Spoof news snippets from July 2017
There were 27 spoof news snippets published in July 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Due to government budget cuts NASA announced plans for their next excursion. "We are going to the Seattle Space Needle, its cheaper than outer space" stated director Jim Beam.
From Secret Service to Leaky Service
The Secret Service has announced they are changing names. "Its true," said a spokesman." POTUS has a prostate problem, we spend a large portion of time securing bathrooms, sometimes he leaks"
UK schoolboys wearing skirts!
The heatwave brings the weirdest out of people and schoolboys wearing schoolgirls skirts is weird, but then again, at least they aint big girl's blouses! Free the COJONES!
Brazilian GREEN puppy is an alien!
A golden retriever that gave birth to a GREEN puppy is not its real mum, an alien is! A UFO was seen flying over Brazil as dad did it doggy style! Now we all know Martians exist because dogs do too!
Trump Sends Secret Service to Walter Reed Hospital to Find the Gang of Green
"I just saw somewhere that someone there died because of gang of green. We're on it!" said Trump.
Goat gives birth to Arab after THIS happens
Due to the flagrantly graphic beastiality photographed in this story, it is suggested you read the entire article at once, unless of course it is censored in your country!
UK Police officer takes the biscuit!
The UK police force has taken the biscuit because a police officer nicked a biscuit and now he's been taken off the beat for a year! Crumbs!
Trump Refutes 'The Wheel'
After trashing free-speech and the planet's need for oxygen, Trump says he's not so sure that the wheel was such a great idea. 'And what's the big friggin' deal about fire, huh?' he also snorted.
Morning Joe and Mika Disappear
"They probably just had plastic surgery and now no one can recognize them," said Trump.
Trump Finally Confesses
A tearful president Trump finally confessed: "It's not real hair, stated the POTUS, its banana flavored cotton candy" POTUS stated he lost his real hair in a tragic blow dryer accident.
The Trump Jr. Russia Meeting Like Night At The Opera
The Trump Jr. meeting appears to resemble the stateroom scene from the Marx brothers film, A Night At The Opera. Everyone was there except the cast from Hamilton.
Farage's fishy fugu facts!
Nigel Farage stinks, and now he's backing a campaign to reduce fish loving Eastern European immigrants in the UK by slipping a fugu or 2 between sushi rice snacks or is this a red herring?
Irish eyes were not smiling on this cheap flight!
Scottish bagpipe playing granny upsets Irish eyes on cheap Irish flight from Belgium to the UK. She blasted out Scottish traditional songs on board, was ejected, and told, "Fack Brexit, we're Irish!"
Trump Tweets that He's Afraid Obama or Crooked Hillary Will Screw up the Eclipse
Trump promised that he would make sure the eclipse happens.
Melania Trump Gets Lost on Her Way to the White House and Ends Up in Paris
But she did locate a new wardrobe, which will make being First Lady so much easier!
Brit boozing, binge drinking UK birds die earlier!
Scientists discovered that Brit female binge drinkers die earlier than their European counterparts, WHY? Easy; UK booze due to Brexit will now become 35% more expensive! That's enough to kill anybody!
Trump Says No Transgender People In Military
Trump says transgender people will not be allowed in the military. No offense to transgender people, but isn't Trump the most transgender looking president ever?
Elton John Foils Princess Di Body Exhumation and Theft
Sir Elton John stopped Diana's grave-robbers by singing "England's Rose" over and over.
Trump Breaks His Promise To LGBT Community When He Finds Out What the Initials Stand For
"Transgender? I didn't know that was in there! We can't have that in the military!" said Trump.
Putin and Trump Might Be Breaking Up
It always comes down to the 'S' word-SANCTIONS! Will Kim Jong-Un mediate the fight?
666 - Isn't Just The Devil's Number
It's the address for the 5th Ave. property Jared Kushner purchased and needed a bailout. When Qatar said NO to a half billion dollar loan, the bloc against Qatar developed. A peacemaker? Still 666.
Scottish Man Misses Cat
Angus McFarland told his girlfriend he hated her fluffy cat from day one... but now admits he actually does miss Mr. Muggles-a little bit. And he swears he never saw him sleeping in the driveway.
Tweeting Out of Your Ass
idiom. Used to describe what President Trump does early in the morning when he should be devoting his time to mastering complex domestic and foreign policy issues.
Kellyanne Conway con exposed
She is positioning for a satire job with SNL
Trump Bans Transgender from Military
Trump Tower, NYC. In announcing his anti-transgender policy for the armed forces today, President Trump proclaimed: "There are no transgenders in foxholes."
Ralph E. Shaffer
Congress To Secretly Vote On Secret Voting
GOP committee plans to pass legislation making votes by its' members to be done by secret ballot."That way we can do away with all of the constant complaints from the public about who voted for what."
God, Man, and Environment at UCLA
The UCLA Summer Band will perform at noon Friday on the steps of Kerckhoff Hall. Featured selections will be Martin Luther's "A Mighty Forest is Our God" and "The Deflater Mouse" by Strauss.