Spoof news snippets from May 2017
There were 37 spoof news snippets published in May 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Congressman Chaffetz Has Foot Removed From Mouth
Still in a cast after the historic surgery, the head of the house oversight committee hopes to get back to the investigation of Hillary Clinton's role in the Russian hacking of the 2016 election.
Melania Trump Pulls Out Knife When Donald Tries to Hold Her Hand
Everyone within hearing range heard her say, "Do it again and I'll cut you!"
Jeremy Corbyn Promises Paradise On Earth If Elected
'There will be no more wars,' he told the last remaining Labour voters. 'Peace, joy and love will prevail for all eternity. Dianne Abbott intended to announce this today,' he added, 'but she forgot.'
Chuckle Brothers Decide Not To Sue Jeremy Corbyn And Tim Farron
'They're not deliberately copying our material,' said Chuckle Brothers, Barry and Paul Elliott, magnanimously. 'It's not their fault that the public keep mistaking them for us.'
Jeremy Corbyn To Vote Conservative On 8th June
'I've been a lifelong Labour supporter,' he told reporters. 'I'd like to see a Labour government, but, with the political situation as it is just at the moment, I think I need to play safe this time.'
President Trump Has an Enlarged Heart
The president accidentally told the truth when he said he has a big heart for Dreamers: it seems Trump is suffering from cardiomegaly, an enlarged heart brought on by his poor health.
Kim Jong-Un Eats Through Surplus North Korean Food
A famine has begun and Kim's still hungry--expect new treaty negotiations so he can get more food.
France bans skinny models!
Rich and famous people attending Parisian fashion shows can now remove their earplugs! Because the sound of strutting, Rolling Bones rattling catwalks has been banned!
Slogan Rethink As General Election Campaign Begins In Earnest
Political parties have been forced to urgently revise their election strategies on discovery that all but one party leader had chosen the same vote-winning slogan: 'I'm Not Jeremy Corbyn'.
Protest Volunteers Growing Weary Over Never Ending Schedule, Demand at Least Weed Money From George Soros
Volunteers for George Soros' anti-conservative Protest Alliance group are starting to get a little dismayed at the lack of support they're getting from the top.
Beware of flying, fire-spouting Dino!
Chinese scientists have discovered Theresa May's DNA is the same as a fire-spouting, flying, dino-dragon that once ruled the planet! Well that explains everything!
Until further notice, the role of FBI director will be played by Alec Baldwin.
Trump Says Firing FBI Director Had Nothing to Do With FBI's Investigation of Trump
"President Trump has found someone that will be hugely good as FBI Director" said Trump flunkies.
Trump Claims That He Invented the Phrase "Prime the Pump"
Another phrase Trump invented is'stupid is as stupid does.' He also invented the word 'moron.'
Trump Names Bill O'Reilly to Department of Sexual Harassment
Other members and experts in the department include Roger Ailes, Bill Cosby, Sean Hannity, & Trump.
James Comey will now leverage his prosecutorial acumen on TV
Ex-FBI Director Comey will appear on NoCrimeTV. A preview of his 1st show indicates he will explain how Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin, and the 911 Hijackers were not guilty of crimes due to lack of intent.
Americans Can't Tell the Difference Between a Trump Speech and an SNL Skit
But luckily Apple is working on an app for that.
Trump Goes on Firing Spree and Fires New President of France
Also, Steve Colbert, Bill Maher, Meryl Streep, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, & the CEO of Nordstrom.
Snowflake: A term used to describe anyone complaining about President Trump, used primarily by those who spent the previous eight years whining about President Obama.
Thousands Of NHS Patient Files Lost
When asked if this had resulted from a new cyber attack, an NHS spokesman reassured reporters that such misplacement of notes was an entirely normal, every day occurrence.
Brazilian President, the Estate of Chris Cornell & Bill Cosby All to Sue Trump
"So, nobody can find out anything if it isn't about Trump. He has narcistically hijacked the news."
Trump is Reportedly Holed Up in a Bunker in a Hidden Location
Forsaking his tour, as most of the countries have cancelled him, Trump says he is under attack.
Harry Potter Republicans Gather Together to Save Trump from Witch Hunt
We are the best witch hunt protection Trump can get!
World Trembles as Trump Travels
"Meeting with Muslim, Jewish, and Catholic leaders-it's a recipe for disaster!" said everybody.
Anthony's Weiner Gets Him in Trouble Again
Hopefully, 2 to 3 years imprisoned with other sex offenders will make him think about it next time.
Roger Ailes Arrives in Hell
"You're here for starting a polarizing fake news station AND the sexual harassment" spoke Satan.
No fun being a burger bun on the buses!
UK buses are banning burgers and their owners from boarding! Obese munching burger people take up too many seats and skinnies are being squeezed on to bikes! Terrible for the economy!
Trump Pushes God Out of the Way to Get to the Pope
God was silent. He just pulled a red notebook out of his back pocket and made a few notations.
Trump Thinks Ben Franklin Was A President
The phrase is Dead Presidents and he's the only one I ever see except Presidents Jackson & Hamilton.
Christopher Hitchens Drinks Satan Under the Table, Attempts Daring Escape from Hell.
Deceased author and columnist Christopher Hitchens attempts a daring escape from hell but is tackled by Satan's right hand man Johnny Cochran.
Human Ken Trashes Human Barbie
"She's all fake implants and extensions," said Human Ken as he received steroid and Botox injections.
The Yankees retired Derek Jeter's number this weekend. The Mets only had Sandy Alderson's IQ score to work with.
Donald Trump's Presidential Museum Set To Be Located At Amusement Park
Coney Island, the iconic amusement park in Brooklyn N.Y, will house a kiosk with a collection of scraps of paper, napkins, crayons and other articles used by Mr. Trump to formulate his decisions.
Pink Loses Suit Against Manufacturer of "Lick Pink" Gear
"You can't complain about a parody that associates your brand with a sexual act if your brand is already named 'Like Pink,'" said the judge in the case.
Donald Trump Voted 'Least Likely To Succeed' At NATO Meeting
In 2017 Yearbook of attendees Trump was first unanimous winner in that category. It's believed he voted without bothering to read ballot. France's Marcon and Germany's Merkel awarded 'Cutest Couple'
Trump Found Asleep at Wheel of Presidency
After a long overseas trip he needed a rest...