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Spoof news events on this day in history
Showing page 3 (of 9 pages)
(2009) X-Factor Winner Leaked
I have received inside information, that the winner of the X-Factor-2009, will be young Geordie crooner Joe McElderry.
Several observers have remarked concerning Simon Cowell's amazing about-face regarding his own acts, Olly Murs and Danyl Johnson...
(2011) Astronomers Find Massive Black Holes In White House: Fear Them Coming To Hawaii Soon
WASHINGTON - Black holes: "They're the most destructive monsters in the universe. We already knew they can be powerfully massive. Now scientists say they have found the most massive ones yet; as reported in The Billingsgate Journal of Natural Sci...
(2010) Bendtner Shock at Ballon d'Or Snub
Arsenal squad player Nicklas Bendtner has stated his dismay at not been nominated for the final shortlist of the 2010 Ballon d'Or.
Despite not even been on the initial 23 man shortlist, Bendtner claimed he was "shocked" not to have come back into...
(2008) Santa Claus To Retire Dec. 24
For nearly 800 years, Christopher Rudolph Kringle, better known as Santa Claus, has been traveling across the globe every Christmas Eve, giving presents to all the good children and raping all the bad ones.
But this year, he's retiring. For the fi...
(2006) Borat, Geller send in the lawyers over Cheney sperm donor smears
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Leading Rovian ambassador and sometime Kazakh comedian Mr Borat has issued a stiff rebuke via his lawyers after press allegations in the UK that he is the sperm donor responsible for impregnating Dick Cheney's daughter...
(2009) The Annual Race Between The Tortoise And The Hare- UPS Versus The Post Office
The time of year has come for the great Christmas race between the tortoise and the hare. Those who know the Aesop fable know it as a moralizing tale. In this case, it involves a total lack of morals whatsoever.
This race is also symbolic- the...
(2008) Vatican issues a writ: McCartney under threat
In breaking news, the Vatican has announced that it will subpoena former Beatle Paul McCartney to attend a special hearing by the Office of Orthodox Instruction (formerly the Inquisition set up originally during the Reformation).
Whilst the Vatic...
(2001) Bea Arthur Eats Crowe?
Police officials in California continue to deny rumors of Bea Arthur's eminent arrest in connection with the recent disappearance of Oscar winning actor and Hollywood heartthrob, Russell Crowe.
(2009) Raised middle finger is now a holiday greeting
Sociologists at the University of Okoboji have determined that the meaning of a hand gesture common in North America has undergone a recent, dramatic shift. Their conclusion: raising a middle finger is now a holiday greeting.
Semioticians, who stu...
(2010) Ironic Twist as Scientology is Diagnosed as a Mental Condition
NEW YORK - Researchers at a New York university have found out that Scientology is a mental illness, ironically.
Scientology is a somehow recognised religion in America (and Jedi isn't?!), exempting it from paying certain taxes, whereas in sensibl...
(2010) Today presenter James Naughtie slips up on air
Radio 4 presenter James Naughtie apologised earlier today for causing offence live on air on Monday by mispronouncing Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt's surname. Naughtie inadvertently used the first letter of the Culture Secretary's title to replace th...
(2010) Balotelli Blasts "Money Hungry" City Team-mates
Italian international Mario Balotelli has sensationally blasted his Manchester City team mates. The self proclaimed "bad boy" claims that too many of his City team mates are at Eastlands for the wrong reasons, and he's definitely not one of them.
(2006) The Art of Striptease
Oslo - (Ass. Mess): It took five senior Norwegian Appeals judges approximately one hundred hours each of in-situ evidence taking to decide that striptease is an art-form and thus zero-rated for taxation purposes.
(2009) Tiger Woods Agrees To "Pork, The Other White Meat" Commercial Package
At a conference in Panama City today, three white waitresses at a noted nightclub have came forward to say that they have never had sex with Tiger Woods and would like to be crossed off the list.
That's the third Florida city where white women hav...
(2006) Heather Mills strikes Gold
The oldest Gold Miner in Britain Jack O'Grady has died at age 99, instantly making Heather Mills as the only known heir to his priceless gold mine.
(2010) Stolen snowman was kidnapped!
Mary Hinge of Kent had her Snowman stolen last week, and rang the police. Unfortunately for Mary, the police were less than sympathetic.
Now it transpires that her snowman was not just stolen, but in fact, kidnapped.
"I don't know weather to ri...
(2010) Kevin Keegan: "I'll just LOVE IT, if I become Newcastle Utd Manager for a THIRD time!"
St. James Park, Newcastle: The news on the Tyne, is that Kevin Keegan has made it known;
"I'll just love it if I become Newcastle United Manager for a THIRD time!"
Kevin Keegan was awarded £2 million (plus interest accrued) in severance claus...
(2012) Sales of Cookies and Snacks Sky Rocket in Washington State But Confusion Leaves One Dead In Washington DC
Stores across the State of Washington are reporting massive increases in the sale of cookies, potato chips, small cakes, pastries and ice cream with some grocery stores running out of supplies early this morning.
Possession of up to an ounce of ma...
(2010) Christine Bleakley - Sex A Mystery
Daybreak host Christine Bleakley says she is "not ready" to think about starting a family with boyfriend, Chelsea midfield star, Frank Lampard.
Although she says she loves children, she also claims she couldn't balance career and family. She adds...
(2004) Stress Free Courts Plan for England and Wales
Lord Falconer is to make sweeping changes to the judiciary across England and Wales in an attempt to reduce stress to victims and witnesses.
(2006) Flatulence blamed for Blair's plane diversion
North Atlantic Ocean - (Ass Mess): A plane of the Queen's Flight carrying Prime Monster Tony Blair had to be diverted en route to Washington DC tonight after cabin staff reported a strange whiff of suspected Polonium 210 fumes coming from the VIP...
(2008) Hillary Rodent Clinton's Debt Dyke Crisis
Hilarious Rodent Clinton is scrambling to reduce her massive campaign debt before she becomes the US Secretary of Sleaze, when federal ethics laws - and political sensitivities - will severely hamper her ability to do so. (Granting her nomination is...
Showing page 3 (of 9 pages)
Nation Mourns Death of Serial Killer
"There's nothing on television, rotten movies, sex has gotten boring, tired of seeing youth with rings through their digits!", admits several at Jim's Bar & Girl.
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