Spoof news events on this day in history
(2005) Small sentence for man guilty of watching girls go by
Following chaotic scenes at one of Surrey's most popular twitcheries, Daz Mower (19) was found hanging by a thread from the burst trousers of justice today. Earlier, Mower, of Lahndan, had been collared under the 1934 'Line of Sight' act...Read full story
(2007) Henman Hill Becomes Suicide Blackspot
Wimbledon, England - It pains this reporter to report this, but Henman Hill, that landmark of 20th century British culture and once a gathering place for our nation's proud people, has become a suicide blackspot as the repercussions of hero Tim H...Read full story
(2008) Excitement and Fear Over Europe's New Super Collider
The new atomic particle super-collider is an enormous chamber for smashing together atoms in order to make enough noise to get God's attention. Some worry it will cause a local black hole that sucks up the Earth like the garbage disposal devours eve...Read full story
(2008) Panicked Obama to ACORN: We've Got to Have this Election Tomorrow!
Chicago,Il /Militant Times - A new sense of urgency has gripped the Obama Presidential campaign as reports are surfacing that convicted Chicago Developer Tony Rezko is going to roll over on the entire Democrat Political Machine in Illinois. The 53...Read full story
(2017) Hey girls, here's 20 things to tell Harvey Weinstein to get out of his clutches -
1) Harvey, my boyfriend is a bodyguard for Vladimir Putin. On weekends, he bounces at biker bars. 2) Harvey, my boyfriend only plays chess with serial killers. The loser always gets hacked to pieces with a machete'. 3) Harvey, I have a headache...Read full story
(2007) Chickens Force Lorry To Crash
Chickens being transported across Scotland to their deaths, have forced a lorry driver to crash his vehicle on the A80 near Stirling.Read full story
(2017) Eminem and Kid Rock Battle!
Rapper Eminem and Rap Clown Kid Rock, both from the state of Michigan, are on opposite ends of the political cycle. Kid Rock has visited Trump in the White House and Eminem has released a scathing vivisection of Trump in a new rap. Eminem challeng...Read full story
(2009) Lord Ron Paul in £38,000 expenses swindle
London - (Cash-for-Plonkers): Prime Monster Gorgon Brown's top House of Lords cheerleader Lord 'Ron' Paul is being probed about a £38,000 expenses scam. Paul, 69, claimed the money for maintaining a bijou Westmonster apartment in a plush portered...Read full story
(2009) Wisconsin Kid Mugged For Wearing Brett Favre Viking Costume On Halloween.
Gregory Tearny of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin encountered towering difficulties going trick or treating Halloween night when his mother made the lame-brained decision of buying him a Brett Favre Viking costume. Unfortunately, the proud, Packer backing neig...Read full story
(2007) Japs' Eye View
Japan. Home of barely edible raw fish, ninjas and self destructing middle aged hag-wagons Hyundai. But it is Japan's world beating advances in technology that first bought them to the attention of the civilised world. Japanese manufacturing slave...Read full story
(2008) Ashley Cole The Darling Of England Fans
England put on a great display tonight in their Group 6 World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan, winning 5-1, and the hero of the piece was Chelsea defender Ashley Cole, who had fans chanting his name until well after the final whistle had blown. C...Read full story
(2008) Leaked Memo Says Obama's Nomination was Affirmative Action by Democrats
(Washington DC) A leaked memo from the Democratic National Committee revealed that Barack Obama's presidential nomination was the direct result of the Democratic Party's policy on affirmative action. The internal memo was a actual direction ordered b...Read full story
(2008) Russian Space Toilet Fails, Economic Crap Spreads to Outer Space!
Cape Canaveral, Fl. / Plumbing News - Just when everyone thought it couldn't get any worse, news circulated today that the Russian Built toilet on the space station has shit the bed, and cosmonauts are up to their ass in the mess. Complicating the...Read full story
(2010) New owners of Liverpool FC demand that the club must be renamed!
Billionaire bidders lining up to buy one of England's most famous "footy" clubs are in solidarity about one thing, the name Liverpool FC must go! Liverpool, Scousers, Wayne Rooney, Ringo Starr, Granny Shaggers and Gerry & the Pacemakers (he ne...Read full story
(2008) ACORN Signs Massive Miliary Aid Package with Russia. AKS 47 New Weapon of Choice for Urban Militias!
Moscow, Russia / Terrorist Times Funded by a massive financial grant from a Democrat controlled Congress, the Militant Action Group, ACORN, assured its military independence by completing a huge weapons deal facilitated by Vladimir Putin, former K...Read full story
(2004) Super Mourn
The entertainment industry was today reeling following the tragic death of Somewhere In Time actor Christopher Reeve.Read full story
(2007) Gangs of Kevin Andrews' Responsible for Racial Violence
Australian immigration Minister Kevin Andrews has clearly failed to integrate into the community.Read full story
(2010) 49ers Coach Mike Singletary Laughs at Kevin Kolb During Pregame Interview
49ers Head Coach Mike Singletary will never make a living saying Pollyanna-nice things about others. He's just too honest. DID YOU KNOW?? Angus T. Jones makes $300,000 per episode of Two and a Half Men, making him the highest paid child star on te...Read full story
(2008) English netball team to form their own army
In London it has just been announced that the English Netball team will endeavour to establish their own military style army so as to promote the sport among young girls in the UK. Wendy Upper-Class-Twit, chairwoman of the British Netball Associa...Read full story
(2010) Queen To Reveal Football Preference At Launch: She's A Pompey Fan!
The Queen is to launch Cunard's latest Queen Elizabeth liner at Southampton today in a ceremony during which she is also likely to reveal a long-kept secret. She will tell the crowds at the dockside that she is a life-long Portsmouth fan and that...Read full story
(2009) NASA to Fire Probe at Michelle Obama's Ass
Kennedy Space Center - Stinging from a failed attempt to shoot a bomb at the moon to detect signs of water last week NASA scientists today announced plans to shoot an unmanned space probe at Michelle Obama's ass to search for signs of cellulite. S...Read full story
(2011) Euromillion winners buy Chelsea FC!
Dedicated Chelsea fans and new Euromillionaires, Dave and Angela Dawes, have decided to invest their winnings by buying Chelsea FC from Roman Abramovich. They are so fanatic about the club and have only one desire; to make it British once again.Read full story