Spoof news events on this day in history
(2011) Obama: "So many assholes, so little time!"
President Obama addressed the nation last night shortly after hearing of Speaker John Boehner's announcement that he would not accept Obama's proposal for raising the country's debt limit. Obama looked squarely into the camera as he started to s...Read full story
(2009) Man Loses Chapstick, Reports "Lips Drier Than Normal."
Little Rock, AR-Corey Janisko, a phone operator for a small software development company in Sherwood, Arkansas reported to police on Thursday that he has lost his tube of ChapStick brand lip balm. "I don't think it was stolen, I mean, I would hope...Read full story
(2007) Liverpool Cabbies Fight Council Over "Twenty's Plenty"
Local Government officials today clashed with taxi drivers over the imposition of a 20mph speed limit on an estate in Liverpool.Read full story
(2009) The main cause of global warming
Al Gore has been having meetings with scientists who have come up with the sensational theory that the main cause of Global Warming is the heat coming from fish and chip shops worldwide. Scientists have used specialist equipment to take readings...Read full story
(2009) Toilet Paper, New Ad Medium
(AP)-St.Louis, MO: You'll soon have more reading in the bathroom the than a pile of magazines or the newspaper, thanks to a St. Louis based advertising guru. Cyrus Little, CEO of Little, Hope Worldwide announced his international firm will begin sell...Read full story
(2009) NOW Wants Wienermobile Buried With Oscar Mayer Too?
Washington, D.C. - Today the National Organization of Women (NOW) joined forces with the organization of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) in voicing their dissension, demanding that the Wienermobile be laid to rest with Oscar G.Read full story
(2009) Pope Admits To Being Father of Michael Jackson Children
Bowing to pressure from The College of Cardinals, Pope Benedict admitted from Vatican City that he is the actual father of the Michael Jackson children. "Look at them," said the Pontiff. "They are as white as me. There's no Jackson blood in those...Read full story
(2009) Canadian PM Stephen Harper meets Pope - once again pockets Communion wafer! Experts are calling it "Jesus-in-my-pocket "syndrome
L'ACQUILA, ITALY: Canadians are beginning to wonder whether their PM Stephen "Steve" Harper is a closet "communion-klepto". The so-called committed Protestant keeps barging his way forward at Catholic Mass, pushes his way to the front of the Communi...Read full story
(2012) Overly-complex human history retconned
Washington, D.C.--A group of the world's leading historians gathered in Washington today to announce that the excessively-burdened and contradictory narrative of human history was to be retconned immediately "in order to make grasping human history e...Read full story
(2007) Sir Elton John Loses nearly 90 Pounds! Head Practically Disappears!
Sir Elton John, who very recently headlined the Concert For Diana's Gerbil Fund, shocked fans with his sleek new slender look. What they might not have recognised is his head, which some estimate may have accounted for as much as 40% of the weigh...Read full story
(2007) Senator Vitter apologises to GOP for 'failing to get away with it'
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Louisiana Senator David Vitter has apologised to GOP grandees after being outed as a client of DC madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey.Read full story
(2011) Mystery Blonde Spotted Lurking Behind Prince Harry And Bernie Ecclestone At Silverstone
News leaking out of the sump informs that eagle eyed TV Grand Prix viewer, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, fears that he's spotted the legendary mystery blonde, lurking behind Prince Harry and Bernie Ecclestone in a BBC TV interview. "There's loads...Read full story
(2008) Russia Announces National Who-Ha Day!
Russia cannot replace its dead and so officials in the former Soviet Union have been trying to remedy the situation with government initiatives.Read full story
(2010) Alan Greene for US Senate: Da Man, Not De Mint!
Alan Greene kicked off his campaign against Republican Senator Jim DeMint yesterday by announcing a jobs program. He is proposing Bubble Head Dolls of himself and says that it will put hundreds of people to work. Although described as "off beat"...Read full story
(2014) Supreme court decision money speaks with first amendment rights and personhood affects whistleblowers
Today's Supreme Court decision, that money (as with "money speaks") is entitled to first amendment protection and the rights of personhood, has again been hailed with the word "freeeedomm!" on conservative twitter sites. This new "money speaks" de...Read full story
(2009) Benitez Slams Cash Obsessed City
Rafa Benitez, manager of Liverpool, slammed Manchester City as being "cash obsessed". Speaking at a press conference called to unveil his new budget signing, £17 million Glen Johnson, Benitez said "I've tried to sign lots of players, but manchester C...Read full story
(2009) Local Funny-Looking Cat Befriends Mice after hearing Michael Jackson song
A Yorkshire woman's cat has amazed bored locals by befriending two mice down at the local church hall. Pudsley the cat's owner, Mrs. Emily Worboise, 82, said that the animals have known each other for several years but, until recently, they had ne...Read full story
(2007) President Bans 'Toilet Targets'
WASHINGTON - President Bush signed another dictatorial 'Executive Directive' this morning banning the sale and possession of the trendy 'Toilet Targets' that have been popping-up in public bathrooms, sports bars, and homes across the...Read full story
(2009) Kissing Men Removed From Taco Stand
A group of openly gay men were removed from an El Paso, Texas taco restaurant after two of them were seen making out at one of the tables. Security guards removed the whole group and city police officers sided with the restaurant, saying that they h...Read full story
(2007) Fugitive child molestor appointed Solomons' Attorney General
Honiara - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A fugitive child molesting lawyer wanted in Australia on an array of serious charges has been sworn in as the Solomon Islands' new Attorney General.Read full story
(2012) Ass hairs effective remedy for baldness
At the International Baldness Institutesomewhere in Asia, a sleepy lab technician on the night shift was hastily scratching his ass and subsequently placed a finger into his ass opening because the itchiness seem to be sourced from down deep. When he...Read full story
(2007) Sir Salman to 'fight them on the beaches'
Following today's twenty minute Speech from Osama Bin Laden's deputy Ayman al-Zawahiri, in which he directly threatened Tony Blair, Queen Elizabeth II and the British people over the knighthood of Salman Rushdie, an unlikely hero has come to...Read full story