Spoof news snippets from June 2017
There were 31 spoof news snippets published in June 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
One of Trump's Childhood Babysitters Will Be Head of the Department of Homeland Security
"I always felt safe whenever she was the babysitter" spoke Trump.
Journalists Calling Kim Jong-Un Smarter than Trump
"At least they still want clean air..." said reporters as U.S. withdraws from Paris Accord.
D List Comedian Kathy Griffin Finds New Gig in Remote Venue
Griffin scored what looks like a perma-gig in Nontetepapandia- former French African colony. Kathster will serve,Salome-like, as slave to the King, serving up roasted heads for court consumption.
Trump Bans Ghettos
"I think all the poverty, the crime and drug dealing is in the ghetto so we are banning ghettos."
Roger Ailes Starts New Network in Hell
Satan is pleased and Roger gets to audition all the women for the pornography!
Cows storm ATM in Lancashire!
Writers in Chester are to be prosecuted for grammatical errors found in news spoofs,.
Repercussions in the Twitter Battle Between the Lord Mayor of London and Trump
The World got together and decided to establish the Twitter Patrol.
Trump Wants to Negotiate Treaties Via Twitter
The finished product will be called a "tweaty"
Eric Trump Says Democrats Are "Not Real People"
"If they were real people, they would know, stealing from children's cancer charities is expected!"
Science Doesn't Have Enough Experience to Predict Global Warming Says Trump
"Superstition has been around much longer and has been doing a great job for centuries" said Trump."
May is hung without her balls!
May is not a replica of Maggie because Maggie had balls, Theresa's are hung, drawn, quartered and sucked dry by a bunch of DUP's!
Trump Says He Will Re-Join the Paris Climate Control Agreement on One Condition
"When it is renamed the Trump Climate Control Agreement, the U.S. will join again," said Trump.
Bees instead of sex on the backseat of your Nissan!
Coitus interruptus took on a new meaning as a swarm of honey making bees annexed the backseat of a Nissan in Hull. Normally "bees knees" sex is sweet but; making both can be a sticky experience!
Chinese toothpick plague!
Chinese kids have caused a dental plague in China by shooting used toothpicks with toothpick crossbows! The disease is spreading rapidly because Chinese adults cannot pick their teeth anymore!
A non-wanking website is gaining in popularity and is offering males, not females, how not to become a 'Tosser'! Sadly BOJO failed miserably after ignoring their advice!
Trump to Ban Periodic Table of Elements
"Everyone wants to have an element named Trumpium, and until there is, the table is tabled!" -Trump
Trump Bans Guns for Democrats
"Democrats will want to use guns once they see the programs we have planned," admitted Trump.
Trump Visits Great Wall of China, Suggests They Install Solar Panels
"The Mexicans want us to put my Trumpco Solar Panels on their wall" claimed Trump.
Trump Tweets That Global Warming is Hillary and Obama's Fault
"Once we recognize the REAL culprits behind global warming the sooner we can move on" tweeted Trump.
Zombies for Hillary Face Off Against GOP Invasion of the Body Slammers
The two diseases, rarely seen in modern times, are spreading due to low vaccination rates as the ability of US citizens to think critically has declined.
Trump Accidentally Tweets Into the 6th Dimension
After they had an argument with Trump, we are now caught up in an inter-dimensional war with them!
An Indian Moo!
Indian holy cows are more important than women and here is the proof: Moo in Indian translated to English = AMEN!
Pelosi now has major competition for Queen of Cuts and Not So Good Paste Jobs
Pelosi is revving up plans for more mug slits'n'glues, cuz Mika Brzezinski has gained the edge in the title for Queen of Cuts and Not So Good Face Paste Jobs. Both have emptied Amazon of clay stock.
Changing Of The (mobile phone) Card
Mobile phones in most villages in the Carlisle area are to be replaced with smoke signals as Brexit takes a full tight grip
No, anyone but Boris
Boris Johnson was early seen on a zip-wire, heading into an open window at Buckingham Palace, to put his own ideas about a new government to the Queen.
Teresa May is currently in talks with Channel Four about a presenting gig on The Great British Bake Off. She wants to give a strong and stable foundation to the show's soggy bottom.
Green immigrant with a work visa sues for discrimination
A green space visitor with no experience nor college is suing a major corporation over an alleged racist remark made during a job interview. The company said the applicant was too green for the job.
Woman with 10,000 Piercings Says She's Bored
Jennifer Hole lives up to her name. She has 10,000 holes which she has placed in her body over the years to be exact. She says that over the years, she has become increasingly bored.
Trump Denies Existence of Comey Tapes
"Who uses tapes any more?" he asked. "USB sticks are where it's at!"
Comey Firing Blamed on Auto-Correct
"I couldn't allow some commie to lead the Feral Burro of Instigation!" tweeted El Bendejo in all caps.