Spoof news snippets from 2015
There were 1,185 spoof news snippets published in 2015. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Plastic Goon Show arrives in Salford!
Last night the British public were mesmerised by a bunch of plastic Goons who will soon be running the country, the real Goons RIP, will be turning in their graves devastated at the thought!
German Pegida not Nazis!
The latest paranoid group to protest against Islamism, German Pegida, are not Nazis they claim, but have offered UKIP several empty barracks in Auschwitz if the UK has too many Romanians!
ISIS stop beheading!
Relieving news is reaching us from Iraq, ISIS have vowed not to behead anybody anymore, therefore they will kidnap babies and spike them on their bayonets; lovely bunch!
Terrorist attack Crufts!
A blatant terrorist attack at Crufts on a prize red setter has left the canine world devastated! Luckily the victim was not beheaded and will now become immortal because the owners are stuffing it!
Premiership starts with a massive hangover!
Not only binging Premier Clubs throwing millions out of the window have a hangover, players do too. Angel (well he thinks he is) Di Maria had a stinking hangover in Manchester and went AWOL, ARSEHOLE
A figment of a mad man's imagination or just fact?
There once was a Spoofer called Erskin Quint whose name gave a fellow spoofer a hint. Now the name belongs to a mercurial stud with an E and the rest is history!
Facebook loose members to new offline social media service called pub.
The new offline social media service called pub which allows friends to interact in a building and drink beer has been launched in the uk.
Fog hits British news readers on the Beeb!
It seems that Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson getting the boot from his rather childish programme is more important than the German Wings tragody. Well that's what the Beeb shows on the internet!
Facebook launches new family proximity app.
Facebook on Monday unveiled a new app which alerts users to family members and spouses located within 100 yards, encouraging them to start a conversation or even a relationship.
Vatican refuse entry to French gay ambassador!
Pope Francis has forbidden a gay French ambassador from becoming the French rep to the Vatican. Pope Francis said, "we don't mind gay priests, but ambassadors, no, no messieur!" Is that hypocrisy?
Has T Rex more brainpower than the Scriptwriters of Jurassic World?
Scientists are looking at the possibility that a reincarnated T-Rex has more brains than Hollywood scriptwriters, it seems that T Rex has more after they watched Jurassic World, it was brainless!
All Over "God's Country," God is Posting No Trespassing Signs
God, apparently really pissed off because of pollution, has blocked entrance to "God's Country."
Courtney Love flashes pussy at Parisian protestors!
Courtney Love Cobain (who?) escaped the Parisian taxi driver riots by opening her knickerless thighs in a taxi and flashed down a horny motorcyclist, he could not refuse and landed in Nirvana!
Ryan Giggs loves Louis van Gaal!
There is no riff between King Louis and Ryan Giggs because Louis missus is too old!
Smoking in cars in England, forbidden!!
From October 2015 it is no longer allowed to smoke in cars! Sex in the backseat, blow-jobs in the front seat will also be banned, but the police promise to be lenient as long as they can watch!
South Africa offer penis transplants!
A successful penis transplant op in South Africa has caused an invasion of mainly Asian men hoping for an extension! Black men are also hoping for an op because their wives constantly feel the pain!
Donald is a lame duck!
The US have chosen their next president because they've had enough of lame ducks and prefer a hard-nut pussy!
Donald Trump Advertises for Brain
Donald Trump will pay $1 million dollars for a brain, it was announced today. "Look out world! If you think I was doing good before, wait until you see me with a brain!" shouted Trump to the mirror.
Sheepshaggers fail to penetrate Chris the sheep!
Australian sheepshaggers desperate to penetrate Chris the sheep because of his abnormal size have failed because sheep-shearers saved Chris's virginity by shearing him, just in time!
US Cadets complete training with pillow fights!
West Point academy has hardened up its cadets by introducing pillow fighting as the final phase of training! ISIS cannot wait for the US Boys to arrive, they love featherweight headless chickens!
Bill Cosby Revealed to Be Secret Meth Cook
In a surprise announcement today it was revealed that Bill Cosby is the secret meth cook that has been flooding LA with something new-Pudding Pop Meth.
App porn cums out!
It seems as though porn apps are being misused because not only do the participants suck, they are also being sucked out of their money! Housewives giving secret head are now forcibly 'cumming out!'
Messi does not screw the Inland Revenue!
Mutli-millionaire soccer player, Lionel Messi, has been cleared of Spanish tax evasion, instead his padre is guilty, typical Spanish, keep it in the family!
Klopp is a German Nutter!
Liverpool have employed a German "Knocker" called Klopp and it serves them right! He will Head Bang the Scousers with impunity and stuff Bratwurst down the throats of anybody who says "nein" to him
CNN warn cash point queues!
CNN issue following warning: Do not approach rather plump Asian looking men waiting at global cash points; damn suicide bombers will do anything to finance their terror action, even stand in a queue!
John Travolta Shows Off Scientology Face-Touching Super Powers At 2015 Oscars
John Travolta, who at last year's Oscars showed that Scientology super-powers didn't extend to name pronunciation, DID reveal his face touching power, which causes instant revulsion to the victim.
Gay penguin book banned in US!
US library and school authorities have decided to ban a book about a gay penguin couple adopting a baby! Elton John has protested and begged Penguin books to reissue the book in San Quentin!
Dentist Walter Palmer sticks his head in lion's mouth!
Innocent (?) lion slaughterer, Walter Palmer, has offerd free dental service to lions all over the planet! The world hopes that a lion has a wicked tooth ache whilst Walter has his head in its mouth!
After causing a fire in Twickenham Nutella pots are now to be issued with a fire warning!!
Other glass pots not until they cause a fire too!
Diego Costa is a reincarnated pitbull!
Blood samples taken from Chelsea's Diego Costa have proven he has the genetic make up of a pitbull! Mourinho is thinking about buying Suarez so he can unleash an unbeatable canine duo into the EPL!
China loses its (golf) balls!
Chinese Communist party has banned its 88 million members from joining golf clubs, instead they are allowed to invest their capitalist earned bucks in promoting the noble sport of Polo, hypocrites!
Cameron compares himself to Sir Winston!
On the 50th anniversary of Sir Winston Churchill's funeral, tosser, David Cameron, compared his achievements with the great wartime PM! People visiting his tomb swore they heard the ground tremble!
Merkel invites Pink Floyd to open the new WALL!
It seems Angela Merkel will erect a modern version of The Berlin Wall and thought it would be a grand idea if Pink Floyd opened the ceremonies, sadly Syrian President Assad was not invited!
Surrey farmer turns his castle into luxury pig pens!
Farmer Fiddler thought he had "hey diddled" the council by building a castle without permission and was ordered to demolish it, but being a great Fiddler, his castle is now a luxury piggy B & B!
Crocodile prison guards patrol Indonesian prisons!
Indonesia's latest way of controlling and reducing their prison population may seem slightly eccentric, but it works, as no living prisoners have been seen exiting or entering prisons since!
Zebras break loose in Belgium!
I just crossed them with a Beatle and got a donkey!
Nigel Farage's big Berlin Wall!
UKIP will build a huge wall around the UK if elected! They haven't decided which one, Texan/Mexican (too porous) or a Berlin style, but Farage's missus, a German ordered him to take BERLIN or be shot!
John Travolta in "Greece Frightening!"
John is not to be reunited with Olivia in the latest blockbuster movie, Greece Frightening, she told producers to stuff their Drachmas where the sun don't shine, John didn't mind, he's broke anyway!
New Orleans is so good hearted!
To cover up homeless junkies, alcoholics and losers, New Orleans is building new State Highway bridges as far away as possible from Le French Quarter so tourists can enjoy Le Mardi Gras in safety!
Louis van Gaal's new tactic; spitting!
LVG introduced a secret weapon to his lame team hoping to please frustrated United fans; a spitting Llama! Away fans loved his debut at Newcastle and hope now they can spit their way into the top 4!
Sheepdog drives tractor on motorway!
A sheepdog was seen driving a tractor down the M74 and it's owner was also seen barking at his herd, they ignored him of course, the farmer not the dog!
King Louis slips up again on his banana skins!
King Louis van Gaal has been offered a role in Disney's new version of Jungle Book! He will play King Louis, the king baboon. A made to measure role because he loves slipping up on banana skins!
Chelsea love affair is over!
The greatest West End soap opera love affair between A Special one and his Russian Prince has ended! They shook hands (a golden one), kissed and parted. The huge question; who is Bluer now?
Jawohl we have a Pigclimber!
Basti Schweinsteiger has joined United and piggies all over Europe a oinking becasue he is a legendary Pigclimber! If he can do it so can all piggies, Grunt, grunt!
Greece saved from the abyss!
An army of 300 Spartans has saved Greece for going down the pot led by Ataturk who stopped them at the pearly gates of hell; Merkel gnashed her rather green teeth!
It's round, faraway & f'ing freezing!
Who really gives a f++k about Pluto? Obviously mad scientists do because they love throwing billions into outer space to prove what we all know; there aint nobody f'ing out there!
3 teenage girls kidnapped by ISIS eagles!
Reports that 3 teenage girls voluntarily joined ISIS is not true! Fact is they were kidnapped by a squadron of swooping ISIS eagles whilst listening to Justin Bieber on their I phones, a deadly sin!
No more Top Gear just Flop Gear from now on!
Global iconic buffoonery show, Top Gear, has been hauled off the TV because Clarkson, who dared once to use the word N++++r believing it was funny, has slung a left hook at his producer, naughty chap!
A 'clit' too far!
Yoga pants revealing the outlines of womens clits and mens favourite toys are to be banned in London! "They are disgusting in public" claimed Reverend Sebastian Suckcock, but in my private study, WOW!
D&G ask the world to boycott Elton John!
Gay designers, Dolce & Gabbana, have asked the world to boycott gay Elton John because he is a gay dad and they couldn't have children! I wonder why?
Bruce Jenner Blames Auto Accident On Being a New Woman Driver
"Everybody complains about woman drivers. Now that I am one I understand" said a newly-female transgendered Bruce Jenner. "I was putting on lipstick and just didn't see the car ahead of me" she said.
English clubs form own Champions League!
Because English clubs perform so terribly in Europe the FA has withdrawn all teams and from a GB competition; at least there's a chance of an English club winning that, in Europe, no chance!
El Classico or El Crappico??
Past classic, Liverpool v Man United, is nearly upon us as far away in Spain a real classic will take place, Barcelona v Real! Did the English "Messi" something up here?
Martians kicking up dust on Mars (where else?)!
Cape Kennedy scientists observing massive clouds of dust on Mars have no clue why the planet is exploding, but secret reports from incarcerated inhabitants in Area 51 point to a Martian outburst?
Cameron promises not to serve a third term!
There is a god after all!
Next Round of Iran Nuclear Talks Start Next Week At Secret New Location
Best bet it's either inside the defunct Chernobyl reactor or the fucked-up Fukishima plant in Japan
Italians racist? Never!
Arrigo Sacchi, Italian soccer coach has proved to the world what we knew already and dared not to mention, Italy are home to a bunch of racists and for further proof join the Lazio Roma hooligan club!
Sacre Bleu! Chelsea yobs in Paris show true colours!
Moronic, racist, Chelsea fans abused a black commuter on the metro, sung a racist song in his face and threw him off the train! They showed their true colours, not BLUE power more like white power!
Cameron told to wait and see about his request for a new conservatory
David Cameron's request to have a new conservatory in the back garden of number 10 has been put on ice till after the forthcoming General election.
Excluded Critters Charge Court with Speciesism
Reacting to the current NY court case on giving human rights to chimps, an alliance of dogs, wolves, badgers, raccoons,&hyenas has charged the court with "speciesism."Said spokesdog Rex,"Woofduhfuk!"
Thank heavens there's not another K in KK!
Kim Kardashian is missing a K and if she had another one that would be real news, but sadly she only has a Big B and 2 huge BB's and her dad is jealous!
Only 3 Drugs In America's Pharmacopeia "Do anything"
A high ranking official with the FDA made the remark Thursday at a cocktail party. He said "other than this whiskey the only thing medicine has to offer is penicillin, tranquilizers, and amphetamines"
White Power morons march into Manchester!
In a city normally divided by red or blue a third party preaching White Power decided to let everybody know Jurassic morons are still alive! I would suggest sending them to Auschwitz!
McIlroy's Demise at Irish Open Traced to Organic Additive
Golf's No. 1's failure to make the cut at the Irish Open has been traced to subversive spiking of his Guiness with bramble juice,thus causing his drives to seek out landing areas with organic kinship.
Ron Paul and Ru Paul to Star in Reality Show Together
"The Pauls" will be a reality show starring the perpetual presidential candidate and the cross-dressing model. Their first guests will be Paulie Shore and Paul Stanley, to be sponsored by Pall Malls.
Hillary in Chappaqua Prepares for Congressional Hearing
Ensconced in her Purda chamber--required by her Arab backers--at home, The Hillary prepares for her appearance at the Benghazi Committee hearing. Her opening statement: "A cyber-canine ate my emails."
Stand up Sir Rooney!
If this Scouse clown gets a knighthood I have decided to become an illegal immigrant and give my British passport to someone more deserving, Syrian maybe, because enough is enough!
During the Iran-will-nukem Discussions A New Role Identified for Kerry
Inking a charade-deal with Iran,Foreign Minister Kerry's next job will employ him directly in Tehran. He'll be used as a floor mop for the Ayatollah's latrine with his follicular top amply in service.
Rare Honors Are Conferred Upon Senator Reid
Nev. Senator Harry Reid received a unique distinction yesterday. He was acclaimed by both Prevaricators Intl and by The Rev. Jim Jones Society as Liar and Asshole of the Year, respectively. Well done.
Elton wants intimate meeting with Putin!
To discuss gay rights in Russia, Elton John, has requested to meet Putin in a private hotel on Hampstead Heath! Putin refused and told Elton to F himself, Elton replied, "I'd rather have you do that!"
Trolls have reemerged and are determined to drag The Spoof back into the depths of satirical hell, no f'ing way! Spoofers unite now! Je Suis Le Spoof, off with their heads!
Emperor Announces Latest Strategy for Dealing with ISIS
Palace released Emperor Barack I's plan for handling ISIS terrorists.A video compilation of all the Emperor's speechs will be prepared and hacked into the ISIS Net with a goal of boring them to death.
Cameron had "sex with a pig"
Diane Abbot issues denial before reading whole story.
Sikh people save indigenous Brits!
The world has turned a full circle, Brits raped, pillaged and robbed during the RAJ and now Sikhs living in Britain are helping down and out Brits to get a decent meal! Double standards maybe?
Niagara Falls discovered on Mars!
Martians have built a replica of Niagara Falls on Mars proving that they are very clever or love April Fools! For the answer ask NASA or Allah!
King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia is dead at 90
Doctors say he died of Wahabbist complications and a Jack Daniels diet.
New Liverpool manager is a dead Beetle!
Liverpool will not employ a living manager anymore, they have decided to erect an inspirational statue of a dead Beetle who sucked in many VW exhaust fumes whilst alive, plus other filthy substances!
VW turns back the clock!
Nein to software, computers, navi systems and back to basics for VW! Ancient Beetles will now be produced in Wolfsburg and Hitler was heard turning in his grave! NEIN BITTE NICHT!!!
Burnt to a crisp like Jordan!
Sunbed after sunbed, beach after beach, white turning brown and red attempting to look like Jordan! Is it worth it? Ask your oncologist!
Scamatology To Buy Showtime, Run Anti-HBO Programming 24/7
Discovering that HBO is airing a documentary about them, Scamatology has purchased Showtime to run anti-HBO programming. Donald Trump also offered to buy Showtime, but Showtime preferred the cult.
French police in Calais and truckers agree on one thing!
French poice and stuck truckers in Calais have shown solidarity! They agree Cameron is un grand cochon and illegals are tres stupid attempting to get to England to suck the welfare system dry! Oink!
Dutch prove they really are as flat as pancakes!
Turkish delight instead of a joint, sticky pancake, or van Gogh ruled over Europe last night as Oranje led by a Blind leading the Blind hit a cul de sac, but not a French one!
Pope promises to make world a better place; he's resigning!
Pope Francis, a beaming light in a world full of misery, wars, confilcts, etc, has promised to make the planet a better place and is resigning! Thank the heavens, surely this is God speaking to us!
German giants bash Tesco!
Giant Brit supermarket, Tesco, are closing 43 stores! One reason is they are being bashed by German giants, Lidl and Aldi! It seems the Brits love a cheap Bratwurst stuck in sauerkraut; Fraulein!
Greece promise not to default!
The new governing party in Greece has promised not to default on its huge debt to the Euro zone and they are willing to pay back the debt with several million portions of Feta cheese!
Channel tunnel brought to a standstill by fleeing Brits!
Brits fleeing their land of hope and glory through the Channel Tunnel have created Cameron's last stand and no Red Indians will be there to save his scalp!
Hitler not Austrian, he was a Palestinian!
Israeli PM, Nut-anayuh, has claimed Hitler was really a Palestinian undercover agent employed by Nazis to burn all Jews in hell! Modern-day German Nazis have just declared war on Israel!
Revenge photographer wants wife scrubbed from the web
Dirty pics of the filthy little slut bringing his business into disrepute
Ode to Tony & George, part 2!
Read it, it aint bad!
Pope's Encyclical Breaks New Ground for Vatican Ventures
CEO Francis of Catholicism Inc,DBA Vatican Ventures hyped VVs latest spinoff: GenuFlectaForecast. His Popeship will be key anchor on the VV Web channel,touting 24/7 the moral hazard of climate change.
Man United buy 5000 new players!
It has been confirmed that United are so determined to win the EPL again they have purchased 5000 new players according to the Daily Star, a serious tabloid!
Superbowl entertainment for the FA Cup Final!
The spectacular half-time Superbowl entertainment has been bought by the FA! Sadly, no Lenny Cravitz or Katie Perry (Who?) only Paul Potts and Susan Boyle, WOW, sensational half-time fun guaranteed!
Man shags Dolphin!!
A pervert claimed a female dolphin in Florida tempted him to have sex with her! Now sheep shagging is bad enough, but sex with a dolphin, AAAAAAAGH! Next time please try a Great White!
Twitter goes MAD!
Twitter has been infiltrated by ex-spoofers spreading madness all over the planet. Owners of Twitter tried to stop the plague, but fell victims of spoof insanity before the straight jackets arrived!
Rory McIlroy's Strategy for The Open Has Leaked
Anonymous source from McIlroy's Golf Team reveals #1's plan for the upcoming Open: Soaking Justin Spieth's haggis with milk of magnesia. So, just after the Juster ties off, he's hellbound for the loo.
Sons of Olaf Move to Raise Norwegian Flag Over St. Paul Thwarted
St.Paul,MN:Raising the Norse flag over the capital was thwarted by a band of Somalis who stormed the State House, demanding that their flag be hoisted,but were yet stymied by intrepid Golden Gophers.
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Asked to Join the Avengers
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, was asked to fill a hole in the Avengers due to the disappearance of Ant Man.
Fat Albert Disassociates Himself from Bill Cosby
Most people thought I was just a character made up by Bill Cosby, or maybe just one of his multiple personalities, but I'm real and I'm tired of Cosby telling me I have to remain fat "for my image!"
Woman climbs up flagpole, takes down Confederate Flag and hoists own panties
Cheering locals then snap her descent down the flagpole and post pics on their InstaBareFannyGram accounts
Supreme Court Will Issue Definitive Decision Next Tuesday
At end of 2015 term US Supreme Court will issue its most definitive decision to date,mandating that all in US must now be GAY.Activists celebrate,while religious adherents prep for guerilla warfare.