Spoof news snippets from 2007
There were 1,146 spoof news snippets published in 2007. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
First Presidential hopeful withdraws from Democratic Party nomination process...
...leaving only 125,314 candidates remaining.
President George W. Bush views tornado destruction in Enterprise, Alabama and is upset at the scene
"I couldn't locate the bodies of Kirk or Spock anywhere and was hoping to find me one of those phaser thingies."
Robert Blake, Following O.J. Again, To Release New Book
The book is titled: "I Ain't Sayin' I Done Nuthin, But If I'da Done Sumthin', Dis Is Hows I'da Done It."
Pelosi demands a bigger plane
Republicans offer the Spruce Goose
Birkhead happy to know for sure that "I'm Daniel Lynn's dad!"
But wants to know...."with a name like that, is this a boy or a girl?"
President Bush picks Guiness record ten pound booger and flicks it at Pelosi
Ten seconds later, his head collapses.
Why the New York Yankees will not win the World Series again this year under their new manager:
Because it's over, stupid. They played it last month.
Rapper Snoop Dog to release coffee table sized book for the holidays
White Women I Have Fuzizzled expected to be Christmas best seller in black community.
News of 218 pound eight year old being taken from parents for negligence causes mixed reactions
Fat Albert goes on sugar eating binge due to jealousy
O.J. Simpson finally admits that he was not trying to steal back his own memorabilia
"I was trying to get an autographed pair of Britney's panties since they are a rare thing now because she doesn't wear them anymore."
Wade Phillips, another of the father/son coaching legacy, takes over as head coach of NFL's Cowboys
Dallas team now called the "Son of a Bum's boys."
Rapper Snoop Dog charged with gun and marijuana possession
Surprisingly, no one is surprised.
Excerpt From Martha Stewart's "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#23. Feed them to the neighbor's dogs (gives them the farts really bad)
Excerpt from Martha Stewart's "What to do With Leftover Easter Eggs"
#34: Donate them anonymously to Goodwill Industries. Let them deal with it.
Don Ho passes away peacefully in Hawaii
All nappy headed daughters will attend from Rutgers
Bush chimes in with two cents worth on Bush/Blair wedding
"You kin have anyone sing and fiddle fer us but them homo lesbian commie pinko rode hard n' put away wet Dixie Chicks."
President Bush sets personal record by going three days without saying something stupid.
Doctors blame the problem on laryangitis.
Pouty Paris Protests Puppyless Prison Policy
"Tender, tiny Tinkerbell tends to tear. If I'm incarcerated, it'll eat 'er insides."
Speedy Alka Seltzer caught sipping Pepto Bismol
He comes out of the closet and admits that "I like being in the pink."
"Rent a Wife" says she'll do housecleaning, sewing, and dishes, but no sex.
Men wonder what makes that different than most marriages.
Middle East: Iraq to change name to Iram.
Olympic athletes have had enough of trailing Iran in opening ceremonies.
"St-st-st-st-stammering's a s-s-s-s-serious problem", director of British Stammering Association says
The director of the British Stammering Association, in a 2-hour interview, told our reporter that stammering is a serious problem.
"TomTom to blame" for Presidential delay
President Bush arrived a day late at New York to address the UN. He claimed his TomTom sat nav directed him via the Tyne Tunnel.
Sheryl Crow's Idea for All to Limit Use of Toilet Paper Doesn't Fly
It goes right down the toilet.
Scientists have new results from cannabis studies...
...but can't remember what they are.
sentences entire city of Philadelphia.
Bicycle stolen every 71 seconds!
Why do so many people want the same bike?
Cabinet Minister Ed Balls changes first name to "Suckmy"
Westminster is reeling after news that the Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, Ed Balls, has changed his first name to "Suckmy". Now he will be known as "the Right Honourable Suckmy Balls".
FREE PARIS HILTON!
in every box of crunchy nut cornflakes.
President Bush gets Wedding Jitters
CCN - Washingon, D.C. - President Bush was visibly showing signs of wedding jitters as the details of his wedding to Prime Minister Tony Blair move forward.
EXCLUSIVE! More information on type of bean Hugh Grant threw at reporter.
It was a washed-up has bean!
Computer simulates mouse brain
We can now replace George Bush
Bush does not want to hear talk of withdrawl
He is worried the people will say the same as Laura always does.
Alistair Darling admitted to hospital for surgery on spine
Once thought to be spineless, Alistair Darling has actually got one - doctors found it today along with two slipped discs.
Corrupt Bastards Club Intervenes in Cattle Pollution
CCN - Lord Browne, the BP member of the Corrupt Bastards Club, was sent to reduce the amount of methane produced by cattle.
New website launched for selling your own organs.
It's called ME-BAY!
Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney to Play at Blair/Bush Wedding
CCN - London - Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney are scheduled to play at the Blair/Bush wedding. Blair was delighted at the news.
McDonald's in Commemorative Bun Ban.
McDonald's were due to launch a burger to celebrate the forthcoming 60th birthady of HRH Princess Ann. They were going to call it the 'McAnn', but it would be seen to be in BAD TASTE. Back to the McThink tank, boys!
Britney Spears Itchy and Red in 'Spots'
CCN - Britney Spears has apparently been moaning and complaining about shaving herself bald because she has developed ugly, itchy, red patches. Britney has declared she will never shave again! She said, "I can't stand the itching and scratching. My head itches too."
Bill Oddie evolves into a goldfinch
Autmnwatch presenter, Bill Oddie has died his hair red, green,white - just some of the colours of the goldfinch. It all began when one of his fellow presenters called him a 'Grey tit or should it have been a 'Great Tit'.
An Irish woman was admitted to hospital after having phone sex. Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung. No Siemen was found.
Helpful hint for Dubya
President Bush should know by now that unemployment ISN'T working
Bush Has Historians Jailed, Appoints Gonzales History Czar
President Bush, proclaiming that history will be kind to him, has historians jailed. Alberto Gonzales has been appointed the first History Czar.
Wiccans turn Cal Jennings into Lizard
CCN - TheSpoof.com writer Cal Jennings was turned into a lizard by Wiccans today. "Those damn pagan idol worshipers will get theirs when Jerry Falwell makes his second coming," said Cal Jennings.
Fossil of GAY caveman found!
He wasn't a hunter, just a gatherer.
A real invisibility cloak is in our grasp: scientists
We can feel it, but we just can't see the damn thing!
Bush's Rubber Duck Refuses to Attend Wedding
CCN - Bush was upset when he learned that his Rubber Duck, or Ducky as Bush puts it, has declined the invitation to his wedding to Tony Blair.
Dick Cheney Repents
CCN - Dick Cheney, after doing some soul searching, has repented his sins against humanity and has joined in the effort to impeach Bush.
Cannabis 'disrupts brain centre'
CIA Official Admits 9/11 a Hoax
CCN - Former Assistant Defense Secretary Richard Perle has testified that 9/11 is a hoax. He said that Tenet is trying to shift the blame for 9/11. White House are scrambling to figure out how Bush is going to get out of this one.
Britain Flood Update
It's still raining.
The cruelty of atheism
Atheism is cruel because it's offensive to God
Anna Nichol Smiths DNA on EBay
Send in the clones.
President Bush Laughed At During Coast Guard Academy Speech
CCN - President Bush gave a speech to the United States Coast Guard Academy where he was almost laughed off the stage before he could talk about the War in Iraq being essential to America.
Seals don't like clubbing!
They think they look stupid on the dancefloor.
A Slovenian man becomes the first person to swim the entire length of the Amazon river
Despite being followed by Iranian Navy.
Lab Technician loses invisibility cloak...
..."it was here a minute ago"
No interesting news. TheSpoof.com writers forced to do what real reporters do...
...make stuff up.
Rare Jane Austen portrait goes under the hammer ...
... she was so ugly, it's a much more satisfying way to destroy it than by simply burning it.
Guy Ritchie in big bad Brad, gay fart knocker shocker!
TheSpoof.com reporter discovers he can only write headlines!
Hugh G. Wadmore III Writes The Spoof
CCN - Hugh G. Wadmore III wrote TheSpoof.com a letter which has been posted in the Satire section. He has no iDEa why the "little people" are complaining.
God Angry With Alaska
God, tired of idol worship and every inconceivable act of evil, has frowned on Alaska.
Cheney's Airplane Has Mechanical Problem
CCN - Vice President Dick Cheney's airplane had a small mechanical problem. Unfortunately, there were no safety concerns and the aircraft was scheduled to make a planned refuelling stop in Singapore after his trip to Australia.
Captain Marvel Dies. Superhero Spoof Writer Mourns.
CCN - Cal-el, who some know as TheSpoof.com writer Cal Jennings, mourns the death of Captain Marvel.
Bush Ok's Blair to Allow Blue at Wedding
CCN - Today, George Bush said that it was alright for Blair to wear a little blue at their wedding if he wanted. Blair had feared that wearing blue at the wedding would upset the Red State leader. All guests are relieved that blue is no longer banned.
Many American Universities Forced to Close
Few students and professors can pass mental health screenings.
Portrait of Queen Elizabeth II Appears on The Spoof
The Palace demanded it, since many people think that Helen Mirren is "The Queen."
Fly-type Thingie Accompanying Many Spoof Stories Is Subject of Speculation
Some think it's a plain old bug; others argue it's Elton John hiding behind a pair of sunglasses.
Anna Nicole's breasts to hang in the Smithsonian
The tragic centrefold's breast have been saved for the Nation after Congress approved a $10million rescue deal
Gay Whales spotted at Golden Gate Bridge
San Francisco - Two gay whales were spotted swimming toward the Golden Gate Bridge. They were reportedly there after hearing about the Freakers Ball when gay S&M VECO/BP supertanker captain was listening to his Dr. Hook CD. They were disappointed that it isn't until October.
Dennis Kucinich Teams Up with Ron Paul
CCN - Dennis Kucinich teamed up with Ron Paul today to form the Unity Party after both were kicked out of the parties in which they were trying to run.
Republicans Change Party Symbol to Chicken
CCN - "The Internets" - All but two of the Republican presidential hopefuls have turned down the one debate being hailed as the format created by the American people. As a result, the party symbol has been changed from an elephant to a chicken.
Cell Phones to Blame for Bee's disappearance
Bees tired of roaming fees, move to area where calls are free.
Britney Decapitates Self
Britney Spears has decapitated herself. Although her aides remain silent on the issue, Ms Spears has had her head replaced by a watermelon. "She's clearly on self destruct" said one Hollywood insider before adding "Do you want a large shake or fries with that?"
Crew missing in Chile boat fire
Iran denies any involvement.
Blair rejects leak inquiry call
"I will take a leak when ever I bloody want to!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger Makes Bid for President
CCN - Washington, D.C. - Showing that he is the only Republican with any common sense, Arnold Schwarzenegger put in his bid for president.
Livingstone: Mayor was Nazi
Mayor of London Ken Livingstone was a member of the Hilter Youth during WW2, new files released today reveal. The unrepentant Mayor said: 'Many Muslims fought bravely for the Germans during the war.'
George Bush Called Best President EVER!
CCN - According to a writer in India, George Bush will be remembered as the best president EVER! Of course, India hasn't been affected much by Bush.
Bush Declares the Earth Fat
CCN - Upon finding that the Earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons, President Bush declared that the Earth is too fat and suggested that it go on a diet.
The Spoof's Queen Mudder Ponders Taking Some Time Off for Mother's Day
May only produce 3 or 4 stories instead of her usual daily output of 5 or 6.
Barron William Trump Celebrates First Birthday
Buys three properties in Manhattan, says "You're fired" to his nanny, hangs an even bigger American flag on his Florida home, and sends a nasty e-mail to Rosie O'Donnell.
Superstar Singer Usher Cancels Wedding
He's quoted as saying, "Hey, I didn't know I was expected to be the groom. I was planning on being just an usher."
Photo of Fat Man Pulling a Green Plaid Suitcase Dominates The Spoof
Hating the attention, he's complained, "Just because I'm the world's first pregnant male, there's no need to plaster my picture all over the website."
Ron Paul Comes in Fifth in Iowa Straw Poll
He's not disappointed that he didn't win, saying: "I'm not that big a fan of Iowa straw anyway."
Roxanne, You Left Your Red Light On!
In a bid to meet its carbon emissions target, The Netherlands have passed a new bill to supply its red light districts with energy efficient lighting.
Kate Middleton Dumps Prince William
She's horrified to find out that he carries the "fat" gene just discovered by UK scientists.
Cold, Wind, and Rain Predicted for Boston Marathon
Lucky astronaut Sunita Williams is running the Marathon on a treadmill in space. Heavenly!
Catholic Church Changes Teaching about Limbo
Unbaptized babies CAN go to heaven after all, but only after being forced to listen to 100 hours of singing by Sanjaya.
Federal Agents Arrest Illegal Immigrants in Raid at Ohio Chicken-Processing Plant
Many of the chickens were also proven to be illegal and were immediately deported.
Juror Dismissed from "Scooter" Libby Trial
She requested early dismissal so she can start writing her book about the trial.
NBC and iTunes Announce Divorce
"MUST SEE TV? It's just not for me," declared Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.
FDA Says Sleep Medications May Cause Strange Behaviors
Many of The Spoof's writers wake up in the morning and find they've submitted several stories, but they have no memory of writing them. And no interest in reading them.
Spoof Writer's Insurance Cancelled by BP
CCN - Cal Jennings, a writer at TheSpoof.com, had his insurance revoked back to April for writing about the Corrupt Bastards Club members at BP and for making DVD videos for the Ron Paul campaign before the Iowa Straw Poll.
Egg Man Suffers Horrific Head Injuries Following Fall
Could not be saved despite best efforts of all the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men
NASCAR controversy grows
Officials levy big fines against "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and "Flubbermobile" for spiking their fuel with illegal substances...
Wal-Mart to Offer Abortions in Store
Critics howl they've gone too far!
Gnarly Erik and CalJennings Have a Showdown
CCN - Today, Gnarly Erik and CalJennings met halfway between Texas and Alaska to have a showdown. Gnarly, donning his snowshoes, and Cal, in a cowboy hat, prepared for the battle with such vicious weapons as sarcasm, and the soft cushion, as used in the Spanish Inquisition.
Bush to Wear White Tie
CCN - President Bush has agreed to wear a white tie to meet Queen Elizabeth II after being cut off by Laura.