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"I am not a crook" - "Uh-huh?!"

 
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By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000 | 0 people like

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Tricky Dicky The King
So son, why aintcha in 'Nam?
With all due respect Sir... we're at the United Nations to hear your trial.
By Inhopeless at 20:25 21 May 2011
I do hope this great man will live to 'rock n roll' for years to come!
<whisper> Excuse me... Mr. President? I need to go to the bathroom.
By Inhopeless at 20:29 21 May 2011
I do hope this photo of us shows the relationship between the old and the young!
I do hope scientists don't come up with that ARPANET or we're screwed on that.
By Inhopeless at 20:31 21 May 2011
Stop squeezing my hand so hard you wanker!
Sir, you are lucky it's my RIGHT hand you are holding..see, I'm left-handed sir!
By Lady Godiva at 22:12 21 May 2011
Hell son, is that a boxing belt you have around you midriff?
Sir, no sir! It's all the fashion. But couldn't expect you to know that.
By Lady Godiva at 22:13 21 May 2011
Remember the word WATERGATE...but don't ask me WHY.
OK. Say no more. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
By Lady Godiva at 22:14 21 May 2011
Say 'hi' to Mark and thank him son.
Hi Mark, and 'thank you' but don't you step on my blue suede shoes.
By Lady Godiva at 22:15 21 May 2011
Did you leave the gas on?
Something's bugging me...
By I think I'm funny... at 22:45 21 May 2011
Yes, it's under my shirt!
Have you seen The Wire?
By I think I'm funny... at 22:47 21 May 2011
Ladies and gentlemen, I present my new running mate
You've got the female vote, you tricky dude you
By Abel Rodriguez at 22:59 21 May 2011
We're twins, I'm the good lookin' one
I'm kickin' your ass after they take our photo
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:01 21 May 2011
The kid's wearing a toupee
And you're wearing your wife's underwear 'Hair Boy'
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:04 21 May 2011
The singing fella has soft hands
Well ya know what they say - soft hands hard you-know-what
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:05 21 May 2011
...And stay away from my wife you old hound dog you
You mean Spot? No problem sir, no effen problem
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:06 21 May 2011
How come your shirt collar looks bloated?
You wanna check out my crotch sissy boy?
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:08 21 May 2011
Who the hell dressed you Liberace?
Yeah, Liberace, the dude that tickles your ivories
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:09 21 May 2011
Are you wearing a necklace boy?
Yeah, gramps. Is that Chanel #5, I smell on your honker?
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:11 21 May 2011
Agreed? You'll sing in my shower
And I'll be the guy and you can be Marilyn Monroe
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:14 21 May 2011
Remember EP, a handshake is as good as a kiss
I'll take the handshake if you don't mind Skippy
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:15 21 May 2011
So then me and Pat get free concert tickets right?
Yep, and I don't have to pay taxes right?
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:17 21 May 2011
Give Priscilla a big kiss on the mouth for me
I swear I'm kickin' your butt you dirty old pervert
By Abel Rodriguez at 23:18 21 May 2011
Am I The King?
No, you are Tricky Dicky. Gosh, and they voted YOU president!God help the USA
By Lady Godiva at 12:07 22 May 2011
I feel a bit underdressed in this suit.
And so you should. You look like a tailor's dummy.
By Lady Godiva at 12:09 22 May 2011
Gosh! Listen to the crowd cheering me. I've never experienced that before.
Sir! I don't want to burst your bubble but......never mind. Enjoy the moment.
By Lady Godiva at 12:10 22 May 2011
I paid $300 for this suit
I got paid $300 to wear this one
By churchmouse at 14:35 22 May 2011
Why are you holding my hand so tightly?
So you can't pull my wallet from my pocket
By churchmouse at 14:37 22 May 2011
From your hairstyle you look like a limey Beatle.
From your handshake you feel like a slimy cockroach!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:54 22 May 2011
Thought you were going to leave the building
I will if you'll get off my blue suede shoes
By Lynton at 16:03 22 May 2011
Congratulations Elvis
You didn't know I was the WWE champion did you
By Lynton at 16:05 22 May 2011
There was no whitewash at the Whitehouse
yer right, and there was no grass at Graceland
By Bert Onassis at 06:31 23 May 2011
How are things in the CIA?
Pretty good, how are things in the KGB?
By Bert Onassis at 06:34 23 May 2011
Tell me Mr Presley, what's that song 'Hound Dog' about?
It's about the hot dogs and burgers in 'nam.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:46 23 May 2011
Please can I have my hand back now Mr Presley?
No, because you'd get up to mischief again You've been a very very naughty boy.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:24 23 May 2011
Honestly son, I can cross the road without you having to hold my hand.
Did you say 'honestly' Mr President? You can attempt it by yourself soon
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:33 23 May 2011
I'm an American born and bred
That's what they all say!
By Tommy Twinkle at 19:21 23 May 2011
I've lost my birth certificate. What should I do?
Get a really good tan!
By Lady Godiva at 20:19 23 May 2011
I've got a "widow's" peak.
I'll soon have a widow.
By Lady Godiva at 20:20 23 May 2011
There's a Canadian Sportscaster who wears collars like yours.
I know, I know. DON CHERRY He's a fan of mine and I gave him permission.
By Lady Godiva at 20:22 23 May 2011
Have you done your 2 years in the army yet son?
I'm not sure. What year is it?
By Lady Godiva at 20:22 23 May 2011
Ever wanted to be President yourself son?
No sir! I ain't no good at lying. I know there are a coupla actors fancy it tho'
By Lady Godiva at 20:26 23 May 2011
Well son! I wonder how long we'll both be here?
The llamas were here over a month. Oh..sorry I get your meaning now. Don't know!
By Lady Godiva at 20:27 23 May 2011
No I'm the King.
No I'm the King.
By Lady Godiva at 01:35 24 May 2011
No I'm the King.
OK. You are the King - but the King of Lies. I am the KING of Music.
By Lady Godiva at 01:37 24 May 2011
Welcome to the White House, Dr Who. Tell me how will I be viewed historically?
It's a great pleasure to be here Tricky Dicky... Ah, there's your answer I think
By Chris James at 06:58 24 May 2011
Do you know of a good plumber to stop White House leaks?
I'll give you the name of my guys at "Heartbreak Hotel!"
By Philbert of Macadamia at 18:44 24 May 2011
I finally get to meet the great "Jon Burrows"!
Thankyouvermuch. Watch out man! Chinese Commie brainwashing ain't no joke, Dick.
By SpaceElevator at 05:14 25 May 2011
After the snaps I've arranged some burgers for lunch. Burgers okay with you?
Never tasted 'em sir. Not a problem. I'll give one a try so's to be polite
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:00 25 May 2011
Richard Milhous Nixon - 'Shh, Criminal dour in ox' as an anagram, that's me!
Elvis Aron Presley - 'A Very Ill Response' as an anagram, that's me!
By Inchcock at 19:01 25 May 2011
All you musicians are light in your loafers, if you get my meaning.
That would explain why I'm holding on to you - Dick.
By Pariah at 01:51 26 May 2011
After I count to three let's get this boogie woogie going One,,,two...
Fancy a burger instead?
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:48 26 May 2011
Do you fancy becoming a special agent and working under cover for Uncle Sam?
What? Wearing the clothes that I do? Don't you think I'd stand out a bit man?
By Duff at 12:49 26 May 2011
2). Oh, I thought you wanted me to get you a Lone Ranger badge!
1). Did you get me a Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs badge?
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:22 28 May 2011
I have the urge to put my left arm around your shoulders son.
Sir, please don`t give in to temptation....MY left hand is still free!!!!
By Lady Godiva at 14:52 28 May 2011
Is that your own hair or do you wear a wig.
Sir, I was just about to ask you the same question.
By Lady Godiva at 14:53 28 May 2011
Can you give me the name of your tailor after this photo shoot (question mark).
Sir. I make all of my own outfits. Are you wanting one for a special event
By Lady Godiva at 14:55 28 May 2011
So how much did that syrup on your bonce set you back Elvie?
I'll have to ask Priscilla. This one is hers.
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:49 28 May 2011
Did you clean your hands with that Anti-bacterial hand wash before shaking hands
I sure did Sir. I don't wanna catch any nasty discease from YOU.Don't take risks
By Lady Godiva at 16:47 28 May 2011
I see people in the crowd wearing 'masks' of my face. Isn't that great?
Not really sir..they are all rapists and worse.
By Lady Godiva at 16:48 28 May 2011
Why do folk call me 'Tricky Dicky'?
Same reason they call me 'The King'. It fits!!!
By Lady Godiva at 16:49 28 May 2011
I can make the girls scream as well
Please don't unzip your flies here sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:44 28 May 2011
How long do you figure we'll be here Elvis?
Until a time they call 'Watergate' sir. Or until I become obese.
By Lady Godiva at 17:59 28 May 2011
I saw you in your movie 'GI Blues' - great stuff son.
'Preciate that sir. Just trying to lighten the war up a bit.
By Lady Godiva at 18:00 28 May 2011
Lighten up, you're a bit moody today lad. All I said was it's good to meet you.
A little less conversation, a little more action please. Where's my badge?
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:25 29 May 2011
Oh, Priscilla isn't here with you. Won't you find it a bit lonesome tonight?
I'm so busy and had to fit this in somewhere sir. It was now or never really.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:40 29 May 2011
I used to have hair like yours but then I grew up
Would you like me to stick one of those flag poles where the sun don't shine?
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:53 29 May 2011
I wonder which one of us will die first?
Well, only ONE of us will get the answer to that one sir.Unless we die together.
By Lady Godiva at 17:47 29 May 2011
It's difficult coming up with new stuff to say here isn't it son?
Yes sir! That's why we employ 'writers' to do it for us.
By Lady Godiva at 17:48 29 May 2011
Are you 'bugged' son?
Only by you squeezing my hand too tight sir.
By Lady Godiva at 17:49 29 May 2011
Did you just 'break wind' son?
No sir. The Queen of England and I never do that It must be one of the 'agents.
By Lady Godiva at 17:51 29 May 2011
Do you think we have anything in common son?
Yes sir! BAGS. You have them under your eyes and I have mine full of money.
By Lady Godiva at 17:52 29 May 2011
Only believe half of what you hear and read about me son.
Deal sir! You have to the same for me though. The Press can be so darned cruel.
By Lady Godiva at 17:55 29 May 2011
Would you like to meet Mrs. Nixon after this photo shoot son?
Well, yes, but I didn't know there WAS a Mrs. Nixon.
By Lady Godiva at 17:56 29 May 2011
How do you get your hips to swivel so well son?
They're artificial sir and remote controlled.
By Lady Godiva at 17:58 29 May 2011
Would you like my autograph after this photo shoot Elvis?
No sir!No offence,but you aren't important enough.I want Cliff Richards' though.
By Lady Godiva at 18:02 29 May 2011
Ever thought of growing a moustache Elvis?
Thought about it sir! Can't grow one though, sadly. Just 'bum fluff' as we say.
By Lady Godiva at 19:09 29 May 2011
Would you mind giving me guitar and singing lessons Elvis?
Only if you promise NOT to give me lessons on politics sir. It would be a deal.
By Lady Godiva at 19:11 29 May 2011
What's Pricilla like in bed son?
Sir! I am shocked you would even ask. A man in your position. Shame on you.
By Lady Godiva at 19:13 29 May 2011
How do you get your pelvis to wriggle?
I think of you and imagine I'm having a shit
By j.w. at 19:53 29 May 2011
In my younger days I was an 'Eager twat'...
Eager twat? Uh. you realise that's an anagram of Watergate!
By Inchcock at 04:53 30 May 2011
Your hand feels slightly sticky, son...
Are you calling me a jerk, you old fool?
By attilathehungry at 14:48 30 May 2011
This isn't a bribe, son, it's just a down-payment for services rendered.
You won't get any "services" from me, you sad faggot, now let go of my hand!
By attilathehungry at 14:52 30 May 2011
2). Stick to the songs son. You need lots of charisma in politics like I have.
1). I'm thinking of entering politics. I 'd appreciate some advice sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:53 30 May 2011
This is truly an honour Mr. Presley. You can "Love me Tender" anytime you want!
Not a chance, bum-boy. I'm booked up with highschool cheerleaders till 1969!
By attilathehungry at 15:06 30 May 2011
Could you get me one of those black leather belts next time you visit Karachi?
I've never been to Karachi sir, though I do have a black belt in Karate.
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:09 30 May 2011
JFK wanted to go to the moon and do the other things, not because they are easy
and you wanted to meet me. I die doing the other things that aren't easy
By Chris James at 18:45 30 May 2011
I do like those gospel songs you sing. I wanted to enter the church at one time.
Put a pew up against the door did they?
By Tommy Twinkle at 19:07 30 May 2011
Is this Heaven?
Hell Yeah!
By Gabhan O'Buachalla at 23:04 30 May 2011
Hey son. What's with all the cucumber stories lately on The Spoof?
Well sir, folk are dying from 'tainted' cucumbers and some Spoofers..well y'know
By Lady Godiva at 04:15 01 Jun 2011
Spoofers seem to write anything for points son. Right?
Sir, yes sir. But don't paint them all with the same brush. Some are 'normal'.
By Lady Godiva at 04:17 01 Jun 2011
Do all the Spoof writers come here to write their stuff son?
Sir, no sir. Many think Caption Competition writing is waaaay below them . LOL!
By Lady Godiva at 04:20 01 Jun 2011
"It's time we both returned to save the world Elvis!"
"Uh?"
By Inchcock at 07:27 01 Jun 2011
I didn't take any bribes
I know Sepp
By j.w. at 11:03 01 Jun 2011
Keep up the good work, you're an inspiration to us all.
Dude...where am I right now?
By Josh Gillam at 17:47 01 Jun 2011
Is this what is known as 'being papped' Elvis?
No sir. We have given our PERMISSION to have these photos taken. Difference.
By Lady Godiva at 11:12 02 Jun 2011
Wow! You sure do sweat a lot Elvis. My hand is soaking wet!
Be grateful you are just holding my HAND sir!
By Lady Godiva at 23:42 02 Jun 2011
Do you believe in the Right to bare arms Elvis?
Only if that are not extremely hairy sir. That is so disgusting to look at.
By Lady Godiva at 23:43 02 Jun 2011
Ever shot a deer Elvis?
Only with a camera Sir!
By Lady Godiva at 23:44 02 Jun 2011
Did you know that my V for victory sign if reversed is akin to the middle finger
Yes sir, especially in England but I do think they're using the finger now too.
By Lady Godiva at 23:45 02 Jun 2011
What's your favourite colour Elvis?
Sir, just look at the titles of my songs. Gotta be BLUE right?
By Lady Godiva at 23:46 02 Jun 2011
Planning on having children Elvis?
Not really? You just never can tell what they'll end up doing with their lives.
By Lady Godiva at 23:47 02 Jun 2011
Do you think there will ever be a black president in the US of A Elvis.
Not in MY lifetime Sir!
By Lady Godiva at 23:48 02 Jun 2011
Will we EVER see an end to WARS around the world Elvis?
I don't think so Sir. Not whilst people are allowed to have their OWN opinions.
By Lady Godiva at 23:50 02 Jun 2011
Which is your favourite cheese Elvis?
That one with the 'blue' stuff in it Sir! I forget it's name. Blue Stilton?
By Lady Godiva at 23:51 02 Jun 2011
Are you afraid of mice Elvis?
Obviously not Sir. I am holding YOUR hand am I not?
By Lady Godiva at 23:52 02 Jun 2011
Do my teeth look REAL to you Elvis?
From a distance Sir. Close up you can see the holes the woodworms left.
By Lady Godiva at 23:54 02 Jun 2011
What's your favourite period in history Elvis?
THIS one Sir. When I am still alive and having fun.
By Lady Godiva at 23:55 02 Jun 2011
Do you believe in life after death Elvis?
No sir! I think when we die we will feel the same as we did before we were born.
By Lady Godiva at 01:43 03 Jun 2011
Elvis, why did Moses not keep the 10 Commandments as PROOF of his find.
Sir! T about it!
By Lady Godiva at 01:45 03 Jun 2011
Elvis, why did Moses not keep the 10 Commandments as PROOF of his find.
Sir! Think about it! Not many bibles would have been sold. It's called FAITH
By Lady Godiva at 01:47 03 Jun 2011
What happened to your twin Elvis?
Well sir....he lived and we share the good life.
By Lady Godiva at 01:48 03 Jun 2011
Is Pricilla good in bed Elvis?
Well sir...that's for me to know and you to find out. If you DARE!
By Lady Godiva at 01:49 03 Jun 2011
Elvis, please don't tell me those things I feel on your hand are WARTS.
No sir. They are calluses which come from playing the guitar all day every day.
By Lady Godiva at 02:24 03 Jun 2011
Sad really Elvis. In real life - we both die.
Sir,it's not sad. Everyone reading and writing these captions - also have to die
By Lady Godiva at 02:25 03 Jun 2011
Is that your fantastic black belt in Karate you're wearing there?
The press misheard me. What I said was that I'd won this black belt for karaoke
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:51 03 Jun 2011
Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?
No more than I did, Sir. Too young to die and too fat to live.
By ExiledRoyal at 15:46 03 Jun 2011
Japan links us. A black belt in karate for you, and a camera named in my honor
You need to visit an optician si, that jap camera has a middle letter K , not X
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:59 04 Jun 2011
It won't spoil the snaps. Security say a moving target is harder to hit.
Oh, I see. So that's why we're jumping up and down on this trampoline!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:48 04 Jun 2011
Tricky Dicky - could spell 'Kick City Dry?'
The King, could spell 'Thin Keg!'
By Inchcock at 18:31 04 Jun 2011
Nixon, Nixon! Why can't I be something more charismatic, like Kennedy?!
Never fear, Richard - you'd still be a total jerk even if you were Dick Kennedy!
By attilathehungry at 15:09 05 Jun 2011
Nixon, Nixon! Why can't I be something more charismatic, like "Kennedy"?!
Never fear, sir - you'd still be a total jerk even if you were "Dick Kennedy"!
By attilathehungry at 15:19 05 Jun 2011
Baby letta me be............. yer lovin' Teddy Bare...
Sorry bud - I'm a Barbie man myself - "King (trouser) Snake"! Uh-huh-huh.
By attilathehungry at 15:33 05 Jun 2011
"I did NOT have sex with that girl". (Sorry guys. Right quote, wrong president).
Balls of Steel, this guy, or should that be Balls of Steal?!
By attilathehungry at 15:41 05 Jun 2011
"Well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell..."
That must be the one with bars on the window and a personal toilet. Uh-huh-huh.
By attilathehungry at 15:45 05 Jun 2011
Watergate, Shmatergate... I've been framed!
How's the Jailhouse Rock going, sir?
By attilathehungry at 15:50 05 Jun 2011
I will not tolerate any discussion of my wedding tackle at a photo-opportunity!
You must admit, sir, it did look a helluva lot like a "smokin' gun"...
By attilathehungry at 15:57 05 Jun 2011
Is that a tainted cucumber in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?
Yes it IS a tainted cucumber but it's long and hard and I'm not going to EAT it.
By Lady Godiva at 19:46 05 Jun 2011
I hear that tomatoes in Europe are also tainted now.
Well they actually pronounce the word 'tomatoes' so what do you expect?
By Lady Godiva at 19:47 05 Jun 2011
Read in the news that lettuce is also tainted.
Only ONE type or ALL of the lettuci? - which is plural for lettuce I do believe.
By Lady Godiva at 19:49 05 Jun 2011
We should be on a chess board - they're calling you the king and me a rook.
No, they're not calling you a rook sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:40 06 Jun 2011
What do you think of these new Reality Shows like AGT Elvis.
Did not need those in my days sir. The Cream automatically rose to the top.
By Lady Godiva at 19:15 06 Jun 2011
I see your wife put too much starch in your collar Elvis.
She did it on purpsose sir, to hide the hickies. Called - lovebites in UK!
By Lady Godiva at 19:18 06 Jun 2011
Hey Elvis..what do you think of the USA's economy.
Mine's fine thank you very much. To hell with the rest of the citizens.
By Lady Godiva at 22:56 06 Jun 2011
What are your predictions on the music industry Elvis?
Oh, it will continue long after I'm gone. But I will still be The King!
By Lady Godiva at 22:58 06 Jun 2011
OK, OK... keep your AARON !
Millhouse... Millhouse... what kind of middle name is that...huh?
By IN SEINE at 08:06 07 Jun 2011
I won the Wayne Rooney haircut lookalike competition 2011
So did I!
By IN SEINE at 08:13 07 Jun 2011
Are you still finding you have to suck crisps with those false teeth?
Yes sir, but at least nowadays there are lots of different flavors to enjoy.
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:01 08 Jun 2011
I liked your song about the army
You mean Jailhouse Rock?
By j.w. at 13:54 09 Jun 2011
I like that song of yours about an American in Tripoli.
It's 'Trilogy' sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:21 09 Jun 2011
2).Gottle o' geer ; gottle o' geer. It's hard to toenounce der dees Eldis.
1). You're a useless vemtriloquist sir
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:44 09 Jun 2011
Betcha a dollar I can make those flags wave.
Had a plateful of beans for breakfast did yer?
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:59 10 Jun 2011
Do you do birthday parties?
I've had a few in my time
By Ho Lee Crap at 14:51 10 Jun 2011
Perhaps we should do a duet?
Yes, I'd make a good Vice President
By Ho Lee Crap at 14:56 10 Jun 2011
This will raise my popularity
It will be the end of my career
By Ho Lee Crap at 14:57 10 Jun 2011
Thanks for coming to the White House, Mr Johnny Cash
My pleasure, Mr Kissinger
By Ho Lee Crap at 15:02 10 Jun 2011
"If this guy can't help save my career, who can?"
"If this guy can't help save my career, who can?"
By Inchcock at 04:52 11 Jun 2011
Do you read The Spoof Elvis?
Sir, computers haven't been invented yet. What ARE you taking?
By Lady Godiva at 12:26 11 Jun 2011
Elvis, did you just 'cut the cheese'? Or did one of mine 'sneak' out?
Depends which side of the Atlantic you call 'home' sir. Some won't understand.
By Lady Godiva at 12:27 11 Jun 2011
I hear you are afraid of flying Elvis!
That's not quite true Sir. I'm afraid of CRASHING!
By Lady Godiva at 12:28 11 Jun 2011
I hear Canada doesn't have a 4th of July.
Of course they do Sir. It's between the 3th and the 5th like everywhere else.
By Lady Godiva at 12:30 11 Jun 2011
D'you want to come to the White House to watch the fireworks Elvis?
Thanks sir,but there are plenty here at The Spoof if you know where to look.
By Lady Godiva at 12:32 11 Jun 2011
D'you think Lady Godiva's profile picture is REALLY her?
As much as I believe Skoob is a cartoon Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 12:33 11 Jun 2011
D'you follow any particular sport Elvis?
Well sire, I AM a big fan of Tonsil Tennis.
By Lady Godiva at 12:34 11 Jun 2011
Ever heard of 'Watergate' Elvis?
Not yet Sir, but I am sure I will in the not too distant future.
By Lady Godiva at 12:36 11 Jun 2011
Who is your favourite comedian Elvis?
YOU are sir. I particularly like the mask. I think it'll become a popular sell.
By Lady Godiva at 12:37 11 Jun 2011
Did you have to bring that stupid hand buzzer with you Elvis?
Just wanna see how long you can stand it sir. So far, you are doing great.
By Lady Godiva at 12:38 11 Jun 2011
Seen any good movies lately Elvis? Ones you'd recommend to me I mean
Uh! Yes sir. King Creole, G.I. Blues, Blue Hawaii, Fun in Acapulco.
By Lady Godiva at 15:01 11 Jun 2011
Elvis, d'you think readers of The Spoof read the Magazine section.
Uh! Not as often as the writers would like Sir. It's worth a read though.
By Lady Godiva at 15:03 11 Jun 2011
Elvis, are you Jewish?
Dicky, is the Pope Protestant?
By Lady Godiva at 17:53 11 Jun 2011
Did you vote for me in the last election Elvis?
I plead the 5th sir!
By Lady Godiva at 20:40 11 Jun 2011
I heard you are dyslexic Elvis?
No sir. Diabetic!
By Lady Godiva at 20:41 11 Jun 2011
D'you fancy going ten-pin bowling later Elvis?
Sure sir! Do they make balls with holes big enough for YOUR chubby fingers?
By Lady Godiva at 20:43 11 Jun 2011
"I'd like to welcome you Elvis, to the Palm Beach!"
"Yea, with a sweaty palm - you lying again?"
By Inchcock at 07:52 12 Jun 2011
Smart suit and shirt Elvis, though I'm not sure about the green wellies.
You're right sir, the black ones would have looked better.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:54 12 Jun 2011
Don't squeeze too hard.
That's what I'm always telling Priscilla.
By Appalling Trash at 15:54 13 Jun 2011
Elvis, it doesn't get better than this. The day you shook the president's hand.
Modest kinda chap aren't yer!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:33 13 Jun 2011
2). Yes, mostly I do. Off of this box I'm only three and a half feet tall.
1). So do you wear children's clothes?
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:03 13 Jun 2011
Are the sideburns all part of the same wig?
Yes sir, though the eyebrows are stuck on separately.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:04 14 Jun 2011
Elvis, how did come up with the gyrating hips gimmick.
The day I stepped on stage with a wasp in my pants sir.
By Lady Godiva at 12:26 14 Jun 2011
I'm all for Sarah Palin as President
She could complete your unfinished business
By j.w. at 17:18 14 Jun 2011
Not wearing the big sunglasses anymore Elvis?
No sir. People thought I was a big fly and would spray me with repellent.
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:30 15 Jun 2011
I see Hugh Heffner's lost his charm. He's been dumped by his young gal.
Yup! 'parrently she got an eye test,some new specs,took a look at Hugh and ran.
By Lady Godiva at 19:43 15 Jun 2011
Who gets into politics with a name like Weiner?
Some 'dick' did.
By Lady Godiva at 19:44 15 Jun 2011
You gonno give us a song later Elvis?
Sir,that'll cost you an extra $10,000 on top of cash paid for shaking your hand.
By Lady Godiva at 19:47 15 Jun 2011
You ain't got no warts have you Elvis?
Well yes sir! But don't worry, they're not on my hands.
By Lady Godiva at 19:51 15 Jun 2011
I don't mind your songs, but I have to say I think your movies are crap!
Well, it's good to shake the hand of an honest man .
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:20 16 Jun 2011
A personl question Elvis. How's Priscilla in the 'bedroom department'?
Don't know sir. We never manage to get upstairs in time to find out. Uhuu!
By Lady Godiva at 13:45 18 Jun 2011
You into drugs Elvis? I won't tell!
No sir! I'm as clean as Mick Jagger. That's the truth.
By Lady Godiva at 13:47 18 Jun 2011
I need to go to the 'gentleman's' room Elvis. What shall I do?
Nip out when Lady G.s finished this and get back before another Spoofer arrives.
By Lady Godiva at 12:29 19 Jun 2011
I see NATO bombed the wrong target
Why do they always have to follow our example?
By j.w. at 11:15 20 Jun 2011
I know it's an old camera but you'd think he'd have clicked the snap by now.
He's had his head under that cover for hours. I think he's fallen asleep sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:44 20 Jun 2011
I'm a bit nervous. I hope your Time Tunnel is safe Dr Elvis?
Keep hold of my hand as we enter. We'll step out into 2011 in no time at all!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:48 20 Jun 2011
No need for any paperwork - we'll just shake on it okay?
's'fine sir. I can't wait to tell Priscilla I've bought The White House for her
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:14 21 Jun 2011
2. He's known to be fussy. He won't click until we're absolutely still.
1. Over three hours we've been standing here waiting for him to do another snap.
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:31 22 Jun 2011
So Dino tell me does Sinatra really suffer from premature ejaculation or not?
I hate to tell you this Mr Kennedy but you should have gone to Specsavers bud.
By herrdoktorfox at 15:41 22 Jun 2011
Do you think I should invite David Cameron over to the USA Elvis?
No sir, we have enough assholes in the White House already!
By herrdoktorfox at 15:44 22 Jun 2011
SHIRT COLLAR:" Wide open collars in public? Have you no shame? It's indecent!
SHIRT COLLAR: "You point your collar corners at me? You, who's into bondage!"
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:38 23 Jun 2011
How much longer will we be here? I'm getting bored stiff.
I'm a bit stiff myself sir. See, I can't bend when wearing this belt.
By Lady Godiva at 21:42 27 Jun 2011
I hear they're using that 'gate' tag on everything these days Elvis.
Yes sir! There's a Weinergate and a Palingate and a Spoofgate.
By Lady Godiva at 21:44 27 Jun 2011
D'you fancy going into politics Elvis?
No sir. I cannot tell a lie and keep a straight face at the same time.
By Lady Godiva at 21:46 27 Jun 2011
Do you exercise your right to 'bear arms' Elvis?
No sir! I hate sleeveless outfits. They remind me of Red Necks. Uhu!
By Lady Godiva at 14:28 28 Jun 2011
What hand lotion do you use Elvis? Your skin is so soft.
I'd prefer not to say sir. If you know what I mean. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
By Lady Godiva at 14:29 28 Jun 2011
My hand's gone quite numb Elvis. Can you loosen your grip a little?
Yes sir. My mama always told me I didn't know my own strength.
By Lady Godiva at 14:31 28 Jun 2011
It gives me great pleasure to open your new resturant
I wouldnt lie to you sir but BurgerKing
By The Trench at 20:07 28 Jun 2011
It gives me great pleasure to open your new BurgerKing resturant here today
a little less conversation your bugging me now
By The Trench at 20:10 28 Jun 2011
2) No, we only use black and white film with the minor celebrities.
1) Are these to be color snaps sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:38 28 Jun 2011
Only a thousand dollars each - just write the cheque out to me.
So they take about an hour to develop then I select the snaps I'd like to buy.
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:45 30 Jun 2011
You gave me a fright when I saw you walking up to the front door wearing them.
I've been told before how those big shades make me look like a bug-eyed alien.
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:04 30 Jun 2011
In your honour Elvis, I'm wearing my blue suede shows for this meeting today.
In your honour sir I'm wearing boxer shorts made from a good ol' American Flag.
By Lady Godiva at 14:12 30 Jun 2011
Good luck in your strike
You aint seen nothing yet
By j.w. at 14:38 30 Jun 2011
Many thousands of well wishers turned out in Canada for the special lady.
Only to be expected for Lady Godiva sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:04 30 Jun 2011
I heard Lady Godiva retired from teaching today Elvis.
Yes sir! I feel sorry for Spoof Writers now that she will have more spare time.
By Lady Godiva at 23:34 30 Jun 2011
Have you ever met Lady Godiva, Spoof Writer Elvis�
No sir. I die before she Spoofs. I see she has buggered up her keyboard again.
By Lady Godiva at 23:35 30 Jun 2011
Hey, 4th July coming up. Do they have one in Canada (insert Question Mark)
Yes sir - but it is on July 1st for some strange reason.
By Lady Godiva at 23:37 30 Jun 2011
Elvis - if you switch the letters in your name it reads Levis..
Yes sir! But whatever you do with the letters in YOUR name you'll still be Dick
By Lady Godiva at 01:59 01 Jul 2011
Jeez - the state of those old shoes. There's hardly any blue suede left on 'em.
My ankles swell easily sir. These frayed old pair of shoes feel nice 'n' comfy.
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:25 01 Jul 2011
In the UK unemployed over 60's now have to sign on and seek work. Why?
So as to make it even harder for the younger people to get work experience sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:48 01 Jul 2011
Say 'Happy Canada Day' to our Canadian cousins Elvis.
I think I'll wait 'til July 4th and see if THEY send us good wishes first.
By Lady Godiva at 13:06 01 Jul 2011
You ever been to Canada Elvis?
No sir! Where is it?
By Lady Godiva at 13:07 01 Jul 2011
I walked into a bank yesterday and the telller screamed "'We"re being robbed!"
Guess she thought you were wearing one of those masks sir....Uhu!
By Lady Godiva at 18:04 01 Jul 2011
Are you doing anything special for July 4th Elvis?
Yes sir...I'm cleaning my blue suede shoes and heading down to Hearbreak Hotel.
By Lady Godiva at 18:29 01 Jul 2011
Do you smell manure Elvis?
Surel do Sir! I reckon it's from all the BS in the Whitehouse.
By Lady Godiva at 18:31 01 Jul 2011
Can you name the Five Great Lakes Elvis?
Kind of you to ask sir but they've already BEEN named!
By Lady Godiva at 17:27 02 Jul 2011
Can you name the 5 Continents and the 7 Wonders of the World Elvis?
I'm honored to be asked to do so sir but it has already been done!
By Lady Godiva at 17:29 02 Jul 2011
You ever been ice-fishing Elvis?
No sir, I prefer to fish for FISH. Ah gets mah ice from the freezer.
By Lady Godiva at 17:31 02 Jul 2011
You seem to be on a roll Elvis.
No sir, it's a wholewheat bun.
By Lady Godiva at 17:32 02 Jul 2011
You ever had 'pulled pork' Elvis?
Er!! That's a rather personal question sir. I plead the 5th.
By Lady Godiva at 17:33 02 Jul 2011
Have you had a physical this year Elvis?
Ah have BEEN physical sir...but Ah haven't HAD one. Is there a difference?
By Lady Godiva at 17:35 02 Jul 2011
Have you ever seen that British show 'Coronation Street' Elvis?
Seen it sir? I played the part of Dennis Tanner.
By Lady Godiva at 17:37 02 Jul 2011
Did you watch Muffin the Mule?
No sire! I kept my eyes shut tight.
By Lady Godiva at 17:38 02 Jul 2011
How do the British pronounce 'tomato' Elvis?
They pronounce it 'tomato' sir.
By Lady Godiva at 17:39 02 Jul 2011
Have tea-bags always contained the crap they do now?
No sir. That was after they'd got people to switch to them from loose tea!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:58 02 Jul 2011
No, sorry Mr Presley, only children are allowed to use our swings.
Ah shucks - what about the slide - can I have a go on that instead?
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:17 02 Jul 2011
Do you know you have a dangling 'booger' Elvis?
Is that what you call it in YOUR family sir? We call it a 'Pee Pee'.
By Lady Godiva at 00:04 03 Jul 2011
Ever had a massage Elvis?
Yes sir. Got one only this morning from my mom saying my dad's not well.
By Lady Godiva at 00:05 03 Jul 2011
What's your favorite flavor of ice-cream Elvis? See American spellings there?
Well sir, that would have to be 'grits, greens and turkey gizzards'. Way to go!
By Lady Godiva at 00:07 03 Jul 2011
Ever played strip poker Elvis? It's quite a lot o' fun.
Depends who you are playing with don't it?
By Lady Godiva at 00:08 03 Jul 2011
Fancy leaving this caption competiton Elvis?
Sure do sir. Not many folk participating. I'll call Mark Lowton ASAP.
By Lady Godiva at 03:32 03 Jul 2011
Who's your favourite writer Elvis?
Sir, Lady Godiva of The Spoof sir!
By Lady Godiva at 03:33 03 Jul 2011
Keep this a secret but I was born in Kenya.
Oh not another one - why not just add Kenya to the Union and back date it a bit!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:11 03 Jul 2011
You watching Wimpleton this year Elis?
Sir, the Championship is called Wimbledon. Don't piss off the Brits.
By Lady Godiva at 16:46 03 Jul 2011
So you're 'The Singing Pop' everyone's talking about
Some call me a Pop Singer sir, but you're the first to call me The Singing Pop!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:43 03 Jul 2011
People watching your arrival say you were levitating.
It's a bit blowy outside today sir - the wind got under this shirt collar a bit!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:17 03 Jul 2011
"Can you hold your expression for much longer Elvis?"
"Well obviously Mark thinks we can!"
By Inchcock at 06:45 04 Jul 2011
Not many people pop in here do they!
Hard to tell sir - we ONLY get to know of the visitors who have pressed 'LIKE'!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:05 04 Jul 2011
(cont.from 234) ' What we need is a 'DISLIKE' button as well as a 'LIKE'
That would attract visitors, but there are spoofers who'd take liberties sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:19 04 Jul 2011
My cheeks are aching like the devil. How about you?
Not too bad! That's why I didn't smile too widely.
By Lady Godiva at 15:10 04 Jul 2011
I'm gonna miss you when this caption competion is over. We'll be forgotten!
Don't you bet on that sir. We'll be remembered long after we've both gone!
By Lady Godiva at 15:13 04 Jul 2011
Who do you think Mark will put up here next Elvis?
Personally I'd like to see the Royal Newlyweds...but that's just me.
By Lady Godiva at 15:14 04 Jul 2011
Please let go of my hand. I promise I'll come straight back after I've had a wee
You're going nowhere until the photographer's clicked his button - got that?
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:01 04 Jul 2011
Please let me go the bathroom. I'll embarrass myself otherwise.
Well it won't be the LAST time I can promise you that. RUN-NOW!
By Lady Godiva at 18:10 04 Jul 2011
Wig glue you say? Well next time you get any of it on your hands wipe it off.
First time I've tried it sir - new stuff just out it is - called super glue!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:21 04 Jul 2011
That Tommy Twinkle looks cute!
Down boy ! We've been here too long......
By Lady Godiva at 11:37 05 Jul 2011
You heard about that Susan Boyle lady Elvis? She's got quite the voice .
Yes sir Great pair of lungs. .Love the 'true' stories about her crazed fans.
By Lady Godiva at 11:40 05 Jul 2011
I'm running out of things to say now Elvis.
?
By Lady Godiva at 11:40 05 Jul 2011
Will you miss me tonight?
Only if someone jogs my rifle
By Lynton at 22:16 05 Jul 2011
Nice blouse. With a little bit of lipstick I'd be asking you out on a date!
Forget to put it on this morning did you?
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:32 06 Jul 2011
Promise to write every day after this is over Elvis.
I will sir...but not to YOU!
By Lady Godiva at 13:50 06 Jul 2011
Will you sing a song about me Elvis?
Already did sir 'The Walls Have Ears'. (coz some rooms are bugged).
By Lady Godiva at 13:56 06 Jul 2011
They said there'd never be a black president. Pigs would fly first.
Well, not long after Obama was voted in - 'swine flu' !
By Lady Godiva at 16:14 06 Jul 2011
"High Elvis, I have made many tapes of your songs..."
"Yea, you should have stuck to just my tapes!"
By Inchcock at 21:45 06 Jul 2011
Did you know that some spoofers say they don't care about the points Elvis?
Then why the hell are they trying to rack them up sir. I don't get it!
By Lady Godiva at 01:54 07 Jul 2011
Elvis, I read The Spoof and have notice only 3 or 4 writers on the discussions.
Yes sir! It's like they now have their own, private chat room. ROFLMAO
By Lady Godiva at 01:56 07 Jul 2011
Elvis, are discussion forums healthy?
No sir. That's why many writers left and others are doing so as I speak.
By Lady Godiva at 01:57 07 Jul 2011
"We're both in Madame Taussauds you know Elvis"
"Certainly feels like it holding this expression for so damn long!"
By Inchcock at 08:17 07 Jul 2011
"Have you noticed we both have very disinctive hair styles Elvis?"
"Yea, hair today, gone tomorrow!"
By Inchcock at 08:19 07 Jul 2011
Was your phone hacked Elvis?
No Mr President, mobiles haven?t been invented yet
By Les Being at 10:11 07 Jul 2011
This can't be healthy for either of us Elvis.
I totally agree sir. I haven't had any 'you know what' for over two weeks now.
By Lady Godiva at 14:05 08 Jul 2011
Gottle o' geer. Gottle o' geer.
Not bad sir. I didn't see your lips move once.
By Lady Godiva at 14:06 08 Jul 2011
"Well, this is a great day Alvin"
"Shure is Mr. Dixon"
By armfeetandtoe at 18:52 08 Jul 2011
Still here then?
For NOW at least....
By Lady Godiva at 15:06 09 Jul 2011
Did you hear the scandal about The News of the World?
Sure did! Bet you're glad you're not around now with all this high tech. stuff.
By Lady Godiva at 15:07 09 Jul 2011
Do you think you'd like a computer Elvis?
No sir. Quite happy with my pencil and paper. Don't have to worry about hackers
By Lady Godiva at 15:08 09 Jul 2011
I heard that your daughter is going to marry Michael Jackson.
Over my dead body!
By Lady Godiva at 15:11 09 Jul 2011
I hear you are a Christian Elvis?
Yes! I read that about myself too.
By Lady Godiva at 15:12 09 Jul 2011
Do you believe in God Elvis?
I'll come back and tell you when I meet him. OK?
By Lady Godiva at 16:31 09 Jul 2011
Elvis, you are an intelligent person...are atheists also satanists?
Hell no sir! Satanists are crazy bastards. Atheists just don't believe in God.
By Lady Godiva at 16:33 09 Jul 2011
So we are all descended from Adam an Eve right?
What? Think about that for a few minutes sire!
By Lady Godiva at 16:34 09 Jul 2011
Have you ever been behind bars for real Elvis?
Only the 'beer selling' kind sir.
By Lady Godiva at 16:35 09 Jul 2011
Do you know who the Mystery Blonde is Elvis?
Well, from the descriptions I'd guess its that old British DJ, Jimmy Saville.
By Lady Godiva at 14:44 10 Jul 2011
I had a very enoyable bowel movement this morning Elvis.
Sir!. That's too much information sir.
By Lady Godiva at 14:48 10 Jul 2011
Have you ever had an enema Elvis?
Sir! Why are you SO obsessed with your BUTT? Keep watching it though.
By Lady Godiva at 14:50 10 Jul 2011
"Would you like to sing a song about this caption competition Elvis?"
"Which would you like Dick, It's now or never, Don't be cruel, or I'm Leavin?"
By Inchcock at 18:41 10 Jul 2011
Would you ever name a child 'Harper Seven' Elvis?
What have YOU been taking? Which idiot would do THAT?
By Lady Godiva at 15:27 11 Jul 2011
I hear the Beckhams have named their daughter 'Harper Seven'.
Proves what people have been saying about that pair - 'total dingbats'.
By Lady Godiva at 15:28 11 Jul 2011
You'd think people would get sick of looking the pair of us day in day out.
Er! Speak for yourself sir! My face is part of my fortune. You're ugly.
By Lady Godiva at 15:32 11 Jul 2011
Where do you think the US of A will be in 2011 Elvis?
Same place it is today sir. It's too big to move.
By Lady Godiva at 15:33 11 Jul 2011
What do you think of The White House Elvis?
Nice place sir. But don't you think the name is racist?
By Lady Godiva at 16:32 11 Jul 2011
Hey hound dog.
No I did not vote for you.
By C. Cranium at 17:52 11 Jul 2011
" I think this photograph is beginning to fade Elvis!"
"Yes, it's age that causes that Sir!"
By Inchcock at 06:56 13 Jul 2011
"How soon will we be removed from this competition do you think Elvis?"
"Don't know Sir, might be a little slow off the Mark, if you know what I mean?"
By Inchcock at 06:58 13 Jul 2011
"Why are we not shown in colour Elvis?"
"We're two guys, you know. Mono on Mono..."
By Inchcock at 07:05 13 Jul 2011
Have you heard my tapes?
No!!! Can I get a copy?
By whatinthe world at 12:25 13 Jul 2011
I can do things for your career you wouldn't believe.
Like get me arrested perhaps?
By whatinthe world at 12:28 13 Jul 2011
My fellow Americans, say hello to Bob Dylan.
Um, Sir, ah, that's some other guy.
By whatinthe world at 12:29 13 Jul 2011
I've always enjoyed your piano accordian playing.
You played great in Superbowl '67.
By whatinthe world at 12:31 13 Jul 2011
Get me a guitar, we could perform a duet.
Yeah, ah, maybe Old Man River, no, Hound Dog, um, maybe Roxanne...yeah Roxanne
By whatinthe world at 12:37 13 Jul 2011
You're standing on my left foot, get off.
I will when you stop pinching my ass.
By whatinthe world at 12:38 13 Jul 2011
Well that's the southern vote won over.
Hey I thought I was the focus of attention here!
By whatinthe world at 12:42 13 Jul 2011
Are you the real deal or just one of the those loser impersonators.
Do you think I got these lips from Botox injections?
By whatinthe world at 12:45 13 Jul 2011
Well let's see what Hubert Humphrey can do to match this.
Is he that new folk singer I've been hearin' about?
By whatinthe world at 12:48 13 Jul 2011
You know I play a really mean piano.
My piano is now a water feature in Graceland.
By whatinthe world at 12:52 13 Jul 2011
You know son I've recorded every thing you just said to me. Happy?
Well, if we add strings and a little gospel singing it might become No 1.
By whatinthe world at 12:56 13 Jul 2011
Son, can I get you a root beer?
No, Sir, just a root will do fine!
By whatinthe world at 13:15 13 Jul 2011
How much longer before Mark changes this Caption Competition picture?
He won't change the picture until he's laughed at one of the captions sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:01 13 Jul 2011
Let's take the 5th. I've nothing more to say in these bubbles!
I'm with you there sir. Hey, you lot out there. No comment!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:05 13 Jul 2011
Got any blow?
Am I the fuckin king of rock?
By Zachary Estle at 04:58 14 Jul 2011
Can you teach me how to fool the American Public?
Can YOU teach me how to fool the American Public?
By IainB at 11:42 14 Jul 2011
Elvis, where's your favourite place to eat?
Burger King - where else IS there?
By Lady Godiva at 20:22 14 Jul 2011
What did ya think of the Army Elvis?
Have I been in the Army yet sir?
By Lady Godiva at 20:33 14 Jul 2011
Wanna switch places with me Elvis?
What - ME be president. No thank y'very much. Thank you.
By Lady Godiva at 20:35 14 Jul 2011
You asked me if I picked my nose when I was a kid...course I did..no secret.
Well I was just thinking sir-you coulda picked a better one-that's a bit too big
By Lady Godiva at 20:37 14 Jul 2011
Can't see Mark taking us down any day soon. Can YOU Elvis.
No Dick! Guess we need to keep coming up with stuff for these here bubbles.
By Lady Godiva at 20:41 14 Jul 2011
What do ya think of the comics in the papers son?
After being here this long, A feel sorry for the writers sir.
By Lady Godiva at 20:42 14 Jul 2011
I do believe that Mystery Blonde was seen over the Canadian side of the Falls.
A do believe A read that sir. Skylon Tower if Ahm not mistaken.
By Lady Godiva at 20:44 14 Jul 2011
"Can we beg to be removed from this Caption Competition soon?"
"Yeah, if your appeal is up to the Mark!"
By Inchcock at 06:48 15 Jul 2011
"I think we might be the longest running Competition yet!"
"ReMARKable Dicky!"
By Inchcock at 06:51 15 Jul 2011
Support Elvis and Dicky, We want to be set free, Listen to our plea!
Stuck here is plain cruelty, Can't move or go for a pee, See?
By Inchcock at 07:12 15 Jul 2011
Well Elvis, I am slowly losing the will to live.
'Know what ya mean sir. I'm getting bored now.
By Lady Godiva at 15:43 15 Jul 2011
What are you going to be doing when you leave this competition?
Enjoy eternal rest I hope.
By Lady Godiva at 15:51 15 Jul 2011
Talked to the Lord last night and asked for his help getting us out of here
Don't hold your breathe then!
By Lady Godiva at 15:53 15 Jul 2011
Thyanks Elvish. Keep me schteady by holding on chu my hand till the shnaps taken
Priscilla asked me to give you those chocolate liqueurs as a gift to your wife!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:32 15 Jul 2011
Only black & white snaps. Mustn't throw taxpayers money around on color film
That'll be fine sir - me and Priscilla can crayon them in with color later.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:25 15 Jul 2011
You're from Ireland aren't you - very religious chap - loud speaking voice.
You're thinking of Mr Paisley sir - I'm Presley!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:32 15 Jul 2011
Favourite cartoon character Elvis?
You MUST be bored. Can't you do better than that sir?
By Lady Godiva at 19:05 15 Jul 2011
Knock, knock.....
Oh my Lord! MARK GET US OUTTA HERE.....
By Lady Godiva at 19:52 15 Jul 2011
Elvis - I get a pain in my right eye everytime I take a sip of my tea.
Try taking the spoon out of the cup sir.
By Lady Godiva at 19:54 15 Jul 2011
We're starting to smell a bit ripe don't you think Elvis?
Well, I notice there's no-one out there now. The stench has driven them away.
By Lady Godiva at 19:56 15 Jul 2011
You that Christian, gay singer from England?
No sir. I you are thinking of Cliff Richards.He's not a sharp dresser like I am
By Lady Godiva at 19:58 15 Jul 2011
Did you know that ants have aunts Elvis?
And suns have suns? Common knowledge sir.
By Lady Godiva at 23:14 15 Jul 2011
I am not a crook!
Uh-huh?
By Lady Godiva at 23:14 15 Jul 2011
Do you eat all your green veggies Elvis, like your momma told you?
Hell, yes sir! How do you think I manufacture this amount of gas?
By Lady Godiva at 23:15 15 Jul 2011
Do you spell check 'cheque' or 'check' Elvis?
Don't matter! I spell cash C A S H !
By Lady Godiva at 23:16 15 Jul 2011
Do you own a safety deposit box Elvis?
Yes sir I DO. It's between my legs!
By Lady Godiva at 23:17 15 Jul 2011
Haldemann and Erlichman are big fans Elvis. That's why they're going down.
Damn it! John Dean has a lot to answer for, true.
By whatinthe world at 05:58 16 Jul 2011
Say, do you want to see my porno collection? Its really horny stuff.
Since when does a President emulate the King.
By whatinthe world at 06:00 16 Jul 2011
Have you put out the garbage Elvis? You know I get really edgy about these thing
Dang!! And all those tapes are still sitting there n'all.
By whatinthe world at 06:02 16 Jul 2011
My dog can perform tricks like lying and deceiving. Its really talented.
Say, maybe you could do that yourself. Have you ever tried cover ups?
By whatinthe world at 06:06 16 Jul 2011
The Russians want to kidnap you for 20 million roubles ransom. You in this, son?
Twenty million? How cheap do you think I am?
By whatinthe world at 06:09 16 Jul 2011
So, you're big all over the planet, hey. Are you bigger than me?
Put it this way, Mr President, my shoe size is about twice yours.
By whatinthe world at 06:14 16 Jul 2011
Good lord is that the time? I gotta go and COVER UP the canaries.
While you're at it, do the same with those tapes.
By whatinthe world at 06:16 16 Jul 2011
I can see that camera man's wet patch!
Ah! I can see his girlfriend's bits!
By whatinthe world at 12:55 16 Jul 2011
Say, Elvis, do you play a sitar and sing Indian folk tunes.
You kiddin' Mr President? I'm the bomb of Bombay!
By whatinthe world at 12:59 16 Jul 2011
When I was eighteen, I fought for my country. What about you, Elvis?
When I was eighteen I f..cked for my country.
By whatinthe world at 13:01 16 Jul 2011
Okay, that's nice! Now, Elvis, give us a snarling lip.
What is this? Candid bleedin' camera or a MGM audition?
By whatinthe world at 13:09 16 Jul 2011
Say that Jim Croce can write a good lyric. Also John Denver. How bout you Elvis?
Aw, um aw, aw gee,um......Thank you very much!
By whatinthe world at 13:21 16 Jul 2011
This boy's a moron. Doesn't know his distributor cap from his welsh plug.
aw, ah, um, aw gee, (cough) gee, aw shucks.
By whatinthe world at 13:25 16 Jul 2011
D'you vote Elvis?
Only on polls such as 'What is your favourite flavour ice-cream' and so on.
By Lady Godiva at 14:21 16 Jul 2011
Aw! Look at that mama duck and her ducklings crossing the lawn.
That's a mama Canadian Goose sir, and her goslings. Easy mistake though.
By Lady Godiva at 14:23 16 Jul 2011
Knock, knock
Christ! Sir, I swear I'll slap you silly if you say those two words again
By Lady Godiva at 14:26 16 Jul 2011
About that request of yours. Can't do it. Not unless we make Gracelands a State.
But it wouldn't have to be a big 'Star of Elvis' added to the American flag sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:43 16 Jul 2011
Says down there, Meerkats were here for 1,579 captions
No way! Guess we'd better settle in for the long haul then.
By Lady Godiva at 15:56 16 Jul 2011
They call you the King, does that mean you get to grant a Royal Pardon?
They call you a President, doesn't mean you get to do whatever you like, sir.
By Stiff Writer at 16:50 16 Jul 2011
Thanks for the tip off, but I don't need you to kill the Beatles
Darn it, I already got someone lined up to take out that commie Lennon
By Stiff Writer at 20:48 16 Jul 2011
"Are you lonesom tonight?"
"You wont be when they find those tapes"
By armfeetandtoe at 11:51 17 Jul 2011
Say, kid, do you know Puff The Magic Dragon?
No, but I've probably met his brother though.
By whatinthe world at 13:50 17 Jul 2011
I'm scared. Keep hold of my hand when we fall down there.
It's not hell down there sir - we'll just be joining the earlier captions.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:41 17 Jul 2011
We can be rightly proud of what we've achieved.
Pride goes before a fall sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:57 17 Jul 2011
In Arab lands they offer the right hand to show they aren't about to stab you
Are you left handed sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:07 17 Jul 2011
An Elvis Presley concert live from the White House - Are you up for it?
You're determined to capture the youth vote aren't you, sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:12 17 Jul 2011
Thanks for helping me fall from captions with dignity Elvis.
Sir, I don't have any choice sir. We're joined at the hands.
By Lady Godiva at 20:20 17 Jul 2011
Any last words before we leave this competition Elvis?
Yes sir! It's been a blast!
By Lady Godiva at 20:21 17 Jul 2011
Will you miss me Elvis, when we are gone from here?
Sir, I'll miss you like I'll miss a hole in the head.
By Lady Godiva at 20:22 17 Jul 2011
Do you think America still NEEDS me Elvis?
Sir, I am sure America needs YOU like a FISH needs a BICYCLE.
By Lady Godiva at 20:23 17 Jul 2011
"Can you help me pay off the CIA?"
"I've sent them my new album"
By armfeetandtoe at 23:22 17 Jul 2011
Oh hell! Still here Elvis. What do you wanna do for the duration?
Well sir, certainly none of those Knock Knock jokes. They could lead me to kill.
By Lady Godiva at 23:30 17 Jul 2011
Knock, knock - come on Elvis, play along....
Don't go pushing your luck sir. I've warned you once already.
By Lady Godiva at 11:28 18 Jul 2011
Tapes!! Don't know anything about any tapes. There are no tapes!
Not them tapes, sir, my new demo tapes. Can't find them anywhere.
By tedweasel at 11:33 18 Jul 2011
say, son, aren't you the guy that plays quarter back for the Dolphins?
Hell no!!! I'm the guy that plays pitcher for the Yankees.
By whatinthe world at 12:57 18 Jul 2011
Okay, two grand for the belt and how 'bout eight hundred for the necklace?
Your a mean negotiator Mr President. Its a deal!!
By whatinthe world at 13:10 18 Jul 2011
Y'know son, one day your daughter will marry the King of Pop. Scary isn't it?
Not that f..king Michael jackson. Oh, Christ!!
By whatinthe world at 13:13 18 Jul 2011
Okay, I'll trade my daughter for Priscilla. Deal?
Any thing you say Mr President!
By whatinthe world at 13:15 18 Jul 2011
Alright, 50 kilograms of coke..delivered. Deal?
Your too kind Mr President.
By whatinthe world at 13:20 18 Jul 2011
We're not really in the White House. This is just a crude mockup, see.
Oh, like the moon landings were a fake creation.
By whatinthe world at 13:23 18 Jul 2011
Well Elvis I'll sell you Park Lane if you pay off my mortgage on Fleet Street.
Dang! Your such a brutal Monopoly opponent, Sir.
By whatinthe world at 13:32 18 Jul 2011
Twenty thousand, cash, for my tapes.Deal?
Agreed. Um, deal. And I get your daughter, right?
By whatinthe world at 13:36 18 Jul 2011
For once I am absolutely lost for words Elvis my boy.
Don't panic Dicky, I see your speech writer heading this way. Uh-huh!
By Lady Godiva at 14:51 18 Jul 2011
Holy cheeses. Mother of cod. Please bring us our dinners NOW.
I'm darned hungry too sir. You are making my mouth water.....STOP!
By Lady Godiva at 14:55 18 Jul 2011
Alas black and white film won't show the folks your great purple jacket.
Well they have to be black and white otherwise they'd spot your green head sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:03 18 Jul 2011
God save our gracious Queen..... Long live our....
Wrong anthem sir. You're starting to 'lose it'.
By Lady Godiva at 20:50 18 Jul 2011
D'you have a pet Elvis. I don't mean a Pet Elvis I mean a pet , Elvis?
Shure do. Ah got me a houndawg.
By Lady Godiva at 20:51 18 Jul 2011
I couldn't wear a collar like that Elvis and 'get away with it'
You couldn't wear a collar like this 'cause your neck's non-existent.
By Lady Godiva at 21:00 18 Jul 2011
Why do they call me Tricky Dicky Elvis?
Could be your T.shirt with that long dog on saying "My wiener does tricks.
By Lady Godiva at 21:13 18 Jul 2011
"How much longer Elvis?"
"I'm not bothered any more..."
By Inchcock at 05:47 19 Jul 2011
A dog's 'relieving' himself on my right leg Elvis.
If they don't get us off here soon I'll be doing the same on your left leg.
By Lady Godiva at 14:06 19 Jul 2011
Have you seen that comedian, Carrot Top, Elvis?
No! He hasn't been born yet! WE'LL never get to see him.
By Lady Godiva at 14:08 19 Jul 2011
Did you know I have warts on my right hand Elvis?
NOW you tell me! Thanks for sharing.
By Lady Godiva at 14:10 19 Jul 2011
I think the rain's starting to come down Elvis.
I'd be more impressed if it was 'going up'.
By Lady Godiva at 14:10 19 Jul 2011
This will make us real popular!
'Us'???
By Ho Lee Crap at 15:36 19 Jul 2011
I wonder why he told us to stick these big white cards on our shoulders?
The photographer said something about getting one of his snaps on The Spoof sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:29 19 Jul 2011
You ever ridden a bike Elvis. I mean a 2-wheeler?
Well, I DID ride the 'town bike ' a few times sir. A 2-legger.
By Lady Godiva at 00:57 20 Jul 2011
Are you a virgin Elvis? Just curious.
Look at me sir. What do YOU think?
By Lady Godiva at 00:59 20 Jul 2011
Okay, I'll see you Camp David and raise you the Pentagon.
Dang, I came here to give you a copy of my new album.
By whatinthe world at 04:36 20 Jul 2011
How 'bout half of Louisiana and throw in Hawaii for good measure.
It's a deal. Thank you very much.
By whatinthe world at 04:40 20 Jul 2011
What about I swap the Whitehouse for Gracelands. Deal?
I don't know what Priscilla would think. Stuff it! It's a deal Mr President.
By whatinthe world at 04:43 20 Jul 2011
Okay, two hundred hamburgers and 350 serves of french fries. Deal?
You kidding? Deal, Mr President.
By whatinthe world at 04:45 20 Jul 2011
Did you just fart then Elvis?
Yes sir. Man, I had thirty seven hot dogs just before I walked in here.
By whatinthe world at 04:48 20 Jul 2011
Its always great to meet Miss Universe. Congratulations.
Pardon me sir but I'm an Elvis impersonator.
By whatinthe world at 04:49 20 Jul 2011
In my line of work it's a bit unusual to meet someone like you.
Oh, I'm no saint sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:10 21 Jul 2011
"Is it true you take drugs?"
"Is it true you cant count!?"
By armfeetandtoe at 08:34 21 Jul 2011
I can't say I'm fond of that deodorant you've got on Elvis.
It's fly spray sir - It's the only way I've found to keep the girls at bay.
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:25 21 Jul 2011
Could you start by repainting the Yellow Oval Room?
Er, well I don't mind helping out sir. I'll need a ladder though.
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:55 21 Jul 2011
They dont want a crook in the white house
Jailhouse rock for you
By j.w. at 17:04 21 Jul 2011
What did the photographer just say?
He said to get out of the f'ing way, he 's here to take a photo of the flags!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:22 21 Jul 2011
You think they'd at least give us a chance to change our underwear Elvis.
Ain't bothering me Dicky. I don't wear any.
By Lady Godiva at 00:34 22 Jul 2011
Have you read Tom Sawyer yet Elvis?
No Sir. What has he written that I might have heard of?
By Lady Godiva at 00:38 22 Jul 2011
What do you think of the Beatles Elvis?
Yuck! I hate the crunching sound when I step on one.
By Lady Godiva at 00:39 22 Jul 2011
Well, I'll lend you my daughter for seven days. She's on birth control.
Your damn cruder than they say, Mr President. Deal!
By whatinthe world at 04:44 22 Jul 2011
Kissinger and Dean perform a mean piano duet. Of course I'll be on drums.
Yes, sir. I'll arrange it with the boys immediately.
By whatinthe world at 04:48 22 Jul 2011
Okay, twenty grand for the silk upholstered chair and ten dollars for the needle
Aw shucks Mr President! Its a deal.
By whatinthe world at 04:51 22 Jul 2011
You know son there is only one thing worth saving in this life.
Yeah, money and don't I know it!
By whatinthe world at 04:53 22 Jul 2011
I've modified my walk based on your movements, Elvis, what do you think of it?
What a gait!
By tedweasel at 09:51 22 Jul 2011
Well at least we didn't have to wear pants for this photoshoot Elvis.
True! I love to feel a nice breeze around my genetalia now and again.
By Lady Godiva at 14:52 22 Jul 2011
Do you enjoy playing any sports Elvis?
Well I do enjoy the odd game of 'hide the sausage' sir.
By Lady Godiva at 14:54 22 Jul 2011
Wore my new tie for this occasion and Mark sticks a bubble on it. Sheesh!
How do you think my parrot is feeling then?
By Lady Godiva at 16:05 22 Jul 2011
So this is what it feels like to be a waxwork figure at Madame Tussauds
I think we ARE waxwork figures Dicky.
By Lady Godiva at 16:08 22 Jul 2011
This moment will go down in history Ringo.
I keep telling you my name is Elvis and this has already gone down in history.
By Lady Godiva at 19:52 22 Jul 2011
Would you like to come to the White House for dinner this evening Elvis?
Depends on what's on the menu sir, and if the room is bugged.
By Lady Godiva at 19:53 22 Jul 2011
Y'know Elvis..I always fancied being a private dick.
Keep your zipper up and you'll succeed sir.
By Lady Godiva at 19:54 22 Jul 2011
You ever tasted 'spotted dick' Elvis?
Can't catch out with that one sir. A know it's an English dessert. Uh-huh!
By Lady Godiva at 20:47 22 Jul 2011
Why do you want me to call you Mr. Nixon?
Just to confuse the readers Elvis. I'm bored!
By Lady Godiva at 20:49 22 Jul 2011
Did you hear that thunder Elvis?
Sir..that was my stomach rumbling. Could eat a horse right now.
By Lady Godiva at 20:57 22 Jul 2011
Had your annual physical yet Elvis?
No and 'no' I'm not gonna let YOU perform it.
By Lady Godiva at 20:58 22 Jul 2011
Are we getting paid for this photo shoot Elvis?
A darn well hope so or I'm having all photographs destroyed.
By Lady Godiva at 21:06 22 Jul 2011
Should I flag this one as inppropriate Elvis?
I double dog dare you to Mr. Nixon.
By Lady Godiva at 21:08 22 Jul 2011
I chickened out. I didn't flag that last caption as inappropriate.
A knew you would you yellow livered coward. What kind of a leader ARE you ?
By Lady Godiva at 21:11 22 Jul 2011
I think you could use a 'mentor' Elvis, to help you with publicity.
As long as YOU don't offer. I have really high standards where PR stands.
By Lady Godiva at 22:11 22 Jul 2011
What kind of car d'you drive Elvis?
The type with four wheels sir.
By Lady Godiva at 22:16 22 Jul 2011
Did you know I once wanted to be a grade school teacher Elvis?
Well, thank the Lord you changed your mind Sir. You do much better as President
By Lady Godiva at 23:04 22 Jul 2011
Have you tried those nuts chef put on the tables for us to eat? They taste awful
They're the ash trays sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:40 23 Jul 2011
Where are the male spoofers?. I'm sick of a woman putting words in my mouth.
I know what you mean. They're probably at the pub. Most don't come here anyway.
By Lady Godiva at 12:10 23 Jul 2011
Moon landing faked? But viewers heard me as I congratulated Neil from Earth.
Then your right arm entered the television pictures to shake his hand sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 07:57 24 Jul 2011
How are you finding the accommodation I sorted out for you at The White House?
A beetle in me bag this morning sir, otherwise the tent on the lawn's just fine!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:43 24 Jul 2011
I was just lucky .Try again later. With that game the dealer mostly loses.
With only three cards on the table it looks so easy to find that lady sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:35 24 Jul 2011
My wife will be wondering where I've got to.We've been here such a long time.
Priscilla will be cutting up all my clothes by now!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:51 24 Jul 2011
We must do this again some time.
I'll bring a couple of chairs with me next time sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:54 24 Jul 2011
Forgive me for saying, but I think you've been losing a bit of weight Elvis.
Really? Thanks for telling me sir, I'll have to start eating a bit more.
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:32 24 Jul 2011
See if you can think up a good title for a song about me.
Already have one sir. 'You're The Devil In Disguise'.
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:36 24 Jul 2011
Shoot! Another day and we are STILL here. What do you suggest Elvis?
Just keep that silly grin on your face until Mark gets us both outta here.
By Lady Godiva at 00:40 25 Jul 2011
Have you been to Niagara Falls Elvis?
Yes. Rather disappointed. The Canadian side is much better than ours.
By Lady Godiva at 12:40 25 Jul 2011
Did you go to church on Sunday Elvis?
Sir, don't you remember? I was HERE with YOU.
By Lady Godiva at 12:41 25 Jul 2011
Damn! A fly just flew up my nose.
Snort it out then because I can't help you can I?
By Lady Godiva at 16:10 25 Jul 2011
Do you think that 'scoccer' will ever really take off in the States Elvis?
What's 'soccer' Dicky?
By Lady Godiva at 16:11 25 Jul 2011
What's your greatest fear in life Elvis?
That Mark will leave us here for another effing week. Pardon my French.
By Lady Godiva at 16:12 25 Jul 2011
I quite fancy have MY head carved on a big rock like those at Rushmore.
They tell me they're looking for a rock BIG enough sir!
By Lady Godiva at 16:23 25 Jul 2011
Do you fancy investing in a lucrative pyramid scheme Elvis?
I didn't realize the Pyramids were up for sale. Does anyone in Egypt know?
By Lady Godiva at 16:52 25 Jul 2011
How many edges on a pyramid Elvis? How many faces too?
Depends if it is a square-based pyramid or a triangular based pyramid sir.
By Lady Godiva at 16:55 25 Jul 2011
D'you like sausage Elvis?
Well.....I like HIDING it Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 20:56 25 Jul 2011
What d'you think about the Knicks Elvis?
Which ones sir? Nick Nolte, Nick Diaz, Nick Cage-he goes by Nicholas though.
By Lady Godiva at 20:58 25 Jul 2011
What is a 'Dikdoo" Elvis? Someone said that I have one.
It's when your belly sticks out further than your dick do sir!
By Lady Godiva at 21:04 25 Jul 2011
Elvis...WHEN are we going to be gone from here? Has Mark forgotten about us?
I did hear that he is looking into the workings of the Approval Center Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 04:11 26 Jul 2011
Why are some of those Spoof Writers so mean to their fellow writers Elvis?
Beats me sir. I don't think they have a clue themselves. Some are just nasty.
By Lady Godiva at 04:13 26 Jul 2011
I see the Discussion forums are getting pretty boring over at The Spoof
Yes sir. I don't have to spell it out for you. I'm sure you've figured it out.
By Lady Godiva at 04:14 26 Jul 2011
Should we send a PM or an email to Mark begging him to change this caption photo
Don't think so. He doesn't seem to be around as much these days. Sad to say.
By Lady Godiva at 05:20 26 Jul 2011
"I'm running out of ideas on what to say..."
"You should have recorded them on tape beforehand!"
By Inchcock at 06:13 26 Jul 2011
Do we have any Norwegian Spoofwriters Elvis?
Yes Sir, we did but he has just gone to Jail because he wanted to make a point -
By IN SEINE at 10:19 26 Jul 2011
What point was that?
That the Norwegian government should wake up! MARK SHOULD DO THE SAME!!!
By IN SEINE at 10:25 26 Jul 2011
I'm as honest as the day I was born
No, you can't go blaming everything on the genes sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:37 26 Jul 2011
Of course they're real flags behind us - why do you ask that?
I thought they might be some of those government false flags I've heard about!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:44 26 Jul 2011
Because of his condition, JFK would often sleep on the floorboards here.
Priscilla's not so bad, she lets me sleep on the couch when I've been naughty!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:49 26 Jul 2011
'All Shook Up' - Great title for a song Elvis
That one came from a bottle of coke I'd opened up after a bumpy car ride sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:09 26 Jul 2011
You heard the news about the British National Anthem Elvis?
Sure did sir. It has four verses. Even most Brits. thought there was only one.
By Lady Godiva at 17:08 26 Jul 2011
What do you think of them there wind turbines Elvis?
They're o.k. but I wouldn't let my daughter marry one.
By Lady Godiva at 17:46 26 Jul 2011
Do you wash your dishes using Fairy Liquid Elvis?
What you trying to say to me Dicky? Just coz my hands are soft don't mean diddly
By Lady Godiva at 17:48 26 Jul 2011
That camera man just winked at me Elvis. What should i do?. I'm not GAY.
You are safe so long as you don't wink BACK.
By Lady Godiva at 20:45 26 Jul 2011
This is getting to become torturous don't you think?
Too the words out of my mouth sir. It's criminal leaving us here this long.
By Lady Godiva at 20:48 26 Jul 2011
Why did the American President cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
By Lady Godiva at 20:49 26 Jul 2011
You were saying????
No I wasn't.........
By Lady Godiva at 23:58 26 Jul 2011
What do they call one spoof writer at the bottom of a lake?
They call it one spoof writer at the bottom of a lake (scuba diving).
By Lady Godiva at 23:59 26 Jul 2011
Do you loke Homo milk Elvis?
Too creamy for me sir. Do the Brits get this joke?
By Lady Godiva at 00:00 27 Jul 2011
They're gonna try and get a man on Mars one day you know.
More billions of our hard earned dollars are gonna be wasted then.
By Lady Godiva at 00:02 27 Jul 2011
Ah do think we're gonna be here for the duration Elvis. The duration of July.
Must say I agree with you sir. Wonder who or what is next.
By Lady Godiva at 05:13 27 Jul 2011
Do you smell smoke Elvis?
Yes! Don't worry.
By Lady Godiva at 05:14 27 Jul 2011
Do you smell smoke Elvis?
Yes but don't panic.It's from keyboards of Spoofers trying to get us outta here.
By Lady Godiva at 05:18 27 Jul 2011
I hope these Tussaud's waxwork models of us look good when he's finished them
He says for realism it's essential we stay absolutely still while he does them
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:37 27 Jul 2011
Got anything yet?
No sir. Priscilla makes reading hands seem so easy. Oh! Or is it palm reading?
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:40 27 Jul 2011
I've just heard about a one star bandit attacking Spoofers. What's that mean?
Don't worry. Just some 'cry baby' having a tantrum. Sad little person.
By Lady Godiva at 12:53 27 Jul 2011
The insides of my lips are stuck to my teeth.
That's why I kept my lips a little ahead of my teeth for this shot.
By Lady Godiva at 12:55 27 Jul 2011
You ever been in a real knock down 'fist fight' Elvis?
Look at this face. What do YOU think? Looks like YOU'VE been in a few though.
By Lady Godiva at 12:58 27 Jul 2011
Great belt Elvis.What did you get it for doing?
To hold my trousers up sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:01 27 Jul 2011
I heard Mark Lowton's gone on a 10 day cruise WITHOUT A COMPUTER.
Oh SHIT!
By Lady Godiva at 13:16 27 Jul 2011
Which is your favourite sport Elvis?
That'd be 'tonsil tennis' sir.
By Lady Godiva at 13:18 27 Jul 2011
Do you engage in much foreplay before sex Elvis?
Only 'till Priscilla gets home sir.
By Lady Godiva at 13:19 27 Jul 2011
Ever had a 'footlong' in Port Dover Ontario Elvis? 12 inches of pure ecstasy.
I hope you are referring to those 'hotdogs' sir.The answer is no! Not been there
By Lady Godiva at 14:02 27 Jul 2011
Give me one night with Priscilla. Go on, just one night. I want to beat her!
She's a slow mover sir. One game takes a month. And you won't beat her at chess!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:18 27 Jul 2011
The ghost of Mr Lincoln is said to haunt this room
He's probably looking for you sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:50 27 Jul 2011
The King of Rock? Where's 'Rock'?
I think it's somewhere in Australia sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:28 27 Jul 2011
Did a bird just poop on my head Elvis?
If I could move I'd take a look for you sir.
By Lady Godiva at 18:31 27 Jul 2011
Did you hear about the female Spoofer who collapsed into a coma yesterday.
Yes. She was in shock. Apparently her husband stopped to ask for directions.
By Lady Godiva at 19:27 27 Jul 2011
On second thoughts let's change sides.
What!!!!
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:18 27 Jul 2011
I'm beginning to wish I was a Llama Elvis.
Yes I understand. Or a meerkat (however it is spelled).
By Lady Godiva at 23:38 27 Jul 2011
Soon be August Elvis....what then?
Your guess is as good as mine sir. I think we'll still be here in August.
By Lady Godiva at 23:39 27 Jul 2011
Elvis d'you think Mark has forgotten about the Caption Competition?
I do believe he HAS sir. Some of his writers are giving him a hard time.
By Lady Godiva at 23:40 27 Jul 2011
Paper or Plastic Elvis?
What the hell are you going on about now sir?
By Lady Godiva at 23:41 27 Jul 2011
Tommy Twinkle is great with these captions isn't he Elvis.
He is a STAR sir. That's why he 'twinkles' so much. Nice guy. Thanks Tommy.
By Lady Godiva at 23:42 27 Jul 2011
Well a new day dawns and finds us both still here Elvis.
STILL being the operative word sir.
By Lady Godiva at 01:58 28 Jul 2011
Elvis were your blue suede shoes REALLY made from suede?
No sir. A newly invented synthetic material which harmed no animals.
By Lady Godiva at 02:03 28 Jul 2011
What will I do when this caption competition is over Elvis?
You will live on in the memories of others Dicky. Just as I will.
By Lady Godiva at 02:59 28 Jul 2011
What are your plans for the weekend Elvis?
I don't make plans. I am a 'happening guy'. If it 'happens' I'll be there.
By Lady Godiva at 15:02 28 Jul 2011
What are your thoughts on breast implants Elvis?
They look good on women I guess. I'm 'a leg man' myself.
By Lady Godiva at 15:04 28 Jul 2011
Do you read the bible son?
If you are referring to The Spoof sir, then yes I do.
By Lady Godiva at 15:06 28 Jul 2011
Hold me steady Elvis - my ladder's a bit wobbly.
Mine's okay sir - the photographer says the light's much better up here!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:49 28 Jul 2011
Have a guess what film that one is.
Erm.....'Gone With The Wind' sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:55 28 Jul 2011
No, I'm afraid Lyndon no longer works here Mr.Presley.
Shucks! Well I suppose a photo of me taken with you is better than nothing.
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:06 29 Jul 2011
By placing my head on top of this cardboard cut-out I look smart in the photos
I'll try not to bend your cardboard hand sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:25 29 Jul 2011
Say, that photographer is bleeding from every orifice, son.
Hey yeah!! May be he's just being BLOODY difficult.
By whatinthe world at 05:04 29 Jul 2011
...and so the monkey says "I wish it was him".
Ha, ha, ha!!! No, that wasn't funny sir.
By whatinthe world at 05:06 29 Jul 2011
I like your handshake, son.
You like it. Its yours.
By whatinthe world at 05:08 29 Jul 2011
Have you ever seen my ear wiggling trick, Elvis? Its good.
No but have you seen my hip wiggling routine? Its bad.
By whatinthe world at 05:10 29 Jul 2011
Fifteen packets of jellybeans, nine packets of M&Ms, and an engine. Deal?
What happened to the recording contract? Um, okay, deal.
By whatinthe world at 05:15 29 Jul 2011
Okay, a 1957 pontiac head over cam 75horsepower engine. Deal?
I came here to get a citation. Um, okay, deal Mr President.
By whatinthe world at 05:18 29 Jul 2011
Well how 'bout a fully armed sidewinder missile together with an engine.Deal?
Is this the Whitehouse or Screamin' Joe's auto yard?
By whatinthe world at 05:21 29 Jul 2011
I'll trade you two Sherman tanks and minute man missile for Priscilla.
Oh, Mr President, you're marvellous. Deal!!
By whatinthe world at 05:25 29 Jul 2011
Hell, I can sing better than you. Ever heard me whistle God Bless Amerca?
F..k off, Dicky!!! Every one knows I'm the King. Bloody narcicist!
By whatinthe world at 05:28 29 Jul 2011
Hey, who let that Norwegian guy in here? F..king Fascist!
Wha.....who....where...???
By whatinthe world at 05:32 29 Jul 2011
Wait til Gaddaffi hears about this. He'll murder for a T shirt.
Yeah and I'll throw in Priscilla for good measure too.
By whatinthe world at 05:35 29 Jul 2011
You can't fool me. Elvis didn't have a scar. You're a f..king impersonator!!
Dammit, okay, my real name is Ronald Reagan.
By whatinthe world at 05:38 29 Jul 2011
If you feel something go over your shoes it'll just be one of the mice.
I'm more concerned about the rat I can feel in my hand sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:53 29 Jul 2011
Always a pleasure to meet a movie star. I hear you do a bit of singing as well.
Momma said not to put all my eggs in one basket sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:07 29 Jul 2011
That's a nice belt buckle Elvis.
Made it myself sir. Cut it out from an old car tyre then painted it silver.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:23 29 Jul 2011
Shall I get them to open the windows so the flags wave behind us?
Prefer not sir. I'd have to hold my wig on. Might look strange in the photos.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:27 29 Jul 2011
D'you think I should dye my hair Elvis,to make me look younger?
Never works sir. You'll just look like an old man with dyed hair.
By Lady Godiva at 19:16 29 Jul 2011
Ever been hunting Elvis?
If you mean hunting for a piece of 'tail' round the bars..then yes sir. I have.
By Lady Godiva at 19:18 29 Jul 2011
He's just an Elvis impersonator looking to make a name for himself.
He's a bad pollie looking to become a crook.
By whatinthe world at 05:23 30 Jul 2011
Okay, here goes. Umphhhh! Whoa that was a huge fart, son.
Anybody got a match?
By whatinthe world at 05:26 30 Jul 2011
How's your sex life these days Elvis?
Stuck here with you holding my RIGHT hand..what do YOU think?
By Lady Godiva at 12:29 30 Jul 2011
say, Elvis I can get you a nice condo in Miami Florida. Keen?
Fuck that for a laugh. I want a harem of blonde sluts, dammit!!
By whatinthe world at 13:01 30 Jul 2011
Soon be Christmas 1970 Elvis. I decided against making a hole in this roof.
Mm..I'd have ordered a smaller tree rather than have it's top through a window
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:01 30 Jul 2011
So, you see Elvis, I'm really your dad. Straight up. How do you feel about that?
Okay, guys get a shrink quick. He's gone la la.
By whatinthe world at 13:07 30 Jul 2011
Larry, how about we strip off our clothes and you capture me riding Elvis.
Um, ah, is that, er, what Presidents normally do?
By whatinthe world at 13:10 30 Jul 2011
Okay son, I'll do four duets with you on your next xmas album. Deal?
No can do, Mr President. I've got Britney Spears from 2009 to help me out.
By whatinthe world at 13:15 30 Jul 2011
Read any good books lately Elvis?
Well...I just look at the pictures actually sir.
By Lady Godiva at 13:51 30 Jul 2011
Hawaii or Las Vegas for your vacation this year Elvis?
Neither. Priscilla isn't speaking to me so I'm off to Heartbreak Hotel.
By Lady Godiva at 13:52 30 Jul 2011
Did you film Jailhouse Rock in a rail jailhouse Elvis?
Well I was in for shoplifting at the time so we made good use of the situation.
By Lady Godiva at 13:53 30 Jul 2011
Ever met the Queen Elvis?
Met quite a few in my time sir. I AM in showbusiness after all.
By Lady Godiva at 14:26 30 Jul 2011
Did you know Jesus was planning a second coming?
Which Jesus? There are hundreds of them in Mexico. But it's pronounced Haysoos!
By Lady Godiva at 15:09 30 Jul 2011
I heard on a tape that Mark is changing the caption on August 31st Elvis.
On one of YOUR tapes ? Don't trust all you hear on tapes. Whose voice was it?
By Lady Godiva at 16:37 30 Jul 2011
LG is getting even funnier Elvis - at this rate we'll be here until next year!
Pray her computer breaks down sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:41 30 Jul 2011
Oh my God Elvis. I've just heard they're planning to release my 1975 testimony.
Don't panic Dicky. I don't know why I said that.; START PANICKING.
By Lady Godiva at 18:58 30 Jul 2011
Tommy Twinkle sounds like a cutie Elvis.
Don't be fooled by the name. He's a Sumo Wrestler.
By Lady Godiva at 18:58 30 Jul 2011
Lady G. seems to enjoy Tommy Twinkle's Captions Elvis.
Yes sir. There's no accounting for taste.
By Lady Godiva at 19:00 30 Jul 2011
I wish more writers would come into the Caption competition Elvis.
Sir, some of them are great at writing EPICS but CRAP with one liners.
By Lady Godiva at 19:02 30 Jul 2011
This will have to be quick - Don't you realise I've got important people to see?
I'll be singing to them tonight, sir - they're called American citizens!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:09 30 Jul 2011
Hell! If they don't take the photo soon I'm gonna start giggling like a girl.
That'll get you extra votes from the gay citizens of the USA sir.
By Lady Godiva at 22:12 30 Jul 2011
Do you think all politicians are corrupt liars Elvis?
No I don't Sir. The dead ones are OK. The ones still living-well-different story
By Lady Godiva at 22:14 30 Jul 2011
Are you a skilled marksman Elvis?
Hm! Depends on the 'weapon' and the 'target' if you know what I mean Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 22:16 30 Jul 2011
Where you a virgin when you got married Elvis?
Where you a liar when you were inaugurated Sir?
By Lady Godiva at 22:18 30 Jul 2011
Okay Elvis, let's give it a try..................Goodbye all!
Goodbye everyone.We'll be off now!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:19 30 Jul 2011
What's your favourite drink Elvis?
Anything that's wet Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 22:19 30 Jul 2011
What d'you think came first Elvis...the chicken or the egg?
Don't bother ever thinking that deeply Sir. Could drive you nuts.
By Lady Godiva at 22:20 30 Jul 2011
Elvis, I don't know how I am going to live without you. Been with you so long.
You'll survive - as I will Sir. We can write and call each other. OK?
By Lady Godiva at 22:23 30 Jul 2011
It's gonna be tough when we part Elvis?
Parting is such sweet sorrow. To be or not to be. Alas poor Yorick. I knew him.
By Lady Godiva at 22:24 30 Jul 2011
Do you watch the X Files Elvis? That Canadian show?
No Sir! I prefer the XXX Files myself. Much more exciting.
By Lady Godiva at 22:26 30 Jul 2011
Thechap behind the camera's got very thin legs Elvis.
That's his tripod sir. He went off for a coffee weeks ago!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:33 30 Jul 2011
Shouldn't be much longer Mr presley.
Long exposure film is it, sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:47 30 Jul 2011
Doing anything special this Christmas Elvis?
Doesn't look like it sir, unless this counts!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:49 30 Jul 2011
Chef was upset when you didn't touch the burgers Elvis.
I'm a salad man sir. Always have been, always will be.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:52 30 Jul 2011
Did you pay the man at the gate Elvis? Mr Kissinger climbs over the fence.
I paid the ten dollars sir. Do you want me to show you the stub!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:01 30 Jul 2011
July 31st Elvis and we are STILL here....
Dicky, we didn't sign a contract for this remember.
By Lady Godiva at 00:33 31 Jul 2011
Hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go...
Still rehearsing for the part of Dopey in Snow White then Dicky?
By Lady Godiva at 00:35 31 Jul 2011
Do you think Heinz really do have 57 varieties Elvis?
Well sir. So far I have only managed to count 51. As in AREA 51.
By Lady Godiva at 00:39 31 Jul 2011
"You realise we are both now dead, and gone?"
"Yea, about time this caption competition was too! Folk are getting bored."
By Inchcock at 08:57 31 Jul 2011
You could do with a haircut you scruffy sod !
Sir, I had a flat top crew cut when I arrived here for the photos to be taken!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:53 31 Jul 2011
No. Just slip your hand into my right pocket, you'll find a handkerchief there.
1). Will it be okay for me to use one of the flags sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:10 31 Jul 2011
That tall tree outside the window will have to go. Making it too dark in here.
Is that the tiny sapling I saw being planted when I arrived here sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:35 31 Jul 2011
Pat and I are both a couple of swingers Elvis.
Sir, that party you invited Priscilla and me to. I think I'm working that night.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:42 31 Jul 2011
Sing them a song then perhaps they'll let us go.
Better not sir The. Colonel wouldn't approve of me singing for free.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:50 31 Jul 2011
That Tommy Twinkle's getting funnier by the day.
Yes..I hear Lady G. comes here just to read HIS captions sir.
By Lady Godiva at 13:39 31 Jul 2011
Maybe Mark will let us out for August 1st. What do you think Elvis?
Anything's possible with that guy sir.He could be on a cruise without his 'puter
By Lady Godiva at 13:43 31 Jul 2011
Did I tell you they are planning to release my testimony from 1975 Elvis?
In 2011? You may have mentiioned it. Don't worry. You are dead now Sir.
By Lady Godiva at 13:45 31 Jul 2011
Good to meet you Mr Kite....er...Presley. Sorry, it's that shirt collar.
I don't wear it on windy days sir. Could you ask for the window to be closed?
By Tommy Twinkle at 15:31 31 Jul 2011
Must be a hell of a lot of starch in that collar. Aren't you uncomfortable?
Not as uncomfortable as YOU'LL be in 1974 sir..Wouldn't wanna be in YOUR shoes.
By Lady Godiva at 16:15 31 Jul 2011
Tommy Twinkle still around Elvis? I feel like a laugh.
He keeps popping in Sir. Quite the comedian isn't he? Glad he writes for us.
By Lady Godiva at 16:17 31 Jul 2011
People running this country are crazy. Let immigrants in to live here... and...
I know what you're gonna say-won't give visas to Ugandan Little League Players..
By Lady Godiva at 18:35 31 Jul 2011
What's a "widow's peak" Elvis?
When she gets re-married after her husband dies.
By Lady Godiva at 18:36 31 Jul 2011
What happened to Brylcreem Elvis? Can't get my hands on any.
Looks like YOU used it all up sir.
By Lady Godiva at 18:38 31 Jul 2011
So what do you think of the badge Elvis?
It's a bit big on my waist sir but at least people will see it
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:49 31 Jul 2011
The flags look great Elvis. Thank you so very much for giving them to me.
I was getting a bit bored with the knitting sir so I switched to embroidery.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:02 31 Jul 2011
What time is it in the UK Elvis?
Just after 11 pm sir Another hour or so and we'll know where we stand.
By Lady Godiva at 22:08 31 Jul 2011
D'you pray son? If so then pray we are out of here by tomorrow.
Sorry sir. Don't pray...but I'll write a song about it.
By Lady Godiva at 22:09 31 Jul 2011
Martial arts rubbish - just learn to duck 'n' dive like me.Quick on me feet see!
Take care not to trip over some tapes, sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:23 31 Jul 2011
Not long to go now Elvis! I'm gonna miss you son. It's been really great.
Hey! Don't count your chickens BEFORE they cross the road sir. You never know!
By Lady Godiva at 23:37 31 Jul 2011
Will Priscilla be joining you later Mr Presley?
Too busy sir. Lots of rooms to hoover at my place. Then mowing the fields, then
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:44 31 Jul 2011
They say they should be able to repair the chandalier.
Sorry 'bout that sir. I was just practicing a few of my high karate kicks.
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:09 01 Aug 2011
(cont.) But the holes in the walls have caused irreparable structural damage.
Well The White House was getting a bit old sir. Time for a nice new one.
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:17 01 Aug 2011
Well, August 1st and we are still bloody well here Elvis. What now?
No need for bad language sir. We'll just keep hanging out and hoping.
By Lady Godiva at 02:13 01 Aug 2011
I'm so glad Tommy Twinkel is here with his humour Elvis.
You assume he is a HE. Could be a SHE sir. You never know with the Spoof.
By Lady Godiva at 02:57 01 Aug 2011
Did that photographer just 'flash' us Elvis?
Well, if he WAS it was too small for ME to notice. I think you are hallucinating
By Lady Godiva at 02:59 01 Aug 2011
It's a DEAL then Elvis. Shake on it?
NO DEAL...Let's see what the Banker if offering.
By Lady Godiva at 03:02 01 Aug 2011
Did you spit on your hand before the handshake Elvis?
For crying out loud sir. I left 1st Grade many years ago. Take a pill.
By Lady Godiva at 03:04 01 Aug 2011
It's a holiday today in some parts of the world Elvis.
It's no bloody holiday for us though sir. When ARE we going to get time off?
By Lady Godiva at 12:03 01 Aug 2011
Do you think anyone will notice if I sneak off for a bit?
A bit of what sir? Where you go....I also go - remember.
By Lady Godiva at 12:04 01 Aug 2011
Some woman just told me I look like Clint Eastwood.
Oh! The woman wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane?
By Lady Godiva at 13:30 01 Aug 2011
D'you have any good pick-up lines or 'moves' I could use Elvis.
With that face...and those hips....I think NOT sir. They'd be wasted.
By Lady Godiva at 13:32 01 Aug 2011
I am considering having a 'nose' job Elvis. What d'you think?
Well I think its big enough already sir. You don't need an enhancement.
By Lady Godiva at 15:37 01 Aug 2011
Every considered Plastic Surgery Elvis?
No sir! I prefer surgeons use metal tools. Plastic is bad for the environment.
By Lady Godiva at 15:59 01 Aug 2011
So this is the famous Graceland Mansion you've invited me to. Priscilla here?
Yes, she's here. She's very shy . Hiding behind one of those flags sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:30 01 Aug 2011
Something's wrong Elvis. We've been here for over 7O days.
I agree sir. How can it be that we still don't need to shave?
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:00 01 Aug 2011
Where would you like us to be photographed in the next snap?
Any burger bars near here Sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:03 01 Aug 2011
70 days you say we've been here Elvis. Well knock be down with a feather.
No YOU said that in Tommy Twinkle's Caption NOT ME! Alzheimers ring a bell?
By Lady Godiva at 17:09 01 Aug 2011
Gosh I don't think even MOSES could part us Elvis. We're welded for eternity.
Wasn't he the guy who built that big wooden ship and put all the animals in?
By Lady Godiva at 17:11 01 Aug 2011
One day the Spoofers will come here and will be shocked to see we've gone.
Halleluja! Praise the Lord. Let it be soon.
By Lady Godiva at 17:13 01 Aug 2011
Elvis, do you have one of those King-size beds?
Hun huh.......it was kinda named after me, Sir!
By IN SEINE at 17:35 01 Aug 2011
Have you met Don Cherry yet? Canadian hockey commentator?
Oh. Him with the BIG collars and 'clown' outfits..yes I met him..nice guy.
By Lady Godiva at 18:37 01 Aug 2011
I heard some spoofers have a colouring programme and have coloured us in.
Gee. Wonder if we're black Sir!
By Lady Godiva at 18:39 01 Aug 2011
Here we go Mr Presley. Keep still. get ready to smile. Action stations!
No, relax sir. The film's come off the camera's spool again.
By Tommy Twinkle at 19:37 01 Aug 2011
2). Let 'em wait. Doorbell's stuck again. I Can't think of any other red button.
1). Those men wearing dark shades say they need you to press a red button sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 19:57 01 Aug 2011
Young Obama here is new to photography Elvis. He'll get quicker with time.
I hope so sir, otherwise he'll have to find some other way of making a living.
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:32 01 Aug 2011
1. Ever had crabs Elvis? 3, I meant to 'eat' you dork.
2.Being rather personal aren't you Sir?
By Lady Godiva at 20:49 01 Aug 2011
I don't think I can keep my belly sucked in much longer. Wish they'd hurry up.
That why I'm wearing this big belt Sir. It acts like a corset.
By Lady Godiva at 20:51 01 Aug 2011
Chef says he knows you like rock and roe but how about a nice piece of Cod?
Anything's fine sir. I could eat a horse - Don't tell your chef that though!
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:15 01 Aug 2011
So basically you haven't got what could be called a proper job.
It puts food on the table sir. I suppose you could say I sing for my supper.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:36 01 Aug 2011
I must apologize to Tommy Twinkle for spelling his name Twinkel in a caqption
Don't think he'll be bothered as long as you didn't call him Tommy TINKLE...
By Lady Godiva at 22:57 01 Aug 2011
It's just hit me Elvis,that I am President of the United States of America. Wow!
Don't tell anyone Sir. No-one else has noticed yet.
By Lady Godiva at 22:59 01 Aug 2011
Another hour Elvis..and we'll find out if we are still to be here tomorrow.
I hate goodbyes Dicky. So I'll just sneak away if we are NOT. OK my photo pal?
By Lady Godiva at 23:02 01 Aug 2011
Well son! We are STILL here. Fancy sending for a pizza and a few beers?
May as well Dicky. Getting ready for a few 'broads' too...How about you Sir?
By Lady Godiva at 00:53 02 Aug 2011
We must be doing good Elvis, or Mark wouldn't leave us here this long.
Don't think so Sir. He's forgotten about us totally.He's busy with other stuff
By Lady Godiva at 00:54 02 Aug 2011
Well done, Elvis.
Medium rare for me, sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:12 02 Aug 2011
Do you think there will ever be a black president in the White House?
Not sure.. but there's gonna be a WHITE president in the DOG HOUSE.
By Lady Godiva at 12:07 02 Aug 2011
Say "cheese" Elvis.
Cheese Elvis.
By Lady Godiva at 12:09 02 Aug 2011
There are THREE ads about you above our heads Elvis.
Yup! And only ONE about you. What does THAT tell you sir?
By Lady Godiva at 14:08 02 Aug 2011
Do you follow the NFL Elvis?
Yes, the NBA, NHL, TFC, EPL, NCA, NATO, NASA, WSL as well as the SOFB's.
By Lady Godiva at 15:33 02 Aug 2011
It's quiet here today Elvis. I can hear the grass growing.
Pity we can't hear keyboards being tapped..
By Lady Godiva at 20:09 02 Aug 2011
"Oh why are they not setting us free from this Competition Elvis?"
"I heard it might be going to be an annual competition from now on?"
By Inchcock at 20:20 02 Aug 2011
I read that some Spoofers are in rehab. That true Elvis?
Yup! Diagnosed with 'Spoofession'. Obsession to Spoof. Story is ON 'The Spoof'
By Lady Godiva at 20:50 02 Aug 2011
Do you know anything about this Tea Party thing that's going on in 2011?
Nope! Anything to do wth the Mad Hatter?
By Lady Godiva at 22:00 02 Aug 2011
I saw us as an image on a Spoof Writer's story and we DO have legs.
Yes, I saw that myself. Same photo as this, but a bit longer.
By Lady Godiva at 00:45 03 Aug 2011
Lady G. seems to be alone in here Elvis.. It's not an easy job either.
Someone will come along soon and give her a break. I'm sure. Tommy is due back.
By Lady Godiva at 01:23 03 Aug 2011
Elvis! Even Lady G. is lost for words. Believe me, that's not good.
We have no control over this Dicky Wicky...we are mere pawns in this game.
By Lady Godiva at 03:07 03 Aug 2011
"Hey Elvis, I think my hair is going grey!"
"No Sir, that's just the photo fading with age!"
By Inchcock at 06:05 03 Aug 2011
Are we earMARKed for the longest competition?, We could create a benchMARK?
ReMARKably, I've gotta get food and deodorant at the superMARKet. My only reMARK
By Inchcock at 06:42 03 Aug 2011
I hear that young 'upstart' Obama wants HIS face on here now.
I heard that. Wants to be up here with some blonde chick. Hope he gets here soon
By Lady Godiva at 13:31 03 Aug 2011
Did YOU know about 'Deep Throat' Elvis?
Saw the movie. Linda Lovelance was fantastic.
By Lady Godiva at 13:31 03 Aug 2011
Tight security Elvis. He forgot to bring his pass. Just smile at the open window
I can just see him outside the fence sir. Still, he had his zoom lens with him
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:13 03 Aug 2011
Tommy's back. Thank the Good Lord for that. Should get some laughs now.
Yup! Don't you think he looks a bit like a cartoon character sir?
By Lady Godiva at 14:54 03 Aug 2011
Say if you're chilly. I don't like to waste taxpayers money with central heating
I'm fine sir, the flash bulbs throw off quite a bit of heat
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:50 03 Aug 2011
2). Oh, you mean my tailor Solley. He's measuring me for my new suit!
1). Why is there a Jewish man outside the window playing with a tape measure?
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:02 03 Aug 2011
In the US of A any citizen can become it's President.
You're the proof of that Mr Nixon !
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:44 03 Aug 2011
Oh, so you never listen to your records at home Elvis?
No, I can't find the knack of turning the stylus around in the groove by hand.
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:08 03 Aug 2011
"Did you know that this photo is to be preserved forever?"
"Yea, the Government though it so old, it must have some historic value!"
By Inchcock at 06:37 04 Aug 2011
Wajjathink of these tap dancing skills , Elvis? Impressed?
Doesn't tap dancing involve more than just wiggling the toes, sir?
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:59 04 Aug 2011
"Goodbye everybody, we're off now!"
"Hahaha...... wanna bet?"
By Inchcock at 16:06 04 Aug 2011
And for our last number...
500
By j.w. at 19:28 04 Aug 2011
I spoke to Harold Camping and he assures me we will be off here BEFORE...
The end of the World in October?
By IN SEINE at 10:25 05 Aug 2011
Khrushchev's stood down his nuclear missiles. 'High buttercup' is special code
It's my pet name for Priscilla sir. I thought it was a normal telephone.
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:19 05 Aug 2011
I think the photographer's waiting for you to smile at the camera Mr Presley.
I'll smile when there's a funny caption sir, not before.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:42 06 Aug 2011
Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog.
Well that info just rocked me down to my blue suede shoes tricky dicky
By Mike at 18:31 07 Aug 2011
Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog
That should stop the FEDS from HOUNDING you Sir!"
By IN SEINE at 11:35 08 Aug 2011
Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog
I didn't realise your dog was called Deepthroat, Is he okay??
By IN SEINE at 11:38 08 Aug 2011
These Chinese suits only cost a dollar - but they soon fall apart at the seams
Let's hope America doesn't do the same because of those suits, sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:48 08 Aug 2011
Hey El, can I call ya just El. we've been here long enough.
Sure but' you'll have to get down on your knees and kiss my ring.
By Mike at 21:18 08 Aug 2011
2. From some of my Masonic Friends down at the Bohemia Grove... impressive eh?
1. Where didja learn a handshake like that?
By IN SEINE at 15:58 09 Aug 2011
Alright, son, fifty crates of beer and a blonde slut from Jersey. Deal?
Your damn funny, Mr President. Deal!!
By whatinthe world at 16:00 09 Aug 2011
You can let go of my hand now, son. I said fuckin' let go! Dammit!
Ha,ha, he, he!!! Get out of this one Tricky!
By whatinthe world at 16:02 09 Aug 2011
That ain't no flag behind you Elvis!
I know, it's a girl in a 'gypsy' skirt changing a lightbulb above us -NICE LEGS!
By IN SEINE at 16:05 09 Aug 2011
Never mind the death adder crawling up your leg, son, just keep smiling.
Its not that that bothers me. Its the snake I'm shaking hands with that does.
By whatinthe world at 16:05 09 Aug 2011
Y'now I'm not really Richard M Nixon President of the USA.
And I'm not Marilyn Monroe.
By whatinthe world at 16:07 09 Aug 2011
How 'bout we bomb Moscow tomorrow morning. About nine?
Yeah, I'll be in that Mr President. Oh and where the hell is Moscow?
By whatinthe world at 16:11 09 Aug 2011
This photo will be called:"THE KING AND I"
Or just... "ME AND LITTLE RICHARD"
By IN SEINE at 16:13 09 Aug 2011
(Singing) "...we must face, the final curtain..."
"As my old pal Buddy used to sing; That'll be the day!"
By Inchcock at 19:18 09 Aug 2011
I'sn't it incredable that we've kept the same pose for months on this site
Both of us being dead can have its advantages.
By churchmouse at 10:30 12 Aug 2011
"This is a great 'Kojak' film Elvis!"
"No Mr President, no, you mean a 'Kodak' film!"
By Inchcock at 05:26 13 Aug 2011
Took so long to get enough responses, bet Mark go for furry animals next"
"Nae, don't think he'll put Spoofers on it!"
By Inchcock at 05:29 13 Aug 2011
2. Did I treat you just right?.....I'll get me coat!
1. Are you lonesome tonight?
By IN SEINE at 19:06 14 Aug 2011
I'm taking over the cops in the Uk
My God they are lucky?
By j.w. at 10:12 15 Aug 2011
Bet you fifty clams I don't get caught by Congress.
Okay you're on! You're in a lot of trouble fella.
By whatinthe world at 12:41 15 Aug 2011
Say, didn't we use you for that break in in '72?
No,no. You're confusing me with G.Gordon Liddy. Though I do wear the same shirt.
By whatinthe world at 12:57 15 Aug 2011
So the earth is really round, you see, and revolves around the Sun.
Dammit, the earth is flat and the Sun revolves round us. I want my mummy!
By whatinthe world at 13:01 15 Aug 2011
You seen those four guys from Liverpool? What's going on there?
Communist pinko fags, the lot of 'em. They're going to hell in a handbasket.
By whatinthe world at 13:04 15 Aug 2011
I don't think that little bird egg's going to hatch in our hands Elvis.
Let's not give up on the little bird's chance of life now, sir i
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:02 15 Aug 2011
your making my day & my numbers shoot up with my campaign
If you had not flunked out of preschool you might have made president!
By anthony julian at 16:25 15 Aug 2011
You can let go now?
I'm stoned
By kingdick at 01:15 16 Aug 2011
Lets see. Louisiana for 20 cents an acre and all of Vermont. Deal?
Um, what's this kook on, Colonel?
By whatinthe world at 12:25 17 Aug 2011
One packet of Virginia mild. Oh, and a copy of Playboy. Is that a deal?
I was hoping for a truck load of coke. Okay, deal.
By whatinthe world at 12:28 17 Aug 2011
So. this is the life like wax dummy of the King, eh.
Say, who you calling a dummy?
By whatinthe world at 12:33 17 Aug 2011
That fly seems to have stopped buzzing around us now Mr Presley.
Photographer's a true perfectionist sir. He'll take the snap now
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:23 19 Aug 2011
Impressed with my tap dancing earlier? Perhaps your sunglasses can be repaired?
My fault for placing them there. Wasn't expecting you to jump onto the table.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:30 20 Aug 2011
Do I like your records? Well they do say that records are made to be broken.
I wouldn't mind breaking a few of mine over your head, sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:52 20 Aug 2011
Only the very best camera for you Elvis. Doesn't even require a photographer.
I still say it looks exactly the same as a CCTV security camera to me sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:45 20 Aug 2011
Your suggestion of a White House on wheels is certainly worth thinking about.
Many more Americans would get the chance to see a trailer White House sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:59 20 Aug 2011
Any more suggestions on how I should run the country Mr Presley?
A few sir, but the main one was the one about resigning!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:05 20 Aug 2011
I see Cameron's gone off on a holiday again.
Staying in Britain sir - in case he needs to get back to London a bit sharpish.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:14 20 Aug 2011
Good of Charles and Camilla to visit Tottenham.
Not far from his parents place if they were to rent a nice apartment there sir!
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:33 20 Aug 2011
They can soon be replaced. Of course you can take the flags home for Priscilla.
Oh, they're flags - I thought they were curtains.
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:25 21 Aug 2011
I had to climb back in through a window the other day. I went out without a key.
You won't need a key to get back in soon, sir. You won't be coming back!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:30 21 Aug 2011
Congratulations, Elvis, you beat me at Monopoly. Any other games you're good at?
Um, lying, cheating and deceiving. Just like you.
By Dav at 13:38 22 Aug 2011
It's a wig right?
No sir, it's all home grown.
By Abel Rodriguez at 15:04 22 Aug 2011
Are you gay son?
No Mr Sinatra just short sighted.
By Herrdoktorfox at 18:58 22 Aug 2011
Congratulations, son, you've been selected to go to the Moon.
What?!! I came here to perform Hounddog for you. Are you kidding?
By whatinthe world at 06:33 24 Aug 2011
Congratulations, son, you are American Idol winner for 2009.
Does that mean I don't pay income tax anymore?
By whatinthe world at 06:36 24 Aug 2011
Congratulations, son, you're going on a spy mission to Russia.
Oh good golly Miss Molly!
By whatinthe world at 06:41 24 Aug 2011
Congratulations, son, you deposed Gaddaffi as Presidente of Libya.
Who?
By whatinthe world at 06:43 24 Aug 2011
This is costing a fortune. Ten dollars an hour he's charging. And he's so slow.
I thought it was a bit odd when he arrived carrying that sleeping bag with him!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:49 24 Aug 2011
What was that you were saying about Chinese Commie brainwashing, Alan?
Searchlight, man that was months ago! I'm so doped up I can't recall breakfast.
By SpaceElevator at 12:42 25 Aug 2011
"This competition has lasted longer than my term in office!"
"And longer than my career as well, still I had more hits!"
By Inchcock at 12:51 25 Aug 2011
On behalf of the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs, I present this badge.
Uhthankyouvermu--- Wait a minute... Are you blowing me off?
By SpaceElevator at 12:55 25 Aug 2011
So, I understand you're giving up burgers?
There's more chance of the US having a Black President Dicky
By Marc A Cutler at 19:23 26 Aug 2011
Thanks, Elvis, for the WWII Colt .45! It'll look nice on my mantle.
Just give me that job I want: Federal Agent. I'll wipe out drugs and commies!
By Lyndon at 21:55 26 Aug 2011
"Do you think that the Spoofer's interest might be waning, after so long here?"
"Huh... did you have to wake me?"
By Inchcock at 08:41 27 Aug 2011
Son, did you know that the maximum number of characters per bubble is eighty?
... <crickets chirping> ... Dick, sshh! I think I hear a Chinese Commie comin'
By SpaceElevator at 08:55 27 Aug 2011
Jesus Christ! We're not still on the caption competition are we?
'fraid so. And Jesus is the one with the beard. I'm the one with the money.
By churchmouse at 19:39 27 Aug 2011
Und zen, I gave Herr Chambelain a piece of paper, Ha ha ha!
Wrong caption competition you half-wit
By churchmouse at 21:21 27 Aug 2011
Good. That's the first photo done. How many exposures on this film did he say?
Thirty-six sir. I hope Priscilla remembers to tape the TV soaps for me.
By Tommy Twinkle at 21:44 27 Aug 2011
"If we have to stay here much longer, I'll die!"
"Er... we are dead Sir! It's the Spoofers I feel sorry for!"
By Inchcock at 07:07 29 Aug 2011
Is that your Halloween costume?
Whoa, WATCH out man! Or this human hunka-hunka burnin' love will getcha...
By SpaceElevator at 08:33 29 Aug 2011
Alas, the wheels of officialdom grind exceedingly slow.
You don't say! Over three darned months we've been standing here!
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:52 29 Aug 2011
D'yathink if we get 100,000 signatures on an epetition, Lowton might listen?
problem is, 100,000 people have not heard of the spoof
By IN SEINE at 12:51 29 Aug 2011
The viewers to this site sure like us Elvis. It says so over there to your left.
I don't think those words 'CURRENTLY POPULAR' mean us sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 17:54 29 Aug 2011
It's been a long time Elvis
Yep - and we're starting to stink
By Lynton at 07:05 31 Aug 2011
It's been a long long tme
From July to September - hey that looks like a cue for a song
By Lynton at 07:06 31 Aug 2011
Okay, forty kilos of ice and fifty hemp sticks. Deal?
You kidding? Deal!!!!
By whatinthe world at 06:03 29 Sep 2011
I want your outfit. can you order me one from Ebay?
Even better, I can get it from Amazon, Mr President. But then again this is 1971
By whatinthe world at 06:05 29 Sep 2011
Elvis The Pelvis!
Richard The Dick!
By radiogagger at 17:01 30 Dec 2011
You don't think I'm a Dick do you, Elvis?
Rather not say sir--rather not say....
By Wagstaff at 05:17 16 Jan 2012
Do you think the people will know which one of us is Elvis in the photo?
Yeah, I never wear a tie sir.
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:04 02 Jul 2012
I'm the least popular American ever.
And I'm the most popular.
By Samuel Vargo at 01:53 25 Jul 2013
My campaign was legal.
So were my drugs
By Bureau at 21:05 23 Oct 2013
Thanks for the pills.
Doc says they're placebos. They will get you highdy-highdy-ho!
By Butch32 at 01:07 29 Nov 2013

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