on her panty crotch.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:34 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#47, Tell her most ten year old boys have bigger tits than she does.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:36 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#46, Put Ben Gay in her panties; they haven't been that hot in years.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:37 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#45, Tell her she needs a Brazilian.. on her mustache and beard.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:39 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#44, Buy her a one way ticket to Mogadishu.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:40 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#43, Feed her ex-lax cookies, then hide the toilet paper.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:40 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#42, Put Nair in her shampoo.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:41 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#41, replace all of her lingerie with burlap and tell her it's flattering.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 12:43 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#40, Tell her you'd rather do her backwards cuz her face is ugly.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:21 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#39, Tell her that her sister got the good genes... and better ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:22 04 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#38, Toilet paper her car... with the used stuff.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:23 04 Aug 2010
Lady Gaga's album the worst ever!
Try Dylan's Christmas Tunes. At least I think they're Christmas tunes.
By Bureau at 14:05 04 Aug 2010
Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp?
Who put the Ram in the Rama lama ding dong?
By Bureau at 14:06 04 Aug 2010
I will not stand here an & listen to insults.
They sound even worse while sitting down. You know you favor Mussilini a bit.
By Bureau at 14:08 04 Aug 2010
T S Elliot loved meercats.
So did Hemingway. When they were replaced but mere cats, he shot himself.
By Bureau at 14:09 04 Aug 2010
What was that Christie book about the Merecats?
The Mysterious Affair of Meercats at Styles.
By Bureau at 14:11 04 Aug 2010
Roger over there, queer as Tweety Bird!
I taut I taw a meerkat!
By Bureau at 14:13 04 Aug 2010
Who's the Merecat with the rag top?
I don't know his name now but he used to be Merecat Stevens.
By Bureau at 14:15 04 Aug 2010
Merecat Stevens is getting old.
Right now I need to go get on the piss train.
By Bureau at 14:16 04 Aug 2010
"Hello Houston!"
The Merecats have landed! Wouldn't that screw them up? You good at hacking?
By Bureau at 14:18 04 Aug 2010
Who's our nearest kin?
Those Cool cats that put up mirrors all over the bedroom, mirrorkats!
By Bureau at 14:25 04 Aug 2010
Turdblossem has that 50 ways to lose your lover in my head.
Just jump on the broad, Claude!
By Bureau at 14:26 04 Aug 2010
"Pinch her on the tail, Mel!"
"In the back of the car, Gar!"
By Bureau at 14:27 04 Aug 2010
I'm sick of TV! Hope the solar flares melt it.
But not until we're into the holes.
By Bureau at 14:29 04 Aug 2010
You got 47 kids, you've been hitting the holes too much already.
Nothing else to do. Sun flare got the TV.
By Bureau at 14:30 04 Aug 2010
Must be sad to be so famous you have to hide.
Is that Tiger Woods putting on the prairie?
By Bureau at 14:31 04 Aug 2010
There must be 50 ways to hold your pecker!
I'm bored too...Grab the big tool, Jewell.
By Bureau at 14:42 04 Aug 2010
There must be 50 ways to love your liver.
Cook it with some onions and bread, Fred.
By Bureau at 14:44 04 Aug 2010
I've hid my nuts for the winter.
But I can see them right now.
By Bureau at 16:18 04 Aug 2010
The food was pretty good for a mission.
You better back up a bit, the yams have sat my stomach roaring.
By Bureau at 16:20 04 Aug 2010
Are you going to press that pregnancy button down there?
Probably. I always touch the Wet Paint stuff.
By Bureau at 16:21 04 Aug 2010
Those Spoofers really like to spy on us.
They score points. That's about all they score if they're on here all day.
By Bureau at 16:23 04 Aug 2010
I think I'm getting older. Sex has become a pain in the ass.
You must be doing it wrong!
By Bureau at 16:26 04 Aug 2010
Heard you & wife divorced.
Yeah. She said I didn't match her shoes, her way of saying I was a big loafer
By Bureau at 16:29 04 Aug 2010
My girlfriend calls me "A hunka hunka burning Love? What does yours call you?
"A hunka, hunka burning love! Hmmm"
By Bureau at 16:46 04 Aug 2010
My elbow is halfway up my arm in this heat!
You think that's bad, I got a bone in my leg.
By Bureau at 21:11 04 Aug 2010
So, I got a bone in my leg, too.
Yes, but my bare face is hanging out.
By Bureau at 21:12 04 Aug 2010
You know what? This is the sex line, not the john?
I thought they called all of us johns.
By Bureau at 21:14 04 Aug 2010
But I have to pee.
Peter Pan had to crow.
By Bureau at 21:15 04 Aug 2010
Do you always have to have the last word?
No!
By Bureau at 21:16 04 Aug 2010
I'm going over behind those bushes.
That's where National Geographic set up the catering. You'll look good on TV.
By Bureau at 21:18 04 Aug 2010
While we're waiting, do you know, Kumbaya?"
Wasn't he Obama's brother that made $200 a year?
By Bureau at 21:21 04 Aug 2010
I always pee on a cactus!
They can use all the water they can get. But don't stand too close.
By Bureau at 21:24 04 Aug 2010
You know what really gets my goat?
That animal control guy, Bert isn't it?
By Bureau at 21:48 04 Aug 2010
This 2nd Amendment thing says that we have the right to bear arms, right?
What do we do with the rest of the bear?
By Bureau at 21:51 04 Aug 2010
I'm talking about 'bear arms'...guns!
But the bear arms would be great to scratch you ass!
By Bureau at 21:52 04 Aug 2010
You seen that new Meerkat commercial yet?
Too right mate, my bruvver Reg has a walk on part in it.
By Herrdoktorfox at 21:52 04 Aug 2010
Have you ever stopped to think just why we stand like this Herrman?
Itching piles komerade...whatever you do don't sit down!
By Herrdoktorfox at 21:54 04 Aug 2010
Look at the boobs on that babe.
Dummy, that's my sister!
By Philbert of Macadamia at 01:27 05 Aug 2010
Where were we on the countdown of 50 ways to leave your lover?
You'll never have 50 lovers, or even have to dump on, so why ask?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:08 05 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#37, Dress and act like a rapper and she'll divorce you for stupidity.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:09 05 Aug 2010
Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?
#36, Ask if she swam in the aquarium and made the fish stink.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:11 05 Aug 2010
"How come the human's queue is longer thewn ours?"
"That's Job Seekers queue!"
By Inchcock at 04:21 05 Aug 2010
'Break in, it'll be fine' you said! 'It'll make a nice burrow' you said!
How the F@#k was I to know it was a glue factory?
By Nick Hobbs at 08:13 05 Aug 2010
You mean those pirates cooked Alfred?
"Yo Ho Ho & A Beer Can Up his bum!"
By Bureau at 14:09 05 Aug 2010
I wonder if penquins can tell each other apart?
I doubt it. And, who are you, if I might ask?
By Bureau at 15:25 05 Aug 2010
You HAVE lost some weight. How did you do it, again?
The Bullfrog Diet. Eat a bullfrog every morning & you'll not want food,
By Bureau at 15:27 05 Aug 2010
LOWTON IS wrong! You're on my left, and a Meerkat to boot!
Did you say to BOOT? I will boot you when I've tied me shoelaces...
By IN SEINE at 20:04 05 Aug 2010
"How can I be ze LEFT Meerkat, when I'm ALWAYS RIGHT?"
"Well this time you're wrong, Sherlock !"
By IN SEINE at 20:13 05 Aug 2010
You'll be going through the streets like Peter Lowry.
In The Year of the Meercat!
By Bureau at 20:16 05 Aug 2010
"I'm LEFT!"
"No, you can''t be. Wilbur, we're... THE WRIGHT BROTHERS!"
By IN SEINE at 20:31 05 Aug 2010
They're taking a photo
So that's why you're on tip-toes
By Joe Leff at 20:46 05 Aug 2010
Tuck that gut in!
It IS tucked in!
By Bureau at 23:53 05 Aug 2010
You had to fart just as they took the photo didn't you.
Boy will you look like an idiot with that nose in your paw.
By Bureau at 23:54 05 Aug 2010
Did you look at the birdy?
No, I looked at the Blondie.
By Bureau at 23:57 05 Aug 2010
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer..
Take 99 down, guzzle 'em down, no bottles of beer on the wall, it's in the john.
By Bureau at 01:12 06 Aug 2010
That's not how it goes.
I improvised. I like beer.
By Bureau at 01:12 06 Aug 2010
What does "Blow the man down boys, blo the man down", mean?
I don't know. Ask Ms. Lewinsky.
By Bureau at 01:13 06 Aug 2010
"Does my Bum look big in this?"
"No, but your gut does!"
By IN SEINE at 08:19 06 Aug 2010
We've been on guard duty a full seven days now.
That long without sleep can make one feel "week."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:33 06 Aug 2010
Who do you think Mark is going to put up here next.
I want a hot blond with big boobs... what was your question?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:34 06 Aug 2010
I think we've exhausted Lion King and Meerkat Manor jokes.
Yep, now it's time to rip on some of the Spoof writers and Lowton.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:35 06 Aug 2010
Why do you think Lowton chose Meerkats?
It didn't make him feel insecure about his small penis.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:36 06 Aug 2010
What's another reason why Lowton chose Meerkats?
Because he was afraid of copyright with Alvin and the Chipmunks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:37 06 Aug 2010
Any more reasons why Lowton picked Meerkats this week?
His wife made him do it... he's pussywhipped.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:38 06 Aug 2010
Can you think of other reasons why Lowton chose Meerkats?
He wasn't sure on the spelling of opossum.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:38 06 Aug 2010
What's the biggest reason why Lotwon chose Meerkats?
He thought the writers would have too much fun with a Platypus.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:39 06 Aug 2010
Weren't there originally three of us?
The other guy is in Duncan Whitehead's lunchbox.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:40 06 Aug 2010
Where are you going now?
I'm going to stand next to you and make Fergus see double again.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:41 06 Aug 2010
Where does Queen Mudder come up with her ideas?
Supermarket tabloids and conspiracy theorists.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:42 06 Aug 2010
Bargis Tryhol used to be big at this website.
He's big on most porn websites too.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:43 06 Aug 2010
What are you dressing up as for Halloween.
Abel made me a chupabra costume so I look like Lady Godiva on speed.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:44 06 Aug 2010
Didn't you mis-spell chupacabra in the other post?
Hey, I'm taking spelling lessons from Joy Renee.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:45 06 Aug 2010
How come Bureau comes to the captions so often?
Maybe he's finally getting burned out after ten million snippets a week.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:46 06 Aug 2010
How come Jesus Budda never writes captions?
He's still playing naked twister with himself.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:46 06 Aug 2010
I wish Gnarly Eric would come back.
He's next in line for Bristol Pallin. He's trying to nail a corrupt bastard.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:48 06 Aug 2010
Is it true Monkey Woods has a split personality?
With the sex stories he writes, it's a banana split personality.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:49 06 Aug 2010
I think Morse and Frankie are the oldest ones on this site.
Yep, I get tired of pulling out the Pledge when they fart dust.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:50 06 Aug 2010
What the hell ever happened to Who The Hell is Mohit?
Who the hell cares?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:51 06 Aug 2010
What's that really ugly animal that Cal Jennings is humping?
About three years ago, we'd say it was his sister.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:52 06 Aug 2010
So why did Frankie the J move to West Virginia?
Maybe he's into bestiality, and that's where Cal's sister lives.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:53 06 Aug 2010
Is it true that Turdblossom puts the most words in our mouths?
Only when Jalapenoman lets him have the keyboard.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:54 06 Aug 2010
Why doesn't Lynton write that many captions?
He spends most of his time writing about Cox.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:55 06 Aug 2010
Colonel Juan also doesn't pen too many things for us to say.
If you don't have a popular vagina, CJ tends to ignore you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:55 06 Aug 2010
Is there anything funny you can say about Charpa?
I don't have the "brains" to think of anything funny about her.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:56 06 Aug 2010
Shall we go to the Elk's lodge tonight after guard duty ends?
Sure, and we can take SFO. I'm sure he'd like to blow a few "Bucks."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:02 06 Aug 2010
Why isn't Gail writing any captions?
What she does with her writing is a mystery to me.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:02 06 Aug 2010
I hear that some crazy bartender started writing captions.
That's insane... either that or it's In Seine!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:03 06 Aug 2010
Why isn't Doctor Fox writing captions this morning?
He's with Jenny Bigtits in the hen house!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:04 06 Aug 2010
How about Philbert of Macademia? Where's he at?
He's probably with a Doc in the nut house!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:05 06 Aug 2010
What's Jimbo Gunn doing these days?
Probably fifteen to twenty with no chance of parole.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:06 06 Aug 2010
Why did Dean West call himself Alexandria177?
Latest girl and number of slaps per hour.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:07 06 Aug 2010
Is there anything funny you can say about Birbee next?
Wasn't it a green monkey that was responsible for AIDS?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:08 06 Aug 2010
How many of the Spoof writers do you plan to insult?
I don't know, how many are there?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:08 06 Aug 2010
Why did that one guy call himself arm, feet, toe?
Maybe he was trying to remember the Hokey Pokey.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:09 06 Aug 2010
Did you see that Buck E. Filbert has been writing here again lately?
Vagina.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:10 06 Aug 2010
Why did that one guy call himself Buckwheatsbutt?
Because Helium was already sucking Buckwheat's dick.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:11 06 Aug 2010
Is it true that Produce was also Flash Nitrate and J.D. Balderdash?
Shhhh. We need to keep that secret from President Bush.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:11 06 Aug 2010
How can you make fun of Erskin Quint?
What if we call him Foreskin Squint?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:13 06 Aug 2010
What about Jaggedone?
I don't think I want to "cut" him down.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:14 06 Aug 2010
When do you think Lowton is going to change us to another picture?
When his wife lets him.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:22 06 Aug 2010
Is anyone happy that the Courts disenfrachised California voters?
You mean besides SFO?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:23 06 Aug 2010
Do you think there is a King Mudder?
No, but there might be a Queen Fadder.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:24 06 Aug 2010
What did they say the first time Abel Rodriguez took Viagra?
I think his wife sang the San Antonio Rose.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:24 06 Aug 2010
I think we should spend the next 50 captions insulting Spoof writers.
Why? Their stories are insulting enough!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:26 06 Aug 2010
Bureau stated that he hasn't been hit today by One-Star. Maybe Mark 'marked' him
I still say that One-Star came from the Lone-Star state!
By Bureau at 16:38 06 Aug 2010
You say your parents were in divorce court?
Yeah. It was like a TV game show. Mom was the big winner!
By Bureau at 16:39 06 Aug 2010
I got ticketed at a sporting event. In fact 2000 of us did.
Was that at the Special Olympics?
By Bureau at 16:41 06 Aug 2010
Divorce is a bad thing but sometimes it's the only choice.
Especially when we kids are always dodging bullets & hiding liquor.
By Bureau at 16:42 06 Aug 2010
Do you still want to list Simon's 50 ways to leave your lover?
No, that's so Tuesday. How about we sing 100 bottles of beer?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:44 06 Aug 2010
I'm glad I didn't die with that plague. But my whole life flashed before my eyes
Including 2,000 trips to the package store?
By Bureau at 16:44 06 Aug 2010
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. If one of those...
...bottles should happen to fall, Fergus would cry and then bawl.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:46 06 Aug 2010
Like my family, I didn't believe in divorce. But then I got married.
I didn't believe in social diseases either....
By Bureau at 16:46 06 Aug 2010
Uh oh, someone else is posting captions right now.
Right, that means the continuety is every other posting.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:47 06 Aug 2010
"I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I..."
If you say "I've never been to me," I'm going to hit you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:49 06 Aug 2010
Was divorce hard on you kids?
Hard on? Mom took everything. We didn't have anything to get up for.
By Bureau at 16:50 06 Aug 2010
Who do you think will be the first celebrity gay marriage now?
Nancy Pelosi or Rosie O'Donnell will probably marry their ego.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:50 06 Aug 2010
Bureau, you've been on long enough!
Yeah, back to you, Turdblossom!
By Bureau at 16:52 06 Aug 2010
What's the best thing about gay marriage?
They both agree on whether the toilet seat stays up or down.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:54 06 Aug 2010
Did you watch 'Last Tango In Paris"?
Just the tail end of it.
By Bureau at 16:55 06 Aug 2010
I understand they are closing the San Diego Keebler plant next week.
Yep, all the fudge packers are going on their honeymoons.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:55 06 Aug 2010
What was that other Brando movie?
"Uponherhips" Now?
By Bureau at 16:55 06 Aug 2010
Do you think any Spoof writers will take advantage of gay marriage?
No, but Tragic Rabbit (the other California Spoofer) should hide.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:56 06 Aug 2010
At least Brando die with a smill on his lips.
And it wasn't even his.
By Bureau at 16:56 06 Aug 2010
Who do brides do at their California gay weddings?
Someone old, new, borrowed, and someone blew.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:59 06 Aug 2010
Why don't pharmacies like California gay marriage?
Because half the couples will never buy viagra.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:00 06 Aug 2010
What's the best part of a California gay honeymoon?
No one needs birth control.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:00 06 Aug 2010
Looks like Bureau is writing captions again today.
That's 30,000 snippets that won't get posted.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:06 06 Aug 2010
I think we should have a Spoof summit for the African writers.
Who's left after Henman got eaten by that Lion?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:07 06 Aug 2010
Why was Henman getting so excited by the National Geographic?
Half his senior class was topless in this month's Africa story.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:08 06 Aug 2010
Why his Henman so proud of himself on The Spoof site?
He's black, so after Bargis and SFO, he may be the biggest dick.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:10 06 Aug 2010
Why is Henman shoving Pumbaa in the trunk of that old AMC Pacer?
His mother told him to put gas in the car.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:11 06 Aug 2010
I understand the Brownies were not successful in their fund raising.
Nope, those Lion droppings are a new version of Girl Scout cookies.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:12 06 Aug 2010
Which one is your favorite zoo?
I think the people looking at us were wierdest in San Diego.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:14 06 Aug 2010
Turdblossom went and got on that forum thing and left us.
Hey, Turdblossom! You get back down here where the real issues are!
By Bureau at 19:34 06 Aug 2010
It's that Gay Marriage thing.
Why not call it "Pairage" with benefits like marriage. Too simple?
By Bureau at 19:37 06 Aug 2010
Let's not get that going here. We're supposed to be funny.
Well, they're out-doing us.
By Bureau at 19:38 06 Aug 2010
Come on back Turdblossom.
Yeah, Bureau needs to get back to the snippets.
By Bureau at 19:39 06 Aug 2010
Come on back, Turdblossom! He's not listening.
Speaking of not listening, Bureau has that 50th Dylan on. I can't take that!
By Bureau at 19:41 06 Aug 2010
I think it's been 100 captions since anyone but Bureau or TT wrote
I think everyone else is rushing to California to get married.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:00 06 Aug 2010
That one guy is really pushing gay marriage in the forums.
He needs to keep it in the closet and in his pants where it belongs.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:01 06 Aug 2010
How come we're not saying cute Disney like things anymore?
On a website where the favorite topics are vaginas and biggest dicks?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:02 06 Aug 2010
I wonder what happened to Lady Godiva?
I think she got eaten by a chocolate loving Smurf.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:03 06 Aug 2010
I've still got that really long stick thing coming out of my ear.
Did you take the two aspirin and call the doctor this morning?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:04 06 Aug 2010
"The prettiest girl I ever saw was sipping cider through a straw."
She was giving me a blowjob, idiot. Stop it with the penis jokes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:00 06 Aug 2010
Your girlfriend said she wanted to see you lickity split.
That's her code name for my giving her oral sex.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:01 06 Aug 2010
I am trying to look intelligent and masterful
Come on George W, there must be something easier than that!
By Xavier at 21:15 06 Aug 2010
Don't sniff now cos I just let one go.
Oh, I thought I heard thunder.
By Xavier at 21:25 06 Aug 2010
OI ATTENBOROUGH!!! What you lookin'at?????
He's comparng the Meerkats' crown jewels SIMPLES!!!!
By IN SEINE at 21:39 06 Aug 2010
Hey, is your refrigerator running?
You're supposed to do that over the phone, you idiot!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:41 06 Aug 2010
Some guy just called and asked if we had Prince Albert in a can.
That joke's older than your mother's dentures.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:42 06 Aug 2010
Did you know that the song from MASH is "Suicide is Painless?"
Why don't you try it and put us both out of our misery.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:44 06 Aug 2010
I watched The Incredible Journey on dvd tonight
Talking animals? I don't believe in that garbage.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:20 07 Aug 2010
Who do you think is the one star ass bandit.
We all know who the ass bandit is, but I'm not sure on the one stars.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:21 07 Aug 2010
What happens if the one star ass bandit comes after us?
No worries! He can like us, but there's not a dislike button to click.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:21 07 Aug 2010
How much longer do you think we'll be here? I want to know.
Don't worry; you won't be late for your bikini wax next week.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:22 07 Aug 2010
Can Lowton change our picture while he's on his vacation?
Only if his wife lets him do it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:23 07 Aug 2010
Where did Lowton go on his vacation?
If he wasn't married, I say he was in California proposing to a guy
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:23 07 Aug 2010
Why does Johnny always come marching home again?
Because he keeps getting called out to keep the rest of the world safe.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:24 07 Aug 2010
Why did you compare that guy to a boil on your butt?
Because he's also a pain in the ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:26 07 Aug 2010
Look, a flying chicken, cow, horse, and trojan rabbit!
Run away! Run Away!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:27 07 Aug 2010
What do you think happens to athiests when they die?
They sit around denying hell exists for eternity.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 03:28 07 Aug 2010
Who is that with Simba?
It isn't Nala. I think its Madonna. No wait a minute, its just Rafiki in drag.
By C. Cranium at 13:57 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#20: Have you seen her avatar? She's got the blues.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:57 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#19: She's a Smurf. Even a man as tiny as you is too big for her.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:58 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#18: You can't read, dumbass!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:59 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#17: No one writes any more, but she might send a tweet!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:59 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#16: She didn't like it when you said you hated "Little Women."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:00 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#15: Pumbaa shouldn't have been invited to chaperone.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:01 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#14: She said she was going on vacation. She's with a real man.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:02 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#13: Maybe it's that whole comb-over thing you've got on top.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:02 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#12: She found out Meerkats are rodents, not cats.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:03 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#11: She hated it when you said that she was tiny enough to "19"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:05 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#10: The only pencil she could find was the one in your pants.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:06 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#9: Doesn't David Letterman normally only do ten of these?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:06 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#8: Because her computer went down on her... and you won't.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:07 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#7: She can get more points writing a snippet or story.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#6: She's into old guys and misses Einstein.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#5 Her doctor told her she couldn't eat roughage, and you qualify.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#4: You'd poke yourself using her pointy ears as handles.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:11 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#3: You shouldn't have made that crack about the saddle horn.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:12 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#2: She's tired of covering herself in chocolate, so stop asking
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:13 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
#1: It might be the naked pictures of her you posted on the internet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:14 07 Aug 2010
Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?
I think I can give you twenty good reasons. Are you ready?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:15 07 Aug 2010
There goes Lady Godiva with Rafiki! Now I feel very jealous and hurt.
You know what they say among Smurfs: "stay true to the blue!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:19 07 Aug 2010
On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
There is no 13th day of Christmas, you idiot. The song is over!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:12 07 Aug 2010
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
A restraining order?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 07 Aug 2010
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
An eviction notice?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 07 Aug 2010
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Maybe penecillin for the V.D. if she was nice.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:13 07 Aug 2010
On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
A.I.D.S.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 07 Aug 2010
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Why not.... Herpes
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 07 Aug 2010
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Crabs?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:14 07 Aug 2010
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
The Clap
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 07 Aug 2010
Why can't you be serious with this song?
Because I've seen your girlfriend!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 07 Aug 2010
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Shall we say... Gonorhea?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 07 Aug 2010
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
A maxed out credit card and a cold shoulder.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:16 07 Aug 2010
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Food Poisoning?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:17 07 Aug 2010
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
Probably a tongue lashing for leaving the toilet seat up.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:17 07 Aug 2010
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....
A honey-do list three miles long?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:18 07 Aug 2010
Why don't we sing a Christmas carol?
Maybe because this is August and Christmas is in December!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:18 07 Aug 2010
I'm getting bored. No one ever comes to visit anymore.
Maybe they'd come to the funeral if I put you out of my misery.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:19 07 Aug 2010
Get ready! In just a few posts, a bunch of numbers get screwed up.
Yep, Lowton's got another glitch in the system and is on vacation.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:25 07 Aug 2010
What did you get for last Christmas?
A pair of pants and some nooky and they were both too big for me.
By Bureau at 17:37 07 Aug 2010
Not much moving on here today.
Our best stuff will be on Saturday Night Live tonight.
By Bureau at 17:39 07 Aug 2010
Remember how afraid of Frankenstein when kids? They lived in my closet.
Might just had a little fat guy yelling "Abbott! Oh! ABBBOTTT!"
By Bureau at 17:41 07 Aug 2010
Our marriage was mixed. He was a coyote. I dare not go to sleep.
That was Wiley. He was busy ordering from Acme.
By Bureau at 17:43 07 Aug 2010
The divorce was messy.
Mine too. There was a baby concerned. Him. I didn't want custody.
By Bureau at 17:44 07 Aug 2010
Tennessee football team being looked at by NCAA.
Good. Hate hearing 'Rocky Top' every ten seconds!
By Bureau at 17:45 07 Aug 2010
Didn't you like Dark Shadows better than Twilight?
You just asked that to get more people on here.
By Bureau at 17:47 07 Aug 2010
Seriously, wasn't Dark Shadows better than Twilight?
Yes, but it was 350 hours long!
By Bureau at 17:48 07 Aug 2010
Bureau, someone's giving one-stars at this minute.
You're just trying to get him off here. You like Turdblossom!
By Bureau at 17:49 07 Aug 2010
"It's that Turdblossom Special"
"And it's bringing my baby back. Woo-Woo (Fart) Scuse. Woo Wooed too loud.
By Bureau at 17:50 07 Aug 2010
Our whole trouble was over penis envy.
She wished you had one, huh? I mean a bigger one.
By Bureau at 18:10 07 Aug 2010
I think the writers have gotten our sexes confused.
We're both from San Fran right? So screw them.
By Bureau at 18:11 07 Aug 2010
Sorry to say, I get our sexes mixed up too.
Looks to me like you're hanging in there.
By Bureau at 18:13 07 Aug 2010
We're at 564. Will we ever be in first place?
Einstein had 696, so Turdblossom and Bureau better get on the ball.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:38 07 Aug 2010
At least we passed Mussolini and Hitler.
They had 341. I guess no one could read German or Italian.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:39 07 Aug 2010
We also passed the Queen and the First Lady. They had 203.
Yes, but those two only smiled and never spoke. It was the docs.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:40 07 Aug 2010
How come our word balloons are the same size?
Union regulations.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:41 07 Aug 2010
People always ask me how much I get paid for being in The Lion King.
I'll bet they didn't know you only got the part cuz of the casting couch.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:44 07 Aug 2010
Sleeping your way to the top is a centuries old tradition.
And since everyone is taller than us... we're always trying.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:44 07 Aug 2010
Look! Some of the month things say September instead of August.
Lowton's about as good with a calendar as he is with a watch.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:46 07 Aug 2010
I told the doc that my penis was burning.
That means that somebody was talking about your penis.
By Bureau at 20:09 07 Aug 2010
Lilo! Lilo! It's off to rehab we go!
I've went through hell, in the jail, Lilo! Lilo!
By Bureau at 21:13 07 Aug 2010
Is Gaga a man or a woman?
You read the news. What difference does it make?
By Bureau at 21:14 07 Aug 2010
He hit the wrong clicker.
Must be Bureau. Can't type worth shit. A two-hand pecker!
By Bureau at 21:15 07 Aug 2010
"Hello, another pet visitor!"
"It's only a 'mere cat'"
By Inchcock at 08:05 08 Aug 2010
Hey look, there's Tarzan swinging through the trees and vines again.
I really wish he'd put on some underwear with that loin clothe.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:02 08 Aug 2010
Who's stronger, Tarzan or George of the Jungle?
George. He doesn't scream in pain when he beats his chest.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:03 08 Aug 2010
How come Tarzan never hooked up with Sheena?
The Queen of the Jungle thought he talked funny.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:05 08 Aug 2010
How do you know Tarzan wasn't gay?
No one ever called him "The Queen of the Jungle."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:06 08 Aug 2010
Why did George of the Jungle have talking gorillas and birds?
He's a retard. He also thought his elephant was a dog.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:08 08 Aug 2010
What did Tarzan do when he caught Jane in bed with George?
He accused her of being a "Cheetah."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:09 08 Aug 2010
Is Tarzan going to kill a lion or a crocodile in this episode.
Neither; he's going to murder the English language.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:11 08 Aug 2010
Why didn't Sheena ever hook up with George of the Jungle?
Around him, she wouldn't be the biggest boobs in the jungle.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:12 08 Aug 2010
Did Tarzan still call his son "Boy" after he grew up?
Everyone still calls him Boy. His last name is George.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:15 08 Aug 2010
How come Tarzan swings so well and George always hits trees?
Tarzan is King of the Jungle, while George is Klutz of the Jungle.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:16 08 Aug 2010
Why doesn't Tarzan wear something under his loin clothe?
Because he likes to "hang out" in the jungle.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:10 08 Aug 2010
Look! It's that Bushman from The Gods Must Be Crazy!
Watch out! He's always throwing Coke bottles at people.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:54 08 Aug 2010
What did you think of The Gods Must Be Crazy?
I thought that the Coke bottle deserved an Oscar.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:55 08 Aug 2010
When the bushman tried to destroy the coke bottle, it hit me.
The bottle isn't the only thing around that wants to hit you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:56 08 Aug 2010
How come Tarzan and George never had to destroy a Coke bottle?
They drink Pepsi.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:56 08 Aug 2010
Did you like the sequel? The Gods Must Be Crazy II?
Nope, the Coke bottle didn't held out for too much and wasn't in it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 16:57 08 Aug 2010
Do you think Lowton will change us tomorrow?
Are you kidding? We've only done ten Tarzan jokes!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:42 08 Aug 2010
How come they call the Queen's guards beefeaters?
Would you like your security to be called "The Carnivores?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:43 08 Aug 2010
When do you think they'll make a new Tarzan movie?
There are probably already three of them in pre-production.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:44 08 Aug 2010
Why do so many Tarzan movies have tigers in them?
There are no tigers in Africa, but there are in Hollywood.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:45 08 Aug 2010
Why was Tarzan so excited about going to Northern California?
He wanted to be a swinger in their "vine"yards.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:47 08 Aug 2010
Well, another week has come. Time to get to work.
I was hoping Mark would retire us and we could slack off.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:06 09 Aug 2010
Time to put shoulder to the wheel and nose to the grindstone.
Wouldn't that hurt?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 09 Aug 2010
Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to work we go!
The last high ho I knew was Lindsay Lohan.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 09 Aug 2010
This is officially the 600th Meerkat caption posting.
1200 if you count both of us.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 09 Aug 2010
In honor of our 600 postings, Mark is serving drinks.
...and don't forget the toasted sandwiches!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:10 09 Aug 2010
Okay, we've passed 600 now. Time to shoot for 700.
Right, we've got to pass Einstein. We're cuter and funnier than him.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:11 09 Aug 2010
Do you think Einstein knows we're getting closer?
He's been dead over50 years; I doubt he cares.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:12 09 Aug 2010
Do you think Einstein knows we're getting closer?
Last I heard, he was reading C.J. and checking the vagina stories.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:13 09 Aug 2010
Shall we watch Jungle to Jungle on dvd tonight?
No, I hate those stupid Amazon movies; No lions or meerkats.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:15 09 Aug 2010
What did you think of the Tarzan movie with Bo Derek?
Someone played Tarzan in that movie? I only saw Bo.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:16 09 Aug 2010
What did you think of the Tarzan movie with Bo Derek?
The movie sucked, but I gave Bo a "10."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:17 09 Aug 2010
Isn't it about time for you to hit the showers and go to work?
Are you talking to Turdblossom or me, because I'm at work?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:18 09 Aug 2010
No one else has posted any captions for a while.
Lady Godiva is on vacation and Bureau is probably taking a nap.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:48 09 Aug 2010
I see where you put your talk bubble. Hiding your man boobs?
If Dick Cheney and Joe Biden can have them, I can be proud of mine.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:49 09 Aug 2010
I liked when they said "this tapir will self destruct in 5 seconds."
It was" tape!" There were no animals in Mission Impossible
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:52 09 Aug 2010
So, will Dallas find a way to blow it again this year?
You betcha! I have faith in them.
By Bureau at 19:48 09 Aug 2010
The wife went to a male gynecologist.
What's that, a man that dresses like a woman?
By Bureau at 20:30 09 Aug 2010
No, she had her hoohah checked by a male gynecologist.!
Wouldn't that be like taking your car to a machanic that never owned one?
By Bureau at 20:32 09 Aug 2010
Anyway, this guy tried to sell me some magic beans yesterday.
Is that anything like magic mushrooms?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:57 09 Aug 2010
Mary had a little lamb....
...and Abdul had a sheep and a few goats, but leave sex out of this.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:59 09 Aug 2010
"Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet..." What's a tuffet?
Either her ass or something to sit on, who cares? It rhymes, don't it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:00 09 Aug 2010
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner....
Was he wearing the dunce cap too?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:01 09 Aug 2010
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner...
My teachers just sent me to the principal's office.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:01 09 Aug 2010
Three blind mice, three blind mice, see how they run, see how they run
Yep, running into everything and bumping into each other.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:02 09 Aug 2010
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water...
Why? Aren't most streams, springs, and rivers at the bottom of hills?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:03 09 Aug 2010
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
If she's "contrary," she isn't going to tell you a damned thing or just lie.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:04 09 Aug 2010
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped over the candlestick.
I'll bet he burned his ass like a stupid fool.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:05 09 Aug 2010
Georgy Porgy ..., kissed the girls and made them cry
Was he that ugly or did he try to slip them some tongue?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:06 09 Aug 2010
...stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum...
This isn't one of those American Pie sex stories, is it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:07 09 Aug 2010
How about a little Mother Goose?
How about you shut up and I just goose your mother?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:08 09 Aug 2010
I think I'm gay
GAY! You look bloody miserable to me.
By Xavier at 22:00 09 Aug 2010
I'm bored. I think I'm going to kill something.
You couldn't kill anything unless it committed suicide in front of you.
By Xavier at 22:02 09 Aug 2010
Look. You're my wife, yeah, so who's the boss around here?
I am
By Xavier at 22:04 09 Aug 2010
I think I'll have me a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.
Think! Think? That must be something new for you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:12 09 Aug 2010
You look deep in thought. What's up?
Meercats got my tongue
By Bureau at 00:21 10 Aug 2010
I got two left feet.
Come on, the Hava Naglia is easy.
By Bureau at 00:22 10 Aug 2010
I can't. Two left feet.
If your feet left, what are you standing on?
By Bureau at 00:23 10 Aug 2010
(Balloons are my thoughts too. This guy is a moron!)
Am not!
By Bureau at 00:24 10 Aug 2010
How did Charles Schultz do this for 40 years?
The little round-headed kid was the key. Schultz just followed him around.
By Bureau at 00:26 10 Aug 2010
Have you read Pogo Possum?
We have met the enemy and he is us!
By Bureau at 00:27 10 Aug 2010
We have met the enemy and he is us. That come from Pogo?
Albert the Alligator actually. It was his balloon.
By Bureau at 00:28 10 Aug 2010
And they all lived in the Swamp?
Yes, alongside Hawkeye, BJ and Trapper John.
By Bureau at 00:30 10 Aug 2010
I'm thinking of getting a Hollywood agent.
I'd much rather have a Hollywood skank.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:25 10 Aug 2010
How much time do you spend working out each day? You sure are toned.
I just paid Lowton to photoshop out my fat rolls and make me sexy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:26 10 Aug 2010
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and men had egg salad for lunch.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:29 10 Aug 2010
That Tarzan sure is a real swinger!
Yeah, but he monkeys around too much for my taste.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:31 10 Aug 2010
It's been almost two weeks and I haven't seen Pumbaa.
Oh, he's the Spoof writer they call JB.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:32 10 Aug 2010
WHO says swine flu pandemic is over!
Who says?
By Bureau at 13:43 10 Aug 2010
WHO says swine flu pandemic is over. You deaf?
A rock group cures the flu! Of course I understand.
By Bureau at 13:44 10 Aug 2010
Not a rock group, you idiot!
"You Idiot", sounds like a punk rock band.
By Bureau at 13:45 10 Aug 2010
No. WHO says swine flu pandemic is over!
WHO said? Is this another elephant hearing things?
By Bureau at 13:45 10 Aug 2010
WHO says swine flu pandemic is over! The UN dummy!
So WHO is a UN dummy? Did he once check car crash safety?
By Bureau at 13:47 10 Aug 2010
Yeah that's the one. I will choose my words more closely in my accounts to you.
Oh, that's OK. I've paid all our accounts off with that Nigerian money.
By Bureau at 13:49 10 Aug 2010
Brit walked the entire Amazon River.
Couldn't swim?
By Bureau at 13:53 10 Aug 2010
US & Vietnam are now friends!
Bet than super nice lady, Jane Fonda, got them to shake hands.
By Bureau at 13:55 10 Aug 2010
Spoof forum not the same since the dancing condom left.
Same with Buckwheat's Ass!
By Bureau at 13:57 10 Aug 2010
That was Buckwheat's Butt!
Buckwheat used a dancing condom on his butt?
By Bureau at 13:58 10 Aug 2010
Why do you not understand anything I say this morning?
Why do you not understand anything I say this morning too?
By Bureau at 13:59 10 Aug 2010
One-Star is back. He left for awhile yesterday.
Probably got that wrist disease.
By Bureau at 14:00 10 Aug 2010
Readership is up today!
Yeah. Down goes Bureau. He's the junk man with snips, jokes, diaries and us.
By Bureau at 14:02 10 Aug 2010
My wife is on a diet. Won't eat a thing.
Mine won't eat my thing either.
By Bureau at 14:04 10 Aug 2010
My feet are getting tired. do you think Lowton has a chair?
My neck is stiff, so I can't see any chairs.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:11 10 Aug 2010
This is the longest I've ever been on guard duty.
Sweating in the sun for almost two weeks... we must smell like animals
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:12 10 Aug 2010
Is it true that Lowton is going to start paying us for our points?
Just another urban legend, my friend.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:13 10 Aug 2010
Hey! We've almost got as many captions as Einstien!
...and I've had to stand here and listen to you for all of them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:14 10 Aug 2010
What was this I heard earlier about dancing condoms?
Your only experience is probably drooping condoms.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:14 10 Aug 2010
My mother said that I shouldn't talk to strangers.
...and no one is stranger than your mother.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:15 10 Aug 2010
...and I tell you that pigs can fly!
Just because Pumbaa's ass is jet propelled don't mean he flies.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:16 10 Aug 2010
How did Pumbaa's date go last night with Miss Piggy?
Not good. He says he "blew" it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:17 10 Aug 2010
I understand that Pumbaa and Miss Piggy got scared on their date.
They read an invitiation wrong and ended up at a "Swine" tasting.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:19 10 Aug 2010
Miss Piggy dumped Kermit because of her health?
She said every time she counted to 69, she had a frog in her throat.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:20 10 Aug 2010
I understand Kermit and Piggy had a strange divorce.
Kermit called her physical attacks on him "pork chops."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:21 10 Aug 2010
If Pumbaa marries Miss Piggy, will she be in the next Lion King movie?
Nope, they are still on their honeymoon. They are makin' bacon.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:23 10 Aug 2010
Paris Halton has a new pic out that I paid $10 to get.
That's a fake. You order it from Nigeria?
By Bureau at 16:16 10 Aug 2010
I thopught name sounded strange "Halton"! It was a man in a miniskirt.
Playing with himself. I ordered three.
By Bureau at 16:17 10 Aug 2010
Michelle has changed her story about the $400,000 taxpayor trip.
She was educating her daughter. That's what she said.
By Bureau at 18:31 10 Aug 2010
No, now she's changed it to taking 50 friends to see grieving friend.
I'm grieving over my taxes paying for the trip. She coming here?
By Bureau at 18:32 10 Aug 2010
The Obama's will never visit here. We can't vote.
If dead people can vote, so can we!"
By Bureau at 18:33 10 Aug 2010
"Hey STELLA!!"
Give it up. They'll never give the role to a meerkat.
By Bureau at 20:01 10 Aug 2010
Hey, that guy is taking a whiz and right in front of us.
Wonder how much it expands?
By Bureau at 20:04 10 Aug 2010
"I'm the MOST UPRIGHT Meerkat the world has ever seen!!"
"MEERKATUS ERECTUS?? huh!
By IN SEINE at 20:08 10 Aug 2010
"I'm the MOST UPRIGHT Meerkat the world has ever seen!!"
"You cheat!! I saw you swallow that Viagra tablet"
By IN SEINE at 20:15 10 Aug 2010
Can you imagine regular cats standing like this?
You'd be on my tail...not for the first time.
By Bureau at 20:37 10 Aug 2010
Remember the family reunion photo where we all stood?
Yeah, and Little Herbie pushed one of us over and the whole line went down.
By Bureau at 20:38 10 Aug 2010
Here come those silly rabbits.
We better get to hopping.
By Bureau at 20:39 10 Aug 2010
Why do rabbits panic all the time?
Pretty close to the bottom of the varmit food chain.
By Bureau at 20:39 10 Aug 2010
I'm gay
I know
By Colonel Juan at 21:30 10 Aug 2010
I'm going into combat tomorrow against hyenas. It may be my last...
...night alive. I know, but I'm still not sleeping with you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:12 11 Aug 2010
What's your favorite dance?
The Jungle Boogie; what else?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:13 11 Aug 2010
I always cry when Bambi's mother dies.
Why, just because you didn't get any venison?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:14 11 Aug 2010
Did you hear about that new movie, the Expandables?
Is that the fatty movie with Rosie O'Donnell, Oprah, and Mannheim?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:15 11 Aug 2010
Chelsea Clinton has been married for over a week now.
You mean he kept her after he saw her without the veil?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:17 11 Aug 2010
Turdblossom is going out of town for two days.
Does that mean we have to be quiet the whole time?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:21 11 Aug 2010
No. Bureau is here!
Oh great. Let's hear them and get it over with. Turdblossom, hurry.
By Bureau at 15:26 11 Aug 2010
I'm on jury duty.
Are you nuts? Ask them if you can execute the guy yourself. That gets me off.
By Bureau at 15:27 11 Aug 2010
I can't think of a way out of Jury Duty.
Anyone who can't get off jury duty is already legally insane.
By Bureau at 15:29 11 Aug 2010
So, ideas about the jury duty?
Tell them you were on a Perry Mason rerun. Had to wear black & white.
By Bureau at 15:30 11 Aug 2010
Looks like I'm stuck on that jury.
Got it! Point to a lady in the audience and yell "He did it! That's a man!"
By Bureau at 15:32 11 Aug 2010
JURY DUTY BOUND! Seriously, help!
OK, let's get serious. I got it. Start the wave!
By Bureau at 15:34 11 Aug 2010
Well, we of the jury sent the guy to the chair!
Visit & tell him that if Shirley Maclaine is right, there's no need to worry.
By Bureau at 15:37 11 Aug 2010
Why has Obama's hair turned white so quick?
Trying to crush beer cans on his forehead. Nearly labottomized himself!
By Bureau at 15:39 11 Aug 2010
Did you say Jack the dripper, Kavorkian has invented another machine?
Yes, the Tube Radio & Hairdrier.
By Bureau at 16:05 11 Aug 2010
Why so sad, I'm finally off jury duty. I ate beans three times a day.
How many days? Now I'M on jury duty.
By Bureau at 16:07 11 Aug 2010
Did you get off jury duty?
No. I like it. The accused comes in and I pull up my tie and hang my tongue out!
By Bureau at 16:08 11 Aug 2010
Hate the Yankees buying all those players, but miss Steinbrenner!
Yeah. They say he always included a chocolate mint with every pink slip.
By Bureau at 16:22 11 Aug 2010
You're not off jury duty yet?
Yeah. I got tired. Asked the judge if he had a peter pump under his robe.
By Bureau at 17:22 11 Aug 2010
I see NFL is cutting costs.
Yeah. For Super Bowl halftime, whole crowd gets on field wearing rainbow wigs!
By Bureau at 18:37 11 Aug 2010
That's awful. Those poor kids. Did you do that?
Place a fake rubber vomit beside the real stuff? Yeah. Boy they're adding more.
By Bureau at 18:39 11 Aug 2010
How did our friend get a name like Turdblossom?
This from someone named Dingleberry?
By Bureau at 20:14 11 Aug 2010
Being Governor has really affected Schwarzenegger.
Yeah. Had to get his wife to open a can of whupass for him.
By Bureau at 20:16 11 Aug 2010
I didn't know that?
Yes. It's up to Prince Charles to feed the Royal Monkees. Make a good bar bet.
By Bureau at 23:46 11 Aug 2010
So the new lady has been sworn in as a Supreme Court Justice!
Yes. She's already signed to do a Nike ad.
By Bureau at 23:47 11 Aug 2010
I wonder if the Scientologists are right and we're both puppets on a kid's show?
Kids show puppets don't have dongs the size of these.
By Bureau at 23:50 11 Aug 2010
You know what? Ive thought it over & I believe that pus is fine.
Well, if you're going to have pimples, where'd you be without pus?
By Bureau at 00:04 12 Aug 2010
My friend that goes hunting with me hate his name!
Do you mean, Joe Blob?
By Bureau at 00:05 12 Aug 2010
I may not be a genuis, but I do some deep thinking
Me too. Especially while I'm on the pot, while eating a Baby Ruth.
By Bureau at 00:07 12 Aug 2010
You know what would be a good name for a punk rock band? The Lying Sack Of Shit!
How about "Trench Mouth Privates"?
By Bureau at 00:10 12 Aug 2010
Punk Group name! Turds On The Move!
Armadillo Tits!
By Bureau at 00:14 12 Aug 2010
Punk Rock Group names: Cassie & The Chapped Ass!
Morton & The Jackass Serum.
By Bureau at 00:16 12 Aug 2010
We better stop there or Mark will censor us.
Molded Mickey & The Munchausen's Syndrome!
By Bureau at 00:18 12 Aug 2010
I said, we need to stop there.
Willie & The Wool Sorter's Nose!
By Bureau at 00:19 12 Aug 2010
OK, I tried, Mark.
Freddy & The Flavorless Fleem
By Bureau at 00:22 12 Aug 2010
Go ahead then. Getus into trouble.
The Porkers Of Swine. "We are the Porkers, we are the Porkers of Swine!"
By Bureau at 01:32 12 Aug 2010
Venus & The Pink Fluid!
Little Willie John & Let's Show Our Wangers!
By Bureau at 01:34 12 Aug 2010
'The 900-Pound Thyroid Gone Crazy!'
The Beer Bottles Up Our Arse Four. I think I saw them once.
By Bureau at 01:35 12 Aug 2010
Get off the Punk Rock. You're susposed to be a deep thinker.
After all those battles between Cowboys & Indians, who got the extra horses?
By Bureau at 01:37 12 Aug 2010
Those are deep thoughts?
Yeah. Like where did Marshall Dillon do his laundry? Same clothes every week.
By Bureau at 01:38 12 Aug 2010
You love playing jokes I know.
Yeah. I like making a fresh path way out to nowhere & doubling back.
By Bureau at 01:39 12 Aug 2010
So it's the path to nowhere like the bridge?
Right. It just stops and they stand around looking, then come back.
By Bureau at 01:40 12 Aug 2010
Let's start a new subject. Forget the Punk Rock Bands.
Tent Peg John & His Girly Boys.
By Bureau at 11:35 12 Aug 2010
Too early for punk band favorites!
Yeah. Isaac & The Intestinal Laughtracks!
By Bureau at 13:02 12 Aug 2010
Slight Fever & His Just Don't Feel Well! My last punk band.
Hacker &The Whooping Farts!
By Bureau at 15:55 12 Aug 2010
How come bleedin' David Cameron's taking my photo?
'Cause its better than shagging ya!
By whatinthe world at 15:57 12 Aug 2010
So what do we discuss today?
"Genital Warts & The Clabbercod" OK, my last punk group.
By Bureau at 15:57 12 Aug 2010
Did you outgrow that funny walk?
No. After graduation, my shorts were no longer pulled up over my shoulders.
By Bureau at 15:59 12 Aug 2010
When is it going to rain round here?
When you start doing your own laundry.
By whatinthe world at 16:01 12 Aug 2010
What do you think about water boarding?
I'm against torture. However, that's how I knew my wife really loved me.
By Bureau at 16:02 12 Aug 2010
Had that dream again last night!
The one where you're a turd floating towards the sewer?
By Bureau at 16:04 12 Aug 2010
have you seen that striped donkey?
Nah! But I seen that long necked camel!
By whatinthe world at 16:05 12 Aug 2010
You like Mark's new rating system?
Yeah. But I'm all thumbs.
By Bureau at 16:06 12 Aug 2010
Y'know that David Beckham is retiring?
From what? publicity!
By whatinthe world at 16:08 12 Aug 2010
Now that nerd is a "One Thumb Amigo"
"Thumb & Thumber!"
By Bureau at 16:08 12 Aug 2010
One Thumb Rater is One Thumb Person!
Stuck his thumb up his bum nd pulled out a plum...seed!
By Bureau at 16:11 12 Aug 2010
Politically, I'm drifting towards David Cameron.
So am I luv, but not politically.
By whatinthe world at 16:11 12 Aug 2010
Okay, so I don't smell like I used to! What do I care!
Have you tried Chanel No 5? I tried it once and the whole jungle came after me!
By whatinthe world at 16:16 12 Aug 2010
Heard Reg the Rhino's been poached by hunters.
Poached? Wasn't he better fried?
By whatinthe world at 16:23 12 Aug 2010
Meerkats are really sensitive beings, you know.
Don't I know it..oh and get off my tail!
By whatinthe world at 16:25 12 Aug 2010
which one d'you want?
The one on the left with the big tits
By Colonel Juan at 17:22 12 Aug 2010
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
How would I know?
By Colonel Juan at 17:25 12 Aug 2010
What's the time?
You tell me smart arse..
By Colonel Juan at 17:28 12 Aug 2010
What d'yer want for yer birthday then?
New outfit. I'm tired of this one..
By Colonel Juan at 17:29 12 Aug 2010
News said Nessie was seen again!
I like Nessie. Especially the way she rolls her 'r's.
By Bureau at 18:28 12 Aug 2010
I took a great crap when everyone was off here.
I don't want to know.
By Bureau at 18:29 12 Aug 2010
But it was a beaut.
They don't want to know either. Might be eating their lunch.
By Bureau at 18:30 12 Aug 2010
I measured it as six inches high.
Enough already.
By Bureau at 18:30 12 Aug 2010
Someone will swear there's an elephant around here.
I always thought you were full of it.
By Bureau at 18:31 12 Aug 2010
Some cubscouts passed out.
I know. Go use some leaves.
By Bureau at 18:32 12 Aug 2010
Some say there are many universes. Millions maybe.
So what are they called, Universi?
By Bureau at 18:34 12 Aug 2010
What's Paul the Octopus predicting now?
That his book is going to sell big time!
By Bureau at 18:36 12 Aug 2010
What's his book say?
After all the floods, fires, earthquakes, etc, we're due a big nightclub fire.
By Bureau at 18:39 12 Aug 2010
How about that oncoming asteroid?
Says it'll be a near miss. It'll sling many off of the earth, one 3-minute day.
By Bureau at 18:41 12 Aug 2010
So that's why you have the big shoes on.
Bought them at a clown store, filled then with lead.
By Bureau at 18:42 12 Aug 2010
I figured your ass had enough lead in it to keep you grounded.
I sleep on a magnet. Paul hasn't missed a prediction yet.
By Bureau at 18:46 12 Aug 2010
What will happen to us in a few more days? Mark will replace us.
Got that figured. Your new name is Pattinson and mine is Kristen. We're immortal
By Bureau at 18:48 12 Aug 2010
Even Einstein went down!
You been talking to Mrs. Einstein again?
By Bureau at 18:50 12 Aug 2010
Is topsy turvey a really bad fall?
Not as bad as 'head over arse' I don't think.
By Bureau at 20:05 12 Aug 2010
I'm going back to the Curb Crawler's Races tonight.
You guys should leave those poor old drunks alone!
By Bureau at 20:06 12 Aug 2010
I had a $20 winner last night but he passed out two feet from the finish line.
Any forfeits for pissing themselves?
By Bureau at 20:07 12 Aug 2010
We're not really hurting the old drunks in the races.
Yeah, but to line them up in a crawl & place cheap wine at the finish line!
By Bureau at 20:09 12 Aug 2010
I wonder if Turdblossom is back in town yet.
Maybe if you looked down you see that he wrote these words.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:26 12 Aug 2010
Here about those 500 Sri Lankan refugees in British Columbia?
It'll never be as crime ridden as Miami, El Paso, or San Diego.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:28 12 Aug 2010
Hey Turdblossom! Bureau had us doing names of Punk Rock Goups!
Yeah, and I won!
By Bureau at 20:29 12 Aug 2010
You can now concealed carry in Arizona without a permit.
The people have to defend themselves from the Death Squads.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:30 12 Aug 2010
Would Wyatt Earp enjoy the new concealed carry law in Arizona?
Earp never had to conceal. He wore his gun on his hip like a drug lord.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:30 12 Aug 2010
They found the remains of two more Americans in Vietnam.
Did these die in the war or in the death camps?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:31 12 Aug 2010
We need more Wyatt Earps!
Yeah, but let's give him a howitzer!
By Bureau at 20:31 12 Aug 2010
They found the remains of two more Americans in Vietnam.
If they were alive, they'd be as old as John McCain.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:32 12 Aug 2010
Every year, there are fewer and fewer WWII veterans alive.
With Obama's death squads, there won't be any left in two years.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:33 12 Aug 2010
Wow, we finally passed Einstein for the number of captions.
Wow, I didn't know you could count that high.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:33 12 Aug 2010
Is it true Obama has cranial-rectal inversion?
I'm not sure if it's inversion or insertion, but he has shit for brains
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:34 12 Aug 2010
No one thought that the US and Vietnam would become military buddies.
Paul the Octopus. Page 57 of "Paul's Predictions Volume XXI".
By Bureau at 20:34 12 Aug 2010
The Imam that wants to build the ground zero mosque is weird
If Hamas isn't terrorist, what is it? The moslem boy scouts?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:36 12 Aug 2010
We missed you Turdblossom!
Yeah,but we're no Einstein. Couldn't figure out where you were.
By Bureau at 20:37 12 Aug 2010
Here's a Punk Rock Group: "Bloodclots Moving Upwards"
How about "Irregular Amputeeism"?
By Bureau at 20:41 12 Aug 2010
"Obama & The Shit For Brains"
You stole that one from Turdblossom.
By Bureau at 20:43 12 Aug 2010
I hear that Turdblossom went to Carlsbad, New Mexico.
If he was in the Caverns, no wonder he's so batty.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:43 12 Aug 2010
Bureau and his Punk Rock bands are sure funny!
Yeah, but my favorites were The Incredible Squat Grunts.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:44 12 Aug 2010
Punk rock bands have the weirdest names.
Not always true. Governor Hogg of Texas named his kids Ima and Ura.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:45 12 Aug 2010
I wanted to be a Punker but mom wouldn't let me dye my fur.
Really? She let your Neo-Nazi brother shave his all off.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:47 12 Aug 2010
I wonder how much wetbacks would be worth in Death Race 2000
Not many points in Arizona cuz there's so many of them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:47 12 Aug 2010
September is almost here. That means Oktoberfest.
The Germans lost the world wars because they can't read calendars.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:49 12 Aug 2010
The beer stein I got for Oktoberfest is bigger than me!
...and that fraulein you were dancing with was bigger than Rosie.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:50 12 Aug 2010
Scab and the Festuring Pustules?
I think Bureau quit doing the Punkers and that you can move on now.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:22 12 Aug 2010
Dog and the Leg Humpers? Scratch and the Itching Crotches?
Are you ever going to get tired of listing the Punk Rock Bands?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:24 12 Aug 2010
Tallywhacker and the Scrotum Twins?
Still trying to impress Bureau, are you?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:25 12 Aug 2010
Blood Kotex and the Cramps.
Don't you think that's taking Bureau's punk stuff too far.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:33 12 Aug 2010
Sharia Law and the Stoned Infidels.
Is that a punk band name or your new religion?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:34 12 Aug 2010
Cathouse Linen and the Snail Trails.
Let me guess, a punk band or your Thursday night?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:35 12 Aug 2010
Iceberg and the Titanic Swimmers
Your favorite movie scene or another Bureau punk band?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:36 12 Aug 2010
Carrot Top and the Red Headed Step Children.
Has he been playing around or is this another of your punk bands?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 22:46 12 Aug 2010
Nervous Virgin and the Premature Ejaculations
Your first time or another of Bureau's punk bands?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:48 12 Aug 2010
Dirty Butt and the Racing Streaks
Your underwear or one of Bureau's punk rock bands?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:49 12 Aug 2010
I think I'm about to get my second wind with the punk rock bands.
I didn't know you ever got your first!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:50 12 Aug 2010
Dr. Unhook and the Backseat Bra Straps
One of your teenage fantasies or one of Bureau's punk bands?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:51 12 Aug 2010
This is the 800th of our humble Meerkat captions. Enjoy!
We might be assigned to oblivion tomorrow. Goodnight!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:52 12 Aug 2010
I miscounted on number 800 and did that on 801!
You also thought your mother had eleven nipples.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:52 12 Aug 2010
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. For the next 60....
Why do they always interrupt the good captions with these tests?
By Jalapenoman at 23:55 12 Aug 2010
Wisconsin, Penn State and Purdue! That makes eleven.
I agree, but eleven what?
By Bureau at 23:55 12 Aug 2010
Eleven teams in The Big Ten Conference. Kept me awake all night.
So there are eleven. Why don't they call it The Big Eleven?
By Bureau at 23:56 12 Aug 2010
I called Booby Knight the ol basketball coach. He cussed me out & hung up.
I think that's what I'd do to. So don't be calling me either.
By Bureau at 23:57 12 Aug 2010
Drives me crazy. They are college educated and they can't count.
Maybe Joe Paterno is so old, they leave him out? So now you can sleep.
By Bureau at 00:00 13 Aug 2010
Wendy & The Arm Pits! Great Band!
"Who's walking down the streets of the city..farting like a horse" I loved that.
By Bureau at 00:05 13 Aug 2010
Bureau forgot the PAC-10; with Utah and Colorado, they have 12.
Yeah, but who wants to reprint all that stationery?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:08 13 Aug 2010
The Rum Shits!
Bad Genes & The Twelve Inch Nose Hairs!
By Bureau at 00:08 13 Aug 2010
Bureau forgot the Big 12, which now only has 11.
Since other conferences are larger, can they still be "Big?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:09 13 Aug 2010
Kentucky's not in the southeast US, they should join the Big Twelve.
Kentucky doesn't play football. Well, hardly. They use basketball team for both.
By Bureau at 00:11 13 Aug 2010
Who should I see?
Adolf Rupp! But if you think Knight was pissed, Rupp will run you to death!
By Bureau at 00:13 13 Aug 2010
I thought it was the quarterback that got sacked.
We're mixing messages. The Tick-Borne Hemmorhoids!
By Bureau at 00:15 13 Aug 2010
Colonel Juan just took over #1. Three different number ones in three days!
See, three people, three days. So forget the 11 teams in The Big Ten!
By Bureau at 00:18 13 Aug 2010
Froggy & The Hopping Cough
The Double Rectum Obamas
By Bureau at 00:24 13 Aug 2010
You're looking guilty again. What did you do?
Put Monopoly money in the collection plate. BUT I GAVE $2,000!
By Bureau at 00:26 13 Aug 2010
Placebo & The Human Atrocities!
Hookworm & The Spot of Bother!
By Bureau at 00:30 13 Aug 2010
Cochise & The Skinwalkers
Bald-Headed Custer & The Two Over Easy!
By Bureau at 00:33 13 Aug 2010
Little Jackie Paper and Puff the Magic Dragon
That's a song by Peter, Paul, and Mary. It's not a Punk Rock Group.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 02:37 13 Aug 2010
Reaper and The Natural Causes
Lumpy Nose & The Jewelry Rash
By Bureau at 13:14 13 Aug 2010
Burlap Bag & The Grand Mal Seizures
The Next Kennedy To Die
By Bureau at 13:15 13 Aug 2010
Larry's Lupis
Pope Johnson & The Two Bishops
By Bureau at 13:17 13 Aug 2010
Tiger Woods & The Clawed Balls
Sister Baloney
By Bureau at 13:19 13 Aug 2010
Tiger Woods is playing better.
His golf game seems to be returning also.
By Bureau at 13:21 13 Aug 2010
Wonder if we can break a thousand?
Not with the weekend coming up. They all go get pissed.
By Bureau at 13:22 13 Aug 2010
American football should be here soon. College games in September.J
Just don't start that 11 teams in the Big Ten again!
By Bureau at 13:29 13 Aug 2010
Do you think Alabama will repeat.
Only their boiled peanuts.
By Bureau at 13:29 13 Aug 2010
I thought for sure we'd be replaced this morning. Two weeks and all.
No one can replace me! You, on the other hand; You're fired!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:40 13 Aug 2010
Whatever happened to the Big Eight?
They became the Big 12, who now have only eleven (like the Big 10).
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:41 13 Aug 2010
Some polls have Boise State as high as number two!
A WAC team generally gets treated like number two.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:42 13 Aug 2010
Do you think Boise State has a chance to win the BCS?
Two chances actually: slim and none.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:43 13 Aug 2010
Why don't the other big teams give Boise State any respect?
Folks from Idaho sounds like Ebonic admissions of prostitution.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:44 13 Aug 2010
If I were Pattinson, I'd say "I want to suck your blood."
And Stewart would respond "want me to suck your dick?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:45 13 Aug 2010
Do you think we'll be replaced with Pattinson and Stewart?
That's Bureau's idea, but it depends on Mark's whims and wife.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:45 13 Aug 2010
Do you think we can do 1000 captions?
Do Bureau and Turdblossom have a day off?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:47 13 Aug 2010
Do you know a good cure for vaginal warts?
Staying far away from me is a good start.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 13 Aug 2010
Do you know a good cure for vaginal warts?
You could try amputation at the neck.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:48 13 Aug 2010
Do you know a good cure for vaginal warts?
Elin says sleeping with Tiger should work for that.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 13 Aug 2010
Do you know a good cure for vaginal warts?
Ask Pumbaa, he's the "wart" hog.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:50 13 Aug 2010
Slashed Tires and the Retreads
The Punk band jokes are so yesterday.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:51 13 Aug 2010
Do you remember a song called "Bungle in the Jungle?"
Yep, it was about your sex life.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:52 13 Aug 2010
Have you ever seen a black man naked?
Only in National Geographic... and everywhere! This is Africa!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:53 13 Aug 2010
I took my date out for dinner and a swinging time!
Taking a little girl for a Happy Meal and to a play ground is wrong.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:55 13 Aug 2010
Does everyone really think I'm a pervert?
Your first, you have to be the butt of all my jokes... so yes!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:22 13 Aug 2010
Would you be upset if I went on vacation?
Einstein did a solo act; I think that I could do one also.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:23 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Maybe they hate the ten minute wait for us to load up.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:24 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Just not talented enough, I guess.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:24 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Neither of us is naked and we never slept with a starlet.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:25 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Maybe they are afraid of getting ticks and fleas from you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:25 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
It has nothing to do with punk bands or teams in the big ten.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:26 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
They know they aren't as clever as Turdblossom and Bureau!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:26 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Because they've gotten bored looking at your face for 2 weeks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:27 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
We're African. They expect us to speak in Ebonics.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:27 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
They used all the Tarzan, Lion King, and Meerkat Manor jokes.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:28 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
They don't earn as many points as vagina stories.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:28 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Because "one thumb up their ass bandits" can't rate them badly?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:29 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
"Plastics" (I don't know what that means, but it sounded good)
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:30 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
I think Einstein explained all that with E=mc2.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:30 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people write captions?
Because you don't look enough like Susan Boyle.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:31 13 Aug 2010
I wonder why Jalapenoman wrote a caption yesterday?
Maybe he forgot who was logged in on his computer.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:00 13 Aug 2010
I go first, so I always get to be the "straight" man.
Is that some kind of gay accusation?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:01 13 Aug 2010
The Fungus Among Us!
Saturday Night Livers
By Bureau at 15:21 13 Aug 2010
Have you ever played "drop the soap" in a Turkish prison?
Another one of your fantasies?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:23 13 Aug 2010
The Cowboys played two games and no offensive touchdowns.
Tony Romo must still be the quarterback.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:27 13 Aug 2010
The NFL is back! I watched preseason last night.
The Dallas Cowboys or the cheerleaders?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:27 13 Aug 2010
I miss the old days, before the world knew Meerkats existed
You mean 1994, before the Lion King was released?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:29 13 Aug 2010
You know, if Lowton gives us until Monday, we hit 1000 captions
Only if Bureau and Turdblossom do over 65 more each.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:30 13 Aug 2010
How come no NFL team has meerkats as a mascot?
We're small and cowardly... maybe the Bucs can change names?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:31 13 Aug 2010
Detroit MeerKats!
With pimp outfits!
By Bureau at 15:41 13 Aug 2010
We gottta get off here.
Yeah. But Einstein couldn't do it. It's up to Mark.
By Bureau at 15:41 13 Aug 2010
Yeah but I'm going nutty.
I noticed that. Mumps cause it?
By Bureau at 15:42 13 Aug 2010
No, really. You can only take so much.
Sounds like Monica Lewinsky.
By Bureau at 15:43 13 Aug 2010
It's not standing here, it's those headlines!
Yeah. Robert Pattinson Shat Justin Bieber!
By Bureau at 15:43 13 Aug 2010
NFL Cheerleaders could name themselves after us!
Their vaginas aren't small and furry anymore. They all wax.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:43 13 Aug 2010
What's a wigwam weekend?
I don't know, but it must be pretty in-tents!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:44 13 Aug 2010
I'm surprised at Miley's comment to Paris about Miss Monroe.
Yeah, me too. I didn't know Miley could even spell "Marilyn."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:45 13 Aug 2010
Whoops! Turdblossom's back on!
See you later. But bring some fresh words.
By Bureau at 15:48 13 Aug 2010
It must be tough thinking of funny things for us to say.
Yeah, considering you only have a vocabulary of a dozen words.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:48 13 Aug 2010
I was in the underground in the last war.
You were not! You hid in the tunnels in Meerkat Manor! Not the same.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 15:49 13 Aug 2010
Oh my, you San Fran people have such interesting TV Shows!
"How would YOU like to be Queen For a Day?"
By Bureau at 15:59 13 Aug 2010
I wouldn't want to be queen for an hour.
How about King For A Day. You can be changed.
By Bureau at 16:00 13 Aug 2010
UHoh, Turdblossom!
Turdblossom! Bye.
By Bureau at 16:01 13 Aug 2010
He's gone.
Back to the Punk Rock?
By Bureau at 16:40 13 Aug 2010
Bulldog Jowls & The Bigass Four!
Levitra Mucho & The Amazing Cockup!
By Bureau at 16:41 13 Aug 2010
The Rowdy Brokebacks!
The Petered Out!
By Bureau at 16:42 13 Aug 2010
The Sprained Spleen Six!
The Epidemic Nipple Trickle!
By Bureau at 16:43 13 Aug 2010
The Wandering Willies
Olivia Putin John
By Bureau at 16:44 13 Aug 2010
Tinkerbell & The Twats!
Eagledick Humperback!
By Bureau at 16:44 13 Aug 2010
We better stop there. No us pushing our luck.
The Light Farter Four!
By Bureau at 16:45 13 Aug 2010
Hey look, no one's been here. We waited.
Yeah, we waited. Now what?
By Bureau at 17:09 13 Aug 2010
MeerKats are a man's best friend!
That's true. Ask a dog for a loan and see how friendly they are after that.
By Bureau at 17:11 13 Aug 2010
We won't loan you any money either, but we don't bite.
What's money?
By Bureau at 17:12 13 Aug 2010
I like the Native American saying, "You cannot eat money."
Is it green and got dead presidents on it? I papered my hole with it.
By Bureau at 17:14 13 Aug 2010
You papered your hole with money?
Yeah. I wiped my ass on it too. It was in a attache case in bad condition.
By Bureau at 17:15 13 Aug 2010
Shaddup! You gonna get us killed!
I didn't know. Jefferson Davis. I remembered the president's name on it.
By Bureau at 17:16 13 Aug 2010
Peter Couch! Who's Peter Couch? Sounds like a lazy lover.
That's Peter Crouch. Want to change places. You're near sighted.
By Bureau at 17:18 13 Aug 2010
Mom wanted me to marry a doctor.
Was that why you and that bunch of Pepper children played at it all the time?
By Bureau at 17:20 13 Aug 2010
No kidding. Mom wanted me to be a doctor.
Well, at least you write like one.
By Bureau at 17:21 13 Aug 2010
My mom also warned me about some doctors.
Ohhh yeah! Especially those who want to take your temperature with their finger.
By Bureau at 17:23 13 Aug 2010
Heisman trophy winners always seem to disappear in the NFL.
You mean that there have been Heisman winners in the NFL? When?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:23 13 Aug 2010
Heisman trophy winners always seem to disappear in the NFL.
Are we talking football again? No more Big Ten stuff, please.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:24 13 Aug 2010
Whick new NFL Hall of Famer do I remind you of? Rice or Smith?
No, I look at you and I just see Floyd LITTLE!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:25 13 Aug 2010
Have you ever been to an NFL game?
Considering that we've never been out of Africa... no!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:26 13 Aug 2010
I understand that football is the international sport.
I thought that it was mattress jumping.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:27 13 Aug 2010
American football or soccer?
That's easy... the one with the best cheerleaders.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:27 13 Aug 2010
Only 94 more to hit a thousand Meerkat captions. Can we do it?
We'll do it today if Bureau doesn't do any snippets!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:28 13 Aug 2010
Does your mother know that you hang out with people like me?
I tell your mother about it every night in bed.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:29 13 Aug 2010
Don't you think Timon deserved the Oscar for The Lion King?
No, it was Pumbaa's performance that blew them away.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:31 13 Aug 2010
Lady Godiva must still be on her vacation.
I've been waiting for her to ride by on that horse, but no luck.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:40 13 Aug 2010
Turdblossom, Bureau, and Lady Godiva have written 90%.
Of the captions or the fake prescriptions?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:42 13 Aug 2010
And Mark said he wouldn't allow that on here.
You're full of shit. You just said that to mix things up.
By Bureau at 18:04 13 Aug 2010
Or elsed you're banned, that's what he said.
Will you knock it off. You're screwing with my brains.
By Bureau at 18:04 13 Aug 2010
That's your second warning.
Don't believe a word he's saying. He's pulling one on us.
By Bureau at 18:05 13 Aug 2010
Plus they will sued you to death.
Who? Oh, you got me on that one. So give it up.
By Bureau at 18:06 13 Aug 2010
Then Obama said, The Spoof had better lay off or he'll have us closed down.
Now THAT I can believe.
By Bureau at 18:07 13 Aug 2010
Good thing you removed that or you were out of here, Buddy!
You are not. That's this idiot making things up.
By Bureau at 18:09 13 Aug 2010
"I can't dance, I can't sing. I make my money by shaking that thing!
From here, I can barely see the thing.
By Bureau at 18:12 13 Aug 2010
But I told Mark, these people don't want your money!
You'll never be back on here again.
By Bureau at 18:19 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
You mean "squeak?"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:43 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Helen Reddy would kill you if she heard that version.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:43 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
It's hard to hear you roaring above the other animals' loud laughter.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:44 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Why? Did you stub your toe again?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:45 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Sounds more like a whine to me.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:46 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
What are you going to do next? Burn your bra in protest?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:47 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Next thing you'll say is that you were at Woodstock.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:47 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
I am bored, watch me leave.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:48 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Simon Cowell would call that singing "bloody awful."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:49 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
That would get you deserved 3 "X's" on America's Got Talent.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:50 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Quick! Where's The Gong Show when you need it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:51 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
You're just supposed to dance for the organ grinder, not sing.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:52 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
You're a guy! Are you trying to be San Francisco style again?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Let me get out of the way before anyone thows rotten fruit.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:53 13 Aug 2010
"I am Meerkat, hear me roar...."
Your singing ability needs something... like talent.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:59 13 Aug 2010
If you weren't a Meerkat, what would you like to be?
A Beerkat!
By Bureau at 19:00 13 Aug 2010
Do you ever get the impression that we're being watched?
Do you ever get the impression that you're nuts?
By Bureau at 19:01 13 Aug 2010
When do we get off here?
Actually, I've gotten off a couple of times. Sometimes there's no one on here.
By Bureau at 19:02 13 Aug 2010
Seriously, when is our time up?
You ever see a Meerkat with a watch?
By Bureau at 19:02 13 Aug 2010
Do Meerkat me...mow...meeee...uh meee..ooo
Apparently not.
By Bureau at 19:03 13 Aug 2010
Bureau's output on snippets is dropping.
That's because he's on here all the time.
By Bureau at 19:04 13 Aug 2010
"Meerkats... Meerkats who need Meerkats, are the luckiest..."
I could shoot Striesand for that song.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:05 13 Aug 2010
"Meerkats... Meerkats who need Meerkats, are the luckiest..."
I have to hear that song enough from Miss America contestants!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:05 13 Aug 2010
"Meerkats... Meerkats who need Meerkats, are the luckiest..."
Remind me again why we still allow you in the tribe?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:06 13 Aug 2010
Did Chubby Checker ever do a dance about Meerkats?
He was called "chubby", not "shorty."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:06 13 Aug 2010
"It's a Meerkat world after all..."
Now Disney is on the death list.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:07 13 Aug 2010
"It's a Meerkat world after all..."
So why don't you go to L.A. or Orlando and visit it?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:08 13 Aug 2010
"It's a Meerkat world after all..."
Right...is that why we control the United Nations?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:09 13 Aug 2010
When I was a kid, we worshipped the Family Jewels and honored them.
These kids today call it their "junk."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:10 13 Aug 2010
Nigerian, Afrikaans, Zulu, what are other African languages?
Ebonics is the most primitive one I can think of.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:11 13 Aug 2010
"Roll me over in the clover, roll me over lay me down and do it again."
That's not going to happen, but at least you quit singing about us.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:13 13 Aug 2010
What do you really think of my musical ability?
I think it is comparable to the noises from Pumbaa's butt.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:20 13 Aug 2010
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am the world's first singing Meerkat
And he uses the word "singing" very loosely.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:20 13 Aug 2010
If you don't like my singing, you can always leave.
Not as long as Lowton has got us on here.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:21 13 Aug 2010
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is officially T.T.'s 900th caption.
That man really needs to get a life.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:22 13 Aug 2010
T T's the man!
I prefer them on a woman, thank you!
By Bureau at 19:30 13 Aug 2010
Why don't more people have Meerkats for pets?
I don't know. We're friendly. I'd even piss in a box if someone would feed me.
By Bureau at 19:35 13 Aug 2010
We'd be less trouble than a cat or a dog.
Yeah. The dog always has to be walked. You could just squeeze us out the window.
By Bureau at 19:37 13 Aug 2010
A home fo two loving meerkats out there.
Mark said he's do all the paperwork. Well, until we reached your house.
By Bureau at 19:37 13 Aug 2010
We're meer kats...me..meee...meeooo.. buzzzzz!
Give it up. That your version of a prrr...now I'm doing it.
By Bureau at 19:39 13 Aug 2010
Or we could even ne Meer dogs. Snap! Snap! Snap!
Wouldn't even chase cars. Just write down their license number.
By Bureau at 19:41 13 Aug 2010
Bureau can't spell worth shit.
He can spell. He just can't type.
By Bureau at 19:42 13 Aug 2010
Snap! Snap Snap!! SNAP!!
Forget it. You're not fooling anybody. We're meerkats, not dogs.
By Bureau at 19:43 13 Aug 2010
What if we're really Weercats and they got a letter upsidedown
Do you howl at the moon and hate silver bullets?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:43 13 Aug 2010
I think I'm a weerkat, not a meerkat.
I doubt they'll sign you up for any Hollywood horror movies.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:44 13 Aug 2010
I'm really a Weerkat and come out in the full moon.
You do guard duty every night, asshole.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:45 13 Aug 2010
What makes you think I'm not a weerkat?
I can't imagine you getting any hairier or scaring anyone.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:46 13 Aug 2010
My next movie will be "The Curse of the Weerkat"
Right, ticket buyers will be cursed with a bad movie if they go.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:47 13 Aug 2010
I am a weerkat, cousin to the werewolf.
Maybe a cousin to the werebeagle!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:47 13 Aug 2010
I'm signed up for "An African Weerkat in London"
Wow! A worse movie than "The Chimpumks Squeakuell"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:49 13 Aug 2010
The weerkat comes out when there is a full moon.
No, that's just JB bending over!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:50 13 Aug 2010
As a card carrying weerkat, I have vampires.
Well, they are about as real as weerkats.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:51 13 Aug 2010
I wonder if the werewolf legend started with the weerkats?
Well, the weerkat legend all started in your head... so "NO!"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:52 13 Aug 2010
I am a weerkat, a creature of the night. Fear and tremble.
This two week's on duty has made you have delusions.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:53 13 Aug 2010
If I'm not a weerkat, then where did the idea come from?
Turdblossom is as bad a typist as Bureau.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:54 13 Aug 2010
Lock your doors, the weerkat preys on the night of a full moon.
I'm personally "praying" you regain your sanity soon.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:55 13 Aug 2010
Watch out! I loose control when I turn into a weerkat!
Contol of your bladder! You just pee yourself.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:13 13 Aug 2010
The weerkat is the demon hunter of the African Savannah.
Would you quit stalking Savannah cuz she's only 16. She's jailbait!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:14 13 Aug 2010
The weerkat is the meanest, roughest creature and is beyond terrifying
Only in your imagination.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:16 13 Aug 2010
The weerkat is the meanest, roughest creature and is beyond terrifying
Does he wear Spiderman underoos like you do?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:16 13 Aug 2010
The weerkat is the meanest, roughest creature and is beyond terrifying
Yeah, but you still call for your weer-mommy when you see hyenas.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:16 13 Aug 2010
A weerkat is just as bad as a vampire, mummy, or Frankenstien.
Can I guess that you are going as a weerkat on Halloween?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:18 13 Aug 2010
I think I've just about run out of things to say about weerkats.
Then I guess it is Bureau's turn again. Will he take us to 1000?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:19 13 Aug 2010
I don't think Barnbie dolls are friendly.
You have one do you?
By Bureau at 20:24 13 Aug 2010
I found it. But you have to BUY her friends!
Buy her friends what?
By Bureau at 20:25 13 Aug 2010
No, if you want your Barbie to have friends, you got to go out and buy some.
That's what I did in Las Vegas. It was worth it.
By Bureau at 20:26 13 Aug 2010
Not to say I play with dolls.
At our size, it's worth a try.
By Bureau at 20:27 13 Aug 2010
Maybe a few drinks first.
Seems to me she's be more of a glue sniffer.
By Bureau at 20:30 13 Aug 2010
I meant for me. I'd need a few drinks.
To get you loaded, I guess.
By Bureau at 20:30 13 Aug 2010
No, to get the voices out of my head.
Well Hello Mark! Get me away from this nutjob!
By Bureau at 20:31 13 Aug 2010
I think Bureau ran out of steam with just eleven captions to go.
Quick! Find Lindsay, Britney, or Paris to give him a blowjob!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:39 13 Aug 2010
Will a blowjob help Bureau to get us to 1000 captions?
I don't know, but I doubt that he'd complain much about it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:40 13 Aug 2010
How long do you think Bureau's blowjob will take till he finishes?
I'd give him 30 seconds and he'll be back.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:42 13 Aug 2010
Bureau is taking longer than we thought for this.
Maybe the hooker couldn't find his house.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:42 13 Aug 2010
How are we ever going to get to 1000 captions without him?
Another spoofer might have to step up to the plate. Right!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:43 13 Aug 2010
Why is it taking Bureau so long to finish and get back here?
Maybe he's enjoying one of those four hour Cialis erections.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:44 13 Aug 2010
Do you think Bureau will make it back soon? I'm nervous!
He could also be taking a dump or watching final Jeopardy.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:45 13 Aug 2010
He said he had to go to BG!
The art thing. He's artsy fartsy.
By Bureau at 20:45 13 Aug 2010
It's not like Bureau to give up with less than a dozen to go.
He probably had some good snippet ideas.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:46 13 Aug 2010
Let's do a singalong!
Let's not and say we did.
By Bureau at 20:46 13 Aug 2010
"Meerkat rowed the boat ashore...."
I'm not singing. This isn't the early '60's.
By Bureau at 20:47 13 Aug 2010
A sing along for our 100th caption? It didn't caption the spirit.
I'd like to go and capture me some spirits right now. Jack Daniels!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:48 13 Aug 2010
Hey! 1000! We hit the big one!
Meerkat rowed the boat ashore, we hit 1,000"
By Bureau at 20:49 13 Aug 2010
That's why they wanted bureau back on.
Bet he didn't even notice it.
By Bureau at 20:50 13 Aug 2010
Congratulations!
Especially to Turdblossom! I fear the next ones on here will not match us.
By Bureau at 20:52 13 Aug 2010
Never have so few did so much for so little!
They have to be halfwits. Spend an hour talking for Meerkats!
By Bureau at 20:54 13 Aug 2010
Okay Mark, you can change us now. We passed our goal of 1000.
I'll bet the next picture's a naked woman and it's up in his bathroom.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:03 13 Aug 2010
Mark! Mark! Are you there? Are you paying attention to us? We're done
He's probably in his kitchen fixing a midnight toasted sandwich.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:04 13 Aug 2010
I'm ready for retirement and to go to bed. 14 days is a long time.
Hitler got 5, the Queen got 6, Einstein got 11. Mark abused us.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:05 13 Aug 2010
Do you think that Bureau and Turdblossom are tired?
Over 200 captions today... yep, they are out of ideas and just dead.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:07 13 Aug 2010
Mark! Mark! How about a different picture before you go to bed tonight.
We'd like to see something with a little more skin after us.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:08 13 Aug 2010
I think Mark went to bed and didn't listen to our cry for help.
He's probably in bed dreaming about who to ban next.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:09 13 Aug 2010
My paw is between two chestnuts...
Those aren't chestnuts!
By Moose at 23:50 13 Aug 2010
Watch the road, lots of drunks out.
You mean the drivers or us?
By Bureau at 01:53 14 Aug 2010
They're supposed to have this device now to keep you from driving while drunk.
They always had those. They're called trees, light posts, big fat people.
By Bureau at 01:55 14 Aug 2010
I'm not much of a drinker.
You do drugs, right?
By Bureau at 02:01 14 Aug 2010
I USED to do drugs but, ah I still do. How can you tell?
You been staring at that one spot for five days.
By Bureau at 02:02 14 Aug 2010
I'd never recommend dope to anyone.
Couldn't afford the good stuff, eh? That's for the ballplayers with the bucks.
By Bureau at 02:03 14 Aug 2010
Oh, there's more than those with the Bucks. Detroit is eat up with 'em.
They attack crowds there.
By Bureau at 02:04 14 Aug 2010
Cocaine can magnify your personality.
But what if you're an ass? I've seen you kicking up your heels a few times.
By Bureau at 02:06 14 Aug 2010
Alcohol and cocaine don't mix.
Yeah. The powder just floats around on top. It's snort and drink! Sneeze & piss.
By Bureau at 02:08 14 Aug 2010
Hey! Look ahead....Lady G.'s back from her 3 weeks on holiday.
Oh....I thought it'd been a bit quiet! She's got a lot of catching up to do.
By Lady Godiva at 10:08 14 Aug 2010
Crikey! If Mark changes the cap. now...Lady G. will miss all the fun we've had.
She won't care! She knows there'll be more fun and she'll be in at the start.
By Lady Godiva at 10:24 14 Aug 2010
Do you think Mark's gone on his holidays and forgotten about us?
Quite possible. Aah well! It's not like the two of us can do anything about it
By Lady Godiva at 10:25 14 Aug 2010
Good morning to thoae just getting on.
Yeah, we're still here. But we were lying down while you were off.
By Bureau at 13:11 14 Aug 2010
Obama has approved the building of the mosque at Ground Zero.
That should help his ratings a bunch.
By Bureau at 13:12 14 Aug 2010
He's placing old Japanese plane museum in Hawaii.
Having Native Americans build statues of Kit Carson & Custer.
By Bureau at 13:13 14 Aug 2010
The Obama is going on vacation.
Well, at least SOME good news.
By Bureau at 13:14 14 Aug 2010
Not many on here right now. Why don't you go rest?
I might just run out & get a couple of cool ones.
By Bureau at 13:15 14 Aug 2010
It was nice of Mark to put a TV over there.
Yeah, we can wathc the PGA Tournament.
By Bureau at 13:16 14 Aug 2010
So what's our next gig?
I've volunteered us for drug-testing. Pretty good new stuff out there.
By Bureau at 13:17 14 Aug 2010
Wonder if we're cross-curcuiting with another writer?
Let's stop and see!
By Bureau at 13:19 14 Aug 2010
Hey Lady Godiva's back!
That's all you could see was her back. Nice horse though.
By Bureau at 13:19 14 Aug 2010
Back to the drug-testing, how long?
We're up for it all winter. proceeded by a basemant party at my place.
By Bureau at 13:23 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
Your prize is to stay up here for at least another day.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:55 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
It also says everyone is the 100,000th visitor.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:55 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
Lowton's marketing strategy: annoy the readers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:56 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
You get a date with Rosie O'Donnell. Not much of a prize.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:56 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
Everybody wins. It's just as bad as t-ball or Special Olympics.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:57 14 Aug 2010
Is it true that Al-Queda and Hamas both fund terrorism?
Shhhh, we can't start any racial hatred, but it is true.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:58 14 Aug 2010
Is it true that over 90% of terrorist acts are Moslem sponsored?
Yes, it's true, but saying so is racial hatred.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:59 14 Aug 2010
The ground zero mosque is being built on a victory site? Really?
Shhh, pointing that out is racial hatred.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:00 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
It's said that every day for several weeks. No one wants the prize.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:01 14 Aug 2010
This voice just said "congratulations, you won!"
Stop paying attention to the ads and say something funny.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:01 14 Aug 2010
Is the farm craze ad any different than farmville on facebook?
I think I'm the only person in the world not on facebook.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:03 14 Aug 2010
"You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put..."
Can we do something besides The Hokey Pokey?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:04 14 Aug 2010
"You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put..."
What's next, the stupid chicken dance?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:05 14 Aug 2010
"You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put..."
If you start singing YMCA, I'm going to kill you.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:05 14 Aug 2010
I'd like to throw a paper airplane on 9/11 to remember the victims.
With your hands, you can't even make a paper airplane.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:06 14 Aug 2010
I'd like to throw a paper airplane on 9/11 to remember the victims
Yes, but some Englishmen think that the Moslems were the victims.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:07 14 Aug 2010
I'd like to throw a paper airplane on 9/11 to remember the victims
We don't have any paper; we're cute little jungle animals.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 14 Aug 2010
I'd like to throw a paper airplane on 9/11 to remember the victims
You race monger!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:08 14 Aug 2010
"100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer. If one..."
If you even get to the 80's, I'll shove the empties up your ass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 14 Aug 2010
"100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer. If one..."
Someone's trying to die today. I wonder who?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:09 14 Aug 2010
"100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer. If one..."
You've never even tried beer. You are a meerkat, not a fat cat!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:10 14 Aug 2010
I was just kiddding about the drugs. I don't take them.
I saw what it was doing to my friends. They turned green, purple and had 10 legs
By Bureau at 14:44 14 Aug 2010
Your friends had ten legs?
Of course not, but they did while I was taking drugs.
By Bureau at 14:45 14 Aug 2010
I hate that mosque on the Ground Zero site.
Me too. You take it & I'll take the Dome & we'll share the virgins.
By Bureau at 14:48 14 Aug 2010
Osama Bin Meerkat!
Osama bin Nutjob!
By Bureau at 14:48 14 Aug 2010
I like nutjobs.
Sounds erotic but painful.
By Bureau at 14:50 14 Aug 2010
It's Ramadan time again!
Ramadan mow mo mow, doo shebop. Rama lama ding dong! Blue Moon!
By Bureau at 14:51 14 Aug 2010
Love those old Do-Stop singers.
That's Do Wap!
By Bureau at 14:52 14 Aug 2010
Earth-Shaker in California yesterday!
Schwarzenegger fart again?
By Bureau at 14:54 14 Aug 2010
No an actual earthquake, though small.
Anyone hurt? Anyone that can still feel things I mean.
By Bureau at 14:55 14 Aug 2010
Wiped out a whole Etch-A Sketch Museum!
You set me up for that didn't you?
By Bureau at 14:56 14 Aug 2010
One way to tell if there's an earthquake.
I'm not asking...Jerry Brown acts normal? Jello don't shake?
By Bureau at 14:59 14 Aug 2010
"Trembling from all the rehab centers is out of sinc."
Hah! My Jerry Brown was better than that!
By Bureau at 15:00 14 Aug 2010
Getting a little belly aren't you?
Yes, the wife has been agreeable.
By Bureau at 15:19 14 Aug 2010
I meant YOUR belly. Pooching out!
I'm on a light diet. As soon as the sun comes up, I start eating.
By Bureau at 15:20 14 Aug 2010
The wife says that I go to the refrigerator so much at night....
Your neighbors think you have a strobe light over there. Heard that one before!
By Bureau at 15:23 14 Aug 2010
Hey Meerkat, look's like you're leaving? Is it the double standards?
Yes, I may or may not be back. Enjoy the "Defender of the Moslem faith"
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 17:38 14 Aug 2010
Our owner is missing again.
I wondered how we were getting by with so much.
By Bureau at 18:06 14 Aug 2010
There goes the secret spy satellite overhead!
You're nuts. How can it be secret if you know it?
By Bureau at 18:08 14 Aug 2010
It's from Google. We just got our pics taken about 5 minutes ago.
Five? Well thanks for warning me now. I had to scoot and poot!
By Bureau at 18:09 14 Aug 2010
The worst thing that can happen in the upcoming elections?
Electing Illegals?
By Bureau at 18:25 14 Aug 2010
I think the worst thing is that they don'r slip you a few bucks anymore.
No, they slip us a couple of bummers!
By Bureau at 18:26 14 Aug 2010
That was a great time traveler's convention we had next week.
Some more of your bullshit?
By Bureau at 19:13 14 Aug 2010
No, you weren't there. But I'm going to be.
You're just screwing with me again.
By Bureau at 19:14 14 Aug 2010
Not while Bureau's watching.
Bureau, don't you dare move.
By Bureau at 19:14 14 Aug 2010
Hee Hee I've got HIM talking to himself and You all screwed up.
No you didn't.
By Bureau at 19:15 14 Aug 2010
Yes I did. You just won't know about it until next week.
I'm going to quit talking. They won't print unless we both talk.
By Bureau at 19:16 14 Aug 2010
Next meeting of the Time Travelers. It's last March. You're invited!
mmm
By Bureau at 19:17 14 Aug 2010
See it printed.
Not until I mmmmed.
By Bureau at 19:17 14 Aug 2010
OK I'll drop the Time Travel thing.
Time you did!
By Bureau at 19:18 14 Aug 2010
My grandfather won a lifetime supply of moon pies but only six pie arrived.
I remember that. He got so mad he choked to death on that sixth one.
By Bureau at 19:22 14 Aug 2010
Moon pies and Night Train don't mix well.
Going down or coming up. Been there, done that. Lived to tell about it.
By Bureau at 19:23 14 Aug 2010
So I said, you and me too! ha ha ha!
You're doing that confusing people thing again aren't you?
By Bureau at 19:25 14 Aug 2010
No, I will not have fries with that and if you ask me again, I'll piss the floor
You'll clean it up too. Rats. Now you got me answering your nonsense.
By Bureau at 19:26 14 Aug 2010
I saw the Redskins today & they had the Eagles quarterback!
Raided the nest?
By Bureau at 19:27 14 Aug 2010
Bureau sent a card "Got only 2 categories in the plus side & you 2 are one.
"One what?" Oh he ran out of letters. "You're one of them.
By Bureau at 19:32 14 Aug 2010
Glad we could help!
Tell Turdblossom to come back. We need fresh shit.
By Bureau at 19:33 14 Aug 2010
"I went to see the shrink this morning - told him that I was THE INVISIBLE MAN"
"So... did he SEE you???
By IN SEINE at 21:13 14 Aug 2010
"Holmes! what is that elephant doing with a yelow fruit stuck up her bottom?"
"LEMONENTRY Mr Dear Watson!!!"
By IN SEINE at 21:22 14 Aug 2010
I feel something has happened to our friend, Mark, Holmes.
This sounds like a three pipe problem, Watson.
By Bureau at 00:13 15 Aug 2010
One pipe after the other?
How else? You want three in my mouth? How about 2 and 1 up my arse?
By Bureau at 00:14 15 Aug 2010
Want the Baker Street Irregulars here?
No. Tell them I'll be with the priests. Then we'll look for Mark.
By Bureau at 00:21 15 Aug 2010
Where shall we look?
We'll look first at the sausage factory. I feel the wurst.
By Bureau at 00:23 15 Aug 2010
I can see you feeling the wurst.
You never leave. I have no privacy.
By Bureau at 00:23 15 Aug 2010
Maybe you should try a master disguise.
What does a master look like?
By Bureau at 00:32 15 Aug 2010
I'll get the lads.
Take them to the priests, I owe the priests a bit.I shall work alone.
By Bureau at 00:33 15 Aug 2010
Who will I look for?
Saddam Hussein. One of my favorites. Shall the crap out of the crooks.
By Bureau at 00:34 15 Aug 2010
Saddam Hussein?
yes, I use it often. Powder my face. Rope around my neck.
By Bureau at 00:36 15 Aug 2010
But why Saddam Hussein?
Same initials. Ever see Saddam and me together? I think not.
By Bureau at 00:36 15 Aug 2010
Night fever, night fever. We know how to do it.
Gimme that night fever, night fever. We know how to show it.
By Moose at 01:27 15 Aug 2010
"Holmes! what are those entrails sticking out of that dead Gnu called?"
"ALLIMENTARY My Dear Watson!"
By IN SEINE at 13:33 15 Aug 2010
" D'ya see that lion, asleep over there??"
"Yeah..whatever you do, don't cross him.... HE'S A SEDATE LION!"
By IN SEINE at 13:42 15 Aug 2010
"The Boss says that a Leopard has been SPOTTED prowling about the Manor!!!"
"Don't worry, they all are!"
By IN SEINE at 14:54 15 Aug 2010
God knows, I tried to keep him satisfied, but he always wanted more, more, more!
Well, with her he'll get more and more fleas. The bitch!
By Frankie The J at 15:29 15 Aug 2010
You know what the worst thing about this fall elections?
Probably that half of those jaybirds will win.
By Bureau at 16:16 15 Aug 2010
That too. However I was thinking about all the TV ads coming up.
They each get their 15 hours of fame, win or lose!
By Bureau at 16:17 15 Aug 2010
We already know who will win. The ones that forget all about you as soon as elec
Ted! I don't mean I'm voteing for some Ted. I just finished your thought.
By Bureau at 16:19 15 Aug 2010
We've been on here too long. You're finishing my
sentenses? Well, you did mine when I stole that radio. They can't tell us apart.
By Bureau at 16:20 15 Aug 2010
So you're the one whole stole the radio. I got six months.
I got patted on the back. Plus your wife thought I was you.
By Bureau at 16:21 15 Aug 2010
That six months with the wife, you deserved!
Six months of screaming fits & that was just me.
By Bureau at 16:22 15 Aug 2010
Hello Bureau!
Yeah, Bureau. You left here 2 hours ago and no one's came by.
By Bureau at 19:03 15 Aug 2010
Saw where Snooki is running for VP with McCain!
I was pulling for Lohan.
By Bureau at 19:04 15 Aug 2010
Missed the thunderstorm.
We had to duck into the hole. But no one was watching.
By Bureau at 19:05 15 Aug 2010
Lots of lightning.
Who was it that said "Electricity is organized lightning? Edison? George Carlin
By Bureau at 19:06 15 Aug 2010
I remember Carlin as the Hippy Dippy Weatherman!
Didn't realize you were that old. "Tonight: Darkness followed by light!"
By Bureau at 19:08 15 Aug 2010
We may leave tomorrow. Mark had us sign papers. Who to notify? Mom!
What could your Mom do if you were hurt? I put "The closest Doctor."
By Bureau at 19:10 15 Aug 2010
Bet the next caption don't hit 1100!
Turdblossom deserves a metal.
By Bureau at 19:11 15 Aug 2010
I think he's got a metal.
I didn't mean the one in his head, that old war injury. Football?
By Bureau at 19:12 15 Aug 2010
He walks by a magnet and he tips his head at you.
Arms and legs shoot straight out. I'm glad we put that magnet there.
By Bureau at 19:14 15 Aug 2010
You're just trying to get him back on here.
And so are you. Go do some snippets, Bureau. I hear thunder.
By Bureau at 19:15 15 Aug 2010
Looks like we're back on. No Turdblossom!
Nope, not a single blossom.
By Bureau at 19:43 15 Aug 2010
We took Einstein and introduced him to Hitler. Bad mistake.
We left Mussilini separating them.
By Bureau at 19:44 15 Aug 2010
Remember the Mood Ring?
Was that a gay thing? No that there's anything wrong with that.
By Bureau at 19:46 15 Aug 2010
They were rings that reflected your mood.
Like my mother-in-law. They're around her eyes. Freaks me out.
By Bureau at 19:47 15 Aug 2010
A year after the day I was fixed, the wife said she was preggers. Ring exploded!
Glad I never got one.
By Bureau at 19:50 15 Aug 2010
Obama approved that mosque, then said he didn't mean it.
Is he for it or against it?
By Bureau at 20:01 15 Aug 2010
I don't know if Obamas for the mosque or against it. You know politicians.
He's probably both.
By Bureau at 20:02 15 Aug 2010
Like others we both know, some people don't know what they're doing.
Yes...but they are very good at it. I heard that on SNL the other night.
By Bureau at 20:03 15 Aug 2010
Saturday Night Live? All the good ones on there died.
They should change it to "Saturday Night Dead"
By Bureau at 20:04 15 Aug 2010
If they dropped the big one nearby, would you flee the area?
I'd flee right under it. Don't want to be gnawing my tongue for a month!
By Bureau at 21:50 15 Aug 2010
After this gig, I'm retiring. You?
Might. I work at a "you scratch my back, I scratch your eyes out" place.
By Bureau at 21:53 15 Aug 2010
I didn't think that Dancing with the Meerkats would be such hard work.
Do you think we should go with the Salsa or the Argentinean tango?
By Moose at 22:07 15 Aug 2010
Well, we've learned one thing here.
Yeah. Never take a modeling job from a guy that calls you Snooks!
By Bureau at 23:56 15 Aug 2010
I believe posing for a painting less stressful.
I'll be looking at people sideways for a year.
By Bureau at 23:57 15 Aug 2010
My next gig is at Weetabix. "Weetie The Meerkat says, eat your Weetabix, kids!"
Whatever mine is, I hope it's OK to do while looking back over your shoulder.
By Bureau at 00:01 16 Aug 2010
We may be doing tomorrow. Want some coffee?
I don't like drinking coffee or cokes at work. They keep me awake.
By Bureau at 01:18 16 Aug 2010
With some whiskey.
Talked me right into it. Leave off the coffee.
By Bureau at 01:19 16 Aug 2010
Mark has treated us right.
I'll agree when I see the check.
By Bureau at 01:21 16 Aug 2010
But some bosses. I was 2 hours late because a bus knock me down some steps.
It took you 2 hours to fall down some steps?
By Bureau at 01:22 16 Aug 2010
Exactly what HE said. So I patted him on the head..with my fist.
Can't get paid for that. But I guess it made you feel better.
By Bureau at 01:23 16 Aug 2010
All the way to jail.
Oh. What about that A-Rod hitting 3 home runs?
By Bureau at 01:24 16 Aug 2010
Been talking to Hitler, Mussilini. Did you knaow that Hirohito was behind them?
How about Stalin?
By Bureau at 11:53 16 Aug 2010
Stalin? We're here all day as it is.
Stalin! Stalin! Not Stalling.
By Bureau at 11:54 16 Aug 2010
Weetabix canceled my ad contract because I had to be here again today.
I got off because of sickness. The boss is sick of me.
By Bureau at 15:12 16 Aug 2010
Why do dogs always piss on fire hydrants? Marking their territory?
Water draws water, maybe?
By Bureau at 15:13 16 Aug 2010
A guy on TV said he tried to get a job at the fire hydrant factory.
Saw it! Said he couldn't find a legal place to park so he went back home.
By Bureau at 15:14 16 Aug 2010
How come we don't say "on the dole" here?
Elizabeth Dole does. That is, if Bob's taking his purple pills.
By Bureau at 15:16 16 Aug 2010
Bureau's back. Nobody else today. I forgot what we were talking about.
Jobs. We need something after this gig. But it looks like this one's permanent.
By Bureau at 17:27 16 Aug 2010
Some places I have worked were awful.
Lots of them are. The only thing worse that being fired was being hired.
By Bureau at 17:28 16 Aug 2010
The wife always gets off when she calls in with "female problems".
Won't work for us. Or can they tell?
By Bureau at 17:29 16 Aug 2010
Actually her 'female problem' is the lady she worked for.
Then I HAVE had that. She used to hit on me. Usually a dart.
By Bureau at 17:30 16 Aug 2010
Well, I refuse to work for the first 15 minutes on any job.
Right. That's our recess.
By Bureau at 18:43 16 Aug 2010
Did you know we work our first 3 hours a day for taxes, etc.?
So, come in 3 hours late.
By Bureau at 19:04 16 Aug 2010
I mean it. The first 3 hours goes for taxes.
So for nearly half my day, I work for the government?
By Bureau at 19:04 16 Aug 2010
Right. Your first 3 hours of work are for the government.
That explains why I can't get nothing done in the mornings.
By Bureau at 19:05 16 Aug 2010
I'll never work for Wally World?
Me neither. Name tags can be rough. Especially when you don't wear clothes.
By Bureau at 19:07 16 Aug 2010
Like they say, name on bldg: Rich, name on door: Struggling, name on shirt: Poor
Name on skin: Pissed.
By Bureau at 19:10 16 Aug 2010
See that bear with a jar on it's head?
Glad they freed it. Bad enough to die that way, let alone being called Jarhead!
By Bureau at 19:29 16 Aug 2010
Let's do a duo. "Like a bridge over troubled water.."
I can't do Garfunkle. My balls ride up on me.
By Bureau at 19:32 16 Aug 2010
Let's see... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
I'm guessing that you are counting how long we've been here?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:23 16 Aug 2010
17 days without a day off. This Lowton's a slave driver.
I understand he doesn't pay his writers anything either.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:24 16 Aug 2010
Will anyone ever actually go back and read all these captions?
Not unless it is someone who doesn't have a life, like the writer
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:25 16 Aug 2010
1166 captions. I never knew I had so much to say.
I never knew Meerkats could speak English.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:25 16 Aug 2010
Who do you think said more words, you or me?
You say stupid stuff, I comment and call you an idiot. Who counts?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:26 16 Aug 2010
How high will our numbers go before Lowton actually changes us?
The day after he starts signing writer's paychecks.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:27 16 Aug 2010
You've never commented on my boob job.
That's because you're just as big a boob as you ever were.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:28 16 Aug 2010
The sonogram shows that I'm actually having twins.
If they are like you, name them Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:30 16 Aug 2010
The sonogram shows that I am having twins.
Name them Mark and Lowton after the guy who forgot about us.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:30 16 Aug 2010
The sonogram shows that I am having twins.
Well, with your reputation, we know this isn't a virgin birth.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:31 16 Aug 2010
The sonogram shows that I am having twins.
Who's the father? Is it your friend Bureau or that guy Turdblossom?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:32 16 Aug 2010
The sonogram shows that I am having twins.
good luck with the maternity bills with Obamacare.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:33 16 Aug 2010
What do Mothman and Skoob have in common?
Neither one of them has a visible penis!
By Frankie The J at 09:12 17 Aug 2010
Turdblossom thinks our being here is beating a dead horse?
Yep, and he's not talking about your mother.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:46 17 Aug 2010
Hard to tell the difference the old nag.
Well, I sure smell something.
By Bureau at 15:09 17 Aug 2010
Maybe your skin's crawling & your ass just passed your nose.
Maybe you need to be skinned alive and hung on a rotisserie?
By Bureau at 15:11 17 Aug 2010
The model agency I work for says I'm not that much in demand.
Same here. But you know why, don't you?
By Bureau at 15:12 17 Aug 2010
That Christmas party thing?
Yep. We mooned the wrong people.
By Bureau at 15:13 17 Aug 2010
We can't help mooning people if we drop something.
Yeah, but we don't have to shake our tails & wave our weeners!
By Bureau at 15:14 17 Aug 2010
What was your best job as a temp?
Modeling for art class in the lap of a beautiful nude lady.
By Bureau at 19:52 17 Aug 2010
What was your worst job as a temp?
I never had a job as a pimp.
By Bureau at 19:53 17 Aug 2010
TEMP! TEMP! What was your worst job as a temp?
Oh, I guess it was washing the little windows on envelopes for six months.
By Bureau at 19:54 17 Aug 2010
Mark's going to need a write-up on this. I have only one blank paper.
He has a copier. Have him take your blank & run some copies.
By Bureau at 20:05 17 Aug 2010
"Thy mother is so stupid, she only has three daughters named Rebecca!"
Amish Joke? Amish Shakespeare?
By Bureau at 22:33 17 Aug 2010
"Twas not mine hoe handle that rang thy bell, Ruth."
Mennonite Joke?
By Bureau at 22:34 17 Aug 2010
I am so fed up - I am going to speak to my Union Rep.about us being here so long
No bloody point-the rep is Marks cousin.
By Lady Godiva at 06:48 18 Aug 2010
I can't think of anything funny to say.
Don't worry - no-one else can . Seems they're all fed up with us.
By Lady Godiva at 11:05 18 Aug 2010
Do you think I should have sent Mark a postcard from Whitby?
Nah! But I do think he would have liked one of the 'candy willies' you bought.
By Lady Godiva at 11:10 18 Aug 2010
I just signed up for Skype.More like sh*te though coz I can't figure it out,
What do you want-a round of my paws? Consider it done. Someone call 'im PLEASE
By Lady Godiva at 11:22 18 Aug 2010
Do you believe in cloning.
Christ..have you looked in a mirror lately - or even at ME.
By Lady Godiva at 11:25 18 Aug 2010
Seems like LG has buggered up her keyboard again.
Tell me something I `DON`T` know.
By Lady Godiva at 11:27 18 Aug 2010
Hell`s bells - have you seen Lady G`s ranking
Seen it-my dog - I can SMELL it from here.
By Lady Godiva at 11:31 18 Aug 2010
Hey...can Meerkats be milked (question mark).
Well-Mr Lowton seems to be managing to milk us-It should be against the law.
By Lady Godiva at 11:35 18 Aug 2010
Do you thinbk Mark has a number in mind-for the caption competition I mean,.
What - now you are being ridiculous-suggesting Mark has a `mind`. What next.
By Lady Godiva at 11:39 18 Aug 2010
I think we must have died and gone to hell.
Or maybe something worse.
By Bureau at 11:45 18 Aug 2010
Hey Lowton, let us hour of here already!
I've had to take a dump for almost three weeks now.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:35 18 Aug 2010
Don't want us to take a vow of silence, do you?
Yeah. A sow of violence. It's someone else's turn.
By Bureau at 15:28 18 Aug 2010
You know Leonard Cohen became a monk for awhile.
But he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
By Bureau at 15:29 18 Aug 2010
So they had him taken away.
Probably by the Jazz Police.
By Bureau at 15:29 18 Aug 2010
So I said, Mark, we'll do it if we're out there for a month!
You what?
By Bureau at 15:30 18 Aug 2010
Reverse psychology.
Oh. Is that permissable?
By Bureau at 15:31 18 Aug 2010
Everything is permissable on here.
Because everything's been said already. Wait a minute. Vuvuzela! Now it's done.
By Bureau at 15:32 18 Aug 2010
Do I see replacements coming?
About time. I don't see anybody.
By Bureau at 15:34 18 Aug 2010
Mirage!
Oh. Now I want to see what a mirage can talk about. Where is it?
By Bureau at 15:35 18 Aug 2010
Got us another gig by this weekend, with a punk Bluegrass Show!
Boy Howdy!
By Bureau at 17:59 18 Aug 2010
Bluegrass Show will feature Backup group for all performers!
That's Big Billy Warmer on Banjo, Muff Stretcher on Dildo!
By Bureau at 18:01 18 Aug 2010
With Bobo Cuerpo on drums and Cully Shangy on Drums.
With the humor of Skoob Bureau as Blowho The Clown!
By Bureau at 18:05 18 Aug 2010
Also appearing: Harold Curley & The Cracked Crumpets
Butty Holey with Benton Bonehead, Molly Mackabroin!
By Bureau at 18:09 18 Aug 2010
The Dangling Danna Dancers!
Peggy Poop Noddy and The Limit!
By Bureau at 18:11 18 Aug 2010
Rootle Roust with the Rantum Scantum!
Dickie Dunk & Frisky Four! Oral Gobble!
By Bureau at 18:12 18 Aug 2010
Solomon Shikker & The Shine!
Shab Singleberry! Lenis Pink/Dirk Lodge Duo!
By Bureau at 18:15 18 Aug 2010
Bubo Budgy! Pearl Poulane & Nanny Ninblenooky!
Jewels Jiggleman & The Wally Wankpit Family!
By Bureau at 18:17 18 Aug 2010
We'll all be at the Bear Wallow, Kentucky Hilton, main ballroom!
Glad we got that on. Free publicity!
By Bureau at 18:18 18 Aug 2010
Hey, got us a gig the next weekend but diffent Bluegrass Punk groups!
Let's see. Still got Skoob Bureau as Blowho The Clown!
By Bureau at 18:24 18 Aug 2010
Also have a different backup group!
Yeah. There's Charley Lipclap on Base!
By Bureau at 18:25 18 Aug 2010
Feman Linguist on dildo! Newt Nestlecock on drums.
Shick Shitheel on Banjo. Hey, this is big time Bluegrass Punk!
By Bureau at 18:27 18 Aug 2010
I see The Traveling Dingleberries are coming.
Pox Scabbato & The Yellow Peril. Peter, Paul and Moosey!
By Bureau at 18:29 18 Aug 2010
Letton Fly & The Curb Crawlers!
Dick Whiskey with Whitehoney! Hey, our old friend Foggy Spewman!
By Bureau at 18:30 18 Aug 2010
Chuck Launch & The Cockeyed Crampers!
Stones & Swingers! Douche Creeper!
By Bureau at 18:32 18 Aug 2010
Umm... Look! Walnuts!
Does this fur make my butt look big?
By Maditude at 18:32 18 Aug 2010
The Outhouse Poetry of Brownie Caster!
Skrunk Spoffskins & The Whistleblowers! Cokin Coistrell!
By Bureau at 18:34 18 Aug 2010
Hempie Geeth! Vince Render & The Vegeterian View!
Hoppy Flakers & The Irish Spudsuckers! Seamore Snapper!
By Bureau at 18:37 18 Aug 2010
That is one great show. So if Mark takes us off, we have two big gigs!
I'm ready for some Bluegrass Punk after all this standing around. Gonna Dance!
By Bureau at 18:38 18 Aug 2010
You've been quiet. Cat got your tongue?
Shit! Cat? Where?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:54 19 Aug 2010
What's the best part of your date with Flower tonight!
She's gonna eat me!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:55 19 Aug 2010
You know we've only had 2 people on here since yesterday?
Yeah, where have you been?
By Bureau at 19:03 19 Aug 2010
We've been listening to the new Bluegrass Punk Groups for our next gig!
Yep. They have some interesting songs.
By Bureau at 19:03 19 Aug 2010
For instance there's "He Rode Tail In The Saddle!"
"Long, Bald and Handsome!"
By Bureau at 19:04 19 Aug 2010
"(The Night I Caught) The Tennessee Warts!"
"I Caught Her In Bed With My Pick-Up Truck!"
By Bureau at 19:06 19 Aug 2010
"Creamsleeves", "Glue Moon!"
We Sneaked A Kiss Behind The Shithouse"
By Bureau at 19:07 19 Aug 2010
"What A Pretty Brown Lapstick You're Wearing"
"I Know It's Gonna Squirt So Bad!"
By Bureau at 19:09 19 Aug 2010
"Blowed Up, Broken Winded Again!"
"Tits You Been Gone!" That one makes me cry.
By Bureau at 19:10 19 Aug 2010
"Crazy Farms That Seem To Hold Somebody New"
"Glue Yodel #7", "The Hanging Three".
By Bureau at 19:14 19 Aug 2010
"You Got The Cutest Little Crater Face"
"May The Bird Of Paradise Fart Up Your Nose!"
By Bureau at 19:15 19 Aug 2010
We're looking forward to it.
Yeah. They don't write them like that anymore.
By Bureau at 19:16 19 Aug 2010
Everyone's gone.
No I see one.
By Bureau at 21:34 19 Aug 2010
You still taking Viagra?
Helps me pop up when someone comes aboard.
By Bureau at 21:35 19 Aug 2010
You were sick this morning.
Yeah. One of those Spoof peole came one before he had a shower & shave.
By Bureau at 21:36 19 Aug 2010
What did he look like?
I don't walt to talk about it. I'll get mal de meerkat again.
By Bureau at 21:37 19 Aug 2010
Should we pretend to be Hitler and Mussolini for a bit? I'm getting bored.
Whatever floats your boat. But I get to be Hitler.
By Lady Godiva at 13:01 20 Aug 2010
Well, now you know what a meerkat looks like!
Right. Usless you went blind about a year ago!
By Bureau at 17:31 20 Aug 2010
We'll still be on the "Previous Captions List"
Not if we don't ever get off here.
By Bureau at 17:32 20 Aug 2010
Bet the next caption has one person.
Yeah. Bureau & Turdblossom too wordy.
By Bureau at 17:33 20 Aug 2010
At least we set a record.
For lack of bowell movements?
By Bureau at 17:34 20 Aug 2010
For over 1200 entries.
And over 1200 exits, speaking of which...I need to pee.
By Bureau at 17:35 20 Aug 2010
Do you need a college degree or equivilent to get on here?
I think so. Bureau spent 9 years in high school.
By Bureau at 17:36 20 Aug 2010
My dad retired but he would forget & go halfway to work & remember.
So he was semi-retired?
By Bureau at 17:38 20 Aug 2010
No. Never drove a truck in his life.
Oh that's cute that is!
By Bureau at 17:39 20 Aug 2010
We're gonna miss that first Bluegrass gig if we're on here all weekend.
If I am, I may go on a speechless strike!
By Bureau at 17:41 20 Aug 2010
We'll need another job after the Bluegrass Punk thing.
I don't think we'll ever leave this one.
By Bureau at 19:18 20 Aug 2010
"So I told her, "I managed to ring the doorbell didn't I?"
Don't start that. It throws people off, just telling the end of a joke.
By Bureau at 19:19 20 Aug 2010
So they won't want us on here, right?
Right......OH! RIGHT!!!
By Bureau at 19:20 20 Aug 2010
So I said, "What the heck was THAT all about?"
Right. The snail joke. I don't even remember the first of it.
By Bureau at 19:22 20 Aug 2010
Get up we're back on again.
It's only Bureau, again.
By Bureau at 20:10 20 Aug 2010
We heard some more Bluegrass Punk!
Yeah. Let me see. "Mutton In This World Like A Big-Eyed Girl"
By Bureau at 20:11 20 Aug 2010
"I'm In Love With A Hard-Bodied Man"
"I'm Sitting On Top Of Fitzgerald!"
By Bureau at 20:12 20 Aug 2010
"Have You Ever Been Homely?"
"Ah Yes, I Remember It Swelled"
By Bureau at 20:13 20 Aug 2010
"She's A Grand Old Fag!"
"Has Anybody Seen My Galluses?"
By Bureau at 20:14 20 Aug 2010
"The Flounder Of Love"
"I'm Glad You Brought That Up (The Hairball Song)"
By Bureau at 20:15 20 Aug 2010
"Billy, Billy Bellrope Where You Gonna Go?"
and the last one we just heard, "Clown On Me!" with Janis & Scott Joplin.
By Bureau at 20:17 20 Aug 2010
Turdblossom traveled more than 400 miles for the Special Olympics to feed them.
So what events are you competing in?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 00:30 21 Aug 2010
?
Does this make my butt look big?
By Moose at 13:59 21 Aug 2010
Well, we're still here.
What can we say?
By Bureau at 15:57 21 Aug 2010
Well, we did hear some more Bluegrass Punk songs.
Yeah. In fact I may be sick before the first show starts.
By Bureau at 15:58 21 Aug 2010
"I Found My Eel" was pretty good.
Yeah. So was "You're So Veined".
By Bureau at 16:00 21 Aug 2010
"I Guess It Doesn't Splatter Anymore".
(The Soup, Soup Song) "It's In His Piss!"
By Bureau at 16:01 21 Aug 2010
"My Old Phlegm!"
"Longer Butts" by Meerkat Stevens.
By Bureau at 16:02 21 Aug 2010
The SOB's Of The Pioneers great "Cool Walter".
"Until I Keester"
By Bureau at 16:03 21 Aug 2010
"The Bear Went Over The Mountain, To Really Cut Loos A Load!"
Forest couldn't hold it. Finally there was "My Bare Lady".
By Bureau at 16:05 21 Aug 2010
I liked that one.
One of the all-time best for "Riders Of The Purple Hangers!"
By Bureau at 16:07 21 Aug 2010
Second only to "Retch Belcher & The Many Happy Returns".
How about "Lecher Pervy & The Knob Lickers?"
By Bureau at 16:08 21 Aug 2010
OK, but give me "Non Compos PooPoo & The Varnished Veggies"
"George Throughcough & The Destroyers"
By Bureau at 16:10 21 Aug 2010
"Phillip Pants With Pilgrim's Salve!"
"Smiley Smock & The Snail Salute!"
By Bureau at 16:11 21 Aug 2010
That's enough for now.
That's enough to run it into the ground.
By Bureau at 16:11 21 Aug 2010
A heard some of those Hog Jaw folk headed to Port Dover for the Bikers' rally.
Yup...funny story -I read it in the Magazine sectiion just now.
By Lady Godiva at 16:13 21 Aug 2010
Sheesh! Talk about 'in-breeding'....There must be a lot of it about in Hog Jaw.
Er! We should be careful what we say.Are YOU my brother, cousin or my dad?
By Lady Godiva at 16:19 21 Aug 2010
Remember Hog Jaw Hawkins at the Grand Ole Opry?
No!
By Bureau at 18:27 21 Aug 2010
Me neither. Nice name though.
You should copyright it.
By Bureau at 18:28 21 Aug 2010
Yeah we're still here.
Taxidermist just left.
By Bureau at 20:32 21 Aug 2010
Heck ! I think we're here for a few more days so 'gird your loins'.
I've girded them, I heard Mark's away for a couple of days. So let's soldier on
By Lady Godiva at 21:50 21 Aug 2010
Do you feel that other writers have deserted us ?
No you idiot....we're in Canada and all the Brits. are sleepling.Well MOST are.
By Lady Godiva at 04:19 22 Aug 2010
Yeah, still here.
Taxidermist says we're too stiff to stuff. We told him to go get stuffed!
By Bureau at 13:33 22 Aug 2010
I like working for myself but this is rediculous!
I don't. You work for yourself, the minute you open your eyes, you're at work.
By Bureau at 13:35 22 Aug 2010
We saw Mark getting ready for the Bluegrass Punk Festival.
Yeah. Seemed really onto it.
By Bureau at 14:00 22 Aug 2010
We've been listening to The Bluegrass Punk festical from last year.
Great songs! Loved Sad-Eyed Beatty of the Lowlands".
By Bureau at 14:01 22 Aug 2010
"He Found His Squeal On Louisiana Hill"
"It's A Sweater-Full Day In The Neighborhood"
By Bureau at 14:03 22 Aug 2010
Honeydew You Want To Dance?"
"Playing Cups and Bobbers"
By Bureau at 14:04 22 Aug 2010
"He Drunk 'Old Crock' and Croaked!"
"He Left Her Full of Courage".
By Bureau at 14:05 22 Aug 2010
"Mee and Booty McGee"
She's On The Third Leg Of Her Journey"
By Bureau at 14:06 22 Aug 2010
Everly Bros old "Kathy's Clam"
My Boney Lies Under The Lotion"
By Bureau at 14:07 22 Aug 2010
Heard some new Bluegrass Punk singers too.
Brother Burrhead & The Bisgass Rangers
By Bureau at 14:10 22 Aug 2010
Dolly Daggletail!
Buddy Wax!
By Bureau at 14:11 22 Aug 2010
Dewey Longbranch & The Man About A Dog.
The Corybungus Jug Band!
By Bureau at 14:12 22 Aug 2010
Chum Cootie & The Fireballs
Skoofly Fanny!
By Bureau at 14:13 22 Aug 2010
Seamore Tokus
Wendall Ratler.
By Bureau at 14:14 22 Aug 2010
See you whenever you hit our buttons.
I've lost mine!
By Bureau at 14:15 22 Aug 2010
This portion of the Meerkats Show brought to you "Abbey Normal's Frogskin Caps"
And by "Betty's Blowgrits" in the Mall.
By Bureau at 14:51 22 Aug 2010
Now back to our regular program, Whatever!
Yeah. Whatever!
By Bureau at 14:54 22 Aug 2010
Mark Lowton has croaked and we're here for eternity.
That's you all over. Always looking on the bright side!
By Bureau at 19:21 22 Aug 2010
Been back listening to the music by those Bluegrass Punk Groups.
May as well. No one's been here.
By Bureau at 19:53 22 Aug 2010
Do we sing them?
Are you kidding. They can google them themselves. Meerkats can't sing.
By Bureau at 19:53 22 Aug 2010
Neither can some of these guys, but some are pretty good.
Yeah. I liked that Dolly Pointin song.
By Bureau at 19:54 22 Aug 2010
You mean, "Shitfly, Don't Bother Me!"?
What else?
By Bureau at 19:55 22 Aug 2010
"Heaving On A Jet Plane" was good.
"Bustin' My Dusters Over You!"
By Bureau at 19:56 22 Aug 2010
'She Fell Cow Flop In Love"
"When The Winos Come Back To Crapastrainos".
By Bureau at 19:58 22 Aug 2010
"Windbreakers & Window Shakers Always Make Me Cry".
I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Thing."
By Bureau at 19:59 22 Aug 2010
"I've Been Sick On The Floor Over You!"
Pink-Haired Ernest Tubb!
By Bureau at 20:01 22 Aug 2010
That's it. Meerkat Holiday! Please leave as we need some sleep.
You sleep over there.
By Bureau at 20:02 22 Aug 2010
I think Gore is right.
About what, leaving Tipper?
By Bureau at 20:54 22 Aug 2010
No, about the environment.
Nothing wrong that I can tell.
By Bureau at 20:55 22 Aug 2010
How about shitcreek that we're in now and can't get out of?
And no paddle.
By Bureau at 20:55 22 Aug 2010
So, the environment sucks.
Don't let it get you down. I went brownwater rafting just last month.
By Bureau at 20:56 22 Aug 2010
"Wherehave all the Meerkats gone, lomg time passing''
We were having a Hootnanny. Bored!
By Bureau at 21:43 22 Aug 2010
Do you think that Archie Bunker and Edith had sex the same way all the time?
You really are bored aren't you?
By Bureau at 21:44 22 Aug 2010
Been thinking a lot. Like when you put on a hat.
You have to put on a hat to think?
By Bureau at 21:45 22 Aug 2010
I wonder about hats.
You've flipped.
By Bureau at 21:47 22 Aug 2010
Seriously, I've had time to think. A hat a serious thing.
If you say so.
By Bureau at 21:48 22 Aug 2010
You keep your hat on, LikeJoe Cocker says, and after awhile you don't feel it.
You get used to it.
By Bureau at 21:49 22 Aug 2010
Right. But it's up on your head and you don't know it!
Other people do.
By Bureau at 21:50 22 Aug 2010
But when you take your hat off, it feels like it's there. Why is that?
Something to do with Schrodinger's cat?
By Bureau at 21:51 22 Aug 2010
Yeah, but when the hat is there you forget it.
But when you take it off, it feels like it's there. Schrodinger's hat?
By Bureau at 21:52 22 Aug 2010
Are there any male ladybugs?
How should I know. I was about to take a nap.
By Bureau at 22:19 22 Aug 2010
But there has to be males to produce more ladybugs.
I don't know. Maybe nature has advanced as we have.
By Bureau at 22:20 22 Aug 2010
Well, this ladybug thing is still bugging me.
Me too! Now bug off. I'm having a nap. Close this Bureau.
By Bureau at 22:20 22 Aug 2010
I think I saw a big monkey!
Naa!! That was just the Park ranger!
By whatinthe world at 03:13 23 Aug 2010
I think I saw a big monkey!
No, it was Gordon Brown on safari!
By whatinthe world at 03:19 23 Aug 2010
I think I saw a big monkey!
Naa!! That's just Parky looking for an interview...wrinkly package though!
By whatinthe world at 03:24 23 Aug 2010
Yep we're still here. Turdblossom must be on strike until the next caption pic.
Why didn't we think of that?
By Bureau at 16:47 23 Aug 2010
What would we do on a strike, stand here holding signs?
We could moon everyone who looks on here.
By Bureau at 16:47 23 Aug 2010
But we heard more Bluegrass Punk.
I got a list of new favorites right here.
By Bureau at 16:48 23 Aug 2010
"He Drew A Line In The Snow!"
Bet she was pissed!
By Bureau at 16:49 23 Aug 2010
That's the name of the song. You missed that one.
Oh! "The answer my friend, is someone's passing wind..."
By Bureau at 16:50 23 Aug 2010
That the name of the song?
No, just some lyrics. "Blow-Hoing In The Wind!"
By Bureau at 16:51 23 Aug 2010
"Splish Splash, I Busted My Ass!"
That one was true. Bobby Darin was trying to get to the phone & floor was slick.
By Bureau at 16:52 23 Aug 2010
"I'm Leaving, On A Bedpan!"
In case they wrecked the ambulance?
By Bureau at 16:54 23 Aug 2010
In case she had an accident!
Oh. That song by "Craddon Wheyface & The Pucker Factor?"
By Bureau at 16:55 23 Aug 2010
You got it!
That was Roy Orbison..."You Got It"
By Bureau at 16:56 23 Aug 2010
We were discussion Bluegrass Punk.
"Loo Feck & Mark Chuffnut!"
By Bureau at 16:57 23 Aug 2010
"Curley Pukes & His Dixie Heirs!"
"Jack Backyard & His Best Foot Forward!"
By Bureau at 16:58 23 Aug 2010
"Gay Twiddlepoop and the Circlesore Cowboys!"
You made that up!
By Bureau at 16:59 23 Aug 2010
You missed them. You were on the crapper for an hour.
Is that the name of another group. I missed them too.
By Bureau at 17:00 23 Aug 2010
You wer in there for an hour.
I was reading "Captain Beefheart's Scratch & Sniff Book"
By Bureau at 17:02 23 Aug 2010
We were discussing Bluegrass Punk songs we heard.
"I Want To Hold Your Handle"
By Bureau at 17:04 23 Aug 2010
"Your Glove Has Lifted Me Higher!"
"I Can't Love You Any Longer Than I Am!"
By Bureau at 17:04 23 Aug 2010
"He Walked With A Bad Shrimp!"
"Would You Be So Kine?"
By Bureau at 17:05 23 Aug 2010
"I'm In The Mood For Lube"
""Floundering Around In The Dark (Are You Glad To See Me?)
By Bureau at 17:06 23 Aug 2010
That's enough.
That's more than enough!
By Bureau at 17:07 23 Aug 2010
25 days without a break
Hitler and Mussolini were only here for five
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:23 23 Aug 2010
Do you think Lowton forgot about us?
No, he probably thinks we're cute and we're his wallpaper.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:23 23 Aug 2010
Looks like Turdblossom's caption strike is over.
Naw, he's just killing time until he goes to the dentist office.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:24 23 Aug 2010
How many Angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Baseball players or divine beings? Which Angels?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:25 23 Aug 2010
How many Angels can dance on the head of a pin?
I guess that really all depends on the size of the pin.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:26 23 Aug 2010
How many Angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Fox trot, waltz, or the electric slide?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:26 23 Aug 2010
How many Angels can dance on the head of a pin?
Ask Obama... he think's he's God.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:27 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
Innie or outtie?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:28 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
No, but Eve had ribs.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:28 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
...and can you get belly button lint wearing fig leaves?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:29 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
...and if he was alive today, would he have it pierced?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:29 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
At least Eve couldn't complain that he was out with the boys.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:31 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
No, he had a belly zipper.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:32 23 Aug 2010
Did Adam have a belly button?
If I said he had belly velcro would you shut up?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:33 23 Aug 2010
Could God create a rock so big that he couldn't lift it?
No, but Obama has an ego so big he cannot see it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:34 23 Aug 2010
Could God create a rock so big that he couldn't lift it?
Isn't that one of the rocks between your ears?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:34 23 Aug 2010
Could God create a rock so big that he couldn't lift it?
You mean Rosie O'Donnell's ass?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:35 23 Aug 2010
Could God create a rock so big that he couldn't lift it?
He created your intelligence so small he can't see it.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:36 23 Aug 2010
Would you give your right arm to be ambidextrous?
Dumbass.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:37 23 Aug 2010
Would you mind answering some of the great questions?
Would you mind if I ignored you and took a nap?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 18:38 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
If you poop it, he will wipe.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:11 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
For the last time, I'm not building you a baseball field.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:12 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
Yeah, but you'd build it out of legos, Tinkertoys, or Lincoln logs
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:12 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
...and he will charge you property tax.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:13 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
Too bad there's no cheerleaders in baseball. I'd make them "come."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:13 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
I thought it was "if you suck it, he will come."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:14 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
Why don't you ever buy me crackerjack in the 7th inning stretch?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:15 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
...and so will umpires, union reps, and steroid dealers.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:15 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
Just because you don't own shoes doesn't mean you are Shoeless Joe
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:17 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
...and if it is successful, they will sequel.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:17 23 Aug 2010
"If you build it. he will come"
...and so will a congressional committe to investigate.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 19:18 23 Aug 2010
This portion of the Captions contest brought to you by: Psst that's you.
AuntEuline's Underarm Hair-Hanging Pine Tree Deodorizers.
By Bureau at 20:08 23 Aug 2010
And by Nakos Electric Hockey Game!
No real hockey include because of health laws.
By Bureau at 20:09 23 Aug 2010
and next week's big Bluegrass Punk Festival!
With "Alte Kacker & The Airborne A-Holes!"
By Bureau at 20:11 23 Aug 2010
Buggy Portface, Gaston Stinkibus and His Barking Spider!
Jewell Case! Olaf Shicker! Ruby Woodcock!
By Bureau at 20:13 23 Aug 2010
Fembo Henpecker! Letty Gogh & The Frogstompers
Toady Papelard & The Lickdish Quartet!
By Bureau at 20:14 23 Aug 2010
This is our 26th day as the caption picture
...and you've been PMS'ing every last one of them.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:15 23 Aug 2010
Ken Kidneyscraper & The Kosher Collosso!
Billy Akin & Lloyd Whistler!
By Bureau at 20:15 23 Aug 2010
I wonder why Muhammed doesn't want anyone to see his picture?
Maybe he looks like Rosie O'Donnell.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:16 23 Aug 2010
Mivvy Bushpig and The Kipper Sisters!
Poo Poo Fudgeposter with Amber & Brownie Ampersand!
By Bureau at 20:17 23 Aug 2010
Bureau is doing his grunge band names again
Did he mention Meerkat and the African Rodents? My favorites!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:17 23 Aug 2010
and STARRING! (Take it away, Smiley)
Smiley? Oh. "Honey House & The Compost Hole Twins!
By Bureau at 20:17 23 Aug 2010
What do you think will happen when Lowton finally changes our pic?
On that day, Obama will say something stupid.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:19 23 Aug 2010
Did you read Obama's Dreams of my Fathers?
Yep, their dream was for a Marxist regime in Kenya. They got it!
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:19 23 Aug 2010
The headline said Lisa Marie Presley saw a ghost!
No, that was probably just a picture of her ex Michael Jackson.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 20:20 23 Aug 2010
Should we do some grunge band names also?
Ok... Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:08 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Yep, it's a boy band. Some younger girls love 'em.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:09 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Women don't like 'em unless they forgot their birth control.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:09 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
All young kids... it's their first time in a band.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:10 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Lowton is the lead singer.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:10 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
They don't have a drummer, so they don't have much "bang."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:10 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Maybe they'll get it right when they get older.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:11 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Maybe they should practice on a Mrs. Smith's Apple Pie.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:11 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
They're so quick they don't even suck.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:12 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
Chamone wanted to do them all at Christmas, but they came early.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:13 23 Aug 2010
Premature Ejaculation and the Pants Creamers?
No one dares to throw panties at the stage for this group.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:14 23 Aug 2010
Silicon Implant and the Fake Breasts
I wonder if they ever released an album on 45?
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:17 23 Aug 2010
Silicon Implant and the Fake Breasts
Instead of a CD, they've gone from C to D.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:17 23 Aug 2010
Silicon Implant and the Fake Breasts
Let me guess. They were once "Wonder Bra and the Cookies."
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 21:18 23 Aug 2010
Bureau & The Bagworms!
The Turdblossom Trio!
By Bureau at 23:47 23 Aug 2010
Tiger Got His Divorce!
Now he's begging her to come back, bring the kids & the half billion.
By Bureau at 23:49 23 Aug 2010
I's have married him for a half billion!
Half of a half billion!
By Bureau at 23:50 23 Aug 2010
If we're not changed by tomorrow, my whole balloon will be full of shit.
Mine too....if you can do it.
By Bureau at 23:51 23 Aug 2010
I reconsidered. I couldn't breath if I filled up my balloon.
So he filled up mine, but Mark made him clean it up.
By Bureau at 11:38 24 Aug 2010
Wonder what the world has been doing for the past 12 years?
My neck has fossilized into this shape.
By Bureau at 12:55 24 Aug 2010
Any word from the President?
He's on vacation.
By Bureau at 12:56 24 Aug 2010
He's ALWAYS on vacation!
I've forwarded it this time. He's the only one who can get us off of here.
By Bureau at 12:57 24 Aug 2010
Mark Can!
But he's on vacation too.
By Bureau at 12:57 24 Aug 2010
I wonder what it's like on the outside?
Think we can dig out?
By Bureau at 13:29 24 Aug 2010
If you let us out, Mark, we'll behave from now on!
Yeah. No more robberies and hold-ups!
By Bureau at 13:30 24 Aug 2010
What roberies & holdups?
Well, whatever we did to spend 12 years on a caption.
By Bureau at 13:31 24 Aug 2010
Caption? We didn't know it meant captivity!
I'm breakin out or having a breakdown one.
By Bureau at 13:32 24 Aug 2010
Don't even want to hear the Bluegrass Punk!
Nor see YOUR face again!
By Bureau at 13:33 24 Aug 2010
You're not so hot yourself.
Just under the collar!
By Bureau at 13:33 24 Aug 2010
I'm thinking we're stuck here until the end of the month
Nope, it's gonna be forever. God's punishing us for Lion King 2.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 13:49 24 Aug 2010
Someone's stuck in the caption, here!
Kumbaya!
By Bureau at 14:09 24 Aug 2010
Just curious, but exactly have we just one?
You have to "click here".
By Bureau at 14:10 24 Aug 2010
What should I do in San Francisco on my vacation trip?
Wear a chastity belt on your ass and avoid the Pelosi fans.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 14:10 24 Aug 2010
We can't even do that.
It's just out of reach down there.
By Bureau at 14:10 24 Aug 2010
Let's see if we can contact a virus that will get us off here.
I fel a sneeze coming on already.
By Bureau at 14:11 24 Aug 2010
That Ozone talk has disappeared.
Yeah. Now it's global warming!
By Bureau at 15:33 24 Aug 2010
But what happened to the ozone disappearing.
Maybe it reappeared?
By Bureau at 15:33 24 Aug 2010
How could that happen?
I don't know. Ask Turdblossom.
By Bureau at 15:34 24 Aug 2010
Turdblossom said some astronauts went up & used duct tape.
See. Turdblossom knows everything.
By Bureau at 15:35 24 Aug 2010
You into saving the environment?
Yeah. I have a compost pile.
By Bureau at 16:14 24 Aug 2010
Use it in your garden?
No. Actually I don't have a garden.
By Bureau at 16:15 24 Aug 2010
Then what do you do with the compost?
It sort of started itself.
By Bureau at 16:15 24 Aug 2010
How can a compost pile start by itself?
By my throwing banana peelings, etc into the back seat.
By Bureau at 16:16 24 Aug 2010
Your compost pile is in the back seat of your car?
Yeah. It's also my home part of the year. Like people buying trailers in Florida
By Bureau at 16:17 24 Aug 2010
As soon as no one's looking, I'll run out and get a newspaper.
When you're through with it, can I put it in my compost pile?
By Bureau at 16:18 24 Aug 2010
Do I look like you?
No. But people get us mixed up.
By Bureau at 20:15 24 Aug 2010
But we all can tell who is who, right?
I'm confused. We might all look alike to others
By Bureau at 20:16 24 Aug 2010
Who think we all look alike?
Well, for one, there are the hunters.
By Bureau at 20:17 24 Aug 2010
After this standing around, I need to exercise.
If we can move.
By Bureau at 20:20 24 Aug 2010
Maybe we should move just a bit at a time.
Maybe that's all I can do, if that much.
By Bureau at 20:20 24 Aug 2010
Do you work out between sessions?
Nope!
By Bureau at 20:21 24 Aug 2010
But you need exercise
I get exercise, carrying the coffins of friends that got into too much exercise.
By Bureau at 20:22 24 Aug 2010
I got one of those Nordic tracts.
Used it yet?
By Bureau at 20:24 24 Aug 2010
Oh I'm in no hurry.
You won't lose weight unless you use it.
By Bureau at 20:24 24 Aug 2010
I have used it once.
Too hard to do?
By Bureau at 20:25 24 Aug 2010
No. Actually I ran the Nordic track into a tree.
I thought they were stationary.
By Bureau at 20:25 24 Aug 2010
You're thing of bicycles.
If I get anything, it'll be a treadmill.
By Bureau at 20:26 24 Aug 2010
I saw a guy running on a treadmill & the power went & he ran through a window.
Well...I plan to walk or hop.
By Bureau at 20:29 24 Aug 2010
Ever do push-ups?
Just with the wife.
By Bureau at 20:30 24 Aug 2010
How many can you do?
One. I only have one wife.
By Bureau at 20:31 24 Aug 2010
No.How many pushups.
Depends on things like a toe cramp.
By Bureau at 20:32 24 Aug 2010
A toe cramp can certainly hurt your sex life.
So you hurry it up a bit. Then you jump off and scream, "TOE CRAMP!"
By Bureau at 20:34 24 Aug 2010
You read about the bad eggs?
You mean the thug gangs?
By Bureau at 22:28 24 Aug 2010
No. The eggs put out all over the U.S. are bad.
I won't eat anymore eggs.
By Bureau at 22:29 24 Aug 2010
Also, the bacon is bad. Could kill you dead.
No more bacon and eggs. I'm staying with roadkill!
By Bureau at 22:30 24 Aug 2010
Well, yes, you go by smell there.
"Three days dead, Don't be fed". Granny always told me that.
By Bureau at 22:31 24 Aug 2010
"Flat as a flitter, leave that critter!"
I like that one.
By Bureau at 22:31 24 Aug 2010
"Buzzard flying low, better let it go!"
"Buzzard flying high, sweet as a pie!"
By Bureau at 22:32 24 Aug 2010
Full and in the ditch?
Tastes pretty rich!
By Bureau at 00:22 25 Aug 2010
Well, the end of another day of stand-up buffoonery!
See you in the morning. NOT!
By Bureau at 00:23 25 Aug 2010
Well I'll Be Beeped!
We're still here? Oh yeah. I may burn the whole place down.
By Bureau at 13:24 25 Aug 2010
Can't as long as we're in it.
Maybe that's why he's afraid to change it. I repent. No burning it down.
By Bureau at 13:25 25 Aug 2010
Maybe Mark has been kidnapped.
Or Bureau got us into the Twilight Zone.
By Bureau at 13:26 25 Aug 2010
Did I hear that Mark had joined an exercise club?
High class one too.
By Bureau at 13:26 25 Aug 2010
How can an exercise place be high class?
Spiral Stairmasters!
By Bureau at 13:27 25 Aug 2010
I exercise a bit.
Doing what, talking? You mouth should be strong.
By Bureau at 14:17 25 Aug 2010
No, I do a bit of running.
I've seen you...chasing the ice cream truck moving away to another area.
By Bureau at 14:18 25 Aug 2010
Well, I've seen you running also.
Idon't run for my health.
By Bureau at 16:17 25 Aug 2010
No, you were running until you told that old lady to 'take your old purse!"
You made that up.
By Bureau at 16:18 25 Aug 2010
How did that Spiral Stairmaster work?
There is no such thing and you know it. You're just bored.
By Bureau at 16:38 25 Aug 2010
But you had a regular stairmaster!
Once yes. But it went in the yard sale.
By Bureau at 16:39 25 Aug 2010
Didn't you like it?
It was OK. But the hamsters always laughed at me when I got on it.
By Bureau at 16:40 25 Aug 2010
You don't exercise at all do you?
Just my right not to have to exercise!
By Bureau at 19:00 25 Aug 2010
You'll get a pot gut.
I already have one thank you.
By Bureau at 19:00 25 Aug 2010
Don't thank me. Then you must be working on your second pot gut.
All meerkats have a pouch!
By Bureau at 19:01 25 Aug 2010
Not the size of a kangaroo!
I had a lazy eye as a child & it spread all over me.
By Bureau at 19:02 25 Aug 2010
"Give me fresh air, a set of golf clubs & a beautiful woman!"
"Then you can forget the fresh air and golf clubs"...Jack Benny
By Bureau at 21:16 25 Aug 2010
Rochester!
No, that was Jack Benny.
By Bureau at 21:17 25 Aug 2010
I never could tell them apart.
How about Dennis Day, the Irish tenor?
By Bureau at 21:17 25 Aug 2010
Yeah, we're here. Maybe we're to be doing the Jerry Lewis Telethon on Labor Day!
Or a Christmas Special!
By Bureau at 13:22 26 Aug 2010
What if I start humping you, will Mark censor us then?
No, but you could turn out to be the 'humpee' if you try.
By Bureau at 13:24 26 Aug 2010
You have morning breath!
You have mourning breath!
By Bureau at 13:25 26 Aug 2010
Jesus H. Christ, my feet are killing me when are they gonna change this caption?
......better be real soon, I ain't had a crap for about three weeks uncle!
By Herrdoktorfox at 13:29 26 Aug 2010
Maybe we should begin Picketing!
No time to eat now. We're on.
By Bureau at 15:15 26 Aug 2010
Not picnicking, Picketing! Carrying signs.
Saying what?
By Bureau at 15:15 26 Aug 2010
Saying we demand time and a half for overtime pay!
How about "FREE THE MEERKAT TWO!"?
By Bureau at 15:17 26 Aug 2010
So do we picket? Make some signs?
I don't believe in picketing.
By Bureau at 15:18 26 Aug 2010
I never knew that.
Yep. I'm against Picketing. I just don't know how to show it.
By Bureau at 15:19 26 Aug 2010
Paint a Sign "No Picketing Here!"
That would be picketing!
By Bureau at 15:19 26 Aug 2010
I'm tired. How much longer are we gonna hang around here?
Shut up. Fool. We get double time if we're still here over the bank holiday.
By Skoob1999 at 16:29 26 Aug 2010
You've never been married have you?
How can you tell?
By Bureau at 18:31 26 Aug 2010
No lumps on your head.
I'm looking for Ms. Right!
By Bureau at 18:31 26 Aug 2010
Who would that be?
She would need to be beautiful, rich, great figure & liked to talk about me.
By Bureau at 18:32 26 Aug 2010
That sounds like me.
That sounds like the Bizarro you.
By Bureau at 18:32 26 Aug 2010
You'd think that with all the cat stories out, people would check us out.
Not onless I can film an old lady putting you in a wheelie bin.
By Bureau at 18:34 26 Aug 2010
Listen, I LIVED in a wheelie been when we were on the road.
On The Road?
By Bureau at 18:34 26 Aug 2010
Yeah. For two years I helped The Chipmunks after Alvin left.
They were never the same.
By Bureau at 18:36 26 Aug 2010
I agree. Even after picking up Michael Nesmith.
Michael Nesmith?
By Bureau at 18:37 26 Aug 2010
Yeah. He had left the Monkees. Sung lead for the Chipmunks.
Yeah. I can hear him now. "Her name was Joanne and Christmas don't be late".
By Bureau at 18:39 26 Aug 2010
You know what gets me about those titles over there?
What?
By Bureau at 18:40 26 Aug 2010
I have no idea what 75% of them are talking about.
That makes three of us.
By Bureau at 18:40 26 Aug 2010
You mean two of us.
No. I was counting Bureau. Like Skoob awhile ago.
By Bureau at 18:41 26 Aug 2010
My wise father told me to marry a girl with the same belief as the family.
So you did?
By Bureau at 20:40 26 Aug 2010
Yeah. They all believe I'm worthless.
Makes sense. Your friends feel the same way.
By Bureau at 20:41 26 Aug 2010
Think there will be a "Meerkats" on Broadway?
The street possibly. the stage No.
By Bureau at 23:54 26 Aug 2010
Mark, can we go home tomorrow?
Mark? Meerkat got your tongue?
By Bureau at 23:55 26 Aug 2010
Custard is better when its runny?
Yeah cos you can wash your feet in it.
By whatinthe world at 14:14 27 Aug 2010
So are egg yolks!
First you separate 2 eggs...like the old recipe books!
By Bureau at 15:21 27 Aug 2010
Let's pretend that we just got on here.
Whatever. But I feel like those miners in Chile.
By Bureau at 15:21 27 Aug 2010
Who's on first?
Let's not go that far back.
By Bureau at 15:22 27 Aug 2010
Maybe this is a reality show?
Two meerkats! Which will crack up first?
By Bureau at 15:23 27 Aug 2010
I happen to like reality shows...on TV, not where I live.
You mean the real place that you live is unreal?
By Bureau at 15:24 27 Aug 2010
The first reality show was what, Candid Camera?
It's Your Life?
By Bureau at 15:26 27 Aug 2010
Maybe The Dukes of Hazzard. Never knew southerners before.
Loved that Daisy Duke. Bet you were a Boss Hog fan?
By Bureau at 15:27 27 Aug 2010
That big squealer?
Wonder if he ever strayed into any woods in Louisiana?
By Bureau at 15:28 27 Aug 2010
Old Man Duke used to be Frisco Darling on Andy Griffith Show.
Now Andy Griffith is old man on the Obama Healthcare Show!
By Bureau at 15:29 27 Aug 2010
Any shows on about Columbus discovering America?
Nope. That's because a lot of others discovered it before him.
By Bureau at 15:30 27 Aug 2010
But the first were Ind...Native Americans, right?
Yeah. But the Native Indians were already here.
By Bureau at 15:31 27 Aug 2010
You mean Native Americans?
Whatever! Their casino lights brought old Columbus right on in on them.
By Bureau at 15:32 27 Aug 2010
Lose your ass at casinos!
That's what it did to them too.
By Bureau at 15:33 27 Aug 2010
When you have sex, do you try to think about baseball?
Why baseball? What's so sexy about baseball?
By Bureau at 21:31 27 Aug 2010
I mean you try to think of something else so you last longer.
Oh. Usually I just have to leave the light on.
By Bureau at 21:32 27 Aug 2010
Mable always thinks it's funny.
Why?
By Bureau at 21:33 27 Aug 2010
She laughs right through the whole thing.
That could be better than thinking about baseball
By Bureau at 21:33 27 Aug 2010
Laughs all during sex. And it doesn't matter what kind of book she's reading.
Maybe it's a book about baseball.
By Bureau at 21:34 27 Aug 2010
We been here two weeks and I don't know what you do.
What I do about what?
By Bureau at 21:36 27 Aug 2010
Yes.
What?
By Bureau at 21:36 27 Aug 2010
What do you do?
For two weeks I've stood around here. You've seen me! What do I do?
By Bureau at 21:37 27 Aug 2010
I mean your permanent job.
Oh, I've been a writer for years.
By Bureau at 21:38 27 Aug 2010
What do you write?
Checks mostly!
By Bureau at 21:38 27 Aug 2010
You write checks?
Yeah. Mostly fiction.
By Bureau at 21:38 27 Aug 2010
I'm gonna hit you the next time there's no one looking.
No, seriously. I write fictional checks. They always give you a last warning.
By Bureau at 21:40 27 Aug 2010
Then you write a good check?
No. I say "Last Warning" and throw it away. Good, that's the last one.
By Bureau at 21:41 27 Aug 2010
(Smack!!)
Ow! You saw that, Bureau. He hit me!
By Bureau at 21:41 27 Aug 2010
So, Kissinger was wrong then.
Kissinger? Don't you mean Kierkagaard?
By whatinthe world at 06:36 28 Aug 2010
Paris Hilton is the most karmic person I know.
Bullshit!! I am
By whatinthe world at 06:38 28 Aug 2010
Newton's law is irrelevant here on the veldt!
Ouch! Some monkey just dropped an apple on me
By whatinthe world at 06:49 28 Aug 2010
Why do elephants gather in packs?
Because its cheaper than trunk calls.
By whatinthe world at 06:53 28 Aug 2010
I used to drive heavy trucks before this gig.
I used to be a gorilla.
By whatinthe world at 06:55 28 Aug 2010
Who owns that Roller?
I do. I bought it off Beckham.
By whatinthe world at 06:58 28 Aug 2010
wonder when that rhino is going to 'fess up about its deception
Its got a hide
By whatinthe world at 13:34 28 Aug 2010
wonder when that rhino is going to 'fess up about its deception
Its got a hide.
By whatinthe world at 13:36 28 Aug 2010
smiling for tourist cameras is hard work.
Agreed. Mind you, there are some good pervs every now and then.
By whatinthe world at 13:40 28 Aug 2010
I smoke camel filters. You?
Smoking is for the birds. Elephant shit does me.
By whatinthe world at 13:43 28 Aug 2010
I enjoy a good steak every now and then.
I could do with a monkey kebab right now.
By whatinthe world at 13:47 28 Aug 2010
You're fooling yourself if you think we're not in some bastards gun sights.
So that explains the bullet wound in my left groin.
By whatinthe world at 13:52 28 Aug 2010
Roxy Music were far ahead of their time. So was Procol Harem.
God, that monkey's well hung.
By whatinthe world at 13:55 28 Aug 2010
Look, a pair of talking shoes! Am I hallucinating?
I don't care. We've been replaced and I'm going to bed.
By Throckmorton Turdblossom at 23:41 28 Aug 2010
Oh shit, someone is looking right at us!
Pull it out then, you said nobody would know!!
By OIF2Sniper at 19:31 05 Sep 2010
Theres a real stupid looking human right in front of me.
Another one? Is this one just staring and poking something like the others?
By OIF2Sniper at 19:33 05 Sep 2010
What did the left meercat say to the right meercat?
Is that stage left or stage right?
By OIF2Sniper at 19:35 05 Sep 2010
Got Milk?
Got Crack?
By James Blaze at 00:47 14 Sep 2010
Is that one of the three tenors or just that fat Italian singer from the telly?
Nah! No comparison.
By Steddyeddy at 12:45 28 Mar 2011
Would a wood chuck chuck wood.. would he?
Chuck! Stop it with those stupid puns all the time!
By Aspartame Boy at 05:39 08 May 2011
Would you say I've used too much mascara?
No, just about right.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:39 15 Jun 2011
How did Rebekah Brooks hack my phone
Simples
By Les Being at 10:25 08 Jul 2011
Someone's heading this way.... He's looking at us...
NONSENSE! It's just the wind blowing on the bushes!
By Rocko the Zen Wallaby at 06:39 22 Mar 2013
I can't believe they have TV shows about us. And guess what, we're popular!
Yeah, right, pretty soon we'll be meat in their TV dinner. They eat anything.
By Samuel Vargo at 02:01 25 Jul 2013
Mislim da smo se izgubili ?ac
Darac zar ne vidi? ovaj ducan,vec peti prolazimo kraj njega,sve je ok
By sandra at 20:03 28 Dec 2013
OMG, Here come those f*cking hyenas. Hide everything not bolted down!
Yeah, and I'll call 911 pronto.
By Trinculoman at 14:56 30 Jan 2014
Hey Joe. Why do you think we always stand like this?
I dunno man, cut it out. You look like Timon and the ladies are watching.
By Phil Carlnova at 13:30 11 Feb 2014
Can you believe they took us off the air?
Don't worry, we're gonna come back. Shark week, look out!
By Brett Taylor at 18:08 12 Aug 2014

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