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Spoof news events on this day in history
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(2007) Pope suspends gay monsignor
Vatican Shitty - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The Pope has suspended a high-ranking gay Catholic priest from the cross.
(2011) New Clothing Store Chain to Cater For Midgets Opens First Shop In Las Vegas
A new clothing chain is set to open its first store in Las Vegas, Nevada Saturday, selling apparel designed exclusively for dwarfs, midgets, imps, pixies......call them what you will.
'Tiny' will sell jeans, shirts, suits, ties, belts, shoes, ski...
(2008) George W. Bush Selects Location For Presidential Library
President George W. Bush, who will leave office within 100 days, has selected a site for his Presidential Library. The building will be located in the Dallas suburb of Irving and is easily accessible from several area freeways.
"We done decided t...
(2009) Whale Fart Kills Trainer At Aquatic Zoo
Expert whale trainer, Burt Hamstead, was killed yesterday after trying to lead killer whale, Alfredo Fatface Scarlucci, to a section of the big tank where he could be more easily fed.
A fellow worker, Kate Mackerel, stated that Burt had the big wh...
(2010) Chilean miners welcomed by 'The Count' from Sesame Street.
The Chilean miners are finally being freed, ending their 69-day ordeal trapped underground.
Florencio Avalos was the first of the 33 men to be brought to the surface and greeted by the Sesame Street Count in his usual inimitable way; "ONE RESCUED...
(2010) Brett Favre comin' at ya! - Cranks For The Memory
JOHNSON CITY, NY - Although recent revelations that future retired NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent photos of his necessary privates on several occasions to coyolicious New York Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger during the 2008 season might seem sh...
(2004) Lenin's ‘Utopia' Founded on America
Documents released under Russia's 80-year freedom of information laws reveal that the Bolshevik leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin modelled his communist blueprint on… America.
(2009) Airports Making More On Selling Nude Scanner Mags Than Airline Tickets
A report from several CPA's, who have airlines as their customers, says that the airlines are making a fortune on selling a new all-nude photo scanner before they make them illegal, except at airports.
"There are people purchasing these things and...
(2011) Liverpool promise to unite with Everton if they lose to Man Utd Saturday!
If Liverpool lose to Man Utd Saturday their owners have promised that they will unite with their Scouse neighbours, Everton, and form a club called Liverton FC.
They hope that this unification will produce a club capable of competing with their Ma...
(2004) Chicago Times dumps "Dear Abby"
Chicago, Illinois - After decades in print, the Chicago Times has dropped the advice column "Dear Abby" for the new and often very funny, "Dear Mr. Wise Guy." The column is written by "the unknown guy" as they call him and reads as follows:...
(2004) Itching for Change
According to a manifesto document leaked today, President Bush has already established his agenda for a second term in office.
(2006) Of Mice and Men, Chapter 9/11, Page 666
Washington DC - (Associated Mess): The White House was mounting a fierce rearguard action around President Bush's personal reputation today as former colleagues of Mark Foley began their testimony before the House page-boy scandal committee, alle...
(2008) Ringo Too Busy for Autographs
Former Beatle Ringo Starr (real name Harris Stilton) will no longer sign memorabilia for fans and has declared he intends to throw away all fan mail received in the future.
Starr, who shares a birthday with Paddington Bear and is 168 today, stat...
(2009) Curse of Tutankhamun No# 2 as Vatican haunted by fake St Therese of Lisieux bones scandal
London - (Osteoporosis): "Looks like the old Pharaoh is having the last laugh again!" curator of the British Museum chuckled today.
Despite his advice thousands of wannabe believers at Westmonster Cathedral continued to file past the ossified rema...
(2010) Thirty-Fourth Miner Holds Out for Book Deal, "Oprah"
As the countdown to the rescue of nearly three dozen Chilean miners trapped deep in a mine for 70 days continued today, an unexpected snag developed with the announcement that Jose Galinas, a previously undisclosed 34th miner, plans to hole up and ho...
(2008) Lord Hastings of the BB&PA: Beer Can Bailout Ailin' Economy
"I've always said: Beer-it's good for what ails ya'" - This, the official comment from Lord Mark Hastings of the British Beer and Pub Association.
Hastings, though not a true Lord, (he got the nickname while at Oxford where the full label was Mar...
(2004) New support from unexpected quarter for Bush-Cheney ticket
Kabul, Tuesday - Support for a second term for George W. Bush as President of the United States of America has come from a small settlement about 80 km (50 miles) north west of Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan.
(2008) New "get rich quick with minimal work" scheme hailed a complete success
A new "get rich without doing any work" scheme, previously favoured by pyramid sellers, multi-level marketers, email spammers and Bettaware, has been hailed as the latest 'British Success' by the CBI, who, to quote TV celebrity Vicky Pollard, "don't...
(2003) Beckham Put On Minimum Wage
Lager cans popped in the Beckham's council flat, following the F.A.'s announcement that the England squad were to be paid the National Minimum Wage.
(2008) Vanna White, Pat Sajak May Boycott Show
Hollywood, California- Pat Sajak and Vanna White have demanded that the United States government totally take over U.S. banks or face a boycott of their show, Wheel of Fortune, which would result in millions of U.S. citizens and tens of millions ille...
(2008) Ringo sick of being a Beatle, tells fans to p*ss off
Ringo, the 68-year-old 'former Beatle' and their forty-fifth choice for drummer, forcefully told reporters yesterday to stop referring to him as 'former Beatle' when referring to him in the news.
"You people do realize The Beatles broke up in 1970...
(2007) Nobel Peace Prize Distributed In Cereal Boxes
Geneva (IP) - The Nobel Peace Prize is being given to so many folks these days that it has been decided to issue them via cereal boxes.
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Barack Obama Resigns as USA president
Last night,the president of the United States of America Barack Obama resigned for unknown reason's according to CNN News.His replacement might be actor Morgan Freeman or NBA star Kobe Bryant.
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