There were 66 spoof news snippets published in January 2017. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.

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KK robbed at gunpoint in Paris!

KK (name changed for legal reasons) was robbed of 10 kilos of her favorite jewelry in Paris! She thanked the robbers because now she feels 10 kilos lighter, and sod the money, she has enough!

written by Jaggedone, 09 January 2017
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Global warming threatens freezing Europe!

Another attack of global warming has descended upon Europe! In fact sitting here in Holland in my swimming trunks with a runny nose is not what they predicted!Let's hope they predict a new Ice Age!

written by Jaggedone, 08 January 2017
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President Trump Backtracks On Waterboarding

"I thought it was just a sport and that the Muslims had a phobia about surfing."

written by XRhonda Speaks, 22 January 2017
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Trump Wants to End Phone Service in White House and Install Telegraph Instead.

He is also having all the computers removed and replaced with American-made 1950's IBM Mainframes.

written by Al N., 02 January 2017
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Honey Boo Boo To Sing At Trump Inauguration

The chubby vixen is planning on singing the national anthem Marylin Monroe style.

written by XRhonda Speaks, 09 January 2017
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What's In Trump's Folders?

Trump aides jealously guarded the folders during the President elect's news conference and for good reason: it turns out they were the resumes of models "disappeared" by Trump International Talent.

written by XRhonda Speaks, 11 January 2017
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Trump: Pink floyd To Pay For Wall

The President elect will seek funding from Congress and then he will send the bill to the band.

written by XRhonda Speaks, 14 January 2017
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Melania Trump Announces Divorce

Melania Trump will paint Trump Tower pink and rename it once Donald moves to the White House. Castle Pussylvania and Pussy Pylon are two of the possible new names. read more

written by XRhonda Speaks, 16 January 2017
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Theresa pulls the plug on Europe!

New Iron lady, Theresa May (no relation to Maggie), has pulled the plug on Europe and Europeans are hoping she disappears down her own plughole!

written by Jaggedone, 17 January 2017
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Bank robber Mr. Lawrence Ripple; hero or woozy?

70 year-old Kansas born Mr.Lawrence Ripple robbed a bank to escape beatings from his wife from HELL! Now is he a matcho hero or just a woozy? Depends on what side of the frying pan you are on I guess!

written by Jaggedone, 24 January 2017
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Coca Cola banned in France! It causes too many Qui Qui's!

France have banned refills of sugared soft drinks because they make the French "Qui Qui" too much and their sugared "qui qui" is causing sewer rats to become obese!No more fat rats si'l vous plait!

written by Jaggedone, 27 January 2017
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US President Decrees That Suspected Witches In The US Be Arrested

'We realise this is irrational,' said an apologist for Donald Trump, 'but those who voted for him are frightened by this group, and the President must be seen to take action.'

written by Swan Morrison, 29 January 2017
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US President Decrees That The Underside Of All US Bridges Be Checked For Hungry Trolls

'We realise this is irrational,' said an apologist for Donald Trump, 'but those who voted for him are frightened by this group, and the President must be seen to take action.'

written by Swan Morrison, 29 January 2017
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US President Decrees That A Roof Be Built Over The US To Prevent US Citizens Being Abducted By Extra-Terrestrials

'We realise this is irrational,' said an apologist for Donald Trump, 'but those who voted for him are frightened by this group, and the President must be seen to take action.'

written by Swan Morrison, 29 January 2017
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US President Decrees That All American College Graduates Be Stripped Of Their Citizenship

'We realise this is irrational,' said an apologist for Donald Trump, 'but those who voted for him are frightened by this group, and the President must be seen to take action.'

written by Swan Morrison, 29 January 2017
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Milky Boobs being controlled at European Airports!

European Airports are doing "squeeze titty controls" on women entering from the Far East without babies but with tits full of milk and a pump! Trump is demanding to control all "pussies" too!

written by Jaggedone, 31 January 2017
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Due to a shortage of performers for the inauguration

Bill Clinton will be playing a saxophone solo.

written by pinkwalrus, 08 January 2017
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GOP pledges consistency

They vow to hold themselves to the same standards they have held the Democrats to: careful vetting of cabinet picks, open investigations of scandals, etc.

The public can just leave it all to them.

written by pinkwalrus, 08 January 2017
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Trump downsizes White House

Citing concerns for his carbon footprint, Trump plans to move the first family into a smaller building using only solar power.

written by pinkwalrus, 08 January 2017
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Kremlin's Compromising Trump Files Include Photos of Him Without Toupee

Also, the Kremlin threatened to release details of Trump's 3-day secret marriage to Pam Anderson.

written by Al N., 12 January 2017
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Meryl Streep Receives Huge Tax Bill And Her House is Repossessed

Trump says that it's not due to her remarks at the Golden Globes, insists it's just a coincidence.

written by Al N., 12 January 2017
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Trump Will Rename the Rose Garden the "Pete Rose Garden"

He has also installed a device to make the Oval Office revolve so will call it the Revolving Office.

written by Al N., 12 January 2017
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Rocky Trump Horror show opens in Washington!

Trump is determined to act like a seductive Tranny every time he confronts the world's press! Last night was his first performance as Rocky Trump Horror! It was a knock out success & Putin laughed too

written by Jaggedone, 12 January 2017
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US Dems Demand Specific Cabinet Choice

In hearings US Congress Dems demand an Attorney Bleeding-Heart-in-Chief who'll grant status to all illegal aliens and ensure they vote retroactively for Hillary. Only voter ID required is a navel.

written by Trinculoman, 12 January 2017
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Rudy Giuliani Named Cyber Security Advisor

Learns to turn on his computer.

written by pinkwalrus, 13 January 2017
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More 20th Century Celebrities Die

With the passing of Peter Sarstedt, Lord Snowdon and William Peter Blatty in 2017, experts have calculated that within four years no celebrities will remain who anyone over sixty has ever heard of.

written by Swan Morrison, 13 January 2017
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Trump Inauguration Announces It Will Feature "One-Hit-Wonder" Performers for Inauguration Festivities

Lee Greenwood, (God Bless the USA) and 3 Doors Down (Kryptonite) are the latest D-Listers signed.

written by Al N., 13 January 2017
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Portuguese Man o War v German Giant Eagle!

Manchester, 15/01 sees an apocalyptic clash of fallen red giants! Can the Portuguese Man o War repel the German Eagle swooping to reclaim a long lost crown? Red Devils v Red Pretenders, a win, win!

written by Jaggedone, 14 January 2017
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Trump Denies That He Likes Pee

On a side note, sales of Trump Water have fallen to absolutely nothing.

written by Al N., 15 January 2017
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Dorset Wildlife Trust Asks Public To Name New Marine Conservation Zone Off Bournemouth Coast

'The current most popular name amongst the public is "MarineConservationZoney McMarineConservationZoneface"' admitted a Dorset Wildlife Trust spokesman.

written by Swan Morrison, 15 January 2017
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NWO! Trump & Putin jump into bed!

Trump has released his latest foreign policies and decided to target Merkel instead of attacking ISIS! He called her "an old bag!" Putin laughed and has promised solidarity to Trump in their NWO!

written by Jaggedone, 17 January 2017
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Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich & Bonzo Dog Band Latest Bands to Refuse to Play at Trump's Inauguration

Also refusing to play at the Inauguration are the Log Cabin Republican Kazoo Band and Bongzilla.

written by Al N., 17 January 2017
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Vegas Gamblers Change Word for Wild Cards from "Trump"

By an anonymous vote, because of Trump's unpopularity, the word for a wild card will be a "Chump."

written by Al N., 17 January 2017
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Harloton, Montana Emerald Kazoo & Spoons Band Drops Out of Trump Inaugural Celebration

With the exodus of the Kazoo & Spoon Band this still leaves Toby Keith & Frontmen of Country-YEEHAA!

written by Al N., 18 January 2017
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Trump's Press Secretary Denies That Trumps' Slogan Was Going to be "Make America Hate Again!"

And then she asked if it was too late to change the slogan.

written by Al N., 19 January 2017
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Circus Elephant to Bring Up Rear of Trump Inauguration Parade

Last of Ringling Brothers pachyderms will lumber down parade route spraying protestors while defecating the streets of D.C. "A fitting image of what's to come," says one Democrat of the GOP icon.

written by GProwler, 20 January 2017
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Obama is Blockaded From Leaving White House

"Don't let Trump in!" and other slogans unprintable were shouted.

written by Al N., 20 January 2017
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Debates Are Afoot About Calling the White House the "White Supremacist House"

Unfortunately, it's the Trump family that want to call it that.

written by Al N., 22 January 2017
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Trump's New Treasury Secretary Demands Royalty for Use of His Signature on Currency

Steven Mnuchin, the incoming Treasury Secretary, would like royalties all in $1,000 dollar bills.

written by Al N., 22 January 2017
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Trump Insists His Inauguration is Bigger than Obama's

Trump brought a new fire truck for the White House and insists his fire hose is bigger than Obama's.

written by Al N., 22 January 2017
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Trump Signs Executive Order to Suspend Bill of Rights

"I don't think we really had a chance to study these rules. Besides, they're old and need updates."

written by Al N., 25 January 2017
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Trump Requests Fox News to Run His Security Briefings

That way, he can check them out without having to change the channel.

written by Al N., 25 January 2017
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Pink Floyd release new version of "The Wall"!

Ancient rockers Pink Floyd are about to make Trump feel "Uncomfortably Dumb" after releasing a new Mexican version of The Wall called Trumps Wall! Berliners are going "Mucho Loco!"

written by Jaggedone, 26 January 2017
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Humpty Trumpty cracks it!

All the Queens horses and all the Queens men will have to put Humpty Trumpty together again after Brexit because nobody else will touch him and they have nobody else to glue!

written by Jaggedone, 31 January 2017
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Dr Farquar and New Year

Do bailiffs wish everybody a Happy New Year? Contributed by Titas Fukk

Dr Farquar-Smith's comments: Oh yes. You can't take that away from them.

written by Dr Farquar, 04 January 2017
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Istanbul Police Tired of "Turkey Hunt" Jokes

"Yes, this is Turkey", sighed Police Chief Mehmet Arqodun, "and we are engaged in a manhunt, and we will shoot on sight, but can't you guys come up with something more creative?"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 January 2017
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New WWF Season Announced

Trump v. Democracy: The Final Smackdown

written by pinkwalrus, 08 January 2017
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New red caps on order

"Sdelat' ameriki zdorovo snova"

(this platform won't allow for original Cyrillic spelling)

written by pinkwalrus, 08 January 2017
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Bernie bro and Trump supporter find

they are engaged to same Russian troll

written by pinkwalrus, 09 January 2017
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Uber launches always-surging uberMAKE-IT-RAIN service in major cities today

Uber's newly launched service will cater to riders who want their pickup spot to be designated a surging area due to their unfounded belief that the more they pay, the higher the ride quality will be.

written by Brandy Pasquino, 16 January 2017
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Bald Troll Doll Storms White House, Takes Back Orange Hairpiece

A bald troll doll stormed into the White House just moments ago, and took back the wig Donald stole from it years ago. Clapping the wig on its head, the troll exited peacefully but in bad temper.

written by SpyDude, 18 January 2017
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Will 1/20 Become the New 4/20?

Due to stress of Trump Inauguration pot use is expected to reach near epidemic proportions. Movement to 'honor' cannabis expected to move to January from April to help cope with new world order.

written by GProwler, 20 January 2017
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Alternative Facts

Alternative facts. n. a rhetorical device employed by political surrogates of questionable character when reality does not match up with their political agenda. See Trump surrogate.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 24 January 2017
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Build That Wall!

This Just In: Kellyanne Conway Calls for Building a Wall between Donald Trump and his Twitter Account, Which American Taxpayers Are Only Too Glad to Pay For

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 24 January 2017
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Mary Tyler Moore misses year of death by 26 days

Actress Mary Tyler Moore died on January 26, exactly 26 days after the end of the worst year in history when it came to famous people dying. Said a friend, "That's Mary. Always doing her own thing."

written by Lyndon, 27 January 2017
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The Ancient Potato Is Alive! #1

Miss Van Curly Fried Potato (Known as The Ancient Potato) has been spotted at a top hill in Potanic Forest. She has not been seen for over 450,000 years! Shoot her a letter at TopHillPotatoToday.

written by the_potato_lady, 27 January 2017
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About The Ancient Potato #2

The Ancient Potato lives on top of Potanic Hill in The Southern part of Potato-Landia. The Ancient Potato gives valuable information to anyone who seeks her. She was thought to be eaten alive.

written by the_potato_lady, 27 January 2017
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What Happened to The Ancient Potato #3

The Ancient Potato was thought to have been eaten alive by an evil rabbit. Evil rabbits are the Potato species worst enimy. You would think more deaths occur at the next town over, Carrot Central.

written by the_potato_lady, 27 January 2017
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Small Austrian Town Seeks Part Time Hermit

is swamped with American applicants

written by pinkwalrus, 27 January 2017
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White House Press Room Redecorated

with Alice in Wonderland theme

written by pinkwalrus, 27 January 2017
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Palestinians Approach Putin For U.S. Policy Change

*fun fact*

written by pinkwalrus, 27 January 2017
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'Forgetful' men and women explain small crowd size at Trump's inauguration

Forgetful supporters of Trump who plainly forgot to attend Trump's inauguration - the forgotten men and women that Trump promises will be forgotten no longer - fully explain why his crowd was so tiny.

written by Brandy Pasquino, 27 January 2017
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Trump takes credit for 1 second in which nobody died on American streets after signing Obamacare executive order

"No one died on any American street for exactly 1 second after I signed an Obamacare executive order and we'll extend more lives for a longer period of time once Trumpcare is implemented," Trump said.

written by Brandy Pasquino, 27 January 2017
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Donald Trump Deports Melania After "Accidentally" Losing Immigration Papers

... KellyAnne Conway Seen In Public With New Engagement Ring

written by SpyDude, 30 January 2017
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UK Healthcare Crisis!

Minister says not a bed available -- 'cept for that one tied to your Mum's back. Burn!!

written by W.P. Wonder, 31 January 2017
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Trump U. to Re-open

BREAKING NEWS: Betsy DeVos Approved as Secretary of Education, Trump U. to Re-open

(A cardboard cutout of Donald Trump is expected to teach a class in for-profit schools and Ponzi schemes.)

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 31 January 2017
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