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Spoof news events on this day in history
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(2007) Marion Jones guilty plea discloses method of discovery of steroids use: caught exiting the men's restroom at the Federal building
Los Angeles, California - FBI agents became suspicious of Marion Jones' consistent denials that she did not use steroids during the 2000 Sydney Olympics but then they received copies of letters she sent to family and friends admitting as much. Ho...
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(2008) London Stock Exchange padre's sodomy warning tattoos breach copyright laws court is told
London - (Sorry Ass Mess): The London Stock Exchange chaplain is in hot water this week after launching a copyright-breaching buttock tattooing service warning against the perils of sodomy. The Rev Peter Mullen had offered 'born-again heterosexual...
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(2017) Riverdale Season 2 Spoilers Leaked
Season 2 of CW's hit show Riverdale, based on the Archie Comics, is slated to begin airing on Wednesday, October 11, with all new surprises, including new cast members. Season 1 is available on Netflix. Information about the new season has been lea...
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(2004) Earth saved - for now!
A little-known potato-shaped object about 3 miles long caused a stir on the world-wide web last week when 7-year old amateur astonomer Ian Peace posted on his blog that "a horrendous asteroid was hurtling towards Earth at 14 thousand miles per h...
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(2010) Princess Diana's ghost seen at Commonwealth Games as Camilla sweats buckets in heavy tights
No matter how hard she tries, poor Camilla will always be relegated to the Rottweiler category. Witness her appearance with the dried-out old Royal sausage Charles at the Commonwealth Games - trotted out in heavy tights, more like compression stoc...
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(2008) Schwarzenegger Proposes $100 Trillion Bailout
With the $700 Billion federal bailout set, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is calling for a follow up. The Schwarzenegger plan calls for $100 Trillion in new spending to prop up the economy. In the first phase, $1 Trillion is to be spent...
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(2010) Researchers announce Artificial Intelligence breakthrough
Scientists announced today that they have developed a computer which exceeds the capacity of the human brain. Dubbed "Halle" the computer is said to represent true Artificial Intelligence; it is self-aware, thinks, and learns. But there is a down...
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(2008) 60's Terrorist Weatherman Ayers Endorses McCain-Palin!
Pit Bull Palin attacked Obama for his association with 60's radical Weatherman Bill Ayers despite the fact that Obama was an 8 year old living in another country during the revolutionary acts of the leftist cell. But the even bigger surprise came...
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(2008) Washington Press Reveal that Joe Biden has Man Boobs
A reporter that managed to sneak into the Senate Fitness Room has revealed that Senator Joe Biden, Democratic candidate for Vice President on the Barack Obama Ticket, has a large set of man boobs. "I'd say that they were at least a b-cup and put...
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(2010) Drunk Woman Enlivens Dull Ryder Cup
Andi Panday has made national headlines by appearing drunk during an interview at the Ryder Cup, turning the dullest, most boring golf tournament on the planet into the second most dull and boring golf tournament on the planet. Ms Panday of Garfor...
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(2017) Anthony Weiner Parlays His Fetish Into A Major Motion Picture
At first they were the catalyst for national embarrassment. Then the sordid events cost a rising democratic star his political future. And when the New York City tabloids were done with the sleazy imbroglio, the man behind the 'bulging' cell phone ph...
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(2011) 'The Simpsons' to be produced in black and white, say Fox
US TV network Fox has said all future seasons of 'The Simpsons' will be produced in black and white after admitting it the current economic climate meant it could no longer afford to add colour to the long-running comedy. In a statement, it said a...
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(2011) Two Faced Cat Finally Pays Price For His Treachery
Frank and Louie, the 12 year old Janus cat with two faces has finally been put to sleep. The cat, who literally did have two faces, was destroyed by a vet in Massachusetts after his Worcester owner tired of his back stabbing. The feline, who li...
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(2007) Elvis Reveals he was Alive All Along and in Contention for Identity Fraud Tsar Role
In a series of astonishing and seemingly unrelated developments, dead pelvis-thrusting singer Elvis Presley has announced his intention to apply for the position of Identity Theft Tsar as recommended by a Parliamenta...
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(2010) Chelsea Handler Burps, Fills Room With 50-Scent.
Giving credence to the rumour that 50-Cent has f--ked every single woman in the world under 200 lbs and/or 45 years old, he's started dating 50-something Grammy host-epicfail Chelsea Handler. And Chelsea put the rumours to rest at the craft servi...
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(2009) Saw Kristen With Her Knickers Down
The stars of the Twilight movies are becoming a little like the characters they portray in that they can no longer get about as others do. "Once you get well-known as a character", stated Taylor Lautner in an exclusive interview with me, "It's lik...
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(2010) Ukranian lion tamer attacked, he forgot to feed them!
A Ukranian lion tamer has been attacked by his otherwise well-behaved and obedient big-cats. Ths incident occurred during a performance in the circus and was sent round the world via U Tube (not them they're on strike). Luckily the lion tamer,...
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(2009) Rwandan genocide expert caught machetting a "Tootsie Queen!"
Long ater the Rwandan genocidal massacres police in Tutsi land have arrested a main suspect caught bludgening a Tootsy Queen with a machete! "SQUELCH" The suspect, a well known "Homophobiac" in the region was only caught very blood "red-handed" af...
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(2004) Probe into U.S. Senate reveals secret "Fight Club"
Washington - The first rule of Senate Fight Club is that you do not talk about Senate Fight Club. That was until now. After a report detailing the ultra secret pact between the 100 U.S. Senators was released on Thursday, it seems everyone is t...
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(2017) A Call From The White House Leaves Astronauts Confused
President Trump called the International Space Station today to congratulate Commander Peggy Whitson for spending a record-breaking 534 days in orbit over her entire career as as astronaut, and the astronaut became dumbfounded when Mr. Trump asked he...
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(2009) Nintendo Re-inventing Pokemon
Nintendo is producing it's Next 4 Pokemon RPG games. Next year, Pokemon Heart Gold and Pokemon Soul Silver will be available for purchase. Then as usual the third instalment for the DSi series will be the updated Crystal version but Nintendo and The...
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(2010) Charlie the smoking chimp proves that smoking is really, healthy?
South African smoking Chimp Charlie (RIP) has proven to the world that being a chain smoking primate has no bad effects on the lungs and survived till the ripe old of 52 chimp years (roughly 250 human years, wow!). Charlie was quite an institution...
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